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Generation Ex: Adult Children of Divorce and the Healing of Our Pain
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
January 21, 2012
Everyone needs to read this book. If you are a child of divorce (no matter how old you were when your parents split), this book brings incredibly healing and a sense of solidarity in a time when you feel absolutely alone. So many times I felt like Jen Abbas was inside of my head, speaking to all of the issues I've been dealing with. And secondly, if you know someone who has come from a divorced home (and with the divorce rate in this country, that means you have to know at least ONE person), this book will offer an enormous amount of insight into what that person may be dealing with (or may need to confront). Definitely worth a read. It can be difficult to get through at times, but that has everything to do with the difficulty of the topic and nothing to do with the skill of the writer.
May 29, 2018
I am very grateful to Jen Abbas for taking the time to write this book and put to words many of the thoughts and feelings adult children of divorce have. Much of what she shared helped open a door within me of things I either hadn't thought of in a long time or just couldn't articulate. While this is not written by a person with a counseling or psychology degree, Jen seems to write simply from a point of view of one who understands and gets it. Not every scenario of divorce could be represented in this book, yet Jen does a great job of trying to interview as many adult COD as she can so you at least feel like there is someone out there who has a similar story to yours. One of my only criticisms of the book is the assumption that once your parents are divorced, the child doesn't have to deal with any overly dramatic behavior or bad choices continually made by a parent. Sure, we must forgive our parents, but what if the saga isn't over once the divorce takes place?
One of the best quotes of the book takes place at the very end: "We face a limitation as children of divorce because, at this time, we don't have widely accepted societal permission to talk about our lingering hurts." (p.196) This book was written in 2004 (and seems to be out of print). Sadly, some 14 years later, it is still unacceptable to talk about the long term ramifications that the decision of divorce has on children. Many adult children of divorce know the truth about the forever wounds they carry. But they aren't at liberty to share it. Most of us have been sworn to secrecy because of how the truth could upset those that don't want it shared.
I am not sure why this book is out of print, but if you are an adult child of divorce, I think you will find much of it comforting and welcoming to your heart to read.
One of the best quotes of the book takes place at the very end: "We face a limitation as children of divorce because, at this time, we don't have widely accepted societal permission to talk about our lingering hurts." (p.196) This book was written in 2004 (and seems to be out of print). Sadly, some 14 years later, it is still unacceptable to talk about the long term ramifications that the decision of divorce has on children. Many adult children of divorce know the truth about the forever wounds they carry. But they aren't at liberty to share it. Most of us have been sworn to secrecy because of how the truth could upset those that don't want it shared.
I am not sure why this book is out of print, but if you are an adult child of divorce, I think you will find much of it comforting and welcoming to your heart to read.
January 22, 2022
Based on the descriptions I found online, I had no idea this was a Christian-based book. It is filled with religious influence, which may be a benefit to some people but was a huge turnoff for me. The tone of this book for me was, “You can read this book if you’re not a Christian, but you’re wrong.”
I also felt that there was an air of shame towards parents who choose divorce. I felt that the book’s perspective was that divorce is wrong and parents should stay together, but here is how to cope with it as a victim of your parents divorcing. In reality, divorce is often the better option for kids and parents both. I reject the narrative that I am a victim or that I am being wronged by my parents by them making the decision that was best for them.
Perhaps this book came off as tonedeaf to me because it was published over 20 years ago. However, I still would not recommend this book. It was not at all what I was looking for.
I also felt that there was an air of shame towards parents who choose divorce. I felt that the book’s perspective was that divorce is wrong and parents should stay together, but here is how to cope with it as a victim of your parents divorcing. In reality, divorce is often the better option for kids and parents both. I reject the narrative that I am a victim or that I am being wronged by my parents by them making the decision that was best for them.
Perhaps this book came off as tonedeaf to me because it was published over 20 years ago. However, I still would not recommend this book. It was not at all what I was looking for.
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June 7, 2023This is a book written by a devout evangelical Christian, for devout evangelical Christians. If you are not in that category, ~60% of the book will be irrelevant to you (and possibly offensive). I really wish the book jacket had made that clear.
July 25, 2018
Extremely helpful. 2 Sundays ago, God used my pastor's wife to confirm in the pulpit what I just read in this book the night before. Word-for-word.
February 10, 2023
A very helpful book for putting the experience of childhood divorce into the broader context of development with a focus on love and forgiveness.
August 11, 2024
After the Bible, this has been one of the most impactful books I’ve ever read. Thank you Jen.
October 5, 2013
divorces effect more vs less, willingness to forgive and trust, marriage with primary focus to make holy vs happy, did not experience fullness God intended, why love not full—parents chose divorce and what part of love is missing with children, negative impact to children is twice as bad, fear and apprehension of marriage, a distortion of love and trust—hardness of heart, parents put own wants ahead of children needs, joy of life and love for children, a distortion of love and trust, forgive accept dissolve resentment, God reaches out for us in Christianity I thirst, forgive me for hating you—bitterness, make peace and love vs sin of bitterness and hardness of heart, visualize working thru differences, accept loss and acknowledge grief, hurting people hurt, divorce is the funeral that never ends, forgive as cancel debt—a choice with God not the offender, prayer ACTS adoration confession thanksgiving supplication—ask, world values vs God values, the elephant peg, adultery skews all, love God and serve others for healing and wholeness, rebuild trust with accountability, healthy expectations, to make us holy first, lose part of self when divorce as you were one, live love with God first.
August 6, 2014
As society embraces divorce as a routine part of life and relationships, a voice that often gets ignored is the voice of children caught up in divorce. A voice heard even less often is that of adult children of divorce. Studies are showing that the impact of parental divorce extends well into adult years. Many would like to ignore that fact in an effort to protect their right to make decisions. But the impact of divorce is playing itself out in a myriad of ways that are impacting society and the lives of millions. Generation Ex is one of the few books that gives voice to adult children of divorce. Those who have experienced divorce of parents will no doubt relate to a lot of what Jen writes. Those who have not experienced divorce will gain a better understanding of what their friends, or even their spouse, is experiencing. The final few chapters on marriage and relationships contain advice that would be applicable to all single young adults, whether from divorced families or not.
September 11, 2009
This has a good balance of practical and personal information. However, it's written from the perspective that "Christianity is the only faith in which God -- or any divine force -- reaches out to us, accepts us as we are, and then enables us to improve our lives as a result of His work in us." I'm an agnostic myself, and I find that there is useful material in this book -- however, I can see how a non-Christian might find that perspective to be something they couldn't get past while reading this book.
February 12, 2008
I enjoyed this book; however, I feel that the religious and spiritual aspects wer very overstated and often took away from the subject matter. While I certainly understand the unique connection between healing and spirituality, I was hoping to develop a connection with the author that, despite my personal faith, was never realized.
November 30, 2015
I never thought my parents divorce effected me until I sabotaged a few good relationships for no reason. I am now in a meaningful relationship I want to last a lifetime.
I am one chapter in and have already learned so much about myself. I am already thankful for this book and I will continue to post updates.
I am one chapter in and have already learned so much about myself. I am already thankful for this book and I will continue to post updates.
December 16, 2007
It has it's good points, I suppose. But, I can't buy the whole "staying togehter for the kids sake."I can't speak for all children of divorce but I know I would NOT be better off if my parents stayed together.
August 29, 2014
Very good book and I learned a lot. I didn't realize that it was Christian - based when I bought it but, even so, was still worth the read.
July 17, 2010
Jen wrote about her own experience. Really good book.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews