In Consolation to His Wife

by Plutarch

From an intimate and moving letter to his grieving wife on the death of their daughter, to elegant writings on morality, happiness and the avoidance of anger, Plutarch’s powerful words of consolation and inspiration still offer timeless wisdom and guidance today.

Throughout history, some books have changed the world. They have transformed the way we see ourselves – and each other. They have inspired debate, dissent, war and revolution. They have enlightened, outraged, provoked and comforted. They have enriched lives – and destroyed them. Now Penguin brings you the works of the great thinkers, pioneers, radicals and visionaries whose ideas shook civilization and helped make us who we are.

Genres: Philosophy, Nonfiction, Classics, Ancient History, Essays, History, Death

106 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 100

About the author

Plutarch (later named, upon becoming a Roman citizen, Lucius Mestrius Plutarchus; AD 46–AD 120) was a Greek historian, biographer, and essayist, known primarily for his Parallel Lives and Moralia. He is classified as a Middle Platonist. Plutarch's surviving works were written in Greek, but intended for both Greek and Roman readers.

Reviews

[Ryan Holiday · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grief and the relief of grief is a theme in Greek and Roman literature-some say meant more for publication than actual consolation-but that doesn't make them any less powerful. The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca's best Consolation is his essay to his mother, written after two of his children died and he had been sent into exile. Astoundingly, the letter is FROM him to HER, trying to make her feel better. Plutarch's is to his wife after learning that their two-year-old daughter had died. He has a great line that I think applies to anyone who has tried to comfort someone who is grieving. When someone's house is on fire, he says, we rush to throw water on it to put the fire out. Yet, when someone's mind is on fire-when they are mad with grief-the neighbors bring fuel. They bring memories (and their own tears and emotions) and try to talk about the person and tell them how it's all O.K. and all the other nonsense we spout in these times. What they don't do is try to put the fire out. Plutarch's "In Consolation to his Wife" is here to put that fire out.

[Tim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had never read Plutarch. This is really superb philosophy, clearly written and argued. Consolations to his wife is especially touching. On Moral progress provides a wonderfully secular view on moral reasoning. Now starting the section on Controlling Anger.

[Faranaj · Rating 2 out of 5]

کتاب شامل چهار بخش هست:
بخش اول خطاب به همسر خویش و برای تسلای او به خاطر مرگ دخترشان. دعوت به خویشتنداری...
بخش دوم خطاب به سوسیوس سینکو( احتمالا دوست پلوتارک) و در باب آگاهی از تعالی اخلاقی.
بخش سوم گفتگوی بین دو نفر با عنوان سولا و فوندانوس، به شیوه‌ی نامه‌نگاری و در باب اجتناب از خشم.
بخش چهارم خطاب به پاسیوس و در باب قناعت و سخاوت.
___
مهمترین کتاب پلوتارک با عنوان سرگذشت‌ها، تحت عنوان "مردان نامی" به فارسی ترجمه شده است. این کتاب زندگینامه سرداران، حکام، فرمانروایان، شاهان و آزادمردان است که در روزگار کهن به سبب کرداری یا تقوا و فضیلتی مشهور و زبانزد بودند.
با این کتاب نیز پلوتارک با آوردن مثال‌هایی از افراد واقعی و زنده می‌خواهد احساس خواننده را به پیروی از نیات پاک و مکارم اخلاقی و ورع و عدالت و شجاعت و نیروی ایمان تحریک کند و آزادمنشی و غروری را که در شخصیت‌های تاریخ قدیم وجود داشت دوباره جان بخشد.

