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How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody: A Biblical Approach
Do you want rich friendships, deep bonds, and healthy connection?
You can have a better relationship with anybody—God, your children, your spouse, or friends. The answers for how to do so are found in Scripture. Counselor James P. Hilt has helped hundreds of people who wanted healthier, happier relationships with his principles derived from the insights of Scripture. He will help
Study what the Bible has to say about relationships, apply these healing truths to your life, and discover the remarkable difference it can make. Christ’s love can flow unhindered through your life. Don’t put up with disconnection and resentment any longer. Get started today.
You can have a better relationship with anybody—God, your children, your spouse, or friends. The answers for how to do so are found in Scripture. Counselor James P. Hilt has helped hundreds of people who wanted healthier, happier relationships with his principles derived from the insights of Scripture. He will help
Study what the Bible has to say about relationships, apply these healing truths to your life, and discover the remarkable difference it can make. Christ’s love can flow unhindered through your life. Don’t put up with disconnection and resentment any longer. Get started today.
160 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1984
76 people are currently reading
1054 people want to read
About the author
James Hilt
2 books1 followerJAMES HILT (B.S., M.S., University of Wisconsin) is director of counseling for the "Chapel of the Air" and maintains a private practice for individual and marital counseling.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
July 16, 2020
As someone who’s made her fair share of relationship missteps over the years, How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody intrigued me when I saw it on NetGalley. It’s a look at relationships from a Christian perspective, and I found that it complemented God’s New Community and The Meeting Class quite well. While those two books focus on the importance of community, How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody looks at how the individual functions within the community.
How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody looks at 21 aspects of relationships, from avoiding bitterness and daring to connect to escaping jealousy and being vulnerable. Each chapter comes with a Biblical explanation of why this aspect of a relationship is important and ends with suggestions for practical steps that you could implement.
Some points that struck me were:
- Bitterness is long-lasting but often overlooked. It’s something that we need to work out because the one who’s hurt by it is us – the more we ruminate and nurture the roots of bitterness, the larger its effects on us.
- We must learn to have self-acceptance in Christ – that’s different from self-centred pride.
- Accepting things does not mean we should relish the hurt or count it as good, or as the book puts it, “acceptance is not approval.” Neither should we be praising God for evil things. As Paul Tournier puts it, “Accepting suffering, bereavement, and disease does not mean taking pleasure in them, steeling oneself against them, or hoping that distractions or the passage of time will make us forget them. It means offering them to God so that He can make them bring forth fruit.”
- Loving someone means confronting them in love if they need it, especially if they are part of the Body of Christ.
- Sometimes, God brings people into our lives to show us our faults (the book also cautions us that we shouldn’t assume everyone is brought into our lives for this purpose, but to remain sensitive to this possibility).
There are some very good reminders on how I should be interacting with others, but I did notice something in the book that made me uncomfortable. In one section, the author states that many “mental disorders are bitter attacks on others”. I definitely don’t agree with this and I think it’s a harmful generalisation. This doesn’t appear again in the text and the author doesn’t elaborate on it, but I felt it was noteworthy because the book is generally on point and I was disappointed by this statement.
Overall, I found this book to be a useful reminder on how we can work on ourselves (including accepting ourselves) to have better relationships with others. There is one area for concern, but for the most part, this should be helpful to Christians who are looking for practical advice on how to improve their relationships.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for a review.
This review was first posted at Eustea Reads
How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody looks at 21 aspects of relationships, from avoiding bitterness and daring to connect to escaping jealousy and being vulnerable. Each chapter comes with a Biblical explanation of why this aspect of a relationship is important and ends with suggestions for practical steps that you could implement.
Some points that struck me were:
- Bitterness is long-lasting but often overlooked. It’s something that we need to work out because the one who’s hurt by it is us – the more we ruminate and nurture the roots of bitterness, the larger its effects on us.
- We must learn to have self-acceptance in Christ – that’s different from self-centred pride.
- Accepting things does not mean we should relish the hurt or count it as good, or as the book puts it, “acceptance is not approval.” Neither should we be praising God for evil things. As Paul Tournier puts it, “Accepting suffering, bereavement, and disease does not mean taking pleasure in them, steeling oneself against them, or hoping that distractions or the passage of time will make us forget them. It means offering them to God so that He can make them bring forth fruit.”
- Loving someone means confronting them in love if they need it, especially if they are part of the Body of Christ.
- Sometimes, God brings people into our lives to show us our faults (the book also cautions us that we shouldn’t assume everyone is brought into our lives for this purpose, but to remain sensitive to this possibility).
There are some very good reminders on how I should be interacting with others, but I did notice something in the book that made me uncomfortable. In one section, the author states that many “mental disorders are bitter attacks on others”. I definitely don’t agree with this and I think it’s a harmful generalisation. This doesn’t appear again in the text and the author doesn’t elaborate on it, but I felt it was noteworthy because the book is generally on point and I was disappointed by this statement.
Overall, I found this book to be a useful reminder on how we can work on ourselves (including accepting ourselves) to have better relationships with others. There is one area for concern, but for the most part, this should be helpful to Christians who are looking for practical advice on how to improve their relationships.
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for a review.
This review was first posted at Eustea Reads
September 12, 2020
I liked this book for many reasons, one of them being the way that James writes. This book is organized into short essays with the aim of giving the reader some tips and tricks in relationships with others. James was also very relatable in his writing. I felt like I could connect to much of what he said, and it took me by surprise to learn that this book was written before social media and cell phones.
I do wish that some things in the book could have been updated to reflect the time we are in now. I felt some statements on mental health weren’t accurate but this wasn’t a focus of the book nor did it affect the validity of James’s other words.
Everyone can benefit from this book. Whether you want to dive in and read it in its entirety like me, or if you want to read what’s relevant to you in your season. It’s helpful, relatable, and most importantly centered on Christ’s interactions with others and how we can learn from Him.
Thank you to Moody Publishers for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.
I do wish that some things in the book could have been updated to reflect the time we are in now. I felt some statements on mental health weren’t accurate but this wasn’t a focus of the book nor did it affect the validity of James’s other words.
Everyone can benefit from this book. Whether you want to dive in and read it in its entirety like me, or if you want to read what’s relevant to you in your season. It’s helpful, relatable, and most importantly centered on Christ’s interactions with others and how we can learn from Him.
Thank you to Moody Publishers for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.
December 19, 2023
Not bad at all, just not mind blowing — good reminders for how to better interact with people in a healthy & loving way.
January 16, 2024
Simple but effective (and biblical) truths to help anyone improve their relationships with others. This book wasn’t quite the deep dive I expected it to be. The tips and pointers were basic ideas that we’ve all heard over the years. Avoid bitterness, express gratitude, be patient, avoid jealousy, etc. In the beginning of the book, Hilt mentions that mental illnesses are “bitter attacks on others”, and went on to talk about how mental illness can be purposefully weaponized to hurt family, friends, etc. While this may be true in some circumstances, I don’t believe this to be true for the majority of people who struggle with mental illness. It’s just that- an illness- and it isn’t something that individuals choose to struggle with. Hilt also talked about the importance of utilizing physical touch to encourage others and I found that chapter to be somewhat uncomfortable. Physical touch can definitely be encouraging for some, but so many factors have to be taken into consideration when attempting to comfort someone in this way. Hilt briefly acknowledged this, but I think it needed to be more thoroughly explained. Personally, I rarely want to be comforted through touch, no matter who the person is, and I know I’m not alone in that preference. Overall, this book was a good reminder of biblical truths that are useful for maintaining relationships, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to anyone.
April 25, 2020
I have finally found a Christian self-help book which I found actually useful. And this comes from someone pretty much obsessed with this genre.
As the title suggests, "How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody" is a practical guide to becoming a better person towards others. No, this isn't a book only for people in a relationship (for once!); rather, it teaches anyone how to follow the examples of various Biblical characters to please God through encounters with other people.
This book is organized into twenty one short chapters, each dealing with a different piece of advice including avoiding bitterness, saying thank you, escaping jealousy and being vulnerable. I liked that these segments were short as this made me much more likely to reach for the book. Each chapter is a well-research combination of Biblical examples and stories of real people, which is another hit for me.
At the same time, this book is not for everyone. It certainly requires a pretty deep knowledge of the Bible, so it's recommended for rather devoted Christians. In addition, I was not a huge fan of Hilt's writing style, especially the introduction which was awful and nearly made me drop it altogether. Ultimately, I'm really glad I stuck with it and learned a lot.
*Thank you to the Publisher for a free advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
As the title suggests, "How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody" is a practical guide to becoming a better person towards others. No, this isn't a book only for people in a relationship (for once!); rather, it teaches anyone how to follow the examples of various Biblical characters to please God through encounters with other people.
This book is organized into twenty one short chapters, each dealing with a different piece of advice including avoiding bitterness, saying thank you, escaping jealousy and being vulnerable. I liked that these segments were short as this made me much more likely to reach for the book. Each chapter is a well-research combination of Biblical examples and stories of real people, which is another hit for me.
At the same time, this book is not for everyone. It certainly requires a pretty deep knowledge of the Bible, so it's recommended for rather devoted Christians. In addition, I was not a huge fan of Hilt's writing style, especially the introduction which was awful and nearly made me drop it altogether. Ultimately, I'm really glad I stuck with it and learned a lot.
*Thank you to the Publisher for a free advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
April 30, 2020
Hilt focuses on exactly what the title says, improving relationships with everyone. Using a Christian lens, Hilt first discusses your relationship with yourself in connection to growing and building beneficial relationship with others. The concept and roots of bitterness is discussed at great length and I found this to be a powerful tool for introspection. The author then encourages you to take these feelings to God and to pray for forgiveness and a changed heart.
The bulk of this book applies Biblical teachings to the way we should be treating others, with an emphasis on our intimate relationship with God. There were suggested approaches to living out the concepts presented, which I found to be both practical and helpful. I appreciated the author’s continual emphasis on treating others in a Christ-like manner.
I’ve been reading a ton of Christian nonfiction recently, much of which is specifically focused on marriage. I was intrigued by this book because I was expecting it to be much like marriage books but with a wider scope. I was pleasantly surprised with how different this book was from my expectations. I do wish this was longer to further expand upon the concepts presented, but overall it was a beneficial read for me.
I received an advanced copy of the ebook of this title from the publisher via Netgalley; all opinions are my own.
The bulk of this book applies Biblical teachings to the way we should be treating others, with an emphasis on our intimate relationship with God. There were suggested approaches to living out the concepts presented, which I found to be both practical and helpful. I appreciated the author’s continual emphasis on treating others in a Christ-like manner.
I’ve been reading a ton of Christian nonfiction recently, much of which is specifically focused on marriage. I was intrigued by this book because I was expecting it to be much like marriage books but with a wider scope. I was pleasantly surprised with how different this book was from my expectations. I do wish this was longer to further expand upon the concepts presented, but overall it was a beneficial read for me.
I received an advanced copy of the ebook of this title from the publisher via Netgalley; all opinions are my own.
May 24, 2020
Hilt has tremendous experience in what makes good relationships work and he outlines in 21 short chapters some of the key gems that he's learnt in his time. He covers such topics as bitterness, jealousy, comparison, competitiveness, humility and the basic chestnuts associated with kindness: thank you, listening, patience, telling people they're special and honesty in confrontation.
The entire premise is based on a Christ-like perspective and reflects many observations and experiences Hilt has had over the years within the church. Each chapter ends with a suggested form of application which perhaps were a little simplistic. Discussing this book in a group would be an effective means of self-discovery and practical application.
I especially appreciated how he ended it with an emphasis on small groups and how they can a tremendous vehicle for people to effectively practice the principles he lays out in this book.
All of the principles are relevant to all forms of relationship as the title suggests.
Highly recommended.
The entire premise is based on a Christ-like perspective and reflects many observations and experiences Hilt has had over the years within the church. Each chapter ends with a suggested form of application which perhaps were a little simplistic. Discussing this book in a group would be an effective means of self-discovery and practical application.
I especially appreciated how he ended it with an emphasis on small groups and how they can a tremendous vehicle for people to effectively practice the principles he lays out in this book.
All of the principles are relevant to all forms of relationship as the title suggests.
Highly recommended.
June 25, 2020
How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody : A Biblical Approach
by James Hilt
The first chapter on bitterness really made me stop and think...and think and think...In fact I thought so much that I was not prepared to go onto the rest of the book for a while.
Everybody should read this book once a year at least to keep track on how they are doing in their relationships with others. And even with God and themselves. (Are you bitter towards yourself??) Many of the suggestions are more or less common sense, but we are frail humans and we forget!
The practical application at the end of every chapter are useful info.
I like that the author has been a counselor for so many years so we are more confident that he has the know-how and experience and knows what he is talking about. All his advice is backed with biblical principles.
Thank you Netgalley and Moody Publishers for the ARC. This is my honest opinion of the book.
by James Hilt
The first chapter on bitterness really made me stop and think...and think and think...In fact I thought so much that I was not prepared to go onto the rest of the book for a while.
Everybody should read this book once a year at least to keep track on how they are doing in their relationships with others. And even with God and themselves. (Are you bitter towards yourself??) Many of the suggestions are more or less common sense, but we are frail humans and we forget!
The practical application at the end of every chapter are useful info.
I like that the author has been a counselor for so many years so we are more confident that he has the know-how and experience and knows what he is talking about. All his advice is backed with biblical principles.
Thank you Netgalley and Moody Publishers for the ARC. This is my honest opinion of the book.
April 30, 2020
Language: G (0 swears, 0 “f”); Mature Content: PG; Violence: PG
Hilt is of the opinion that emulating Jesus Christ is the best way to improve relationships -- with family, friends, spouses, everyone. Each chapter focuses on a principle, giving incorrect examples before gently illustrating to readers what might be a better approach according to the Bible.
While not a riveting read, I do feel uplifted from reading Hilt’s suggestions. Each chapter ends with suggestions for applying the principles Hilt highlights, and I like that he talks about improving our relationships with self not just with others. Overall, it’s a good book for the audience of adult believers in Christ.
Reviewed for https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/
Hilt is of the opinion that emulating Jesus Christ is the best way to improve relationships -- with family, friends, spouses, everyone. Each chapter focuses on a principle, giving incorrect examples before gently illustrating to readers what might be a better approach according to the Bible.
While not a riveting read, I do feel uplifted from reading Hilt’s suggestions. Each chapter ends with suggestions for applying the principles Hilt highlights, and I like that he talks about improving our relationships with self not just with others. Overall, it’s a good book for the audience of adult believers in Christ.
Reviewed for https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/
April 11, 2021
This book was a great read & contains relevant info to strengthen your relationships with other people. It’s foundation is in the Bible & the concepts/advice which Hilt gives is steeped from stories & lessons found in scripture. While this book isn’t particularly groundbreaking or jaw dropping, it does provide a good framework for understanding relationships with others better & developing a softer heart for them. However, the chapters are quite brief so it is relatively light & Hilt’s writing style feels a bit lackluster which I noticed by not being absolutely engrossed with the book in the entire duration of my reading.
April 21, 2020
Title: How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody
Author: James Hilt
Genre: Nonfiction
Rating: 4 out of 5
This was an insightful read that offered both insight and tips that were feasible and doable (Not far-fetched and almost laughable tips for those of us just trying to live our lives and keep all the balls in the air.). The voice was relatable, like talking to a friend, not preachy or condescending, and it incorporated biblical principle and scripture into anecdotes from the author, making it feel even more like sitting down for a chat with a friend that has a little more experience than you.
(Galley courtesy of Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review.)
More reviews at Tomorrow is Another Day
Author: James Hilt
Genre: Nonfiction
Rating: 4 out of 5
This was an insightful read that offered both insight and tips that were feasible and doable (Not far-fetched and almost laughable tips for those of us just trying to live our lives and keep all the balls in the air.). The voice was relatable, like talking to a friend, not preachy or condescending, and it incorporated biblical principle and scripture into anecdotes from the author, making it feel even more like sitting down for a chat with a friend that has a little more experience than you.
(Galley courtesy of Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review.)
More reviews at Tomorrow is Another Day
August 31, 2020
This is a good book with lots of good advice albeit some of the advice can be difficult to process at first. It takes a lot of thought, careful consideration, sometimes multiple readings to get in the mindset of headspace, maybe heartspace is a better or rather another way to explain. This is a book that I will return to again and again as I travel life and will be handy on my book shelf. Some of the thinking, the tasks we must do will be difficult. It can be difficult to forgive those who hurt us, more difficult perhaps to forgive ourselves but it is important and this book can help.
July 12, 2020
I received an ARC from Moody Publishers, via NetGalley. This review is my opinion.
Great book, I don’t have a bad thing to say. With practical and biblical sound advice this book is a must-read for everyone. I like the tone, James Hilt use the Bible as his compass on how we should behave and act in our relationships. I like that the chapters are short and since are practical, you can take note, pray, and work on that area with a need to make stronger.
Great book, I don’t have a bad thing to say. With practical and biblical sound advice this book is a must-read for everyone. I like the tone, James Hilt use the Bible as his compass on how we should behave and act in our relationships. I like that the chapters are short and since are practical, you can take note, pray, and work on that area with a need to make stronger.
September 11, 2025
ugh i really disliked this book. so harmful. the viewpoint that disconnection with God stems from daddy issues? that people suffering from mental disorders are “angry and manipulative” and use their illnesses as weapons to attack others? there were a few good points made, but they were heavily outweighed by the horrible ones.
July 6, 2020
I thoroughly enjoyed working my way through this one and find it to be overall very well written. I would definitely recommend this one for most people, as this has helpful tips for all things, conflict resolution being the highest.
January 8, 2024
I loved this book! The chapters were small and very applicable. Be ready to be convicted and pray a lot! :)
August 24, 2024
Concise biblical advice for anyone desiring to enrich relationships with others.
September 8, 2025
Why did I read this?
February 23, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My opinion was not affected by the free copy.
I requested this book because it was something I really needed help with, and getting a Biblical perspective on the topic made the book even more appealing. This is definitely a book I'll be buying once it's available; for me, I would want something physical so I could flip back to certain chapters or sections. I'm already wanting to re-read this.
I like what the author was saying about bitterness in this book, and how a lot of relationship problems stem from that. I also like him discussing how we talk to others as well as how others talk to us, and how we can speak with more kindness to each other while also speaking the truth in love. And he did touch on something that I know I need to work on: being a part of a community by being in a small group.
Working on earthly relationships is a life-long process, but I think the author did a good job of showing how we can look to the Bible for guidance on how to do better.
I requested this book because it was something I really needed help with, and getting a Biblical perspective on the topic made the book even more appealing. This is definitely a book I'll be buying once it's available; for me, I would want something physical so I could flip back to certain chapters or sections. I'm already wanting to re-read this.
I like what the author was saying about bitterness in this book, and how a lot of relationship problems stem from that. I also like him discussing how we talk to others as well as how others talk to us, and how we can speak with more kindness to each other while also speaking the truth in love. And he did touch on something that I know I need to work on: being a part of a community by being in a small group.
Working on earthly relationships is a life-long process, but I think the author did a good job of showing how we can look to the Bible for guidance on how to do better.
August 4, 2024
The concepts in this book are centered on the teachings of Jesus Christ and I really enjoyed that! I wasn’t expecting every point to be related to how Christ communicated with others but I loved it. There is so much to learn from Christ and I enjoyed looking at it from this author’s perspective.
January 19, 2020
James Hilt's book How to Have a Better Relationship with Anybody provides solid, biblical counsel for anyone looking to improve relationships. Hilt deals with topics like rooting out bitterness, forgiveness and offering kindness to offenders, and clothing yourself with humility. The author weaves together real-life stories and examples with biblical truth on each of the topics.
Take your time to prayerfully read through each chapter, taking time for personal reflection and inventories and asking the Holy Spirit to effect change in you. if you take it seriously, you're bound to see real transormation in yourself that will lead to stronger and better relationships with others. This is a book I highly recommend because it's practical, biblically-sound, and encouraging even as it corrects and guides.
Note: I received a copy of the book through NetGalley in exchange for this honest review. The opinions expressed are my own.
Take your time to prayerfully read through each chapter, taking time for personal reflection and inventories and asking the Holy Spirit to effect change in you. if you take it seriously, you're bound to see real transormation in yourself that will lead to stronger and better relationships with others. This is a book I highly recommend because it's practical, biblically-sound, and encouraging even as it corrects and guides.
Note: I received a copy of the book through NetGalley in exchange for this honest review. The opinions expressed are my own.
February 6, 2020
How to have a better relationship with anybody by James Hilt has truly blessed my life and my relationships. This book is written with a Biblical perspective.
The books description says it will help you:
Identify and get rid of problems that separate you from others
Stop feeling bitter and resentful
Listen more effectively
Become more patient
Celebrate others more readily
Feel more satisfied in your relationships
Study what the Bible has to say about relationships, apply these healing truths to your life, and discover the remarkable difference it can make. Christ’s love can flow unhindered through your life. Don’t put up with disconnection and resentment any longer. Get started today.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to have better relationships!
The books description says it will help you:
Identify and get rid of problems that separate you from others
Stop feeling bitter and resentful
Listen more effectively
Become more patient
Celebrate others more readily
Feel more satisfied in your relationships
Study what the Bible has to say about relationships, apply these healing truths to your life, and discover the remarkable difference it can make. Christ’s love can flow unhindered through your life. Don’t put up with disconnection and resentment any longer. Get started today.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to have better relationships!
July 11, 2020
This was an interesting book that simply encourages you to have grace, listen, and see who people really are. It is an encouraging read in a time when the world is up in arms about everything. Listen with grace.
February 26, 2024
I simple quick easy read with wonderful nuggets of truths. I enjoyed this read.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews