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The Engagement: America's Quarter Century Struggle Over Same-Sex Marriage
A NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK OF THE YEAR • The riveting story of the conflict over same-sex marriage in the United States—the most significant civil rights breakthrough of the new millennium
"Full of intimate details, battling personalities, heated court cases, public persuasion.” —John Williams, The New York Times
On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that state bans on gay marriage were unconstitutional, making same-sex unions legal across the United States. But the road to that momentous decision was much longer than many know. In this definitive account, Sasha Issenberg vividly guides us through same-sex marriage’s unexpected path from the unimaginable to the inevitable.
It is a story that begins in Hawaii in 1990, when a rivalry among local activists triggered a sequence of events that forced the state to justify excluding gay couples from marriage. In the White House, one president signed the Defense of Marriage Act, which elevated the matter to a national issue, and his successor tried to write it into the Constitution. Over twenty-five years, the debate played out across the country, from the first legal same-sex weddings in Massachusetts to the epic face-off over California’s Proposition 8 and, finally, to the landmark Supreme Court decisions of United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges . From churches to hedge funds, no corner of American life went untouched.
This richly detailed narrative follows the coast-to-coast conflict through courtrooms and war rooms, bedrooms and boardrooms, to shed light on every aspect of a political and legal controversy that divided Americans like no other. Following a cast of characters that includes those who sought their own right to wed, those who fought to protect the traditional definition of marriage, and those who changed their minds about it, The Engagement is certain to become a seminal book on the modern culture wars.
"Full of intimate details, battling personalities, heated court cases, public persuasion.” —John Williams, The New York Times
On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that state bans on gay marriage were unconstitutional, making same-sex unions legal across the United States. But the road to that momentous decision was much longer than many know. In this definitive account, Sasha Issenberg vividly guides us through same-sex marriage’s unexpected path from the unimaginable to the inevitable.
It is a story that begins in Hawaii in 1990, when a rivalry among local activists triggered a sequence of events that forced the state to justify excluding gay couples from marriage. In the White House, one president signed the Defense of Marriage Act, which elevated the matter to a national issue, and his successor tried to write it into the Constitution. Over twenty-five years, the debate played out across the country, from the first legal same-sex weddings in Massachusetts to the epic face-off over California’s Proposition 8 and, finally, to the landmark Supreme Court decisions of United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges . From churches to hedge funds, no corner of American life went untouched.
This richly detailed narrative follows the coast-to-coast conflict through courtrooms and war rooms, bedrooms and boardrooms, to shed light on every aspect of a political and legal controversy that divided Americans like no other. Following a cast of characters that includes those who sought their own right to wed, those who fought to protect the traditional definition of marriage, and those who changed their minds about it, The Engagement is certain to become a seminal book on the modern culture wars.
928 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2021
60 people are currently reading
2210 people want to read
About the author
Sasha Issenberg
12 books52 followersSasha Issenberg is the author of three previous books, on topics ranging from the global sushi business to medical tourism and the science of political campaigns. He covered the 2008 election as a national political reporter in the Washington bureau of The Boston Globe, the 2012 election for Slate, the 2016 election for Bloomberg Politics and Businessweek, and 2020 for The Recount. He is the Washington correspondent for Monocle, and has also written for New York magazine, The New York Times Magazine, and George, where he served as a contributing editor. He teaches in the political science department at UCLA.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
December 21, 2022
A NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK FOR 2021!
Rating: 4* of five
The Publisher Says: A NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK OF THE YEAR - The riveting story of the conflict over same-sex marriage in the United States—the most significant civil rights breakthrough of the new millennium
On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that state bans on gay marriage were unconstitutional, making same-sex unions legal across the United States. But the road to that momentous decision was much longer than many know. In this definitive account, Sasha Issenberg vividly guides us through same-sex marriage's unexpected path from the unimaginable to the inevitable.
It is a story that begins in Hawaii in 1990, when a rivalry among local activists triggered a sequence of events that forced the state to justify excluding gay couples from marriage. In the White House, one president signed the Defense of Marriage Act, which elevated the matter to a national issue, and his successor tried to write it into the Constitution. Over twenty-five years, the debate played out across the country, from the first legal same-sex weddings in Massachusetts to the epic face-off over California's Proposition 8 and, finally, to the landmark Supreme Court decisions of United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges. From churches to hedge funds, no corner of American life went untouched.
This richly detailed narrative follows the coast-to-coast conflict through courtrooms and war rooms, bedrooms and boardrooms, to shed light on every aspect of a political and legal controversy that divided Americans like no other. Following a cast of characters that includes those who sought their own right to wed, those who fought to protect the traditional definition of marriage, and those who changed their minds about it, The Engagement is certain to become a seminal book on the modern culture wars.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: I disagree with the publisher's decision to use the phrase "same-sex marriage" in the sales copy. It's not about the sex organs of the people involved. It's about the equality of access to the benefits of the legal state of marriage to all people who wish to avail themselves of it.
If marriage is a cornerstone of a properly functioning society, then what is the justification for denying access to it to the people who wish to engage in it? If your church doesn't choose to solemnize or recognize marriages between people of different faiths, or skin colors, or the same sex, no one can force you to do so. It's against the law that separates church from state.
Your personal fantasyland has no place in the county clerk's office where marriage licenses are issued.
If that's not how you see it, you're wrong.
This book's almost a thousand pages and there's a LOT to learn in here...the role of activists in changing the public conversation is delightfully thoroughgoing...and there's a lot of good reasons to learn it. What gives me pause is the sheer heft of the tome! I very definitely have a dog in this fight and it was still a serious commitment that I took a long time to fulfill. As the current Supreme Court has shown us, there is no such thing as established law when the scum of the Earth want to resist things changing in ways they're not comfortable with.
Might be time to get your eyes around this well-written and thoroughly sourced and closely argued tale of how Justice was finally served.
Rating: 4* of five
The Publisher Says: A NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK OF THE YEAR - The riveting story of the conflict over same-sex marriage in the United States—the most significant civil rights breakthrough of the new millennium
On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that state bans on gay marriage were unconstitutional, making same-sex unions legal across the United States. But the road to that momentous decision was much longer than many know. In this definitive account, Sasha Issenberg vividly guides us through same-sex marriage's unexpected path from the unimaginable to the inevitable.
It is a story that begins in Hawaii in 1990, when a rivalry among local activists triggered a sequence of events that forced the state to justify excluding gay couples from marriage. In the White House, one president signed the Defense of Marriage Act, which elevated the matter to a national issue, and his successor tried to write it into the Constitution. Over twenty-five years, the debate played out across the country, from the first legal same-sex weddings in Massachusetts to the epic face-off over California's Proposition 8 and, finally, to the landmark Supreme Court decisions of United States v. Windsor and Obergefell v. Hodges. From churches to hedge funds, no corner of American life went untouched.
This richly detailed narrative follows the coast-to-coast conflict through courtrooms and war rooms, bedrooms and boardrooms, to shed light on every aspect of a political and legal controversy that divided Americans like no other. Following a cast of characters that includes those who sought their own right to wed, those who fought to protect the traditional definition of marriage, and those who changed their minds about it, The Engagement is certain to become a seminal book on the modern culture wars.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: I disagree with the publisher's decision to use the phrase "same-sex marriage" in the sales copy. It's not about the sex organs of the people involved. It's about the equality of access to the benefits of the legal state of marriage to all people who wish to avail themselves of it.
If marriage is a cornerstone of a properly functioning society, then what is the justification for denying access to it to the people who wish to engage in it? If your church doesn't choose to solemnize or recognize marriages between people of different faiths, or skin colors, or the same sex, no one can force you to do so. It's against the law that separates church from state.
Your personal fantasyland has no place in the county clerk's office where marriage licenses are issued.
If that's not how you see it, you're wrong.
This book's almost a thousand pages and there's a LOT to learn in here...the role of activists in changing the public conversation is delightfully thoroughgoing...and there's a lot of good reasons to learn it. What gives me pause is the sheer heft of the tome! I very definitely have a dog in this fight and it was still a serious commitment that I took a long time to fulfill. As the current Supreme Court has shown us, there is no such thing as established law when the scum of the Earth want to resist things changing in ways they're not comfortable with.
Might be time to get your eyes around this well-written and thoroughly sourced and closely argued tale of how Justice was finally served.
June 10, 2021
A fantastic read that provides a definitive overview of the fight for same-sex marriage in the United States. Sasha Issenberg has wrote a meticulously researched and compelling narrative that had me reading page after page.
