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10 Secrets Wise Parents Know: Tried and True Things You Can Do To Raise Faithful, Confident, Responsible Children
When it comes to raising your children, how do you know what works? One way is to go to the kids themselves and ask them, which is exactly what researchers and authors Brent L. Top and Bruce A. Chadwick have done. Based on a major, ten-year study they conducted with more than 5,000 LDS teens and additional 1,000 young adults, they have honed in on ten parenting principles that surfaced again and again in the happiest families. This book shares those principles in such chapters as "Build a Household of Faith," "Dare to Discipline," and "Praise More Than You Criticize." Real-life examples and practical counsel make this an indispensable parenting resource.
252 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
March 26, 2020
Either for school or for personal use I have read lots of parenting books and this one has become one of my absolute favorites. It even beats out Gottman's "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child." The book does have a LDS/Christian slant that is mixed in with the author's research and other references. Easy to read, good ideas, great principles, very good book!
January 16, 2022
This gave me a few good ideas, but overall it was a lot of stuff I already knew. Build relationships so your kids will talk to you about their feelings, eat dinner together, don't try to control them. The book is very heavily church-related, so if you aren't a member of the LDS church, you may not understand half of it. And some of the suggestions won't necessarily work for my family, since only one parent is an active member of the church. I did enjoy the quotes from LDS church leaders about just loving your children and doing the best you can.
November 23, 2019
Read this again when I have teenagers! Great explanations from parent to teens about the why behind rules, expectations, etc. good reminders for every parent from Lds perspective
July 5, 2016
I liked this book and it has many lovely gems in it. I can't say very much in the form of a meaningful review... just have a couple notes and quotes.
First of all... the chapter headings give a great idea of the focus of the book:
1) Build a Household of Faith
2) Lead Children to a Personal Relationship with God
3) Render Daily Outpourings of Love
4) Focus on Friends
5) Establish Firm but Fair Boundaries
6) Keep your Eyes Wide Open
7) Dare to Discipline
8) Praise more than You Criticize
9) Counsel but don't Control
10) Don't Give Up
"Because Satan targets our children at younger and younger ages, they must obtain a meaningful relationship with God... [warning from Heber C. Kimball]: 'To meet the difficulties that are coming, it will be necessary for you to have a knowledge of the truth of this work for yourselves. the difficulties will be of such a character that the man or woman [or youth] who does not possess this personal knowledge or witness will fall....The time will come when no man nor woman will be able to endure on borrowed light. Each will have to be guided by the light within himself. If you do not have it, how can you stand?' "
" We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we reaise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention...
How much greater the peace in the homes of the people, how much greater the security in the lives of the children, how much less divorce and separation and misery, how much more gladness and joy and love there would be if husbands and wives would cultivate the discipline of speaking softly one to another, and if both would so speak to their children." Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
First of all... the chapter headings give a great idea of the focus of the book:
1) Build a Household of Faith
2) Lead Children to a Personal Relationship with God
3) Render Daily Outpourings of Love
4) Focus on Friends
5) Establish Firm but Fair Boundaries
6) Keep your Eyes Wide Open
7) Dare to Discipline
8) Praise more than You Criticize
9) Counsel but don't Control
10) Don't Give Up
"Because Satan targets our children at younger and younger ages, they must obtain a meaningful relationship with God... [warning from Heber C. Kimball]: 'To meet the difficulties that are coming, it will be necessary for you to have a knowledge of the truth of this work for yourselves. the difficulties will be of such a character that the man or woman [or youth] who does not possess this personal knowledge or witness will fall....The time will come when no man nor woman will be able to endure on borrowed light. Each will have to be guided by the light within himself. If you do not have it, how can you stand?' "
" We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we reaise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention...
How much greater the peace in the homes of the people, how much greater the security in the lives of the children, how much less divorce and separation and misery, how much more gladness and joy and love there would be if husbands and wives would cultivate the discipline of speaking softly one to another, and if both would so speak to their children." Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
October 13, 2009
Where do I start with this book? Also, more like 4.5 stars.
First off, I was given this book about 6 years ago after Bella was born. I tried to read it, but ended up shelving it until last week. This is a parenting book geared for LDS families (but all families could find benefit in this).
The authors interviewed thousands of children, teenagers, college-aged students, and then parents from newbies to experienced grandparents. Their goal was to find what "worked" and find a common thread among families who were able to raise successful, happy, good-natured, and religiously active children in this world. Their findings were not all too surprising, but were very eye-opening. Not only do they report the "what worked", but also the "how-to's" on discipline, religion, loving, etc. In fact, at several points in the book I found myself saying, "Oh, I want to do that with our kids. That's a good idea!"
I found that this book is much more applicable to me now that I have a school-aged child. And even then, a huge chunk of this book teaches on how to cope with teenagers and pre-teens. I'm glad that I read this book now, because it was a reminder of what we need to be doing as a family today to build a strong foundation so that when my kids reach the pre-teen and teen age, I will already laid the groundwork to hopefully raising good kids who will make good choices. But I will most definitely be reading this again, probably yearly, until my children are grown and move out.
Highly recommended for LDS families who are wanting to read something about parenting. And especially recommended to those with kids in school or about to start school.
First off, I was given this book about 6 years ago after Bella was born. I tried to read it, but ended up shelving it until last week. This is a parenting book geared for LDS families (but all families could find benefit in this).
The authors interviewed thousands of children, teenagers, college-aged students, and then parents from newbies to experienced grandparents. Their goal was to find what "worked" and find a common thread among families who were able to raise successful, happy, good-natured, and religiously active children in this world. Their findings were not all too surprising, but were very eye-opening. Not only do they report the "what worked", but also the "how-to's" on discipline, religion, loving, etc. In fact, at several points in the book I found myself saying, "Oh, I want to do that with our kids. That's a good idea!"
I found that this book is much more applicable to me now that I have a school-aged child. And even then, a huge chunk of this book teaches on how to cope with teenagers and pre-teens. I'm glad that I read this book now, because it was a reminder of what we need to be doing as a family today to build a strong foundation so that when my kids reach the pre-teen and teen age, I will already laid the groundwork to hopefully raising good kids who will make good choices. But I will most definitely be reading this again, probably yearly, until my children are grown and move out.
Highly recommended for LDS families who are wanting to read something about parenting. And especially recommended to those with kids in school or about to start school.
October 28, 2008
This is perhaps my favorite parenting book although it doesn't tell you 'how' to parent. The authors did a large study of teenagers and adults to find out which things their parents did well and not so well. It was a fascinating read filled with lots of stories and quotes from the study participants.
I felt like this book gave me a clear directions of the family traditions and habits I need to create now in order to have a strong, healthy relationship with my children as they get older.
This book is very easy to read and was organized clearly.
This book is written from a LDS/Mormon viewpoint and much of the information deals directly with that. I think it would still have value though for parents of other faiths who want to raise children to be faithful and close to the family.
I felt like this book gave me a clear directions of the family traditions and habits I need to create now in order to have a strong, healthy relationship with my children as they get older.
This book is very easy to read and was organized clearly.
This book is written from a LDS/Mormon viewpoint and much of the information deals directly with that. I think it would still have value though for parents of other faiths who want to raise children to be faithful and close to the family.
April 19, 2009
This is one of the best parenting books I've read and I usually hate parenting books. It's written by one of my former Bishops.
Good advice for any parent, not just LDS. It is geared for parents of teenagers, but everything it talked about parents need to be teaching their children when they are very young to when they are adults.
I loved it because it showed the research and the comments from children and parents and the doctrine. It didn't say this is right and this is wrong. It taught that the gospel, prophets, and the Spirit are the principles of truth in parenting. Heavenly Father wants us to learn from this experience, after all he has trusted us with his most precious spirits.
Good advice for any parent, not just LDS. It is geared for parents of teenagers, but everything it talked about parents need to be teaching their children when they are very young to when they are adults.
I loved it because it showed the research and the comments from children and parents and the doctrine. It didn't say this is right and this is wrong. It taught that the gospel, prophets, and the Spirit are the principles of truth in parenting. Heavenly Father wants us to learn from this experience, after all he has trusted us with his most precious spirits.
February 5, 2010
Loved this book! It was based on a study of thousands of LDS teenagers, young adults and parents with grown children. Although it is written for parents of teens,I believe that it should be read by parents of school aged children because if you try to implement many of these "secrets" once they become teens, it's too late. Some items they discuss may be a bit obvious and things we have heard before, but reading comments from the teens and YA themselves brings a new level of meaning to it. This book also brings comfort to those parents who are already struggling with their teens and helps them to realize that all is not lost.
August 6, 2009
I was excited to read this book because I've heard both authors speak at Women's Conference and they are amazing! This book is from a 10 yr. study they did about teens. I guess I was expecting it to be filled with more statistics/numbers (or some shocking new fact) although the information & quotes are helpful and I really did enjoy it. One 'secret' is "Counsel but don't Control"...it's so hard to let go sometimes!:) It was a good reminder on what to focus on with my children.
