پدر بودن

by Karl Ove Knausgård, زهره خلیلی (Translator)

چگونه می‌توان پدر خوبی بود؟ در روایت صادقانه و جذاب کارل اُوه کنوسگور از زندگی خانوادگی، انواع گرفتاری‌های پدرانه یافت می‌شود، از جشن تولد بچه‌ها گرفته تا تعطیلات خانوادگی ناموفق و کلاس‌های آزاردهنده‌ی موسیقی کودکان.

کتاب حاضر برش هوشمندانه‌ای است از داستان مرد عاشق

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Biography

116 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2019

About the author

Nominated to the 2004 Nordic Council’s Literature Prize & awarded the 2004 Norwegian Critics’ Prize.

Karl Ove Knausgård (b. 1968) made his literary debut in 1998 with the widely acclaimed novel Out of the World, which was a great critical and commercial success and won him, as the first debut novel ever, The Norwegian Critics' Prize. He then went on to write six autobiographical novels, titled My Struggle (Min Kamp), which have become a publication phenomenon in his native Norway as well as the world over.

Reviews

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many writers are praised for their honesty - Karl Ove is so honest that you imagine he probably doesn’t get invited to many parties anymore. And you can only imagine some of the conversations he must have had with his wife after she read this... This is the kind of candour that few writers - few people - are brave or reckless enough to attempt.

In this extract from a longer work, Knausgaard lays bare the boredom and frustration which are inseparable from parenting young children, but which are impolite to talk about. But this is no plea for sympathy - it’s almost the opposite, a challenge to the reader to see just how much brutal honesty we can take. In one particularly devastating episode, Knausgaard attends a baby “rhythm time” with his daughter, which for him is tantamount to torture, not improved at all by the fact he fancies the twentysomething woman who is leading the session. Most of the attending parents are mums, but there is one other dad who gives him a friendly nod, which makes Knausgaard want to kick him. Pushing a buggy around Stockholm, he feels “modern and feminised, with a furious nineteenth-century man inside me”. He appears to regret that he didn’t have sufficient foresight to warn his wife, “listen, I want children, but I don’t want to stay at home looking after them, is that fine with you?”

Presumably many men, taking a larger role in childcare duties than their fathers and grandfathers did, have similar feelings. They know that it’s fair for them to do more. And if they’re like Knausgaard, they even do it (though let’s not kid ourselves the battle for equality is won). But even if they intellectually accept a more equitable division of parental labour, something inside these men resents it, feels emasculated. Age-old attitudes die hard.

The book’s back cover poses the question, “How to be a good father?” It’s a slight case of misselling, because that isn’t a question Knausgaard really asks or answers. I suspect most fathers of young children don’t ask themselves this either. We are too busy changing nappies, doing dishes or picking up the kids from dance class. We know what we have to do; the struggle is doing it, day after day.

We probably shouldn’t feel too sorry for ourselves though. After all, it could be worse - we could be mothers.

[Abdullah Hussaini · Rating 3 out of 5]

hah. ada pun. aku rasa kena baca buku dia yang full punya. yang ni agak menarik walaupun sesekali terasa macam karl ni membebel kat sebelah telinga kita.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

(3.5) I assumed this was a stand-alone from Knausgaard; when it popped up during an author search on Awesomebooks.com and I saw how short it was, I thought why not? As it happens, this Vintage Minis paperback is actually a set of excerpts from A Man in Love, the second volume of his huge autofiction project, My Struggle (I’ve only read the first book, A Death in the Family). Knausgaard takes readers along on a few kiddie-oriented outings: a dinky circus, a children’s party, and baby rhyme time at the public library. His trademark granular detail gives a clear sense of all the characters involved. With him are his wife Linda and the three children they had by then, Vanja, Heidi and John; his friend Geir is his chief confidant.

It’s evident that he loves his children and delights in their individual personalities, but at the same time he feels his intellect assailed by the tedium of the repetitive tasks involved in parenting. He demands an hour to himself each afternoon to read and smoke in a café – even though he knows his wife doesn’t get such an allowance. Specifically, he writes that he feels feminized by carrying a baby or pushing a buggy. Recounting the children’s party, he recalls an earlier party when a heavily pregnant Linda got locked in a bathroom and not even a locksmith could get her out. He felt unmanned when a fellow guest (who happened to be a boxer) had to break down the door to free her. I didn’t know quite what to make of the fragile masculinity on display here, but was grateful to get some highlights from the second book.