Of course, this is a bit of a nerdy read — much time is spent on explaining the incrementalist legal strategies of marriage proponents — but it’s still accessible. There’s also great personal stories and details about those on the frontlines of the fight from plaintiffs, attorneys, religious activists, and more.
Would definitely recommend for anyone who wants insight into this part of queer history.
Of course, this is a bit of a nerdy read — much time is spent on explaining the incrementalist legal strategies of marriage proponents — but it’s still accessible. There’s also great personal stories and details about those on the frontlines of the fight from plaintiffs, attorneys, religious activists, and more.
Would definitely recommend for anyone who wants insight into this part of queer history.
September 1, 2021
This book is unbelievably thorough in its documentation of the story of the path to legalizing same sex marriage. I am walking away with a deep knowledge of the movement’s history, actors, and quick timeline. I’m so impressed with the writing and storytelling, at times tedious but well worth it if you are interested in the subject.
September 11, 2021
This was an excellent historical overview. Despite its significant length, it was pretty easy to read because of the author’s prose style.
May 30, 2023
A bit of a slog. And it had the charming assumption that Supreme Court decisions are based on law and precedent rather than the jurists personal taste.
May 27, 2021
A very thorough and informative coverage of this heartbreaking subject that should never have had to have been a struggle to begin with.
February 9, 2022
A tremendous book both in size and the importance of its topic, but a little too long, occasionally unfocused, and lacking in argument to become an instant classic. This is a study of the battle over same sex marriage (SSM for this review) since Hawaii's courts first considered the issue in the 1990s. Before that, SSM really wasn't on the radar, even for the gay rights movement, which was more focused on anti-discrimination measures, basic dignity, and the AIDS crisis. Marriage just seemed too far off, almost fantastical, for a movement that had struggled so much and faced such visceral hatred from much of American society. So in a way, this is a story of triumph, but Issenberg avoids a straightforward triumphalism. What this book really drove home to me is the contingency of SSM's victory and the lukewarm-ness of AMericans toward the issue. As someone who passionately supports SSM and gay rights in general, I found it a little suspicious that the anti-gay rights movement just kind of disappeared. I think a lot of resentment at LGBT advances still exists and could one day be harnessed for political gain and culture wars.
This book takes you through the big events/cases of the SSM struggle, but it's really about organizing and strategy on both sides of the debate. You'll go into exhaustive but often fascinating state-level struggles, as well as debates within the movements themselves. Pro-SSM groups first debated whether marriage should even be a goal or not; a major strain of feminist thought viewed marriage as a cage rather than a dignifying institution, and that had a lot of sway within the movement in the 1980s and early 1990s. There was debate over when/where to launch lawsuits, as leaders didn't want poorly planned suits to create an adverse set of rulings but also didn't want to stymie local initiative. There was a huge debate both within the gay rights movements and the larger society about whether civil unions that granted gay people the legal status of marriage (or close to it) without the actual title; for a long time, civil unions were sort of the official compromise for Democrats who didn't want to get too far ahead of public opinion. These are all interesting debates, and Issenberg shows them at work in many places over time. Still, I though a little editing would have helped here, as a good chunk of the book feels like different sets of people having the same debate over and over again, just in different settings.
To his great credit, Issenberg also profiles the anti-SSM movement in great depth. He gives you a sense of the characters on both sides as people, largely refraining from judgementalism. He shows that while animus was the primary motive for many anti SSM folks, broader concerns about the weakening of families and marriages in general (a real crisis) motivated a hesitancy to "innovate" for many. Of course, they were never able to prove that gay marriage would somehow weaken the overall institution (in fact, SSM strengthens marriage in our society), but this underlying concern was valid, and it has the potential still to create cross-ideological alliances. His profile of the "Marriage Movement," a mix of liberals and conservatives who sought to cooperate to strengthen marriage in general but unfortunately split over SSM was particularly interesting. Still, in most of the anti-SSM groups, it was clear that animus, unfamiliarity, fear, and the "ick factor" were major reasons behind their activism, and we should not forget the absolute panic mongering, genuine homophobia, and use of children as political props that anti-SSM groups deployed, and deployed quite effectively, in the very recent past.
This is largely a success story, but Issenberg doesn't offer much of an overall thesis as to why/how this movement won. A few factors nonetheless emerge in the narrative. One was the steady "normalizing" of the gay rights movement. SSM groups encouraged people to come out and interact with straight people to show their "normality." They wanted, after all, to be part of a rather traditional institution, a marked difference from the gay rights movements of the 70s and 80s. Issenberg shows how SSM groups studied what appealed to larger audiences and found that stressing family/love/commitment worked better than the "rights talk" of the 2000s and 1990s. Of course, it's horrible that an oppressed group had to appeal to their own oppressors, but this is usually the way these things work historically. Another key factor seemed to have been cultural, as in the steady growth of TV shows and other cultural products that humanized LGBT people (Issenberg doesn't talk much about this). A third factor was the steady decrease in acceptance for outright homophobia in our public discourse. In the 1980s and 1990s, legislators were pretty clear about their fear and animus of gay people, and it showed in the laws they passed. Somehow this all became less acceptable (Issenberg doesn't offer an explanation of it) by the 2010s and is now fully unacceptable.
Lastly, and somewhat mysteriously, the anti-SSM movement just lost its steam over time. In the 1990s they succeeded massively at the national level with DOMA and DADT, and in the 2000s they won big in state politics with Prop 8 in California and gay marriage and in most states, including some pretty liberal ones. They promised that civilization itself would crash if gay marriage went forward and warned that your kids would be indoctrinated to be gay. And then, it all fell apart. Donations plummeted in the 2010s as, on the other side, national-level Democrats increasingly embraced the cause and grassroots momentum surged. Polls shifted gradually but steadily in favor of gay marriage. Cases started to go the other way, starting with Windsor and the defeat of Prop 8 and culminating in Obergefell.
While Issenberg tends to narrate rather than making historical arguments, I'm skeptical that this movement has really been defeated. He ends with a fascinating chapter called "Massive Desistance" (the opposite of massive resistance, the South's relentless campaign to block implementation of school desegregation in the 50s and 60) that profiles anti-SSM groups seemingly giving up and moving on to other culture war touchstones like the Masterpiece Cakeshop case. I left this book with a queasy feeling nonetheless about a cause I care greatly about. Generational trends are heading the right way on this issue, and it was obviously a boon that the otherwise horrendous DJT treated Obergefell as settled law and didn't grandstand on LGBT issues like he played on every other prejudice of mainstream America. Still, the national conservatism and revived right-wing he represents is an ideology of conformity, masculine anger, and resentment at cultural changes. Historically, movements like this have resented homosexuality and other "sexual minorities" in favor of traditional, performative masculinity and the restoration of hierarchies between men and women, straights and gays, etc. There's little stopping this terrifying new movement from turning on SSM and LGBT people in general (they kind of are already with trans people).
This is why Issenberg's book is so important; these debates and struggles never really go away, so we have to learn from the past how to counter these arguments, appeal to wide audiences that don't share all of our beliefs, and mobilize at local, state, and national levels to achieve change. The gay rights movement did all these things about as effectively as any movement in U.S. history. While I would have liked more structured argumentation about the causes of this success, Issenberg's book is a detailed, complex, and thorough chronicle of the road to victory and the parameters of this important debate.
This book takes you through the big events/cases of the SSM struggle, but it's really about organizing and strategy on both sides of the debate. You'll go into exhaustive but often fascinating state-level struggles, as well as debates within the movements themselves. Pro-SSM groups first debated whether marriage should even be a goal or not; a major strain of feminist thought viewed marriage as a cage rather than a dignifying institution, and that had a lot of sway within the movement in the 1980s and early 1990s. There was debate over when/where to launch lawsuits, as leaders didn't want poorly planned suits to create an adverse set of rulings but also didn't want to stymie local initiative. There was a huge debate both within the gay rights movements and the larger society about whether civil unions that granted gay people the legal status of marriage (or close to it) without the actual title; for a long time, civil unions were sort of the official compromise for Democrats who didn't want to get too far ahead of public opinion. These are all interesting debates, and Issenberg shows them at work in many places over time. Still, I though a little editing would have helped here, as a good chunk of the book feels like different sets of people having the same debate over and over again, just in different settings.
To his great credit, Issenberg also profiles the anti-SSM movement in great depth. He gives you a sense of the characters on both sides as people, largely refraining from judgementalism. He shows that while animus was the primary motive for many anti SSM folks, broader concerns about the weakening of families and marriages in general (a real crisis) motivated a hesitancy to "innovate" for many. Of course, they were never able to prove that gay marriage would somehow weaken the overall institution (in fact, SSM strengthens marriage in our society), but this underlying concern was valid, and it has the potential still to create cross-ideological alliances. His profile of the "Marriage Movement," a mix of liberals and conservatives who sought to cooperate to strengthen marriage in general but unfortunately split over SSM was particularly interesting. Still, in most of the anti-SSM groups, it was clear that animus, unfamiliarity, fear, and the "ick factor" were major reasons behind their activism, and we should not forget the absolute panic mongering, genuine homophobia, and use of children as political props that anti-SSM groups deployed, and deployed quite effectively, in the very recent past.
This is largely a success story, but Issenberg doesn't offer much of an overall thesis as to why/how this movement won. A few factors nonetheless emerge in the narrative. One was the steady "normalizing" of the gay rights movement. SSM groups encouraged people to come out and interact with straight people to show their "normality." They wanted, after all, to be part of a rather traditional institution, a marked difference from the gay rights movements of the 70s and 80s. Issenberg shows how SSM groups studied what appealed to larger audiences and found that stressing family/love/commitment worked better than the "rights talk" of the 2000s and 1990s. Of course, it's horrible that an oppressed group had to appeal to their own oppressors, but this is usually the way these things work historically. Another key factor seemed to have been cultural, as in the steady growth of TV shows and other cultural products that humanized LGBT people (Issenberg doesn't talk much about this). A third factor was the steady decrease in acceptance for outright homophobia in our public discourse. In the 1980s and 1990s, legislators were pretty clear about their fear and animus of gay people, and it showed in the laws they passed. Somehow this all became less acceptable (Issenberg doesn't offer an explanation of it) by the 2010s and is now fully unacceptable.
Lastly, and somewhat mysteriously, the anti-SSM movement just lost its steam over time. In the 1990s they succeeded massively at the national level with DOMA and DADT, and in the 2000s they won big in state politics with Prop 8 in California and gay marriage and in most states, including some pretty liberal ones. They promised that civilization itself would crash if gay marriage went forward and warned that your kids would be indoctrinated to be gay. And then, it all fell apart. Donations plummeted in the 2010s as, on the other side, national-level Democrats increasingly embraced the cause and grassroots momentum surged. Polls shifted gradually but steadily in favor of gay marriage. Cases started to go the other way, starting with Windsor and the defeat of Prop 8 and culminating in Obergefell.
While Issenberg tends to narrate rather than making historical arguments, I'm skeptical that this movement has really been defeated. He ends with a fascinating chapter called "Massive Desistance" (the opposite of massive resistance, the South's relentless campaign to block implementation of school desegregation in the 50s and 60) that profiles anti-SSM groups seemingly giving up and moving on to other culture war touchstones like the Masterpiece Cakeshop case. I left this book with a queasy feeling nonetheless about a cause I care greatly about. Generational trends are heading the right way on this issue, and it was obviously a boon that the otherwise horrendous DJT treated Obergefell as settled law and didn't grandstand on LGBT issues like he played on every other prejudice of mainstream America. Still, the national conservatism and revived right-wing he represents is an ideology of conformity, masculine anger, and resentment at cultural changes. Historically, movements like this have resented homosexuality and other "sexual minorities" in favor of traditional, performative masculinity and the restoration of hierarchies between men and women, straights and gays, etc. There's little stopping this terrifying new movement from turning on SSM and LGBT people in general (they kind of are already with trans people).
This is why Issenberg's book is so important; these debates and struggles never really go away, so we have to learn from the past how to counter these arguments, appeal to wide audiences that don't share all of our beliefs, and mobilize at local, state, and national levels to achieve change. The gay rights movement did all these things about as effectively as any movement in U.S. history. While I would have liked more structured argumentation about the causes of this success, Issenberg's book is a detailed, complex, and thorough chronicle of the road to victory and the parameters of this important debate.
April 19, 2021
Read if you: Want a greater understanding of the decades-long fight for marriage equality.
Carve out some time if you plan to read this; it's an exhaustive overview of the various court, legislative, and public decisions regarding marriage equality. However, there's really nothing else that matches the scope and range of Issenberg's work.
