This was recommended to me when I was looking for more contemporary litfic ages ago, but which I’m (as usual) only finally getting around to now. It is not quite the most intensely ‘contemporary litfic’ I have ever read, but it – a postmodern mediation on queer grief and book-length character study, structured around the framing device of a fan encyclopedia of a tv show that does not exist – is very high on the list. The encyclopedia conceit failed to ever really cohere and ended up being less than the sum of it’s parts, but I found the book a deceptively deep and interesting read – well, either that or I’m reading far too much into it, but the author is dead and all that.
The book is written as a memorial and eulogy to Vivian, the narrator’s best friend, inspiration in living as a trans woman and (it rapidly becomes clear) desperately unrequited love, after she dies from some unspecified cause. Overcome with grief and desperate for any way to properly honour and remember her, the narrator sets upon the extremely strange cult tv show Vivian loved dearly and that the two of them spent so many hours and days watching and bonding over – and decides to create an encyclopedia of every character in it. The book itself is divided from A-Z, with each section including entries on characters from the (nonexistent) tv show Little Blue, trivia about the show as a whole, and related (if at times tenuously) context and anecdotes about Vivian, the narrator, and their history and friendship (as well as how the narrator’s life is going as she writes and grieves).
The book has an incredibly voice running through it. The narrator – she does have a name, but insomuch as anything in this counts as spoiler, it probably does? - is just an achingly specific person, just about the only kind of person who would actually create something like this for public consumption, and it comes through with every word choice. The style and prose itself isn’t really much to write home about, but it’s not really trying to be – it’s trying to read like a somewhat uncomfortably vulnerable and emotionally open personal essay (or one of the better edited class of long, confessional tumblr posts) published in the later 2010s. This it achieves perfectly – the narrator is a Canadian trans woman in either Toronto or Vancouver with a lot of nerdy and artistic interests, vaguely attached to the activist scene and pursuing a degree in journalism, and yeah basically every word choice and reference used fits her absolutely perfectly. The book does an excellent job communicating both what she’s trying to and the emotions and awkward baggage that piling up in the corner of her eye, too.
The book is, almost as much as grief or trans-ness, about art and your relationship to it – and the difference between that relationship and it’s meaning to you, and the thing as it actually exists. Little Blue – the show – is described at length and it sounds like, well, mostly like an overstuffed mess; like Twin Peaks but with most of the themes and narrative tension replaced by an endless series of tangents (even by comparison). From an interview with a minor actor included in the book, production seems to have been a mess full of divas, and the show was unceremoniously cancelled after one season, living on only through the efforts of a small but dedicated fan community enchanted by how densely it packs easter eggs and bits of trivia into every frame. But none of that really matters to our narrator – she loves the show, because watching it with Vivian and bonding with her over it was an (maybe the most) important part of how she bounded with her; the secondhand love and the way that re-watching and thinking about Little Blue lets her feel connected with Vivian brightens the experience of watching the show that it’s actual quality is almost besides the point.
Which works as far as it goes, but does leave the amount of wordcount spent on the actual ‘encyclopedia’ portions of the book and the anecdotes about the show feel a bit like empty calories. I kept waiting for all the trivia about the show to tie together into something coherent, or rhyme in some deep and profound way with the narrator or Vivian’s life story. Instead it was kind of just one damn thing after another. It honestly took me some time into the book to even realize it was supposed to be a live action drama – everything described seemed far more natural as a Steven Universe or Gravity Falls style wacky children’s cartoon (right down to the bits of trivia and hints of characterization hidden in seemingly every frame for obsessive fans), not an attempt at early 2000s prestige drama. Which, again, does all fit perfectly with the book’s themes – but it also makes spending so much of the book’s actual wordcount describing the show in such loving detail an...interesting choice.
Outside of the narrator and Vivian, the book’s characters are broad and thinly sketched out – but that’s quite alright, because Vivian is one of the most vividly and believably drawn characters I can recall ever reading. By the end of the book, she genuinely felt like a real living human I could have known, richly detailed and filled with the sort of vital, self-contradicting energy so few works of fiction really manage. (She also sounds like she would have been absolutely exhausting to be around for any length of time or keep up a friendship with, but in very similar ways to several real people I’ve known, so). The entire book really is a love letter to her, an admission love the narrator was never quite self-aware enough to realize she had while Vivian was still alive.
Which lends the book a bit of a tragic undertone, no matter how soft and affirming everything the narrator consciously writes is. She couldn’t realize she was desperately in love with Vivian, but over the course of the book it becomes pretty clear that she was literally the only one. Even beyond basic incompatibility (the narrator spends no small amount of time pondering how inexplicably and tragically straight Vivian was, and has one complaint or another I think every man she ever expressed any attraction to), over the course of the book it becomes increasingly obvious that Vivian was a far larger and more vital part of her life than she was of hers. It’s only after Vivian dies that she really comes to learn about whole swathes of her life – and even then, she nearly explicitly chooses to learn the details of and memorialize a somewhat airbrushed version of her.
All of which is intimately related to the fact that, despite pretty profound differences (in style, personality, sexuality), the narrator has very clearly put Vivian up on something of a pedestal as her inspiration and model for how joyful and fearless a life a trans woman can live – someone she desperately looks up to, even as she ruefully talks about not being nearly brave enough to live such a vulnerable life. Which is the same reason she provides no detail at all about how Vivian actually died except for specifying that it wasn’t suicide. (The whole book (not the book-as-fictional-object, the work of art by Plante) is deeply interested and invested in how trans women live and love and the multipage aside about suicide and why you shouldn’t do it was, if heavy-handed, also quite affecting).
Does the pitch of ‘a postmodern mediation on queer grief and book-length character study, structured around the framing device of a fan encyclopedia of a tv show that does not exist’ instantly make your eyes glaze over? Then don’t read this. But if it sounds intriguing, than on the whole I did find this really quite charming.