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346 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2019
Marco Ocram (Yup, the “author”!) is a high-achieving, super-intelligent, uber-popular, humble writer who has a secret: whatever he writes happens immediately. As his natural affinity is towards writing crime, Marco writes crime novels, much to the chagrin of his book’s lead character DI Como Galahad, who is stuck solving the crime while Marco keeps penning impossible twists and getting them into dangerous situations. All of this would have been fine if Marco were a truly talented plotter. Unfortunately, he is more of a pantser, so even he doesn’t know how the crime he has written himself into can be resolved. With the latest murder he has written, Marco has set himself up for yet another challenge, and poor Como has to sacrifice his football match to solve the case.
The story comes to us in Marco’s first-person perspective.
With notable exceptions—among whom I would include you, my friend—writers are the most egotistical of all humans. The desire to be published is a desire for attention. When one writer draws less attention than another they suffer a humiliating insult to their psychological ego centres.
"I heard six shots. You didn’t get him with any of them?”
“No, but they think I hit his car.”
“Good shooting. Next time I need to hit a barn door from ten paces I’ll ask you along for advice.”
“It’s easy to be sarcastic, but don’t forget I’ve never used a gun before.”
“That’s true. At least you worked out which was the shooty end. Could have been messy otherwise.
He’s meant to be one of the most intelligent people in the world. An autodidact too.”
“He can spout as much about cars as he likes...
Which left the agency driver—just as I’d suspected when I made him up.
It was the oldest plot twist in the book (so far, anyway). I wagged my head at the thought of how predictable it all was.
Back in the car park, I made a convenient continuity error and climbed into my black Range Rover, hoping my readers wouldn’t remember that I’d left it at a burnt-out warehouse three chapters ago.