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The Big Questions Book of Sex & Consent
What this book is NOT:
The fear-based How-To on sex and consent, oversimplified and focused on technicalities, that represents so much of our sexual education today.
What this book IS:
A journey into the Big Questions that will turn you into a thinking person about sex and consent, with the ability to wrestle towards the answers that work for YOU and continue to wrestle towards them for the rest of your life.
What is the meaning and purpose of sex? How does it intersect with who I am? Why are people so afraid of it? What does a healthy and joyful approach to sex look like for me? Why is consent so much more than a yes or no question?
Who this book is FOR:
Everybody!! No matter your sexuality, gender, religion, or race.
What could be more essential?
The fear-based How-To on sex and consent, oversimplified and focused on technicalities, that represents so much of our sexual education today.
What this book IS:
A journey into the Big Questions that will turn you into a thinking person about sex and consent, with the ability to wrestle towards the answers that work for YOU and continue to wrestle towards them for the rest of your life.
What is the meaning and purpose of sex? How does it intersect with who I am? Why are people so afraid of it? What does a healthy and joyful approach to sex look like for me? Why is consent so much more than a yes or no question?
Who this book is FOR:
Everybody!! No matter your sexuality, gender, religion, or race.
What could be more essential?
320 pages, Hardcover
First published September 15, 2020
9 people are currently reading
152 people want to read
About the author
Donna Freitas
34 books643 followersDonna Freitas is the author of The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano, Consent: A Memoir of Unwanted Attention, and many other novels and nonfiction books for adults, children, and young adults. Her latest YA novel is a rom-com that takes place in her favorite city, Barcelona: Stefi and the Spanish Prince. She has been featured on NPR and The Today Show, and her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The LA Times, among many other places. Donna currently serves on the faculty at Fairleigh Dickinson University’s MFA program. She also lives half the year in Barcelona where she loves partaking of its many bakeries and delicious restaurants galore. Learn more about Donna at www.donnafreitas.com and on Substack: https://donnafreitas.substack.com.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
August 19, 2020
I wish I had this book when I was growing up, but, honestly, I'm glad I have it today, at 30, too.
March 13, 2021
Has a bit of a "hello, fellow kids" vibe that didn't feel genuine. Could have used more sidebars/cartoons, mostly walls of text. I like the examples of big questions to ask yourself.
January 31, 2021
I've never quite read anything like this and I wish it had been around when I was a teen. Rather than being a regular sex-ed manual, it's goal is to get readers to think about sex and gender so that they can make intentional choices that are in line with their ethics, rather than just blindly accepting what they are told by the people around them. One of its most outstanding features is that it encourages readers to consider the effects of their choices not just on themselves but on their friends and partners too.
April 24, 2021
Writing: 4 Stars;
Knowledgeable: 4 Stars;
Intresting: 3 Stars;
Workbook: 4 Stars;
Covear Art: 4 Stars;
Total: 4 Stars;
My parents moved to Canada when I was 11 years old. While dealing with all the trauma immigration has on a kid that age, I was also faced with sex education courses that I could barely understand, since I did not speak English at the time. Then, in grade 9, I was so traumatized by the Sex Ed class that I went from a culture of kissing everyone you meet three times on their cheeks to “No touchy!” of Disney’s Emperor Kuzko. I did not even want to hug people until college.
I’m saying this, because I wish I had this book growing up. What I like about this book is that it allows the reader to work through the questions and issues presented by sex. It takes their own thoughts into account and encourages them. It is not about the mechanics of the act.
This book is written for children and I believe it should be given to those who are curious about sex.
The first few chapters were a bit over the top and unnecessary. There was a lot of assuring the reader that this book is a “safe space”. It’s a book, not a therapist’s offices. Of course it’s safe. If I did not like what I was reading, I would recycle it.
I also feel that the author’s attempt to speak like one of the kids was unnecessary. I think the worst thing adults do is to talk on the children’s level whatever that level may be. It always sounds wrong, because by the time the adult begins to speak in what they think is the kid’s language, that language has changed.
Please speak to kids and show them the same respect as you would adults. Kids will surprise you.
Knowledgeable: 4 Stars;
Intresting: 3 Stars;
Workbook: 4 Stars;
Covear Art: 4 Stars;
Total: 4 Stars;
My parents moved to Canada when I was 11 years old. While dealing with all the trauma immigration has on a kid that age, I was also faced with sex education courses that I could barely understand, since I did not speak English at the time. Then, in grade 9, I was so traumatized by the Sex Ed class that I went from a culture of kissing everyone you meet three times on their cheeks to “No touchy!” of Disney’s Emperor Kuzko. I did not even want to hug people until college.
I’m saying this, because I wish I had this book growing up. What I like about this book is that it allows the reader to work through the questions and issues presented by sex. It takes their own thoughts into account and encourages them. It is not about the mechanics of the act.
This book is written for children and I believe it should be given to those who are curious about sex.
The first few chapters were a bit over the top and unnecessary. There was a lot of assuring the reader that this book is a “safe space”. It’s a book, not a therapist’s offices. Of course it’s safe. If I did not like what I was reading, I would recycle it.
I also feel that the author’s attempt to speak like one of the kids was unnecessary. I think the worst thing adults do is to talk on the children’s level whatever that level may be. It always sounds wrong, because by the time the adult begins to speak in what they think is the kid’s language, that language has changed.
Please speak to kids and show them the same respect as you would adults. Kids will surprise you.
October 22, 2020
Although this book states that it is for everyone, I feel that it’s geared towards younger people like the pre-teen through young adult range. That being said, the author is inclusive of people who identify across gender and sexual orientation spectrums and those who just don't fall into the rigid "heteronormative" views of society. Maybe that’s what was meant by the book being for everyone. This is not to say that older adults can’t benefit from reading it too. There might be something here that helps you or allows for more open communication and understanding when discussing sex related topics with your children or students if you’re an educator. But as a woman in her late 30s, there was nothing new here for me. I’d recommend it for younger people.
December 27, 2020
I don’t agree with many of the author’s reasoning for being LGBTQ. For example, she says that ultimately it’s about choosing what makes one happy. Smoking weed or snorting coke makes one happy but it shouldn’t be something we should be condoning. Thus, happiness does not equate to correctness. I wish she had stuck to facts rather than her own flawed opinion about why LGBTQ should be celebrated. There is a reason why heterosexuality has been the normal orientation for millennia, and not just because a religion says so. For that reason I’m giving her 1 star, not because I disagree with LGBTQ but because of the way she handles the subject.
August 28, 2022
The Big Questions Book of Sex & Consent by Donna Freitas
Is interesting …
but fatiguing
First off it says it’s a book for everyone, and talks a lot about college students but it written in a style and formatting that seems more geared to 13-16 year old who are not remotely sexually active.
The writing seems like the self professed “cool mum” with over italicize words and lots of brackets saying “ick another philosophy” “I know I know”. But some of it seems really off base or out of touch. In the first chapter she asks reader to go for a walk, run etc in nature and think about the big questions. Without a cellphone. That just naive, unsafe, and stupid - no just from a sex standpoint, but just a safety stand point what if you fall, get lost, need Uber, money etc.
It was extremely basic and very much written in a way that assumes the reader knows nothing about sex. Which is great for a first sex book, not the mechanics of sex but the social aspect of it. But not so great for someone like me who regular reads sex and consent books. I’m a bit more disappointed because I bought this book in independent book store and it was shelved next to books like The Right to Sex and other philosophy books about sex who’s reader is more experienced.
This book is for anyone wanting to find a book for those entering into their sexual phase of their life. Those whom have not had these questions or need a basic understanding of sex and consent.
Is interesting …
but fatiguing
First off it says it’s a book for everyone, and talks a lot about college students but it written in a style and formatting that seems more geared to 13-16 year old who are not remotely sexually active.
The writing seems like the self professed “cool mum” with over italicize words and lots of brackets saying “ick another philosophy” “I know I know”. But some of it seems really off base or out of touch. In the first chapter she asks reader to go for a walk, run etc in nature and think about the big questions. Without a cellphone. That just naive, unsafe, and stupid - no just from a sex standpoint, but just a safety stand point what if you fall, get lost, need Uber, money etc.
It was extremely basic and very much written in a way that assumes the reader knows nothing about sex. Which is great for a first sex book, not the mechanics of sex but the social aspect of it. But not so great for someone like me who regular reads sex and consent books. I’m a bit more disappointed because I bought this book in independent book store and it was shelved next to books like The Right to Sex and other philosophy books about sex who’s reader is more experienced.
This book is for anyone wanting to find a book for those entering into their sexual phase of their life. Those whom have not had these questions or need a basic understanding of sex and consent.
Want to read
June 4, 2021From Follett: Looks at sex and consent, focusing on what is the meaning and purpose of sex, why is consent so much more than a yes or no question, why are people so afraid of sex, and more
What this book is NOT:
The fear-based How-To on sex and consent, oversimplified and focused on technicalities, that represents so much of our sexual education today.
What this book IS:
A journey into the Big Questions that will turn you into a thinking person about sex and consent, with the ability to wrestle towards the answers that work for YOU and continue to wrestle towards them for the rest of your life.
What is the meaning and purpose of sex? How does it intersect with who I am? Why are people so afraid of it? What does a healthy and joyful approach to sex look like for me? Why is consent so much more than a yes or no question?
Who this book is FOR:
Everybody No matter your sexuality, gender, religion, or race.
What this book is NOT:
The fear-based How-To on sex and consent, oversimplified and focused on technicalities, that represents so much of our sexual education today.
What this book IS:
A journey into the Big Questions that will turn you into a thinking person about sex and consent, with the ability to wrestle towards the answers that work for YOU and continue to wrestle towards them for the rest of your life.
What is the meaning and purpose of sex? How does it intersect with who I am? Why are people so afraid of it? What does a healthy and joyful approach to sex look like for me? Why is consent so much more than a yes or no question?
Who this book is FOR:
Everybody No matter your sexuality, gender, religion, or race.
October 31, 2022
A philosophy of sex book rather than a biology of sex book, focusing on emotions, interpretations, and consent. Asks questions and provides ways of thinking about the questions, rather than firm answers. Topics include gender, sexual orientation, dating, deciding when and if to begin expressing sexuality. Hard to figure out target audience. For a while it seems like grades 5-8 but then there are full on curse words which put it firmly in YA. I like it but it seems like it would be tricky in a school library. Highly recommend for less restrictive settings - there is a lot here that young people need and won't be likely to find in other settings.
https://twitter.com/towntaker/status/...
https://twitter.com/towntaker/status/...
March 8, 2024
Very long winded with no real benefit. The author writes as if they had to reach a total number of characters before being able to submit it to the publisher. At the base most of the questions are decent and thought provoking but they are surrounded but paragraphs of text that really provide zero benefit to the reader. This isn't a book you can read easily, it creates reading fatigue.
January 12, 2022
Really thoughtful book with insights of relationship and sexual ethics, sexism, social media, consent, sexual violence and all kinds of other related topics. Definitely coming at sex Ed from a lense I haven’t seen before and a very valuable one! Will be adding this to my teen’s reading list.
March 30, 2021
Giving it three stars for a few reasons, but primarily because I don't think the format (lots and lots of text) is going to resonate with teens. Interesting discussion of hookup culture.
February 14, 2024
Caddyshack three word review:
Comprehensive, nuanced & ethical
Comprehensive, nuanced & ethical
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews