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Ned the Seal #3
The Sky Done Ripped
You might think two books of adventure involving Ned the brain-enhanced Seal would be enough for any little seal's lifetime, but not so. Ned is back. Ned and H. G. Wells, returning from correcting wounds in the fabric of time, not to mention a brief trip to an alternate Mars, have rescued two shipwreck survivors, Bongo Bill and Suzie Q. They have saved them from drowning or possibly being killed by alien invaders. In the process of jumping from one dimension to another, trying to discover a time path home, they find themselves in an inner world with a stationary sun. It s a warm world with jungles, rivers, and land-locked seas. It is full of primitive creatures, including dinosaurs, highly intelligent apes, cannibals, strange storms and bad hygiene. Deciding on a brief picnic and minor exploration before jumping to Victorian England, Ned and his friends end up saving a famous apeman from human-eating birds, and soon set out to assist the apeman, Tango, in stealing a Golden Fleece with curative powers, a fleece skinned from the body of a strange space traveler. The fleece resides in a magnificent city, a kind of Shangri-La in the far Blue Mountains. Their plan is to use the fleece to cure Tango's beautiful wife, who has fallen into a coma. Nothing seems to cure her, but the rumored miraculous powers of the Golden Fleece just might. If the world doesn't kill them, then another survivor of the shipwreck from which Bongo Bill and Suzie Q were rescued just might. She has been pulled into a time warp and blended with the souls of marauding aliens, as well as the techno souls of their machines. She has mutated. She has grown to great size. She has invented rolling machines that maul the trees and crush the earth, blend rocks and bones, blood and jungle into one vast wasteland. She has gained terrible powers, and lost all connection to humanity. She has become She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early. Her whole purpose is chaos, and she has gathered an army to help her do just that. She has destroyed the villages she has come across and enslaved the inhabitants. She and her army are heading in the direction of the Blue Mountains, to the fabled city that contains the Golden Fleece. Inevitably, she will collide with our heroes, and it won't be pretty. Come now to the worlds and times of Ned the Seal. Share his journeys, as he honks the horn on his power sled, avoids becoming a culinary prize of beasts and cannibals, and settles in for a meal of fish, baked or fried, dried or raw. Cause the Sky Done Ripped and everything has gone to adventurous hell. And thank goodness.
280 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2019
11 people are currently reading
92 people want to read
About the author
Joe R. Lansdale
822 books3,910 followersChampion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
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August 31, 2020This hardcover Subterranean Press book is signed by Joe R. Lansdale. Trade: 2000 copies fully cloth bound hardcovers signed by the author.
You might think two books of adventure involving Ned the brain-enhanced Seal would be enough for any little seal’s lifetime, but not so.
Ned is back.
From the publisher - "Ned and H. G. Wells, returning from correcting wounds in the fabric of time, not to mention a brief trip to an alternate Mars, have rescued two shipwreck survivors, Bongo Bill and Suzie Q. They have saved them from drowning or possibly being killed by alien invaders.
In the process of jumping from one dimension to another, trying to discover a time path home, they find themselves in an inner world with a stationary sun. It’s a warm world with jungles, rivers, and land-locked seas. It is full of primitive creatures, including dinosaurs, highly intelligent apes, cannibals, strange storms and bad hygiene.
Deciding on a brief picnic and minor exploration before jumping to Victorian England, Ned and his friends end up saving a famous apeman from human-eating birds, and soon set out to assist the apeman, Tango, in stealing a Golden Fleece with curative powers, a fleece skinned from the body of a strange space traveler. The fleece resides in a magnificent city, a kind of Shangri-La in the far Blue Mountains.
Their plan is to use the fleece to cure Tango’s beautiful wife, who has fallen into a coma. Nothing seems to cure her, but the rumored miraculous powers of the Golden Fleece just might.
If the world doesn’t kill them, then another survivor of the shipwreck from which Bongo Bill and Suzie Q were rescued just might. She has been pulled into a time warp and blended with the souls of marauding aliens, as well as the techno souls of their machines.
She has mutated. She has grown to great size. She has invented rolling machines that maul the trees and crush the earth, blend rocks and bones, blood and jungle into one vast wasteland. She has gained terrible powers, and lost all connection to humanity. She has become She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early. Her whole purpose is chaos, and she has gathered an army to help her do just that. She has destroyed the villages she has come across and enslaved the inhabitants. She and her army are heading in the direction of the Blue Mountains, to the fabled city that contains the Golden Fleece.
Inevitably, she will collide with our heroes, and it won’t be pretty.
Come now to the worlds and times of Ned the Seal. Share his journeys, as he honks the horn on his power sled, avoids becoming a culinary prize of beasts and cannibals, and settles in for a meal of fish, baked or fried, dried or raw."
Other Ned The Seal Books:
Zeppelins West
Flaming London
You might think two books of adventure involving Ned the brain-enhanced Seal would be enough for any little seal’s lifetime, but not so.
Ned is back.
From the publisher - "Ned and H. G. Wells, returning from correcting wounds in the fabric of time, not to mention a brief trip to an alternate Mars, have rescued two shipwreck survivors, Bongo Bill and Suzie Q. They have saved them from drowning or possibly being killed by alien invaders.
In the process of jumping from one dimension to another, trying to discover a time path home, they find themselves in an inner world with a stationary sun. It’s a warm world with jungles, rivers, and land-locked seas. It is full of primitive creatures, including dinosaurs, highly intelligent apes, cannibals, strange storms and bad hygiene.
Deciding on a brief picnic and minor exploration before jumping to Victorian England, Ned and his friends end up saving a famous apeman from human-eating birds, and soon set out to assist the apeman, Tango, in stealing a Golden Fleece with curative powers, a fleece skinned from the body of a strange space traveler. The fleece resides in a magnificent city, a kind of Shangri-La in the far Blue Mountains.
Their plan is to use the fleece to cure Tango’s beautiful wife, who has fallen into a coma. Nothing seems to cure her, but the rumored miraculous powers of the Golden Fleece just might.
If the world doesn’t kill them, then another survivor of the shipwreck from which Bongo Bill and Suzie Q were rescued just might. She has been pulled into a time warp and blended with the souls of marauding aliens, as well as the techno souls of their machines.
She has mutated. She has grown to great size. She has invented rolling machines that maul the trees and crush the earth, blend rocks and bones, blood and jungle into one vast wasteland. She has gained terrible powers, and lost all connection to humanity. She has become She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early. Her whole purpose is chaos, and she has gathered an army to help her do just that. She has destroyed the villages she has come across and enslaved the inhabitants. She and her army are heading in the direction of the Blue Mountains, to the fabled city that contains the Golden Fleece.
Inevitably, she will collide with our heroes, and it won’t be pretty.
Come now to the worlds and times of Ned the Seal. Share his journeys, as he honks the horn on his power sled, avoids becoming a culinary prize of beasts and cannibals, and settles in for a meal of fish, baked or fried, dried or raw."
Other Ned The Seal Books:
Zeppelins West
Flaming London
September 5, 2021
When their ship goes down, Bill and Suzie Q are rescued by HG Wells and Ned the Seal and soon find themselves in a strange realm beneath the surface of the earth...
Joe Lansdale is a versatile writer, equally adept at crime, horror, and whatever the hell this is. I'm a fan of the Ned the Seal books from the Zeppelins West days so this one was a no brainer to pick up.
I have a feeling Lansdale and I would get along fabulously because this book has a lot of things near and dear to my heart in it, like lost civilizations, parallel worlds, dinosaurs, time travel, and things of that nature.
In keeping with his love of Victorian adventure stories, this one blends H.Rider Haggard's jungle tales with Tarzan and Journey to the Center of the Earth. Tango, the Tarzan analogue, is just as capable as Lord Greystoke, leading Ned the Seal and friends on a jungle journey to find the Golden Fleece to save his wife Jill from a mystery illness.
Monsters and jungle action abound, as well as poop, dick, and fart jokes. Poor Ned, already tired of adventure, has yet another one thrust upon him while waiting for HG Wells to return. While The Sky Done Ripped is a lighthearted adventure, that never stopped Lansdale from killing off characters before so I wasn't sure who, if anyone, would survive.
The Sky Done Ripped is a fun homage to Tarzan and lost world novels. Four out of five stars.
Joe Lansdale is a versatile writer, equally adept at crime, horror, and whatever the hell this is. I'm a fan of the Ned the Seal books from the Zeppelins West days so this one was a no brainer to pick up.
I have a feeling Lansdale and I would get along fabulously because this book has a lot of things near and dear to my heart in it, like lost civilizations, parallel worlds, dinosaurs, time travel, and things of that nature.
In keeping with his love of Victorian adventure stories, this one blends H.Rider Haggard's jungle tales with Tarzan and Journey to the Center of the Earth. Tango, the Tarzan analogue, is just as capable as Lord Greystoke, leading Ned the Seal and friends on a jungle journey to find the Golden Fleece to save his wife Jill from a mystery illness.
Monsters and jungle action abound, as well as poop, dick, and fart jokes. Poor Ned, already tired of adventure, has yet another one thrust upon him while waiting for HG Wells to return. While The Sky Done Ripped is a lighthearted adventure, that never stopped Lansdale from killing off characters before so I wasn't sure who, if anyone, would survive.
The Sky Done Ripped is a fun homage to Tarzan and lost world novels. Four out of five stars.
January 27, 2020
In the Sky Done Ripped, Lansdale offers us a tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek tribute to H.G. Wells, E. R. Burroughs, Dr. Who, Planet of the Apes, Titanic, and Douglas Adams. The story is irreverent, absurd, but the elements move the story along. If you are familiar with Wells' War of the Worlds, you'll recognize the opening invasion, except here it's an Earth civilized by apes, not humans. You'll also recall Wells' Time Machine, but here it's more like Dr. Who's TARDIS since it goes through time and different dimensions. Also, this Time Machine is huge on the inside (like the TARDIS) and inhabited by HG Wells himself and Ned, an intelligent seal, who gets around on an electric sled, writes on a chalkboard, and is obsessed with fish. And, when they get to Burroughs' Pellucidar, they meet dinosaurs and Tarzan (only here he's Tango). And, well, instead of facing off Daleks, they face off against a giant monster blob on an electric machine that runs over everything, " She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early." It's irreverent. It's crazy. Don't take it too seriously and enjoy.
December 29, 2019
I received a copy of this from Netgalley and the Publisher in exchange for my open and honest review.
A wacky and imaginatively crafted tale with a seal named Ned, who has welded on opposable thumbs, and enhanced brain, and drives a flying sled. He hangs out with none other than H.G Wells, intrepid traveler, and explorer.
What is this about? I honestly don't know. It is a rip-roaring book written in an almost stream of consciousness vibe. Jack and Jill play a part, as does Tomi, once a bully of a child, now hulking she-beast that travels on a sled made from the bones of allies and enemies alike. She uses the moniker Tomi who must be obeyed and eats lunch early. There are also two apes who lived in a world where humans were not flourishing. In this world, apes are humans. Their cruise ship that was trying to outsail the end of the world smashed into a flying saucer. They, thrown from the boat, landed on HG Wells ship. He graciously invited them on the boat, they ate fish and dressed up in some odd clown costumes. (just what wells had available) They end up accompanying Ned and Jack on a quest to find the fleece to save a sick Jills life.
It is absurd. It is quirky. It is damn fun.
If you are in to have your mind batted around like a ping pong ball, this book and series will be right up your alley. Check it out.
If you would like to read more of my reviews or various other bookish things, please come by my blog
at https://beforewegoblog.com/
A wacky and imaginatively crafted tale with a seal named Ned, who has welded on opposable thumbs, and enhanced brain, and drives a flying sled. He hangs out with none other than H.G Wells, intrepid traveler, and explorer.
What is this about? I honestly don't know. It is a rip-roaring book written in an almost stream of consciousness vibe. Jack and Jill play a part, as does Tomi, once a bully of a child, now hulking she-beast that travels on a sled made from the bones of allies and enemies alike. She uses the moniker Tomi who must be obeyed and eats lunch early. There are also two apes who lived in a world where humans were not flourishing. In this world, apes are humans. Their cruise ship that was trying to outsail the end of the world smashed into a flying saucer. They, thrown from the boat, landed on HG Wells ship. He graciously invited them on the boat, they ate fish and dressed up in some odd clown costumes. (just what wells had available) They end up accompanying Ned and Jack on a quest to find the fleece to save a sick Jills life.
It is absurd. It is quirky. It is damn fun.
If you are in to have your mind batted around like a ping pong ball, this book and series will be right up your alley. Check it out.
If you would like to read more of my reviews or various other bookish things, please come by my blog
at https://beforewegoblog.com/
December 19, 2019
A wonderfully crafted memorable likable character in Ned, the plucky seal wearing a fez, travelling on a sled with enhanced brain, ability to write with grafted thumbs, and capable engineering abilities with The Time Machine.
Planet of the Apes and Mad Max converging and into a tale that could convert to an adult rated animated film with its rip-roaring darkly humorous fully loaded fun ride escapade with the unforgettable Ned The Seal and She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
There is a fluidity to his telling with the right word economy and usage, writing memorable characters, good and bad, his forte, a tilted twisted beautiful world he has created in this one that might just brighten up the end of year 2019.
Wonderful artwork by the great artist Timothy Truman will make this a sellout limited edition.
Here you have an example of author writing what he wants, not for the trend or mainstream, like that quote on writing by Dashiell Hammett to Black Mask magazine:
“If I stick to the stuff that I want to write-the stuff I enjoy writing-I can make a go if it, but when I try to grind out a yarn because I think there is a market for it, then I flop.”
-Dashiell Hammett
Letter to the editor, Black Mask, 1924.
Starring:
Time machine
The Golden Fleece
Upper Earth
Down World
Ned
H.G Wells
Bill
Suzie Q
Jack
Tango
Leo
Tomi
Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early
Rat-people
Ape-people
Humans
Planet of the Apes and Mad Max converging and into a tale that could convert to an adult rated animated film with its rip-roaring darkly humorous fully loaded fun ride escapade with the unforgettable Ned The Seal and She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
There is a fluidity to his telling with the right word economy and usage, writing memorable characters, good and bad, his forte, a tilted twisted beautiful world he has created in this one that might just brighten up the end of year 2019.
Wonderful artwork by the great artist Timothy Truman will make this a sellout limited edition.
Here you have an example of author writing what he wants, not for the trend or mainstream, like that quote on writing by Dashiell Hammett to Black Mask magazine:
“If I stick to the stuff that I want to write-the stuff I enjoy writing-I can make a go if it, but when I try to grind out a yarn because I think there is a market for it, then I flop.”
-Dashiell Hammett
Letter to the editor, Black Mask, 1924.
Starring:
Time machine
The Golden Fleece
Upper Earth
Down World
Ned
H.G Wells
Bill
Suzie Q
Jack
Tango
Leo
Tomi
Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early
Rat-people
Ape-people
Humans
August 26, 2020
Třetí kniha ze série s heroickým tuleněm v hlavní roli. Dobře, ne tak heroickým a ne tak v hlavní roli. Ale je tu.
První knihy tak trochu připomínaly epileptický záchvat v knihovně. Autor na vás chrlil Wellse, Buffalo Billa, Marka Twaina, Frankensteinovo monstrum, Plecháče ze Země Oz, marťany, Draculu, King Konga… a skákal od jednoho k druhému, podle toho, co ho zrovna napadlo, nebo co mu přišlo zábavné. Třetí kniha už je kompaktnější a ucelenější. Což může být bráno jako klad i zápor. Celé je to pojednané jako epické Tarzanovo dobrodružství (i když se tady postava jmenuje Tango). Z původních postav se vrací Wells (ale jen na chvíli) a tuleň Ned. Plus tu máme toho ikonického hrdinu z rodu opů a dva dětské protagonisty, které hrdinové zachrání cestou. Ti jsou zpočátku vypravěči a není to ani zdaleka tak zábavné, jak bylo zvykem. Navíc se v úvodu satirizuje Donald Trump, což už mi dneska přijde spíš jako otravná autorská povinnost. Pak se ale dostáváme do světa uvnitř Země, mikrofonu se chopí Ned, pak Tango… a hned je to mnohem zábavnější. A to nejen stylem. V té chvíli se už rozjíždí putování džunglí, boje s dinosaury, kmeny kanibalů i krysími lidmi, objevování zapomenutých civilizací a na konci válka s obří armádou vedenou děsivou obludou.
