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Here's What We'll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy
Reichen Lehmkuhl is perhaps best known for the ambition, intelligence, and athleticism that won him the grand prize on CBS's Amazing Race. Since winning the million-dollar prize, Lehmkuhl has gone on to find success acting in film and television. However, he played the biggest role of his life long before his professional acting debut, when he was forced to hide his sexuality to comply with the Air Force's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Here's What We'll Say tells the harrowing inside story of what happens when cadets who are committed to serving their nation's military figure out that they are in fact gay. With no way out and no place to turn for protection, a new code of conduct emerged among gay and lesbian cadets that helped ensure their safety. Gathering secretly in various locations, cadets formed a hidden network. To guarantee the privacy of individuals in attendance, however, each meeting opened with, "Here's what we'll say…" — a pledge so sacred that the group had it inscribed on the inside of their class rings.
368 pages, Paperback
First published September 26, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
November 9, 2009
This book was life-changing. While reading I felt like some of the author's sentiments were my very own. Looking at particular sentences I was asking myself "Didn't I write this at some point?!" It is a very touching and poignant memoir and I recommend it to anyone who has ever had to deal with feelings of not belonging to the world around them while growing up, and not being accepted for who you are.
December 13, 2007
His life is so boring!!!
May 15, 2017
While there are some interesting stories here about being in the military in the age of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I don't think that Lehmkuhl is a very good writer. The prose is exceedingly basic, and he seems to be willing to shift responsibility for many of the things he's encountered in his life to other people.
January 30, 2011
Gerry B's Book Reviews - http://www.gerrycan.wordpress.com
Given the current debate regarding the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy, Here’s What We’ll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy” by Reichen Lehmkuhl [Da Capo Press, 2007] is a timely topic. Regretfully those that need to read it most—the religious fundamentalists and dogmatic, small-c conservatives–will probably never see it.
Lehmkuhl’s story relates his troubled childhood; the breakup of his parents’ marriage, the feeling of not being wanted, and the psychological impact of all this. His feelings of inadequacy are also exacerbated by the stigma of living in a trailer park—i.e. the perception of being “trailer trash.” However, apart from being Lehmkuhl’s own story there is nothing unique about this. Nor is there anything about it that would necessarily be deleterious to a person’s later life. Therefore, I question the author’s choice of devoting 50% of the book to the telling of it when a quarter of the 368 pages would have said it all quite nicely.
Fortunately the second 50% somewhat redeems the prosaic first part, and finally gets down to the business of his coming out and the U.S. Air Force Academy, as stated in the title.
Although I was vaguely familiar with the discipline of a military academy, the pseudo-sadistic hazing rituals, etc., Lehmkuhl’s intimate knowledge of such has revealed much I didn’t know. For example, I knew nothing about the demeaning practice of running the “strip” [see photo to the left], which Basic Recruits are required to do between classes, or the memorizing of meaningless passages for the sake of being able to spout them on demand. It all seems rather mindless, but it is something that has worked to develop men for decades, and in the case of Westpoint Military Academy has worked since the time of Thomas Jefferson.
More odious is the systematic scourging of homosexuals at the official level; a point that ’Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ doesn’t address. This umbrella approach does not preclude being investigated or ‘outed’ by someone else. It also doesn’t preclude significant numbers of raunchy, virile young lads from indulging in ‘extra-curricular activities’ in spite of the risk.
To counteract this ever-present risk, Lemhkuhl describes how he founded an ad hoc brother and sisterhood, referred to as the “family,” which operated on the pragmatic basis of you lie and we’ll all swear to it, in order to protect one anothers’ asses. While one might argue the ethics of such a principle, Lemhkuhl makes a compelling argument for its validation on the basis of counteracting an even greater injustice.
Overall I found this story to be a worthwhile read on account of its look behind the anachronism of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy. Three and one-half stars.
Given the current debate regarding the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy, Here’s What We’ll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy” by Reichen Lehmkuhl [Da Capo Press, 2007] is a timely topic. Regretfully those that need to read it most—the religious fundamentalists and dogmatic, small-c conservatives–will probably never see it.
Lehmkuhl’s story relates his troubled childhood; the breakup of his parents’ marriage, the feeling of not being wanted, and the psychological impact of all this. His feelings of inadequacy are also exacerbated by the stigma of living in a trailer park—i.e. the perception of being “trailer trash.” However, apart from being Lehmkuhl’s own story there is nothing unique about this. Nor is there anything about it that would necessarily be deleterious to a person’s later life. Therefore, I question the author’s choice of devoting 50% of the book to the telling of it when a quarter of the 368 pages would have said it all quite nicely.
Fortunately the second 50% somewhat redeems the prosaic first part, and finally gets down to the business of his coming out and the U.S. Air Force Academy, as stated in the title.
Although I was vaguely familiar with the discipline of a military academy, the pseudo-sadistic hazing rituals, etc., Lehmkuhl’s intimate knowledge of such has revealed much I didn’t know. For example, I knew nothing about the demeaning practice of running the “strip” [see photo to the left], which Basic Recruits are required to do between classes, or the memorizing of meaningless passages for the sake of being able to spout them on demand. It all seems rather mindless, but it is something that has worked to develop men for decades, and in the case of Westpoint Military Academy has worked since the time of Thomas Jefferson.
More odious is the systematic scourging of homosexuals at the official level; a point that ’Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ doesn’t address. This umbrella approach does not preclude being investigated or ‘outed’ by someone else. It also doesn’t preclude significant numbers of raunchy, virile young lads from indulging in ‘extra-curricular activities’ in spite of the risk.
To counteract this ever-present risk, Lemhkuhl describes how he founded an ad hoc brother and sisterhood, referred to as the “family,” which operated on the pragmatic basis of you lie and we’ll all swear to it, in order to protect one anothers’ asses. While one might argue the ethics of such a principle, Lemhkuhl makes a compelling argument for its validation on the basis of counteracting an even greater injustice.
Overall I found this story to be a worthwhile read on account of its look behind the anachronism of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy. Three and one-half stars.
February 12, 2010
I liked some parts of this book. The life of a cadet at the USAFA is interesting to me, but this book could have been so much better if Reichen Lehmkuhl would have done 3 things…
1) Quit whining about having to grow up in a mobile home. Some people don’t have a home so be happy you had one and shut up about it!
2) Better editing. I don’t know if he had someone who doesn’t know military terms edit this book or if he just never paid attention during his years in the academy and Air Force. For example many times he refers to the push-up position as front LEADING rest, the correct term is front LEANING rest. There are other mistakes as well but this one jumped off the page every time I saw it.
3) Leave out some of the intimate details we don’t need to know such as what went on sexually between him and his partners. I prefer it when he was vague such as “X and I got it on together.”
I find it fascinating that there were (and still are) gay cadets at our country’s military academies who have to balance the honor code with the DADT policy. I wish Reichen had dug deeper regarding his logic behind justifying the lies to cover up being gay in the military.
I would not recommend spending your money on this book. Get it from the library if you want to read it.
1) Quit whining about having to grow up in a mobile home. Some people don’t have a home so be happy you had one and shut up about it!
2) Better editing. I don’t know if he had someone who doesn’t know military terms edit this book or if he just never paid attention during his years in the academy and Air Force. For example many times he refers to the push-up position as front LEADING rest, the correct term is front LEANING rest. There are other mistakes as well but this one jumped off the page every time I saw it.
3) Leave out some of the intimate details we don’t need to know such as what went on sexually between him and his partners. I prefer it when he was vague such as “X and I got it on together.”
I find it fascinating that there were (and still are) gay cadets at our country’s military academies who have to balance the honor code with the DADT policy. I wish Reichen had dug deeper regarding his logic behind justifying the lies to cover up being gay in the military.
I would not recommend spending your money on this book. Get it from the library if you want to read it.
July 15, 2008
I don't know what to say here. The main thing I learned is hold to courage and be the person you are born to be.
This book isn't written particularly well -- lots of editorial errors. BUT, it's written with heart and authencity which more than makes up for its literary and academic deficiencies. It speaks a truth of being that outshines its mechanical clunkiness.
I will say this. While rather too self-absorbed, Rich is engaging and compelling. Mullaney's memoir more coherently shadows Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" because the main character Juanito Rico is a fellow mudboot like Mullaney, but Rich's voice is pure Rico in cadence and style. It's kind of spooky. The other thing is that Rich's experiences illuminate Renault's renderings of Alexander the Great and Davidson's "The Greeks and Greek Love." For these reasons I highly recommend this book.
Overlook the motes of poor writing to get to the rare diamonds of truth.
It'll be worth it.
This book isn't written particularly well -- lots of editorial errors. BUT, it's written with heart and authencity which more than makes up for its literary and academic deficiencies. It speaks a truth of being that outshines its mechanical clunkiness.
I will say this. While rather too self-absorbed, Rich is engaging and compelling. Mullaney's memoir more coherently shadows Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" because the main character Juanito Rico is a fellow mudboot like Mullaney, but Rich's voice is pure Rico in cadence and style. It's kind of spooky. The other thing is that Rich's experiences illuminate Renault's renderings of Alexander the Great and Davidson's "The Greeks and Greek Love." For these reasons I highly recommend this book.
Overlook the motes of poor writing to get to the rare diamonds of truth.
It'll be worth it.
August 12, 2010
Lehmkuhl is being hailed as a publicity seeker, doing anything and everything to maintain his 15 minutes of fame. While I'm inclined to agree extent, I'm curious about all the personal attacks due to this book. Granted, it is not well written and some of the mentioned incidents did not happen to him but a third party wishing to remain ananymous, but it is a book with a powerful message regardless. He's become a vocal oponent to "Daon't Ask, Don't Tell" which imediately puts him into a spotlight that attracts attention from both sides. It also doesn't help that he is attractive and he knows it. But this is about the book, which I found positive and informative. My basic training experience was similar in some ways but extreemly different in others. Whoever came up with the title tactic is brilliant. It's a shame that it had to come to that though.
September 8, 2013
I was intrigued how a young man came to a better understanding of his sexual orientation while in the Air Force Academy and how he dealt with the conflict of his personal feelings and the fervently anti-gay policy of the military.
I thought the book gave an interesting inside view of what cadets go through and how even more difficult it was as a gay man. The writing was not very polished, but it still made for good reading.
I deeply respect military personnel who love our country so much that they are willing to sacrifice everything to serve in the armed forces. How unfortunate that not only are these men and women risking their lives, they have had to give up a chance at living in an open relationship with the person they love. And now that we have an end to Don't Ask, Don't Tell, these military officers finally can express the love they feel.
I thought the book gave an interesting inside view of what cadets go through and how even more difficult it was as a gay man. The writing was not very polished, but it still made for good reading.
I deeply respect military personnel who love our country so much that they are willing to sacrifice everything to serve in the armed forces. How unfortunate that not only are these men and women risking their lives, they have had to give up a chance at living in an open relationship with the person they love. And now that we have an end to Don't Ask, Don't Tell, these military officers finally can express the love they feel.
December 2, 2016
I wish there was a neutral star for a rating. We were required to read this for the Freshman Seminar at Stony Brook. It focuses on how hard it was for the author to come out of the closet confidently in the U.S. military. We've now been asked to create a project that portrays how some part of the book relates to part of our life. I'm trying to make a jigsaw puzzle/ poem/ frame out of the best quotes. October 19 is the day the author visits us! Will it be an exciting day?
Yess! I just learned it will be an exciting day because I have been selected as one of the 64 students in the entire freshman class at Stony Brook University to have lunch with the author! Can't wait!
Yess! I just learned it will be an exciting day because I have been selected as one of the 64 students in the entire freshman class at Stony Brook University to have lunch with the author! Can't wait!
May 29, 2011
Lehmkul is a mediocre writer verging on terrible. His story is a quick one and pretty interesting in places, in a post-DADT world it's hopefully less necessary to hear theses sorts of stories about homosexuals forced to live a double life, so unless you're interested in military academy life* or the history of attitudes towards homosexuality in the USA** you should probably read something else.
*Oh, but life in military academies is so interesting, you totally should be interested.
**Also pretty interesting, but there are vastly better books on the subject.
*Oh, but life in military academies is so interesting, you totally should be interested.
**Also pretty interesting, but there are vastly better books on the subject.
May 27, 2013
Reichen Lehmkuhl exposes readers to his experiences, hardships and overall life growing up and entering the U.S Air Force. Lehmkuhl is extremely generous in sharing his experiences, giving much detail of his early and current life.
Lehmkuhl gives readers his thoughts and experiences through his early life in the beginning of the book, to his life enlisted.
The most interesting part of the book is that Lehkuhl does NOT make himself picture perfect; Instead, Lehmkuhl gave us the full story, with his selfishness and arrogance.
Lehmkuhl gives readers his thoughts and experiences through his early life in the beginning of the book, to his life enlisted.
The most interesting part of the book is that Lehkuhl does NOT make himself picture perfect; Instead, Lehmkuhl gave us the full story, with his selfishness and arrogance.
November 6, 2010
The book was fairly well written. There was more detail about the inner workings about the Air Force Academy than I cared for. I was more interested in his coming out story, and I didn't think it went into enough detail. I also had trouble identifying with him realizing he was gay at such a late age; I knew I was gay from age 10! However, I certainly applaud his dedication and perseverance. Overall, a very interesting biography.
January 4, 2009
before the book starts there's an author's note that says that some of the stuff in the book he attributes to happening to him that actually happened to others, and he was witness to. WTF IS THAT? That's like me writing a book and saying I won an academy award and writing about my experience when really I just watched them at home.
the book itself was ok, if you overlook that one thing.
the book itself was ok, if you overlook that one thing.
May 9, 2008
Reichen is definitely not a writer...the book is amateurish, preachy, and only intermittently interesting. I agree that Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a stupid policy, and I didn't hate the book, but I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone.
July 25, 2007
A very good book about the Air Force Academy and the results of their "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. The author is telling the true story of his experience.
March 4, 2009
I liked this book. I can't believe the things that happened to him at the Air Force Academy. This book makes it clear how ridiculous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" truly is.
October 7, 2010
This man was definitely not born to be a writer but he does have an interesting and educational story to tell.
July 20, 2013
Well written and fascinating account of being gay in a military academy. Persons of any sexual orientation would appreciate such a candid and quite shocking true story.
April 7, 2016
Mediocre narcissistic account of military life under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews