She's My Dad!: A Story for Children Who Have a Transgender Parent or Relative

by Sarah Savage, Joules Garcia (Illustrations)

'My Dad's name is Haley. She used to be a he but now she is a she! Last year she did this thing called transition. She grew her hair long, painted her nails in bright colours and started wearing different clothes.'

When Mini's cousin accidentally misgenders her dad Haley, Mini explains why misgendering is hurtful and why we need to treat trans people with respect. Mini speaks with confidence about transitioning and gender identity, and helps to educate and empower others with trans relatives or friends.

This brightly illustrated book for children aged 3 - 7 will aid discussion with children about a loved one transitioning or about trans people in general. Featuring a child with a dad who has transitioned, this book passes on an important message about acceptance and respect, and covers pronouns, dysphoria, family diversity and misgendering.

Genres: Picture Books, LGBT, Childrens, Queer, Gender, Fiction, Transgender

40 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2020

Reviews

[Kit Rackley · Rating 5 out of 5]

My eldest is the same as the child ‘telling the story’ in this book, six. And I started my transition only a few years ago. I am transgender, but still go by ‘Dad’. When this arrived today, we read it together and I think it’s no coincidence that they perked up, at that moment, at the end of a typical long day. Finally here was a simple, colourful, heartwarming story in which my child could see their family represented in a story book. There is no agenda, no ‘preachiness’, no forcefulness... just a lovely matter-of-fact story of love and family where a child’s parent is a transgender woman, but is still ‘Dad’. My family finally are starting to feel normal, and seen. Also, as an educator, I would highly recommend this book for school and library shelves. Just to be there, exist, and be read, like all other books. Lovely.

[This Charming Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish books like these existed when I was a kid! I would have felt a lot less isolated when my parent came out to me as trans in the ‘80s. This book totally made me cry.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mini loves their dad. Mini also explains very well how Dad used to be a he but is now a she and how they're cool with that.
A loving and supportive family and a cousin who addresses how to properly address a transgender person (asking pronouns) gives a solid example of a kid's perspective on a concept that I believe, if taught early, is easier to understand than having strict binary coding for parents or people.

Fun illustrations, full of love, compassion and more diversity (Mini's cousin Kat has biracial parents) and a nice reading guide at the end make this a supportive story for transgender parents and their kids.

[Chandler Klebs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story

This is such an amazing book for kids and shows how someone can still be the same parent you know even if they may transition to a different gender presentation they are still the same person you know and love!

[Elizabeth]

This book tries to balance being a story about a kid who just happens to have a trans parent with also educating the reader, and it feels a little uneven, but not too bad -- and the education it's giving is pretty solid.

Our ungendered protagonist (Mini, wearing an excellent rainbow t-shirt), opens the book with telling us how much they love cats -- and how the second thing they love more than anything in the world (after cats) is their dad. Today, they're helping out at the cat rescue centre like they do every Saturday.

"Afterwards, we get ready for Grampa's birthday party. Dad and I take turns to paint each other's nails. / Oh, didn't I tell you? My dad is a she!" And the dad, whom we had previously only glimpsed mostly off-page, is pictured sitting with Mini, wearing a dress with rainbow trim on the wrists and long hair.

Now, anyone can paint their nails, not just women; but I appreciate the intentional build -- that we learn things about Mini and their dad that having nothing to do with gender (in talking about volunteering at the cat rescue, Mini says, "Dad says it's important to help others") and we don't get the "reveal" until page 7.

We turn the page, and Mini tells us:

My dad's name is Haley. She used to be a he but now she is a she! Last year she did this thing called transition.

She grew her hair long, painted her nails bright colours and started wearing different clothes.

I super-appreciate that Mini consistently uses "she" etc., even when talking about the dad pre-transition (eg., "Dad changed her name to Haley and asked me to use she/her pronouns instead of he/him").

Mini says more words, including about their dad's reassurances, but probably my favorite moment is: "Dad smiles and laughs a lot more now, so I am happy too." <3

Mini also tells us: "As part of her transition, Dad went to the hospital to have surgery. [...] Though Haley's outsides have changed, inside she's still my dad." Which feels like a really child-appropriate way to acknowledge that some trans folks will have surgery, without making it into A Big Deal. I'm also really charmed by the way the child gets to be involved: "When we went to visit her I made her a card and gave her my favourite teddy bear for cuddles."

We transition to Grampa's birthday party (a multiracial affair -- though Mini and their dad read as red-haired white folk), where attendees include Mini's favorite cousin (because her name is Kat). We spend a few pages at the birthday party and then Kat says to Mini: "Mini, I really like Haley, he's so funny." We see the reaction on Mini's face and then turn the page to read:

"No, not he, my dad is a she!" I say to Kat. "It makes her feel sad when people use the wrong pronouns."

It makes me feel sad too because I love my dad very much.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kat says, "I didn't mean to hurt you or Haley."

"It's OK, I know you didn't mean to," I say. "I did the same too when Dad started her transition. It took me a while to get used to it."

After the story ends, there's a Reading Guide at the end with reflection questions (which transition from reading comprehension questions -- though there's a double typo goof in the first one: "Hayley's [sic] dad" -- to broader questions like "What should you do if you refer to someone by the wrong pronouns?" and back again) and a Glossary with Gender Identity, Pronouns (which mentions that "Some people may use gender-neutral pronouns such as 'they/their' or 'zie/zir'" -- the parallelism in this entry isn't great [incl "for example 'he/his' or 'she/her' "], but here we are), Trans, and Transition ("The steps a trans person may take to live in the gender they identify as").

Addendum: My (maybe a trans girl) partner read this book on 4/17/21 and noted that Hailey painted her nails the trans pride colors -- which I love, and am a little sad I didn't notice myself. (You can see in the "Look at our pretty nails!" illustration that Mini's nails are painted the standard rainbow pride colors.)

[JJ Waggy · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this is "He's My Mom" (my review of which is here, if you're curious) but in reverse: the dad character is a mom character, obviously, but the narrator is now a girl named Mini, the love for dogs is a love for cats, and the cousin who misgenders the parent is also now a girl. It feels a little weird to read these two together because it feels like it's accidentally reinforcing some gender concepts (a boy narrates for the dad while a girl narrates for the mom; the dad goes camping while the mom goes to a party; boys have dogs while girls have cats), but again, I'm glad this exists.

I also appreciate the art again because of its coding. Mini is wearing a rainbow shirt under her overalls and Haley's dress and fingernails are in the trans flag colors. It's subtle enough not to be overwhelming while also celebrating the identity flags that exist. Also, the drawing of Haley and her brother is heckin' adorable because they look so much alike.

This is great to have in the world, but I do wish there was a little less of a boilerplate feel. Trans folk are proof that gender doesn't have to bend to the nearest stereotypes, after all.

[Jeimy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love picture books because they can convey complex topics in simple words. Mini, the narrator of She's My Dad! loves kittens and they also love their dad. (In a stroke of brilliance the author has given the character a gender neutral name and readers can't tell the child's gender, but it's okay, their gender doesn't matter). Mini talks about how their dad is happier now and how even though her dad's outside has changed, Hailey is still her dad. There is also an episode at a dinner table where Mini's cousin Kat misgenders Hailey and Mini corrects her and explains that they themselves misgenders their dad right after the transition, but now they are used to it.

This is a great book to read to children as it frames Hailey's transition through the eyes of her child and though there is an innocence to the book, there is also depth. This will definitely be added to my classroom collection.

[Margaret Boling · Rating 4 out of 5]

10/17/2021 ~ A nonbinary (the gender isn't clear, either from the text or illustrations) child explains what it's like to have a trans woman as their dad. (As you read, notice the colors from the trans flag on dad's dress.) In addition to showing the main character and their dad getting ready to go to a family gathering, the narrator explains dad's transition, pronouns, new name, and new clothing/hair styles. The text also highlighted that dad was much happier now. Another positive aspect of the illustrations is that the main character's cousin is bi-racial.

My major complaint is that the illustrations of the main character appear to be an adult in kids' clothes. The child is supposed to be six years old, but doesn't look like a young child.

[Rick Hribko · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sweet and innocent look at a relationship of a girl with her trans Dad that simply explains that the child is happy for her dad because her dad is more happy as a female. It is so gently put that the author almosts forgets to tell the reader that her dad has transitioned which normalizes the acceptance. Other cool features about this book is that it has a reading guide to point out comprehension questions about pronouns and their importance. It also has a glossary that defines terms like gender identity, pronouns, trans, and transition. Quite honesty, I was surprised to see a book at this age level speaking about transitioning, but it was refreshing to see that there is support for trans parents as well to help their kids understand that it is totally normal and acceptable.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is just one of a set of books. There’s also He’s My Mom. This book is told from the child’s view of life. The transition was a little confusing at first, but the child understands that she, Haley is dad. Their body and their appearance may have changed but at heart they are still the child’s dad. I like the series of books. It’s uncomplicated. It’s to the point. And it’s easy to understand. This is exactly the type of book kids should read when they need to understand transitioning. It’s also the type of kid should read so they can understand their friends who may have family or themselves transitioning.

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

She’s My Dad is not only a super wonderful resource, but a sweet and charming picture book.

Told from the perspective of a young girl, Mini, we learn that she loves cats and her dad, Haley, who is a she! Told a while after Haley has already transitioned, we get to see a happy family and the things that Mini and her dad do together. The book is a great comforting resource and also highlights terminology which might be new or newly important, such as, transition, pronouns and gender identity.

[Anita Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

She’s My Dad intended for people in the LGBTQ community. She’s My Dad Lexile level is N/A right now, but it is intended for grades 1st through 2nd. This book is about a child whose dad transitioned into a she, Haley. This book shows why treating trans people with respect is key because calling people the wrong gender can be hurtful. I chose this book because it will show students the importance of acceptance and respecting people who transition into a new gender.

[Rhiannon's Reading Corner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mini’s Dad is named Haley, and is a woman. Learn about what changed for Mini when her Dad went from being a ‘he’ to a ‘she’ — as well as what didn’t change at all!

AGES 3+

This book explains the concept and terminology of transgender folks in an excellent way for young children. Without feeling ‘educational’, the book teaches about the process of transitioning, gender dysphoria, pronouns, and more!

THEMES
Transgender Parent
Queer Education
Loving Family

[Lizzie (Dizzy Lizzie’s Book Emporium) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a wonderful resource to have for explaining the transgender experience to kids. The reading guide and glossary in the back are fantastic! Will most definitely keep this book on a list for transgender bibliotherapy.

[Readersaurus · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very simple picture book featuring a young child whose parent has transitioned from male to female. The story shows a loving family and offers a glossary in the back. This is a good addition for any public library collection.

[Andréa]

Note: I accessed a digital review copy of this book through Edelweiss.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A child's picture book explaining the transition of her dad to Haley.

[Megan Wagner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a cute overview of what kids need to know! Even if we look different on the outside, we are still the same on the inside and the love that is felt doesn't change.

[A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

So glad to have this as a resource, the first book I've read for this age reader that addresses a parent's transition.

[Em · Rating 4 out of 5]

<3 !

[Blackmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

my review is that I cried

[Steven Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg

All I can say is as a transwoman with two three year Olds, this book has left me in tears! A must-read for all!

[Lanni Maszerowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short and sweet picture book about a girl, Mini, and her dad, Haley, who is a trans woman. Created to be a resource for families with a trans parent but would be a great resource for any family seeking to learn more about gender and pronouns. Own Voices.