Je to prostě už téměř čistokrevný pulpový román, který není tak zběsilý jako minulé knihy, ale víc a líp drží pohromadě. I když se Lansdale taky občas utrhne ze řetězu a třeba jednu část pojímá jako scénář k filmovému seriálu, pořád je to prostě nadupanější Tarzanovský příběh. Navíc, jak už to u starých dobrodružných románů bývá, je pěkně ilustrovaný. V tomhle případě Timothy Trumanem, který s Lansdalem už pár komiksů vytvořil.
Je to pěkná knížka. Možná ne tak dobrá jako grilované ryby... nebo vařené ryby... nebo syrové ryby... (sorry, Ned se na mně podepsal) ale i tak je dobrá.
První knihy tak trochu připomínaly epileptický záchvat v knihovně. Autor na vás chrlil Wellse, Buffalo Billa, Marka Twaina, Frankensteinovo monstrum, Plecháče ze Země Oz, marťany, Draculu, King Konga… a skákal od jednoho k druhému, podle toho, co ho zrovna napadlo, nebo co mu přišlo zábavné. Třetí kniha už je kompaktnější a ucelenější. Což může být bráno jako klad i zápor. Celé je to pojednané jako epické Tarzanovo dobrodružství (i když se tady postava jmenuje Tango). Z původních postav se vrací Wells (ale jen na chvíli) a tuleň Ned. Plus tu máme toho ikonického hrdinu z rodu opů a dva dětské protagonisty, které hrdinové zachrání cestou. Ti jsou zpočátku vypravěči a není to ani zdaleka tak zábavné, jak bylo zvykem. Navíc se v úvodu satirizuje Donald Trump, což už mi dneska přijde spíš jako otravná autorská povinnost. Pak se ale dostáváme do světa uvnitř Země, mikrofonu se chopí Ned, pak Tango… a hned je to mnohem zábavnější. A to nejen stylem. V té chvíli se už rozjíždí putování džunglí, boje s dinosaury, kmeny kanibalů i krysími lidmi, objevování zapomenutých civilizací a na konci válka s obří armádou vedenou děsivou obludou.
Je to prostě už téměř čistokrevný pulpový román, který není tak zběsilý jako minulé knihy, ale víc a líp drží pohromadě. I když se Lansdale taky občas utrhne ze řetězu a třeba jednu část pojímá jako scénář k filmovému seriálu, pořád je to prostě nadupanější Tarzanovský příběh. Navíc, jak už to u starých dobrodružných románů bývá, je pěkně ilustrovaný. V tomhle případě Timothy Trumanem, který s Lansdalem už pár komiksů vytvořil.
Je to pěkná knížka. Možná ne tak dobrá jako grilované ryby... nebo vařené ryby... nebo syrové ryby... (sorry, Ned se na mně podepsal) ale i tak je dobrá.
February 20, 2020
'The Sky Done Ripped' by Joe R. Lansdale with illustrations by Timothy Truman is the third book of the adventures of Ned the Seal and H.G. Wells, which I didn't know before I read this one.
With plenty of references to pulp fiction, classic fiction and time travel tropes, we find ourselves in an odd world where apes have evolved. Ned lands in a strange valley with his travel companions. They set out separately to find a magic fleece. They meet a sort of Tarzan, here named Tango. They fight a gigantic blob named She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
It's all really bizarre and is best just gulped down without thinking too much about it. I kept thinking of SF author Philip Jose Farmer while I read it, which I guess is praise of a sort. The story is a pleasant, if weird, diversion.
I received a review copy of this ebook from Subterranean Press and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook.
With plenty of references to pulp fiction, classic fiction and time travel tropes, we find ourselves in an odd world where apes have evolved. Ned lands in a strange valley with his travel companions. They set out separately to find a magic fleece. They meet a sort of Tarzan, here named Tango. They fight a gigantic blob named She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
It's all really bizarre and is best just gulped down without thinking too much about it. I kept thinking of SF author Philip Jose Farmer while I read it, which I guess is praise of a sort. The story is a pleasant, if weird, diversion.
I received a review copy of this ebook from Subterranean Press and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook.
November 16, 2021
After a 13-year hiatus, author Joe R. Lansdale returns to conclude his slapstick, slapdash Adventures of Ned the Seal trilogy. This novel is the direct sequel to Zeppelins West and Flaming London.
While Lansdale is one of my favorite all-time authors, I had a really hard time getting into this book. It is not what I expected. At the end of the last book, Ned had teamed up with William Beadle and John Feather, the lone survivors from The Steam Man. They set forth in H. G. Wells' time machine to repair space-time and seal off the H. P. Lovecraft monsters that are devouring the cosmos. That is the story I wanted read.
However, when The Sky Done Ripped opens, much time has passed. Beadle and Feather have gone home, the Elder Ones are no longer a threat, the tears in space-time are healed. Ned and H. G. Wells are now stranded in an alternate Planet of the Apes reality that is a rough equivalent to modern day. America even has a Donald J. Trump-like ape president.
Ned rescues two ape-people whose cruise ship collides with a flying saucer. They travel to a new world, where they team up with Tango (a Tarzan stand-in) who wants to steal the Golden Fleece. They must first defeat the evil tyrant She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
Much silliness and many crude jokes abound. There are dinosaurs, red-skinned cannibals, zeppelin crashes, giant man-eating birds, and partially evolved Neanderthals. One chapter is inexplicably written in the format of a screenplay for a silent film.
The Ned the Seal series shares a loose continuity with other notable Lansdale works: The Ape Man's Brother, "Letter From the South, Two Moons West of Nacogdoches", "Trains Not Taken", "The Steam Man of the Prairie and the Dark Rider Get Down", and the graphic novel The Steam Man. The tongue-in-cheek allusion to H. Rider Haggard's famous villainess may also indicate this book should be considered in-world with Lansdale's award-winning novella "Fishing for Dinosaurs" as well.
As always, Lansdale's colorful homespun prose is on full display:
"Then there was a popping sound, like someone had stuck a needle in a balloon--a massive balloon--and then there was a spewing, sputtering sound like a creeping fart, and then we no longer had power. We no longer had a zeppelin. What we had was like a giant prophylactic that nature had used up and was discarding into the sea."
"Her breasts are like airless rubber rafts."
"She had a stench that would have gagged a maggot and driven a skunk to suicide."
"He punched her in the belly hard enough to cause an elephant to pass gas, but it had no effect on her. A sternly written note in invisible ink would have been about as effective."
But for me, this all adds up to less fun than the previous two books.
While Lansdale is one of my favorite all-time authors, I had a really hard time getting into this book. It is not what I expected. At the end of the last book, Ned had teamed up with William Beadle and John Feather, the lone survivors from The Steam Man. They set forth in H. G. Wells' time machine to repair space-time and seal off the H. P. Lovecraft monsters that are devouring the cosmos. That is the story I wanted read.
However, when The Sky Done Ripped opens, much time has passed. Beadle and Feather have gone home, the Elder Ones are no longer a threat, the tears in space-time are healed. Ned and H. G. Wells are now stranded in an alternate Planet of the Apes reality that is a rough equivalent to modern day. America even has a Donald J. Trump-like ape president.
Ned rescues two ape-people whose cruise ship collides with a flying saucer. They travel to a new world, where they team up with Tango (a Tarzan stand-in) who wants to steal the Golden Fleece. They must first defeat the evil tyrant She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early.
Much silliness and many crude jokes abound. There are dinosaurs, red-skinned cannibals, zeppelin crashes, giant man-eating birds, and partially evolved Neanderthals. One chapter is inexplicably written in the format of a screenplay for a silent film.
The Ned the Seal series shares a loose continuity with other notable Lansdale works: The Ape Man's Brother, "Letter From the South, Two Moons West of Nacogdoches", "Trains Not Taken", "The Steam Man of the Prairie and the Dark Rider Get Down", and the graphic novel The Steam Man. The tongue-in-cheek allusion to H. Rider Haggard's famous villainess may also indicate this book should be considered in-world with Lansdale's award-winning novella "Fishing for Dinosaurs" as well.
As always, Lansdale's colorful homespun prose is on full display:
"Then there was a popping sound, like someone had stuck a needle in a balloon--a massive balloon--and then there was a spewing, sputtering sound like a creeping fart, and then we no longer had power. We no longer had a zeppelin. What we had was like a giant prophylactic that nature had used up and was discarding into the sea."
"Her breasts are like airless rubber rafts."
"She had a stench that would have gagged a maggot and driven a skunk to suicide."
"He punched her in the belly hard enough to cause an elephant to pass gas, but it had no effect on her. A sternly written note in invisible ink would have been about as effective."
But for me, this all adds up to less fun than the previous two books.
December 12, 2019
The Sky Done Ripped pairs strong satire with absurdist elements to create a fascinatingly strange trek into worlds unknown. The writing style doesn’t spare unnecessary words, leaving us with a tightly drawn trail of witty dialogue and continuous action that doesn’t tire. I found myself constantly surprised, marveling at the originality and unabashed journeys of this unusual group of characters. I’ve never read anything quite like it and I’m disappointed in myself for overlooking such a hilarious writer until now. If you’re looking for funny science fiction that bends the rules a bit (and does so with flair), The Sky Done Ripped is a great bet.
NOTE: I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
NOTE: I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
November 8, 2019
The Sky Done Ripped by Joe R. Lansdale- A third entry into the Ned The Seal stories, after Zeppelins West and Flaming London, find Ned and H.G. Wells aboard the Time Machine trying to mend the fractures in time that have occurred. They rescue two young apes from an Earth where humans never prospered, when their cruise ship hits an alien saucer and they are about to drown. Then the apes go with Wells and his smart-ass seal to an underground world with a stationary sun, to help a famous monkey man, Tango, on a quest to find the golden fleece. And that's just the beginning- then things start to get weird! The story is narrated by one of the young apes, an eighteen-year-old Bongo Bill, and is filled with all the wonder and humor of the first two books. If you're a Lansdale fan or perhaps a Ned the Seal fan, this story won't disappoint.
November 29, 2019
A rip-roarin pastiche of various 19th century authors and genres: talking animals, time travel, ape people, Tarzan, H. G. Wells....not bad, but not really good either. A fair bit of women who are monstrous or need saving, heroic men, and a bit too much over-the-topness.
July 19, 2020
I read a book! I read a book I read a book it's 2020 and I finally read anouther book! If 2020 was a pulp adeventure it'd be all about me fighting through the wird and deadly perils of stress, depression, disoientation, dioomscrolling on twitter and screaming silently into the void as I try accomplish my epic quest of Just. Reading. One. More. Flipping. Book. Of course it would be a rollicking, hilarious, horrific, violent, spectacular Ned The Seal adventure from Joe R Lansdale that did it.
Bongo Bill and his sister Suzie Q live on an alternate world where the president of the United States is an awful, narcissitic individual who lies a lot. When some aliens show up and offers advanced medicine and technologies, the president respnds by shooting at them with missiles and they shoot back with a world-devastating plague. Bill and Suzie Q survive, rescued by Ned The Seal and HG Wells, paused in thir perambulations to fix the awful rips in time that nearly destroyed reality, but their next jump strands them in the dangerous steaming jungles of a hollow world. Someone else came through as well, and they start to wreak devastation and destruction and terror.
I mean, I could go on, but there's a novel worth of plot in every pageand one thing follows after another in the hectic logic of pell-mell adventure and danger and epic showdowns between good and evil with a small host of characters derived from pulp and dime fiction. It all explodes then gets wrapped up with the usual no-nonsense efficency of a Lansdale book. His sardonic, gimlet-eyed love for the genre, warts and all, shines through every page
Bongo Bill and his sister Suzie Q live on an alternate world where the president of the United States is an awful, narcissitic individual who lies a lot. When some aliens show up and offers advanced medicine and technologies, the president respnds by shooting at them with missiles and they shoot back with a world-devastating plague. Bill and Suzie Q survive, rescued by Ned The Seal and HG Wells, paused in thir perambulations to fix the awful rips in time that nearly destroyed reality, but their next jump strands them in the dangerous steaming jungles of a hollow world. Someone else came through as well, and they start to wreak devastation and destruction and terror.
I mean, I could go on, but there's a novel worth of plot in every pageand one thing follows after another in the hectic logic of pell-mell adventure and danger and epic showdowns between good and evil with a small host of characters derived from pulp and dime fiction. It all explodes then gets wrapped up with the usual no-nonsense efficency of a Lansdale book. His sardonic, gimlet-eyed love for the genre, warts and all, shines through every page
May 7, 2020
An excellent ending to the Ned the Seal trilogy. Ned and company travel to an underworld where the sun is always shining and Tarz--er, I mean a man who wears a loin cloth and travels by swinging through the tree tops and was raised by apes is on a quest for the Golden Fleece, the only thing that can cure his beloved runs into all sorts of lunacy on his journey. Not to mention Bongo Bill and Suzie-Q and . . . you know what? Forget it. Just read it. The less known, the better. You don't need to read the first two books, but it helps a little.
March 16, 2020
Lansdale is one of my favorite writers. He writes in several genres, and this is a book in his Gonzo Steampunk style. Not quite as good as some others I've read, but Lansdale is always worth a read. HG Wells, Tarzan (as Tango, the Monkey Man), Bongo Bill & Susie Q and Ned the Seal are the primary characters with numerous references to pulp heroes and pop culture history. There's even an appearance by the Golden Fleece. Great fun.
July 28, 2024
THE SKY DONE RIPPED is Book 3 in Joe R. Lansdale's SciFi Steampunk NED THE SEAL Series, which elicits historical personalities such as author H. G. Wells, a version of Wells' own literary creation the evil Dr. Moreau (now Dr. Momo), Wild West celebrities Annie Oakley, William Cody, Wild Bill Hickok, and the inimitable and definitely one-of-a-kind Ned the [artificially enhanced] seal.
January 19, 2020
It was a great read. Mr Lansdale is a master storyteller and I had high expectations for this book.
i can say that they were met and I found this ARC engrossing and entertaining.
I strongly recommend it.
I received this ARC from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for a honest review.
i can say that they were met and I found this ARC engrossing and entertaining.
I strongly recommend it.
I received this ARC from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for a honest review.
January 30, 2020
Another excellent zany Ned the seal novel, including such memorable characters as H.G. Wells, Tango, Bongo Bill and She Who Must Be Obeyed and Eats Lunch Early. This one takes place inside the earth's center. Plenty of action and humor. Highly recommended.
March 31, 2020
A humorous satire on the pulp era, with H. G. Wells, an intelligent seal named Sammy, two orphaned intelligent apes and an aristocratic apeman battle an intelligent alien invader "She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed-and-Eats-Early".
April 21, 2023
Not quite up to the standards of "Flaming London" or "Zeppelins West", but still a fun adventure, if you're not squicked out by casual cannibalism and such.
The guys at Subterranean could do with a spellchecker, though, to maintain the image of a quality small press.
The guys at Subterranean could do with a spellchecker, though, to maintain the image of a quality small press.
Read
May 9, 2020It’s typical Lansdale pulp, which is to say witty, fun, a bit silly and a good yarn. But leave your politics at home in future efforts please Mr. Lansdale. This should be an escape, not a reminder.
June 5, 2020
I don’t think anyone but Joe could write this book.
July 19, 2020
Not my thing (pulp novel style) but worth it just for the first part and descriptions of President Dunderhead.
August 20, 2020
A fun finish to the Ned the Seal books.
Read
February 1, 2021I love these books! They are so very weird and reading them is just so much fun!!
August 26, 2021
Definitely more pulp this time as opposed to the steampunk feel. Very creative with styles given the character narrating the moment. Ned thr Seal still proves to be the heart and fun of the series.
Read
May 5, 2023I didn't get it.
January 11, 2020
the sky done ripped by joe lansdale. what an awesome romp through time and demensions, even the center of the earth. loved every word of it, too bad it ended. what a great three book series, would love to see him continue this story line. what a great time!
September 4, 2020
Yuck, poorly written schlock.
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