____
بهتر است همیشه در خاطر داشته باشی که آنها مستمراً به تو به خاطر فرزندانت خانه‌ات و طریقه زندگیت رشک می‌برند، تا زمانی که دیگرانی هستند که با وجود مصیبت فعلی حاضرند جای تو باشند بسیار برای تو زشت و نازیبنده است که به جهت این رویداد نالان و گریان باشی، در حالی که باید اجازه دهی منشا این درد تو را به این باور برساند که ما چقدر در داشته‌های فعلی خود سعادتمندیم.
اگر چنین نمایی و به سوگواری جهت بدشانسی‌های زندگی‌ات ادامه دهی و بر نقاط خوب و برجسته آن چشم بربندی شبیه مردم حریص و آزمندی خواهی شد که اموال بسیاری گرد می‌آورند اما از آن بهره نمی‌برند و تنها ماتم چیزهایی را می‌گیرند که از دست داده‌اند.
مشابه این امر رفتار کسی است که به شکلی مؤدبانه لطفی در حق کسی می‌کند و سپس هر کجا که می‌رود موضوع را به دیگران می‌گوید. معلوم است که چنین شخصی هنوز نیازمند تایید و تشویق دیگران است. اینکه هنوز فضیلت در او ذاتی نشده و از خواب غفلت برنخاسته تنها شکل‌های مبهمی را در میان سایه‌ها دیده و اکنون در صدد است تا به این تصاویر جان ببخشد، غافل از اینکه به خطا می‌رود.
مرد سخاوتمند از بخشش لذت می‌برد دست کم رنج نمی‌برد. چون عمل ناشی از فضیلت از بخشش است یا دست کم همراه با درد نیست و حتی از درد بسیار دور است. ولی کسی که به آنجا می‌بخشد که نباید بخشید یا برای منظوری شریف نمی‌بخشد بلکه مقصودی دیگر در ذهن دارد، می‌توان او را سخاوتمند دانست و باید برای او نامی دیگر یافت. این سخن درباره کسی هم صادق است که با اکراه می‌بخشد چون پول و ثروت را بر عمل شریف برتری می‌نهد و این ویژگی مرد سخاوتمند نیست.

[Michael E. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant, and strong.

[Bryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has four of Plutarch's works which pretty much focus on how to deal with such things as grief, moral progress, anger, and contentment. He uses wonderful analogies that are very relevant to today's world and I constantly found myself highlighting my favorites, chief among them was:

"The chief thing, then, to practice and pursue is the attitude exemplified by the man whose stone missed his dog and hit his stepmother: 'That's not bad either!' he said. It is possible to change opportunities so that they are no longer unwelcome."

[Ana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was beautifully written, but a bit too formal for my comfort. I mean I get the whole Stoicism thing, but this is taking it a little too far for my 21st century sensibilities.

[Zoir · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit on each essay:

In consolation to his wife
Plutarch starts off with what’s supposed to be comforting, but it feels more like cold logic mixed with pep talk. His daughter has peaced, and he’s basically telling his wife, "Sh*t's sad af, but don't be trippin' bro." The Stoic stuff is solid with talk about souls living on and pain yeeting over time, but overall comes off flat. The warmth you’d expect from a grieving dad? Ain't there. 

His logic holds up, no question. He’s focused on the big picture, loss is part of life and all that. Maybe that’s how he handles it. For his wife, though? I wonder if it landed the same way. Imagine losing your kid and getting hit with a philosophical essay over mail? I also wonder how awkwardly spaced out it was, considering the guy had to write this thing, hopefully without typos, plus the time it'd take to deliver it without Amazon Prime. Aye, on the whole, it feels cold, but definitely in line with the stoic principles. Tbh, I think I'd want to handle the situation similarly. 

He does show respect for her strength. No patronizing, no guilt trips, just a reminder to stay lit and not let the grief molest ya. Respectable. 

On being aware of moral progress
This was the driest of the four essays for me. It feels like the OG blueprint for modern self-help books. Plutarch’s talking about tracking moral progress, like noting when you stopped yourself from being a little c*nt. It feels all too banal now, but maybe it was groundbreaking back then. Wouldn’t be surprised if he helped kickstart the whole self-help game.

On the avoidance of anger
This was the second driest essay of the four. A lot of it was basic stuff we’ve all heard before from the self-help genre or the neo-stoicism wave, or whatever you call the resurgence of that thing nowadays. Though nothing here was new, the part on the importance of blunt feedback between friends was nicely laid out at the start and actually had me enjoy it.

The other standout was the focus on cultivating reason to assert yourself over your temper. It gave me Boethius vibes, which I happened to finish a few days prior, and I guess that connection gave this essay another leg up over the previous one.

On contentment
This last essay hit differently and easily topped the rest. It had this warm, humanist vibe that made it way more relatable. Plutarch, the lil sl*t, kept it real and stayed optimistic, rubbed me nicely 🍆. Being prepped to go full send on adversity, exercising tolerance for others, and just owning the hand you’ve been dealt were the main takeaways for me. Nothing too flashy, but it lands well.

[zo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bla-bla-bla: if “the world is a temple of the highest sacredness, and nowhere could be more suitable for divinity; and man is introduced into this world by means of his birth (…) to gaze upon what Plato décrives as the perceptible likeness of intelligible things which divine intelligence has manifested as containers of an inherent principle of life and movement - the sun, the moon and stars, the rivers with their continuous discharge of renewed water, and the earth with its supply of means of nourishment for plants and creatures” then your wife, a woman, is also a part of that nature, and her emotions are not so categorical. Sure, okay, women at the time of writing were so insignificant for society and only were destined for “domestic work” as is mentioned in the writing, but today I can’t really read this and find wisdom in jt when you can read certain ancient Buddhist texts where all existence is respected and treated as the same, not as such categorical bothersome souls. Ugh! You can say this is how things were back then, but then, I can’t really handle their tips on handling your anger etc, when I myself am a woman.

Plutarch’s consolations to his wife are annoying for the same reason.

And the notes on anger are interesting, but also there are moments when anger is justified and real and this should also be recognized for it can serve as fuel for creating a more just world, for example for the “slaves” and the “women” and the “imprisoned” mentioned in his writings.

It was just kind of annoying and pompous.

[Rhys · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a good introduction to Plutarch’s philosophical views, and Stoicism in general. It contains 4 essays from his Moralia: one on sadness, one on being aware of moral progress, one on anger, and one on contentment. Particular emphasis is given to his views on emotions, but there is also some writing on personal development as well.

I myself do not always agree with him, and some of his justifications for not feeling emotional don’t hold in the modern world (at one point he says if your wife annoys you, then do not let it affect you, as she is merely a woman…). However, there are teachings here that could help you at times in your life, depending on how kindly you take to Stoicism. His style of writing is clear and easy to understand in comparison to other ancient philosophers; if nothing else, this will help you to understand the Stoic way of thinking.

Overall, this is a good selection of Plutarch’s essays that I would recommend to someone looking for a broad view of Stoicism, with depth in some areas. I would particularly recommend it as a complement to Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations - although Aurelius never mentions Plutarch, this book explores the reasoning that the Stoics used to reach their conclusions (where Aurelius mostly just presents those conclusions).

[Alan · Rating 4 out of 5]

If this anthology had just been the first letter In Consolation to His Wife I'd have probably given this book two stars -- luckily it's not. Plutarch is so clear and his message is timeless: keep a clear head and look forward to whatever comes --the good and the bad.

In Consolation to His Wife is a troubling letter, and it does not stand well by today's norms. I can't imagine telling your beloved to 'remember a time before our daughter existed' or to 'pretend she never existed at all'. At some times Plutarch is quite touching, but overall his stoic approach to tragedy seems a bit misplaced.

On Being Aware of Moral Progress, On the Avoidance of Anger and On Contentment are really where this anthology shines. Each essay is so unbelievably lucid that I still can't believe this is my first Plutarchian text. It's as if I'm reading a self-help book written in 2018. Plutarch is a testament to the human experience and well worth the read -- I look forward to reading the rest of his writings.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A long time friend of mine recommended this letter to me. It was a short read and excellent. It was emphatic and compassionate. The description of grief and the recommendations of coping with it are adaptive and mature. The next time that I loose something major in my life I hope that I have the sense to re-read this letter.

[Lauren Pitt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read for university English class.

[zefanya]

alternative to therapy

[Daniel Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

Plutarch is more well-known as a biographer, but as this short selection of essays/letters shows (from the Moralia), he was also a philosopher of some acuity and intelligence, as well as deep sincerity and wisdom.

In consolation to his wife

People in the developed world these days, when reading in history about the families that lost children - almost all of them, quite often, and quite often many in quick succession - tend to (somewhat patronisingly) console themselves with the idea that they were used to it back then, because it was more common, and so a child's death would not be greeted with the emotional devastation that we would feel. Sadly, though, this idea is a self-made lie, as the primary evidence of people actually had to deal with such loss shows. Once such incident is this letter of Plutarch to his wife on the death of their daughter. He speaks of the child with moving sensitivity and affection. But what is most striking about it is the consolation he offers. He proposes an absolute shut-down of all the feelings of grief and loss: not to dwell on it, not to talk about it or think about it, even to avoid all situations that might serve as reminders of it. In our post-Freudian world we all have subliminal ideas about 'repression', and worry about the lasting effects of this; but perhaps we would do better to listen to some ancient wisdom.

On being aware of moral progress

Do you ever get into that irritating spiral of thought where you start by feeling pleased with yourself, and then you feel bad about feeling good about yourself, and then you feel good about feeling bad about feeling good about yourself, and so on? With hindsight, of course, and in description, it's just absurd and amusing, and the real solution is to stop thinking about yourself at all. It is, at any rate, an age-old problem: how can you become virtuous, Plutarch asks, while concentrating on becoming virtuous? But how can you avoid the easy backslide into vice without supreme efforts of the will? How do knowledge of your own virtue, other peoples' knowledge of your virtue, and your knowledge of other peoples' virtue, relate to each other? He offers no easy answers, but plentiful and perceptive advice that bears a good deal of contemplation.

On the avoidance of anger

When painters work on a painting, they should constantly be looking over their work, says Sulla in this dialogue, re-examining it, forming in their minds a continuous familiarity with it. Likewise, says Fundanus, it is with anger; we should never cease to impose our rational will upon our passions, until by force of habit we attain patience and disinterested justice. This is something else we would do well to learn. I have been told, too many times, by the well-meaning but misguided, that 'bottling up' anger is dangerous, and the best thing to do is 'let it all out'. But in this modern science agrees with ancient philosophy. Controlling anger is hard, and we should not make it harder by troubling ourselves with wishful thinking.

On contentment

This last one was a little disappointing, but that, I think, is mostly a mark of how much I enjoyed the previous ones. Here, Plutarch explicitly opposes Epicurus to advise not the avoidance of pain, but the cultivation of the correct and virtuous attitude towards it.

[Laurène Poret · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whenever I read authors from Ancient Greece or Rome, I find it astonishing how it is still of actuality today. I realize now that it is mostly because of how great the influence of these civilization was onto ours and how much we still depend on it.

The letter from Plutarch to his wife was interesting but I largely preferred the 3 following chapters, because I can relate more to their subjects.
It is a short read but full of wise advices, and anyone should take a look at it!

[Doug Newdick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Plutarch and the ancient philosophy of stoicism still has a lot to teach us about how to live our modern hectic lives. This short book has some great advice about grief in the title essay, as well as ideas about how to manage anger and how to make yourself more content with your life. A great corrective to the current obsession with self-help literature.

[Shawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short read that I knocked out in a couple hours on a rainy day off in a bookstore.
Philosophical work broken down into four parts. Started out weak and got much better as it went on.
Each section was better than the last.

[Steve Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

The message of this book is basically cheer up and look on the bright side; only put much better than that.

[Anthony · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charming. The section on anger is excellent.

[Sharon Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soothes the sole.