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John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life
In a world filled with trolls, we all need to live life more like a goblin. What does it mean to “live life like a goblin”? It means to give no fucks, but also all the fucks in the world at the same time. It means to be constantly anxiety ridden while also eternally optimistic. A goblin’s heart, specifically John Goblikon’s, is filled with love, joy, angst, constant quandary, Chili’s Southwestern Egg rolls, metal, and empathy. Through the goblin eyes of being an internet-celebrity–insurance-salesman–rock and roll-mascot for the Goblin Metal outfit NEKROGOBLIKON, we learn about life, death, business, food, music, travel, culture, dating, school, drinking, compassion, and much more!
John walks readers through crucial life steps, from becoming internet famous, to getting dates with special someones, to even correct ordering techniques for the perfect meal at Chili’s.
Have a problem? John Goblikon assumes he knows how to help you solve it…all in this new, for-sure-to-be-a-New-York-Times-bestseller-and-win-like-a-hundred-awards debut book: John Goblikon’s Guide to Living Your Best Life.
John walks readers through crucial life steps, from becoming internet famous, to getting dates with special someones, to even correct ordering techniques for the perfect meal at Chili’s.
Have a problem? John Goblikon assumes he knows how to help you solve it…all in this new, for-sure-to-be-a-New-York-Times-bestseller-and-win-like-a-hundred-awards debut book: John Goblikon’s Guide to Living Your Best Life.
312 pages, Hardcover
First published May 14, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
October 11, 2024
When I saw that John Goblikon wrote a book—and a self-help parody book for that matter—I knew I had to check it out. I mean, who better to talk about life’s eccentricities than a mythical being who is in the world’s premier goblin metal band, Nekrogoblikon?
I’m kind of embarrassed to say that I really enjoyed this book. Like, I laughed quite a bit. Hard chuckled even. It actually reads sort of like crazed segments of one of my all-time favorite shows, Monty Python. It’s off-kilter, a bit strange, slapstick, and can be, ahem, clever-ish at points.
First, let’s cover the band. Necrogoblikon’s metal music is cute. It has some decent synths here and there, but for the most part, and I even think the band would admit it, they are sort of like the "Weird Al" Yankovic of metal. It’s wacky and emotionally charged. It’s heir apparent to say a band like Limp Bizkit; all show and definitely no flow. *Not hating* I actually saw the band live once...😐 but that’s a story for another day.
Now. The book itself.
It reads sort of like a madlibs excerpt with human-life as a starting topic. John states that building a better life is simple and easy. One must live constantly with an all-consuming anxiety while also being eternally optimistic. Great, yeah? One of his other secrets to living a great life is to listen to a lot of metal. Well, check and check! 😅
The goblin rants and raves about work, gyms, relationships, and how to deal with co-workers. One of my favorite chapters is on how to respond to any type of text message. According to John, human conversation has been replaced by a range of emoji. Gone are the days of talking on the train, having conversations with those at the store, or even sparking up a conversation with someone in passing. Most people think it's creepy, John states. The only way to combat this is to just give a phone number or social handle and get to know them over text or DM's. Here are a few excerpts on how John says we can deal with text miscommunication, which will in turn lead to better relationships.
Them: “You Up?”
You: “Always.”
Them: “Happy Birthday!”
You: “New phone, who dis?”
Them: “Call me.”
You: “Text me.”
Them: “You free tomorrow?”
You: “Let’s find out then.”
Them: “How are you?”
You: “Follow me on Instagram.”
Them: “Hey, you!” – sans emoji.
You: “Whoa, you’re a freakin’ psychopath; please do not contact me again with that vague intro text that I have to sort through and derive some sort of meaning from.”
Them: “Did you call me?”
You: “Call me back and let’s find out.”
These will all most definitely work! 😁
Bottomline: “John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life” may not give you pointers on life; heck, probably not any pointers about anything, but what it will do is make you laugh about the absurdity of a few things in life. We all need that.
P.S. - Maybe read the book for a laugh, but do not listen to Nekrogoblikon. 😂 I take that back. If you have a favorite Nekrogoblikon song, toss it my way. I may question your musical tastes and snicker from this side of the keyboard, but I will appreciate the effort nonetheless.
I’m kind of embarrassed to say that I really enjoyed this book. Like, I laughed quite a bit. Hard chuckled even. It actually reads sort of like crazed segments of one of my all-time favorite shows, Monty Python. It’s off-kilter, a bit strange, slapstick, and can be, ahem, clever-ish at points.
First, let’s cover the band. Necrogoblikon’s metal music is cute. It has some decent synths here and there, but for the most part, and I even think the band would admit it, they are sort of like the "Weird Al" Yankovic of metal. It’s wacky and emotionally charged. It’s heir apparent to say a band like Limp Bizkit; all show and definitely no flow. *Not hating* I actually saw the band live once...😐 but that’s a story for another day.
Now. The book itself.
It reads sort of like a madlibs excerpt with human-life as a starting topic. John states that building a better life is simple and easy. One must live constantly with an all-consuming anxiety while also being eternally optimistic. Great, yeah? One of his other secrets to living a great life is to listen to a lot of metal. Well, check and check! 😅
The goblin rants and raves about work, gyms, relationships, and how to deal with co-workers. One of my favorite chapters is on how to respond to any type of text message. According to John, human conversation has been replaced by a range of emoji. Gone are the days of talking on the train, having conversations with those at the store, or even sparking up a conversation with someone in passing. Most people think it's creepy, John states. The only way to combat this is to just give a phone number or social handle and get to know them over text or DM's. Here are a few excerpts on how John says we can deal with text miscommunication, which will in turn lead to better relationships.
Them: “You Up?”
You: “Always.”
Them: “Happy Birthday!”
You: “New phone, who dis?”
Them: “Call me.”
You: “Text me.”
Them: “You free tomorrow?”
You: “Let’s find out then.”
Them: “How are you?”
You: “Follow me on Instagram.”
Them: “Hey, you!” – sans emoji.
You: “Whoa, you’re a freakin’ psychopath; please do not contact me again with that vague intro text that I have to sort through and derive some sort of meaning from.”
Them: “Did you call me?”
You: “Call me back and let’s find out.”
These will all most definitely work! 😁
Bottomline: “John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life” may not give you pointers on life; heck, probably not any pointers about anything, but what it will do is make you laugh about the absurdity of a few things in life. We all need that.
P.S. - Maybe read the book for a laugh, but do not listen to Nekrogoblikon. 😂 I take that back. If you have a favorite Nekrogoblikon song, toss it my way. I may question your musical tastes and snicker from this side of the keyboard, but I will appreciate the effort nonetheless.
August 3, 2019
If you didn't like this book, you're probably a Brad.
August 30, 2019
This book saved my life.
But seriously it's actually really funny and worth reading. Scorpion's chapter is even pretty thought provoking.
But seriously it's actually really funny and worth reading. Scorpion's chapter is even pretty thought provoking.
January 4, 2020
Funny and good book filled with goblin wisdom.
January 5, 2025
This was a fun and quick read. If you like comedy or metal or nekrogoblikon I highly recommend this book. This book does not take itself seriously and that’s what I loved lost about it.
September 21, 2022
Honestly, all I have to say is.... chilli's, inner Goblin, NOT Brad, and in the words of the wise "don't be easy, stay hard"-John Goblinkin
December 16, 2021
This book is hilarious. But let me say, before reading it, you do have to watch all of RIGHT NOW! with John Goblikon on YouTube. That's the only way that you'll be able effectively to read this in John's voice with his mannerisms, cadences, and timing. Well, I guess you could listen to the audiobook which has him reading it, but I digress.
This book is very silly, and I love it.
This book is very silly, and I love it.
August 2, 2020
Live your best (green) life!
John Goblikon shares his otherworldly experiences with us in the hope of helping us reach our best selves, our goblin selves. From things such as dealing with work, self-image, and eating at Chili's, Mr. Goblikon does his best to make sure we all understand that life is fleeting and we need to make the most of it right now. RIGHT NOW.
Nekrogoblikon being one of my favorite bands, I knew I had to read this self-help book penned by their mascot, John Goblikon. His wild musings were hilarious, and had me laughing quite a bit while driving (which is mainly when I like to listen to audiobooks, which is the best format for this book to be enjoyed). I finished this book in a single day, and only wish there was more to be had.
