別等到被欺負了才懂這些事

by Bill Eddy

懂點心理技巧，就能超越許多人！
書市唯一、顛覆傳統MBA的全新衝突管理法則
「每個上班族桌上，最好都有這本書。」

◎溝通權威‧企業內訓顧問教你駕馭各種人
◎榮獲公理好書獎、Amazon網路書店長銷書

如今，有高衝突人格傾向的人愈來愈多。正是這些人讓你容易壓力大、情緒差。

什麼是高衝突人格？他們一開始看起來可能很可靠甚至很吸引人，但一旦他們開始用言語攻擊你，或者試圖破壞你的聲譽，就完全變了樣。他們的共同特徵就是「死不認錯、要你負責」，面對這些高衝突人士，有理也講不清，因為最大問題不在問題本身，而在他們的性格障礙：
●他毒舌又愛暴怒，一再嫌你不夠好。
●她眼裡只有老闆，把其他人視為塵土。
●他多疑又自大，你需要他也受不了他。
●她理虧也會爭到底，你沒錯卻要負責。
●他是主管卻迴避下決斷，讓你無所適從、揹黑鍋。
●她存在感超強，而你有意見卻被漠視、被決定……

高衝突人士可能是你的上司、下屬、同事或顧客；也可能是你公司裡最知道如何往上爬、最懂得拉攏人心的高手。別讓這些人毀了你的工作與生活。

其實，解決衝突的根源，就在於找出與這個人相處的方法。你不必改變他，但你可以改變你們之間的關係。
本書提出4大心理技巧╳8型衝突人格實境對話，讓你在第一時間就做好衝突管理！你可以駕馭的矛盾愈大，機會愈多。就算你不確定對方是否有高衝突人格，這套衝突管理法也能幫助你提高溝通效率、建立良好關係。

衝突無所不在，如何做個聰明人？
●架起橋梁︰不反駁、不反對，但也不照單全收
●分析選項︰誰對誰錯不重要，以「一次小贏10%」原則找出最佳解
●有效回應︰抓緊4原則「簡短、充分、友善、堅定」，別掉進情緒漩渦
●設立界限︰確立規則並提出違法後果，改變行為動機才有生機

他們為何欺負你？認清高衝突人士的 8 種典型：
●自戀型最怕被比下去
●邊緣型最怕被排擠
●反社會型最怕被宰制
●戲劇化型最怕被忽略
●偏執型最怕被背叛
●迴避型最怕做決定
●文化差異型最怕被歧視
●物質濫用型最怕有壓力

Genres: Psychology

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 16, 2014

About the author

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training on this subject to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, Australia, France and Sweden.

As an attorney, Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Prior to becoming an attorney in 1992, he was a Licensed Clinical Social worker with twelve years’ experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics. He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years and he is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College. He is the author of numerous articles and several books, including:

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

He is also the developer of the “New Ways for Families” method of managing potentially high conflict families in and out of family court. He is currently developing a method for managing potentially high conflict employees titled “New Ways for Work.”

Reviews

[Zoe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the book for a work situation. This book's approach to dealing with such people is to tell the victims to "empathize" with them. I don't subscribe to such beliefs that these narcissists are all just wounded children waiting to be understood. I think they are immature adults who prey on people with strong empathy skills.

This book is not for me.

[Robyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although this book presents some helpful ideas and presents a very practical and credible strategy for dealing with so-called High-Conflict People, much this book is both repetitive and redundant. It could have easily been digested into a single chapter or article.

[Ultra Lady · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book presents the CARS method to deal with difficult, high conflict, people. Part of it is common sense, but I enjoyed seeing a very structured approach to staying calm and diffusing the situation with empathy and a constructive way forward, followed by the setting of boundaries. I've seen this method cited in another book, so it seems to be as useful as it appears to me. Thank you!

[Yunling · Rating 2 out of 5]

CARS
C 搭起橋梁。不反駁不反對也不照單全收。傾聽讓對方冷靜，但也不用一直聽
A 分析選項。小贏10%，避免陷入明明我們對，以當時情況歸納出最佳選擇
R 有效回應。簡短、充分、態度友善、立場堅定。
S 設立界限。解決衝突最忌諱想完全制勝。能有效抑制不再越界，改變行為動機才有長效。

EAR: empathy,attention, and respect

[Mike Van Heusen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book provides a good insights on different toxic personalities, but the stories cited were irrelevant. Also, the CARS method suggested to deal with those personalities in my personal experience only the "C" for connect works. The remainder of the letters "Analyze, Respond, Set Limits" are impractical

[Lois · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read and reread parts of this book several times. It is really insightful if you are working closely with a person who has a different personality and work style as you do.

It focuses on what you can do to change your own communication style, which is invaluable.

[Laura❄️📚 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I brought this to help me at work as I work in Customer services, I think the techniques in this book will really help me with my job. After reading through this I have been using the CARS and BIFF technique to some degree already. Learning this may even help in your personal life.

[Liz Tomaszewski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish I read this 20 years ago

[Amber Barber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fairly simple approach they are prescribing here, but powerful. Most of the book is dedicated to recognizing the types of 'difficult' people, then discussing how you can use their CARS approach to deal with/ cope with them. A relatively light read, but something that I've already started using at work.