Many thanks to Pantheon and Edelweiss for a digital review copy in exchange for an honest review.
Carve out some time if you plan to read this; it's an exhaustive overview of the various court, legislative, and public decisions regarding marriage equality. However, there's really nothing else that matches the scope and range of Issenberg's work.
Many thanks to Pantheon and Edelweiss for a digital review copy in exchange for an honest review.
December 30, 2022
This was easily one of my favorite books of 2022. I had been wanting to read this book for more than a year, amplified by critical praise and my love for the author's prior "The Victory Lab," and I'm so glad I got it in before the end of the year. As a fan of dense history tomes, it's probably not surprising that I enjoyed it, but a casual history fan might be shocked by how entertaining and readable it really is. Charismatic characters, legal minutia made easy, and shocking twists come alive to tell a story that all Americans already know the ending to, at least for now.
This book is clearly on the right side of history when it comes to the civil rights issue of same-sex marriage, but one thing I loved in particular was how much it covers the backstory of both sides of it. These past few decades marked the most dramatic shift in public opinion ever, bringing this pivotal step for gay rights from the absurdly hypothetical to the nationally legal. For a long time, the same-sex marriage fight faced the obstacle that opponents were much more strongly opinionated on the issue than supporters, but this epic piece of history shows how that changed. What role activists, politicians, straight allies, and everyday LGBT+ people played in this journey is put forward in this queer history epic.
While taken for granted by many Americans for nearly a decade, the intense politics behind the issue allows a journey through many familiar campaigns and takes you alongside numerous prominent names, be it within Bill Clinton's presidency or George W. Bush's reelection campaign. This book will show you the bright side of figures you've never liked, just as it will darken your view of people who you held up as heroes.
Though it's a lengthy read, it is my belief that the greatest works of history are most often the ones that require a deep dive. Every scholar of American history, but especially those fascinated with our LGBTQ+ movements, should put this on their reading list.
This book is clearly on the right side of history when it comes to the civil rights issue of same-sex marriage, but one thing I loved in particular was how much it covers the backstory of both sides of it. These past few decades marked the most dramatic shift in public opinion ever, bringing this pivotal step for gay rights from the absurdly hypothetical to the nationally legal. For a long time, the same-sex marriage fight faced the obstacle that opponents were much more strongly opinionated on the issue than supporters, but this epic piece of history shows how that changed. What role activists, politicians, straight allies, and everyday LGBT+ people played in this journey is put forward in this queer history epic.
While taken for granted by many Americans for nearly a decade, the intense politics behind the issue allows a journey through many familiar campaigns and takes you alongside numerous prominent names, be it within Bill Clinton's presidency or George W. Bush's reelection campaign. This book will show you the bright side of figures you've never liked, just as it will darken your view of people who you held up as heroes.
Though it's a lengthy read, it is my belief that the greatest works of history are most often the ones that require a deep dive. Every scholar of American history, but especially those fascinated with our LGBTQ+ movements, should put this on their reading list.
October 15, 2022
Overall an important read but also a bit of a slog and sometimes a confusing one (I never was able to understand what the 10-10-10-20 thing was and it kept being brought up over and over again).
The book was a several year effort with writing and the research and it shows. I just wish he could have kept up with the excellent pace and readability he started with at the beginning. The level of detail was a little overdone as well. The only other issue I had was him not really sticking to his own chronology. Multiple times he introduces somebody and then goes back 10-20 years to discuss their entire career, even including one of a law school essay one of them wrote.
And to be trivial since I grew up in California and Issenberg is a UCLA professor, it annoyed me that he mentions three times that California is the largest state. He clearly means the most populous one but I'm surprised that wasn't caught by his editor.
Overall I'm glad I read it. There's a lot of important history here.
The book was a several year effort with writing and the research and it shows. I just wish he could have kept up with the excellent pace and readability he started with at the beginning. The level of detail was a little overdone as well. The only other issue I had was him not really sticking to his own chronology. Multiple times he introduces somebody and then goes back 10-20 years to discuss their entire career, even including one of a law school essay one of them wrote.
And to be trivial since I grew up in California and Issenberg is a UCLA professor, it annoyed me that he mentions three times that California is the largest state. He clearly means the most populous one but I'm surprised that wasn't caught by his editor.
Overall I'm glad I read it. There's a lot of important history here.
November 17, 2021
I wanted to read this because I was peripherally involved with some of these cases because of the organization I worked for, and I knew many of the people mentioned in the book. It's a massive history that covers 25 years, and it has some interesting insights into why it went from DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and states from every part of the country amending their constitutions to exclude gays from marriage, to the overturning of DOMA and the legalization of same sex marriage. But he does give a hint -- basically in the last paragraph -- that there is a coming battle over the right to discriminate for religious reasons, a battle that was more or less encouraged by the Trump appointee Neil Gorsuch in a 2020 decision he wrote. But that's not yet become history -- that's "next era."
June 1, 2021
This book is certainly a hugely important work about an incredibly important event in history. But it's also a bunch of really interesting, interwoven stories that are full of great characters (some politicians you'll recognize, but plenty more people you haven't heard of - but should have!). It's basically a Prime series waiting to happen. I mostly read fiction books, but loved this so much, I read it twice. And my partner, who only reads non-fiction and loves history, is obsessed. It's given us a lot to talk about after we basically ran out of things to talk about during COVID. I want to buy for everyone I know!
June 16, 2021
This tome seemed like a fitting thing to read during Pride Month.
Sometimes I just need to take a minute to appreciate how much I love the fact that we now live in a world where, at least in a growing (though still far too small) number of countries, marriage equality is a thing that exists. Its legalisation in the US in 2015, while it has no bearing on me personally given that I don't live there, was an enormous milestone without which far fewer countries might have followed suit.
This comprehensive account of the long fight it took to get there provides plenty of detailed information, chronicling numerous lawsuits and initiatives on both sides, and is likely to be cited as the definitive book on the subject for a long time to come.
Sometimes I just need to take a minute to appreciate how much I love the fact that we now live in a world where, at least in a growing (though still far too small) number of countries, marriage equality is a thing that exists. Its legalisation in the US in 2015, while it has no bearing on me personally given that I don't live there, was an enormous milestone without which far fewer countries might have followed suit.
This comprehensive account of the long fight it took to get there provides plenty of detailed information, chronicling numerous lawsuits and initiatives on both sides, and is likely to be cited as the definitive book on the subject for a long time to come.
March 24, 2022
It was interesting to read this account of the (LONG) battle for marriage rights in the US. Once again, the NPR Politics Book Club choice has been enlightening. This is quite a lengthy volume, but I'm glad I (slowly) worked my way through it and got a more complete picture of the evolution of public opinion on same-sex marriage. It is certainly not a light or quick read, but I recommend it for anyone who is interested in the nitty-gritty of the fight for marriage rights.
November 7, 2021
This is an excellent recount of the campaign for same-sex marriage in the US and would be valuable to many campaigners. There are lots of points where you can see the strategic decision-making going on and the impact of updated strategies. It's also valuable getting the insight of how opponents operated. Lots to chew on.
However, this book is less an analysis or synthesis of the campaigning and more an all-in history. Issenberg doesn't really draw out themes or lessons, instead simply cataloguing them and, to some extent, letting the campaigners speak for themselves. This serves for a history, but it makes the work harder to parse if you want practical insights.
Relatedly, it is very detailed. There are lots of characters, lots of states, lots of movement through time. This makes it harder to understand what's going on, especially for a non-US audience. Making things harder, Issenberg sometimes will go back in time in a new chapter, only catching up with the 'present' part-way through the chapter. I found it all a bit confusing!
Regardless, this feels like an authoritative account of what went on, and there is much to be gleaned from it.
However, this book is less an analysis or synthesis of the campaigning and more an all-in history. Issenberg doesn't really draw out themes or lessons, instead simply cataloguing them and, to some extent, letting the campaigners speak for themselves. This serves for a history, but it makes the work harder to parse if you want practical insights.
Relatedly, it is very detailed. There are lots of characters, lots of states, lots of movement through time. This makes it harder to understand what's going on, especially for a non-US audience. Making things harder, Issenberg sometimes will go back in time in a new chapter, only catching up with the 'present' part-way through the chapter. I found it all a bit confusing!
Regardless, this feels like an authoritative account of what went on, and there is much to be gleaned from it.
April 12, 2021
If you want a comprehensive book about the LGBTQ community history, social and political issues and why it matters to be understanding, this is it! Yes, this is very long but it is worth it if you want to understand. The people against the LGBTQ community need to realize they are people too and deserve the same rights and respect, just as anyone else. I am not of the community BUT I have many friends who are and I do not see them any differently, it is someone who is still a friend.
This book will definitely make you reconsider your thoughts on the subject and to show compassion and understanding. It is what you want, right?
Highly recommended but it is a hefty read (900+ pages) and strong subject matter but worth it.
Thanks to Netgalley, Sasha Issenberg and Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Available: 6/1/21
This book will definitely make you reconsider your thoughts on the subject and to show compassion and understanding. It is what you want, right?
Highly recommended but it is a hefty read (900+ pages) and strong subject matter but worth it.
Thanks to Netgalley, Sasha Issenberg and Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Available: 6/1/21
February 28, 2023
really interesting, well narrated. Super long.
December 28, 2023
Well-written and comprehensive, but you have to be a fan of political/legal history and the minutiae of legislative and legal strategy to enjoy this.
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January 28, 2026More legal history (as it should be), but it confirmed why I didn't go to law school.
December 27, 2021
This book is a vivid reminder that the judicial victory for same sex marriage in 2015, while now taken for granted, was incredibly hard-fought. Issenberg really brings the numerous setbacks and heartbreak to life.
November 14, 2021
Overview of the Fight for Same Sex Marriage
This is a blow by blow account of same sex marriage. It has all the facts, large and small but it lacks a readability that made me feel emotionally caught up in the movement.
This is a blow by blow account of same sex marriage. It has all the facts, large and small but it lacks a readability that made me feel emotionally caught up in the movement.
July 12, 2021
If you are looking for a thoroughly researched and well written book on the history of events, people, and legal cases connected to marriage equality and more, this is the book for you. If you care to learn more and understand this topic, I couldn’t suggest a better book.
This book is extremely personal to me that I had to buy it and add it to my collection as I listened to it on Audible.
This book is extremely personal to me that I had to buy it and add it to my collection as I listened to it on Audible.
January 6, 2022
Soooo much history. So much detail, both legal and personal speaks to the journey for gay and lesbian right to marry. Well worth time spent. Nothing in my lifetime has swung to overwhelming acceptance with the support of public awareness and opinion than this issue.
September 13, 2021
A fascinating and thoughtful examination of the work to legalize same-sex marriage in the United States. It was LONG at 928 pages, but well-worth the read to learn about this important LGBTQ+ history.
December 18, 2021
Hard to imagine there being a more thorough telling of the 25 year legal journey for gay marriage.
October 28, 2021
One of the few books I could not finish. What should have been an exciting and celebratory history read like a tedious encyclopedia. The author loaded her sentences with legalese. But most critical, she seemed unable to write am simple declarative sentence. In a few cases, Simply wasn't unable to match subject and verb. I developed the suspicion that the author felt real time pressure to get this out. She needs an editor; with the present offering, I simply gave up.
October 21, 2021
If, like me, you regard marriage and family as a pre-political institution, something to be recognized, not redefined, by political societies, then the narrative arc of this book is a sad one. That does not make it an unimportant read. Issenberg has accumulated mounds of research and attempted to document a 25 year legal and political battle over marriage. For the most part, he is even-handed to those with whom he disagrees (those holding religious or conservative beliefs).
August 19, 2021
Good troublemakers, infighting among advocates, and serious policy and public opinion setbacks: How equal marriage won merits serious study, and Sasha Issenberg delivers with The Engagement.
August 11, 2021
Exceptional. A must read for anyone interested in queer history, and especially how gay marriage in the United States went from zero to 100 in less than a quarter century.
November 22, 2021
From NPR’s Politic Podcast’s book club, I just finished The Engagement: America’s Quarter-Century Struggle Over Same-Sex Marriage. Author Sasha Issenberg takes the reader through a _very_ exhaustive account of the fight in America for marriage equality. As someone who followed and benefited from the suits from people like Edie Windsor and Jim Obergefell, I still found details of many events and players in this movement that I was not previously aware of. It is a favinatinf through line for something that even today, so recently enacted, we are already beginning to take for granted. I loved reading about the individual who led the way to the rights I enjoy today.
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