February 8, 2010
A simple straight forward parenting book based on research. Most parenting books I've read are geared toward younger children so this was something new. Although the information was not earth shattering, it definitely made me want to try to change some of the ways I interact with my kids. Since I have a child who thinks he is already a teenager and has tons of attitude hopefully it will help. The last chapter was somewhat of a pep talk which I can always use!
October 22, 2008
What a wonderful book. Now if I can just remember everything I read and then incorporate it into my life. Great! I was hopeful after reading this book that it is not too late with my 10 and 8 year old. There is still time. This book gave great insight on how to express love and how to guide and correct children in a constructive way.
October 14, 2008
Probably the most practical, useful book on parenting I have ever read. Extremely insightful and yet concise enough to leave you feeling recharged instead of overwhelmed. I wish I would have found this book earlier in my parenting experience but, thanks to a good friend's recommendation, I have it now and intend to put its teachings to use. It would make a terrific gift for a new parent!
February 3, 2012
I really should like religious parenting books, but I just don't get much from them. I just feel guilty that I don't approach parenting with a so much religious zeal.
The testimonials from kids about how their parents efforts helped them bouyed me up and made me think, "the kids will be fine". So this is more of a parenting pep talk than a how-to for me.
The testimonials from kids about how their parents efforts helped them bouyed me up and made me think, "the kids will be fine". So this is more of a parenting pep talk than a how-to for me.
January 16, 2010
I feel I should give this book a higher rating because it is a LDS parenting book, but it was all I could do to finish it. It was free from Deseret Book and it felt like a chore to read it. The 10 secrets are standard parenting ideas, the tone was horrible, very textbook-y. The only interesting parts were the quotes from teens and parents.
January 18, 2010
Wonderful book on parenting. I don't enjoy reading self help or parenting books. I need stories. This book gives great real life examples( stories) that work for me. I am about 10 years slow on reading this book. Thankfully, it is never too late. I also am able to read bits at a time. I think I will never be "finished" reading it.
September 1, 2011
There was plenty of good material here. It would have been nice if the authors had pared down the "10 Secrets" into a list of things which could possibly be remembered. That said, there's a wealth of good advice here, though sometimes presented in such a way as to be discouraging where the intent was to be encouraging.
October 22, 2011
I read this several years ago but love to revisit it every once in a while. It's not necessarily anything new but I love the way it is laid out with the 10 ideas and the examples and results from their research was really cool. I would definitely recommend it to others and although it is generally written to an LDS audience, it would still be really helpful to any parents.
October 23, 2007
Not a lot I haven't heard before, but a good basic book for people trying to develop ideas on how to go about raising children. My sister-in-law kindly gave this to me. Anytime I read any parenting book I always get reenergized in my efforts with my kids.
February 12, 2008
This book is a MUST for every parent!! I bought it thinking it was about young children, but it's written for parents of teenagers. I'm SOO glad I decided to read it anyways. Hopefully I'll be able to prevent some problems before they ever start!
March 28, 2008
This is a great book for parenting teenagers especially. Each "secret" is a chapter, so I read one chapter each Sunday afternoon for 10 weeks. It would be a great book to read and discuss with other parents.
March 4, 2009
Great ideas and concepts in this book. However, it is more for parenting teenagers. I don't regreat reading it now (having a 2 yr old and a newborn) because I plan to start early and get into some good habits.
It isn't a clincher though. Just a slow read and underline type of book.
It isn't a clincher though. Just a slow read and underline type of book.
January 21, 2009
This is a must-read for all LDS parents. It is based on sound clinical research that took place over a 10-year period. The authors identify 10 principles that will help strengthen families. The principles are explained in a way that make sense and are very easy to implement.
December 27, 2009
This is my favorite parenting book of the year. It is interesting to read a parenting book from a LDS, sociological perspective. I am now having my husband read it. I think that it is a great tool for intentional, religious parenting.
June 12, 2011
I completely agree with the perspectives outlined in the book for raising faithful, confident, and responsible children. I felt the authors explained each of the 10 principles well and I was able to pull nuggets of wisdom from each chapter to use in raising my own children.
November 26, 2007
Also another book that I haven't finished but intend to do so. I really like what I have read so far.
July 7, 2009
I learned a lot from this book. Very informative.
February 10, 2009
Good book, some things I already use. I should probably read again when my children get older. But trial and error seems to suit me well.
May 8, 2008
Good ideas
January 22, 2009
More for parents of teenagers than young children, but I know the 6 years until I have a teenager will fly by! Good advice though for parents who desire to raise faithful LDS children.
January 25, 2010
Good information here.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews