How to Keep Your Marriage From Sucking: The Keys to Keep Your Wedlock Out of Deadlock

by Greg Behrendt, Amiira Ruotola

A hilarious and hopeful primer to prevent, combat, and eliminate the suckage in modern marriage by doing it right in the early years, from one of the minds behind the series Sex and the City and the New York Times bestselling authors of He’s Just Not That Into You , It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken , and It’s Just a F***ing Date Some marriages start out storybook. Perfect proposal, perfect engagement, perfect wedding, perfect honeymoon, and perfect newlywed years. Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola stumbled right out of the wedding gate. Their choices in the early years, they’ll tell you, nearly bought their marriage a one-way ticket to Suckville. The New York Times bestselling authors explore all the adventures of early wedlock, from the moment one of you gets on one knee to the day when sex starts to feel like work instead of play. In this guidebook, Behrendt and Ruotola explore their own marriage and, with gleeful candor, tremendous warmth, sharp humor, and piercing insight, look at what we who have decided to “settle down” hope to get out of our most lasting relationship. We venture through volumes on the engagement, wedding planning, the Big Day, the wedding hangover, the (blissful?) first year, the hard work of marrying two lives, fights, and sex-pectations versus sex-pectreality. The perfect book for those who have just put a ring on it or are thinking of putting a ring on it, Behrendt and Ruotola’s work is a brilliant guide for the first stretch of that wild ride we call marriage.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published April 10, 2019

About the author

Gregory Behrendt is an American stand-up comedian and author. His work as a script consultant to the HBO sitcom Sex and the City, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, paved the way for co-authoring of the New York Times bestseller He's Just Not That into You (2004), later adapted into a film by the same name. Apart from that he also hosted two short-lived talk shows, The Greg Behrendt Show (2006) and Greg Behrendt's Wake Up Call (2009).

(source)

Reviews

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have said it before and I'll say it again: the book "He's Just Not that Into You" changed my life when I was 25 and single. Now, at 35 and newlywed, this book...did not. It was kind of interesting but also kind of weird. I am not sure who this book is for. Is it for newlyweds? Is it for people in long-term relationships who are thinking ahead to getting engaged? Is it for engaged people? I really don't know. I feel like most of the book focused on getting engaged and getting married, and I mean, I did that already, I'm here to read about KEEPING MY MARRIAGE FROM SUCKING people, not trying to find out how to pull off a great proposal or throw the best wedding? I don't know, apparently they are doing another one so maybe that will have some better pointers for keeping things awesome. Fortunately for me, they are pretty awesome already so I probably don't need a self-help book on relationships when we are still in the newlywed stage anyway lol.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because I found "He's Just Not That Into You" quite helpful when I was single. I thought the authors did a great job with this one as well. I like the down-to-earth writing style and even though much of the advice is common sense, it was a fun read and a great reminder. I also enjoyed some of the stories they shared.

Some of the key messages were restated at the end of the book, which is marriage is about intention and letting things (the little things) go. I also liked the statement about how it's about being the right partner and not wondering if you're with the right partner. Another key message in the book is to have mutual respect for each other and never argue using personal attacks.

A fun, light and helpful read for those who are engaged and married.

[Alison · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the worst book I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. It was 20c at Op shop and I see why. Thought there was no harm in reading it as a laugh. Off the bat, described marriage as terminal togetherness. The underpinning of this book is rampant with misogyny and mostly describes archaic duties of women which include- if communication doesn’t resolve a fight then oral sex will!….skimmed this book in under an hour. Perhaps if I tried harder I could have found something of substance but I respect myself too much to endure it.

[Tara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Highly disappointing. I’d say the last 30 pages were useful. The majority of the book is about planning the perfect proposal (and let’s face it-the majority of his readers are women who will never plan a proposal, ever), planning the perfect wedding, setting up a registry (we really need a chapter on registry advice?) and planning a honeymoon. Zzzzzz. The title is very misleading. It’s not how to keep your marriage from sucking, it’s how to keep being engaged from sucking and being engaged is a very small blip of the totality of your relationship. I still love him and there were amusing parts, but this book didn’t need to happen.

[Sadistic · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book boring. Going on & on about this or that. I got this from netgalley for my honest opinion. While I understand not every marriage is the same, but I didn't find anything relatable

[Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved “He’s Just Not That Into You” - it was funny, and the philosophy is perfect. So when this was released, conveniently just six or so months after I got engaged, I had high expectations that it would be funny and that it would also deliver an insightful philosophy for marriage. The first half of the book is about planning a wedding, but as my own wedding planning research has gone to a much deeper and more professional level, this had no value for me. The second half of the book was about being married, and it covered depressing but need-to-know topics like fighting and avoiding temptation and talking about issues before they come major problems, but the advice given is nothing that you haven’t already heard before. The whole book was kind of surface level.

The book made lots of big statements/assumptions which did absolutely annoy me. For instance, if the proposal sucked then your marriage will too, or the repetition that everyone gets mind blowing sex after the proposal and after the wedding, and that you better enjoy the first five years because you’ll prefer catching up on Netflix than having sex after that. It just rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like it was too opinionated for a self help book, which should be encouraging!

The title starts with “How To”, but I don’t feel like I learned anything. It covered topics in a very general way and listed pros and cons but didn’t actually provide any substantial tools to take away. Anyone who is invested in growing their relationship and has been engaging in modern content won’t get anything new or special from this.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Granted, I am not part of the target audience for this book but read it after seeing the authors on TV and thinking it could be interesting from my perspective. It’s intended for new relationships, and really, who reads a book like this in a new relationship? Nothing in it is really groundbreaking, but it was short enough for me to finish it just because I decided I would.

[Sahara Sajjadi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read this for class, it was stupid, set weird expectations for marriage proposals & gave general “advice” on marriage that put most responsibility on the women. weird

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book's biggest strength is its accessibility. Greg and Amiira write with humor, honesty, and a conversational style that makes the advice easy to digest. Rather than presenting marriage as something that succeeds on autopilot, they argue that healthy relationships require intentional effort. One of the strongest ideas is that connection should be scheduled rather than left to chance. Their reasoning is simple: modern life naturally crowds out intimacy, so waiting until you "feel like it" often means it never happens.

Another recurring theme is that marriages usually don't fall apart because of one catastrophic event but because of countless small frustrations that slowly accumulate into resentment. The emphasis on appreciation, teamwork, and addressing problems before they grow larger felt practical and timeless.

One thing I appreciated was that the book attempts to present responsibility as something shared between both partners. Because Greg and Amiira alternate perspectives, readers get insight into how each experiences conflict and communication.

That said, not every recommendation feels equally well supported. Many of the strongest ideas align with contemporary relationship psychology, particularly those emphasizing communication, repair after conflict, and intentionally maintaining connection. However, the authors rarely support their advice with scientific research. Much of the book instead relies on personal experience and humorous anecdotes, which makes it entertaining but sometimes less persuasive from an evidence-based standpoint.

Some advice also reflects assumptions that may not apply universally. The book largely assumes a traditional married couple living together and values direct communication, frequent verbal expression, and humor as primary conflict-resolution tools. While these approaches work well for many couples, they may be less applicable across different personalities, cultures, or family dynamics.

The book occasionally creates the appearance of inconsistency. Early chapters celebrate preserving the spontaneity of dating, while later chapters encourage scheduling intimacy and date nights. Rather than a true contradiction, this feels like a shift from an ideal to a practical strategy—scheduled connection becomes the method of preserving closeness when adult responsibilities inevitably take over.

Not every example landed for me. The infamous orange juice argument is meant to demonstrate how seemingly trivial disagreements often reflect deeper underlying issues. While I understood the point the authors were making, I found the example so exaggerated and drawn out that it distracted from the lesson more than it reinforced it.

If the book were written today, it would likely devote much more attention to digital life. Smartphones, social media, constant notifications, and "technference" have become major relationship challenges, yet they receive relatively little attention here. A modern edition would likely also discuss online boundaries, digital availability, and balancing screen time with genuine presence.

The advice I found most valuable wasn't revolutionary but was consistently practical: stop keeping score, focus on being the partner you want to have, address problems instead of attacking the person, and remember that marriage is built through ordinary daily choices rather than grand romantic gestures. At the same time, some recommendations—such as "letting the little things go"—require nuance. Without healthy boundaries, that advice could contribute to long-term resentment if important issues repeatedly go unaddressed.

Sometimes it felt less like reading a self-help book and more like chatting with a funny married couple over coffee—and honestly, I think that's exactly what the authors were going for.

Overall, I enjoyed parts of the book and appreciated its conversational style, but I came away feeling that it relied too heavily on personal stories and too little on scientific evidence. While there are several worthwhile insights scattered throughout, much of the advice felt familiar rather than particularly novel. From a psychological perspective, it was difficult to rate the book higher because its recommendations are rarely supported by research, making it feel more like an entertaining conversation than a well-substantiated guide.

Rating: 6/10.

[Tina T. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book takes a refreshingly honest and humorous look at the early years of marriage, without pretending that love alone solves everything. Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola write with candor and warmth, openly sharing their own missteps in a way that feels relatable rather than preachy. I appreciated how the humor softens some very real truths about communication, expectations, conflict, and intimacy, making the advice easier to absorb. While the tone is playful, the underlying message is sincere and practical: marriage takes effort, self awareness, and care from the very beginning. It’s an engaging, down to earth read that offers reassurance, perspective, and plenty of moments that feel uncomfortably but helpfully familiar.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of great ideas and hints to keep the relationship at a good place. It was funny and I liked the stories about the things gone wrong (and right). The authors' writing is easy to read and it flows very well.

[Haley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a fan of his books, but this one I didn’t like as well as the others. But it has helpful tips on the proposal, the engagement, getting married, after getting married. What to expect and how to deal with issues in your marriage.

[Sherrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Entertaining. Meant for new marriages, but as someone married for 30+ years, it really made me laugh. Some is so true!

[Haley Lynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a fan of his books, but this one I didn’t like as well as the others. It’s an ok read.

[Erin Nudi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kind of jumped around... didn't really realize it was for newlyweds...it just seemed phoned in. Still love the two of them.

[Adrienna · Rating 3 out of 5]

the title was quite intriguing and who does not want to keep they're from not so good to thriving and not just surviving. This book offered prime examples, and theories/methodologies to see how these methods work or do not work in relationships.

I did find some material helpful and beneficial to share with groups.

[Janice · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t get quite what I expected with this book as it seems to be primarily aimed at those couples fairly early on in their relationships. Although I very much enjoyed the anecdotes, I would really look forward to reading their thoughts on longer term marriages/relationships. That being said, if one is fairly early on in their relationship, this book would be beneficial as well as entertaining.
My thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an arc in exchange for my honest review.

[Cristie Underwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author kept a good pace with this book, as it gave a lot of useful advice and examples of when things have gone wrong for couples without being preachy.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great advice book for people who are engaged or thinking about being engaged to be married. It is written in easy to understand language and reads like a conversation with your friend over coffee.

[Claire Coupland · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. I thought the approach was good and liked the style of writing. The real life stories we're a good way to break up the advice. A good book to read if you're thinking of proposing right through to if you have been married a while.

[Kim]

Ehh. It’s ok. Has some funny parts. However, it’s meant for those newly engaged to newlyweds. Really wasn’t something that I could relate to being married 10 years.