Originally published with images on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Mariella · Rating 2 out of 5]

1 1/2⭐

You know that feeling when you talk to a guy for the first time and he seems nice enough but you just haven icky feeling.
And you try to shake it and you guys become friends or share a friend group and then one day you're alone for like five minutes and he uses that opportunity to tell you why women actually deserve to earn less money than him and you just feel kinda betrayed by him for proving you right?
That's what reading this book feels like.

I am convinced that being a father comes with its own, unique set of challenges, however this book discussed none of them.

This book is the author complaining that he is expected, by his wife and also the society he lives in, to be a parent (in his words do a woman's job)
This man is shocked that changing diapers, socializing with other parents and your personal life being altered is something that happens when you decide to be a parent.

Throughout the entirety of this short book (which is of course only an excerpt from a bigger novel) I was left wondering why he even wanted kids because he seems thoroughly depressed by pretty much everything that life entails and I couldn't help but wonder why he chose this.

That being said I do feel supported in my opinion that I don't want kids.

The only positive of this book I can think of is how well it displayed the cult that parenthood seems to have become (or perhaps always has been). How obsessed many people are even about the smallest details of the upbringing of their children and also how much these parents expect all other parents to care at least equally.

[SB · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is the first time i read karl ove knausgaard. and, the one thing that attracted me while reading this book, which is an excerpt from one of the books of his "my struggles" series, is his unflinching honesty to write it. the narrative is very tight, written almost in a self-confession mode. but, it's the words and his realisations being a responsible father that mattered the most in this small book. i'd love to read more of knausgaard, so this kind of excerpt doesn't help much to get to know a writer like him.

[Dane Cobain · Rating 2 out of 5]

After enjoying Babies in this series of Vintage Mini Moderns, I was kind of expecting to enjoy this one. Not the case, though. I think the issue is that Babies covered pregnancy and birth, which was interesting to learn about, whereas Fatherhood was just all about this dad talking about his kids.

I’m bored enough of people talking about their kids through Facebook, so this book just bored the pants off me. Easily the weakest book in the collection so far, and that’s counting the fact that Aldous Huxley’s Psychedelics turned out to just be the unabridged text of The Doors of Perception. Eh.

Merged review:

After enjoying Babies in this series of Vintage Mini Moderns, I was kind of expecting to enjoy this one. Not the case, though. I think the issue is that Babies covered pregnancy and birth, which was interesting to learn about, whereas Fatherhood was just all about this dad talking about his kids.

I’m bored enough of people talking about their kids through Facebook, so this book just bored the pants off me. Easily the weakest book in the collection so far, and that’s counting the fact that Aldous Huxley’s Psychedelics turned out to just be the unabridged text of The Doors of Perception. Eh.

[Spencer Fancutt · Rating 1 out of 5]

I get the whole stripping narrative of all its literary artifice stuff, but if I wanted to read about the droll pedestrian life of a father, I'm sure there are a thousand reasonably well-written blog diaries that would have the same number of pages of inert prose rendering events as captivating as shopping lists as this. Sheer bloody-minded optimism pushed me along waiting for the 'then suddenly something interesting happened,...' moment that never came. Not a single phrase will I remember.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My dude Karl Ove out here feeling horny, ripping on Sweden and complaining about free croissants. Four stars.

[Omid Hosseini · Rating 4 out of 5]

شاهکار نیست ولی اگه دنبال کتاب ساده، دلنشین و مختصری هستین گزینه خوبیه

[Maarten Smit · Rating 3 out of 5]

I struggled with his style: no chapters, no sections, very long sentences - it’s essentially a single 100 page read without structure. I did like and recognize some of his detailed observations of being a father (such as entering stores backward with a stroller).

[Andy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honesty of this kind can connect you, and it can unsettle you. This did a bit of both. V good writing though

[Suad Shamma · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ay ay ay. Karl Ove, what a disappointment.

I was really looking forward to reading this book. I read Motherhood, and Babies in this series, and enjoyed both very much. When I read that Karl is known for his honest writing, and was criticized for it, I thought "yes! Just up my alley then."

But no. This book was boring, and did not shed any light on "fatherhood". It was a series of events that took place to Karl himself, where he found every opportunity to complain about his kids or wife or other people's kids and wives. It held no insight, but to convey to readers what a pain "fatherhood" actually is, and how he sees it as a distraction from all his writing and reading and socializing.

Fatherhood is basically a book written by a grumpy middle-aged man, who finds his kids to be a nuisance most of the time. There were very few, and by few, I mean I can count them on one hand, instances where he discusses a topic that I had actually considered or worried about as a parent. Such as when his kid's teacher recommended a speech therapist because she was behind in her speech development.

Again, those instances are rare and for such a small book, it was really disappointing to read long, boring passages of a father whining about being a father.

[Ana Paulino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fatherwood é um livro que reúne todas as considerações de Karl Ove Knausgård sobre a parentalidade, presentes no segundo volume de A Minha Luta. Quem já leu o livro, não irá encontrar qualquer novidade, apenas essas suas questões condensadas no mesmo volumes, ao invés de dispersas ao longo do original.

[Isabel Webb Carey · Rating 3 out of 5]

yeugh. I hate how hilarious self-aggrandising sexist misanthropy can be.

[Nadirah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating: 3.5

Since I've been reading a fair number of nonfiction that deals with motherhood lately, I thought it'd be 'fair' to give fatherhood a read as well. And yeah this is pretty much in the same vein as Cusk's A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother in terms of their observations, and I do like Knausgard's writing.

Kudos to him for baring his insecurities and thoughts re: fatherhood in such an honest way, though that doesn't mean I have to like them lol. This started off really strong but by the end of this, I don't know if I want to read any of his other works, to be honest. (A related aside: Why do all men need to describe women in their writing in such exacting details, and they're almost always focused on certain parts of a woman's body, ugh. Seriously, are all men just wired to take a look at a woman and assess them for their 'womanly' potential? Because if so, I'm glad I'm a woman, our relative non-privileges and disadvantages notwithstanding.)

[Peter Knox · Rating 2 out of 5]

Karl Ove is someone I've been wanting to read without having to tackle one of his massive navel-gazing tomes, so I jumped into this short mini - derived from one of his much longer memoirs.

He can write, with incredibly close detail moment to moment in any mundane situation, very well. But he flits between self-aware and straight up selfish. This essay excerpt is very much about his regrets concerning how much of a disruption and time suck having children is to his demanding schedule of reading, smoking, and writing.

He disdains others, pines openly for women other than his wife, and is burdened with feeling feminine by simply caring for his children. So, it'll make you feel like a better dad and partner right away. He's clearly a good writer and too honest, but this is far from a feel-good fatherhood story. It's kind of funny (when he ventures into wit and misanthropy), but I came away glad I wasn't reading more.

If you're a fan however and a dad, this is your sweet spot.

[Plainqoma · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s only fair to read "Fatherhood" in this month since it’s Father’s Day soon. This was selected from the book "A Man in Love", a story which follows Knausgaard, the author himself, as he moves to Sweden, falls in love, and becomes a father to both lovely Vanja and Heidi.

"There was me trundling my child around like one of the many fathers who had evidently put fatherhood before all else."

A compelling, honest portrayal of love, daily life, and domesticity, house husband, between masculinity and feminism; after all, you just want to be a good father, husband, and person. After all, what only matters in the end is being content with your loved ones and making them happy.

"In the class and culture we belonged to, that meant adopting the same role, previously called the woman’s role."

I love the writing very much and gonna get “A Man in Love” soon. This was translated from the Norwegian.

[Mostafa · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب با یک موقعیت ملال انگیز و مضحک شروع میشود. یک سفر خانوادگی که انتظار نداری یک خانواده اروپایی در دام آن افتاده باشد. انگار کن یکی از فیلم های حمید نعمت الله. آدم ها از کلافگی با هم کل می اندازند. بچه ها کار خودشان را میکنند اما هیچ جوره سرشان به کار خودشان نیست. داستان اگر قرار باشد همینطور پیش برود ملال انگیز میشود. اما اینطور پیش نمیرود. یک لحظه به خودت میایی و میبینی نشسته ای وسط جشن تولد دوست بچه ها. با والدینی که توی آشپزخانه جمع شده اند. اینجا میبینی این نویسنده چقدر حساس است. چقدر شکننده است و چه موقعیت هایی خلق کرده وسط این جشن تولد بچه ها. چقدر بچه ها با هم فرق دارند. چقدر پدرمادرها با هم فرق دارند.
کتاب نگرشی شخصی به دنیای پیرامون دارد و نشان میدهد چقدر احوالات ما در برداشتمان از اوضاع جهان مهم است.
متاسفانه این فقط بخشی از کتاب بزرگ تری است به نام «مرد عاشق» یا «انسان عاشق» که امیدوارم تمام کتاب به زودی منتشر شود.
حضور چنین نویسنده هایی در جهان، مایه امیدواری به آینده ادبیات است.

[Emrah · Rating 3 out of 5]

پدر بودن اثر کارل اوه کنوسگور نویسنده نروژی که از روزمرگی ها و دغدغه های پدر بودن امور بچه داری همسرداری و مدیریت خانواده و مصائب سفرها و کلاس های کودکانش قلم میزند و برایمان درس ها و شرایطی را به تصویر می کشد که از دیدگاه و نظر من دلالت بسیار مستحکم و درستی بر تصمیم تشکیل خانواده و فرزند آوری دارد که از شرایط و مشکلات و دغدغه هایش درددل های فراوان دارد و این لحظات را برای ما پیش از والد شدنمان تداعی میکند و میتواند راهنما و یاور خوبی از دوران و آینده خودمان باشد و تصمیماتی که میتوان در آیندمان به خوبی بگیریم با توجه به تجربه ها و درس هایی که از این کتاب کارل اوه بدست آوردیم.در اجماع میتونم بگم کتاب خیلی معمولی و ملایم و بدون افت و خیزهای چشم گیر و شگفت انگیز است و بسیار یکنواخت اما خواندن این کتاب و پند آموزی از آن خالی از لطف نیست و میتواند دادرس و فریادرس خیلی از ماها باشد



سپاس بی کران که تا به اینجا پیش آمدید و دیدگاه بنده رو مطالعه فرمودید🖤🌹

Emrah
2025/11/22

[Mariam El hage · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a special book.

Sometimes you know immediately if you're going to love a book. But other times, as was the case for me with “ Fatherhood” this feeling is discovered gradually. For whatever reason I was hesitant to begin reading, but once I did I could hardly stop.
Karl Ove is Proustian in his description of everyday life. He can spend pages describing the most mundane things, but his books are still compulsively readable because of his innate ability to capture these internal thoughts that we all have, but never really articulate.

I'm ready for more.

Highly recommended

[Konsti · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first book by a Norwegian author that I've read so far. Pretty random topic. Telling about his private life, using real names, not only telling good things, understandable that his ex-wife was very furious. A man obsessed with masculinity and deflated by the lifestyle of being a father.

"On the contrary, something was removed from it (his life), part of myself, the bit relating to masculinity."

At least easy to read, almost dull, through realistic prose almost fascinating. Should art have boundaries?

[Davwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, sharp, funny and so so relatable. I'm also a recent father and loved the way Karl so honestly discusses his fatherhood down to the simple details of kids birthday parties and how he negotiated an hour to himself each night. Karl has a unique style of writing that meanders without a break but is still really interesting. I read another review that said they were 'bored and interested at the same time' which I can certainly agree with at times. Great mini read. Read it in a day.

[Kristian Gunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent writing. I empathise completely with the experience of how mundane being the father of young children can be along with the uncomfortable engagements with strangers thrust upon you just because they have young children too. I have bought part 1 of My Struggle today.

[Alexander Pyles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a little taken aback that this was just a republished section of his "A Man in Love" but honestly as a teaser for that longer (MY STRUGGLE) series, it worked. I also adore ol Karl Ove's writing and find it both relatable and intimate.

[ger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is just the first 100 pages of Knausgaard's 'My Struggle' 2 sold as a 'Vintage Mini'.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest book.

[Nino Demuria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't realize it was an extract until the end. Upsetting.
Also, one of those novels you should not read if you are planning to become a parent sometime soon.

[Oryx · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got halfway through before I realised I'd already read this; these Vintage Minis are pointless.

[Sudhir Bharadhwaj · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book to read on a plane.

[Linus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read, deeply poignant as it elevates the banality of everyday life to the realm of art and poetry. Highly recommended and I can see what all the fuss is about.