For fans of metal, goblins, and Chili's, I highly recommend you buy this book. And do yourself a favor and splurge a bit more for the audiobook. I promise you won't regret it.
John Goblikon shares his otherworldly experiences with us in the hope of helping us reach our best selves, our goblin selves. From things such as dealing with work, self-image, and eating at Chili's, Mr. Goblikon does his best to make sure we all understand that life is fleeting and we need to make the most of it right now. RIGHT NOW.
Nekrogoblikon being one of my favorite bands, I knew I had to read this self-help book penned by their mascot, John Goblikon. His wild musings were hilarious, and had me laughing quite a bit while driving (which is mainly when I like to listen to audiobooks, which is the best format for this book to be enjoyed). I finished this book in a single day, and only wish there was more to be had.
For fans of metal, goblins, and Chili's, I highly recommend you buy this book. And do yourself a favor and splurge a bit more for the audiobook. I promise you won't regret it.
August 16, 2022
If you love Nekrogoblikon then you'll love the book. Honestly I received this as a gift which I thought was a joke at first? But honestly it's a great book and conversation piece and gives you a good laugh along the way.
The whole idea is we all have a little goblin inside of us and the best way to live that life is to embrace it and live in chaos without fighting it or being a Brad. So if you're looking for the goblin branded self care/improvement book here you go. Enjoy and let loose.
I Only gave four stars because I wish there was more to it or it felt a little short.
The whole idea is we all have a little goblin inside of us and the best way to live that life is to embrace it and live in chaos without fighting it or being a Brad. So if you're looking for the goblin branded self care/improvement book here you go. Enjoy and let loose.
I Only gave four stars because I wish there was more to it or it felt a little short.
August 22, 2019
As a massive fan of Nekrogoblikon, I had to preorder this book when it was announced, and I was not disappointed. You see, John Goblikon is a goblin...from outer space...who sells insurance but also is the mascot/hype man/best band member of the metal band Nekrogoblikon. He’s even got his own show.
I read it in one sitting and afterwards, I did as John said and went to Chili’s.
I read it in one sitting and afterwards, I did as John said and went to Chili’s.
September 6, 2019
This book changed my life. It will change yours... maybe. It's funny and grand.
January 5, 2021
Listen to this audiobook RIGHT NOW. Who the hell actually reads these days?
March 28, 2024
I got it as a birthday present, so being the thought-that-counts, I, of course, loved it. BUUUUT, as a stand-alone book... it's meh. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in an absolutely terrible way. I love Nekrogoblikon. I did laugh quite a bit. That said, the book is probably the most padded book I own. And by that, I mean blank pages and minimal-text pages. This book is 158 pages and even keeping all of the picture pages in it, it could've easily been reduced to probably 80 pages. I get that it's a gimmick. But even that has a limit with an $18 price tag. $10? Sure, that's fair. $18? No. I would have given this a solid 4/5 stars if the price were on par with the content. But as a whole, this was a 3/5 experience. Also, they need a better proof-reader. AND I QUOTE: "Because we don't know what happens will be like when we die"... yeah...
October 23, 2025
To say this book was not what I expeted is more than a complete understatement. I was a little shocked at first, but then when I got over that, I really enjoyed this. It was hilarious actually. I did not know John Goblikon before this book nor did I know there was a complete world out there about trolls and goblins. Very interesting.
January 22, 2022
One of the best books I've read this year. Great way to start 2022!!!
August 7, 2022
An easy to read parody on self help books, written by a (famous!) goblin.
October 8, 2022
Changed my life, Goblins everywhere
February 14, 2024
Masterpiece!
April 30, 2024
funny little read, well done john goblikon.
January 4, 2025
Hands down the best self-help book ever written... by a goblin. John Goblikon is a font of wisdom and a master of dietary needs. We should all aim to be more goblin-like in life.
January 5, 2025
Goblins are better than trolls. #chilis
June 2, 2025
Instructions unclear: turning green after eating four pounds of Chili's Southwest Eggrolls.
November 26, 2025
My life is way better with John in it. Fuck Brad.
December 5, 2025
Hilarious
December 13, 2023
A funny book written by a Goblin from space that loves Chipotle, and Nekrogoblikon!
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews