Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage

by Michael Misja, Chuck Misja

Christian psychologists Michael Misja and Chuck Misja show you how to be free from shame if your marriage is not “successful” by conventional Christian standards.

Genres: Marriage, Counselling, Nonfiction

217 pages, Paperback

First published March 15, 2009

Reviews

[Jonathan Beigle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think there are a lot more people with difficult marriages than are willing to admit it publicly. For a Christian to announce to the world that their marriage is hard is embarrassing and just a little more "open and honest" than what people want to share. I thought this book by the Misjas was excellent, and is a great read for any Christian that doesn't have the "happily ever after" marriage. For me, it was also a great way to see my marriage isn't as difficult as many others. While I thought the book was excellent when it comes to describing the difficulties of a really hard marriage, I didn't feel like it was quite practical enough on how to deal with those difficulties. My biggest concern as I was reading this book is, how do you not weaponize this book against your spouse? The important thing to remember is we are trying to "thrive despite," not change your spouse.

Favorite quotes:
p. 20 - "The reality is that some spouses never change, and some marriages never get better. While you can't ever give up hope, you don't want to keep banging your head into a brick wall trying to fix something that won't be fixed."
p. 29 - "If both people do not take responsibility for their part of the problems in their marriage, full intimacy and healing are not possible."
p. 41 - "If you focus on your spouse's defects you will only become more self-righteous and miserable."
p. 70 - "A healthy man has the confidence that he has a potency of life that has a profound effect on his wife. Rather than seeking assurance and validation for insecure manhood, he desires to offer his strength to a wife who will delight in being moved by his masculinity."
p. 86 - "...Even those who are well read on marriage have difficulty accepting their spouse's limitations and differences or 'otherness.' This is because your soul's longings cannot be silenced, and you resist embracing the reality that your spouse has limits."
p. 124 - "Problems start when a good thing becomes an ultimate thing."
p. 168 - "Many wounded men combine the strategy of 'getting away' with 'getting even' by withholding and withdrawing. They grow silent but let their wives feel their hostility and contempt with their disdainful facial expressions, dark moods, and one-word, sarcastic dismissals."
p. 185 - "Never give up hope, never give up praying, never close your heart to what may be possible in your marriage."
p. 195 - "If the partner believes in the sacredness of sexual intimacy and celebration with the one with whole he or she has become one flesh before God, having sex with another person will not make sense. A promise may serve as a reminder, but is not a basis for marital faithfulness."

[Aimee Shaffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who has been struggling long-term in an unfulfilling relationship.

[Amber Thiessen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book to help navigate struggles in marriage. I read this for a Leadership program I was taking and found it to be very insightful. It challenged my own perspective of marriage and gave practical advice for walking through difficult times. Definitely recommend!

[Lisa Jamieson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the most valuable tools on my shelf when, through Walk Right In Ministries, I have opportunities to encourage couples who are struggling in marriage. My husband and I have experienced our own marriage storms and can testify that the truths and values described in this book WORK!

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was as good a book as any that I have read recently on marriage - and I've read the gammot. I'd almost recommend it to anyone.