Give Me Back My Children: Trapped in a Cult

by Kathy Jaelyn, Sarah C. Allred, Ellen Taylor (Contributor)

She only wanted to be a Mother to her own children-FLDS Cult leader had other plans. Sarah was born in 1979 in the FLDS compound. At eighteen, Sarah entered into an arranged marriage to Richard S Allred who was the grandson and personal bodyguard to leader Rulon Jeffs, and later Warren Jeffs. Sarah was the first of five wives and was often used to set the example. Sarah's husband was given Warren's prized daughter as his third wife who became Warren's source to control Sarah's family. As the Leadership adjusted, her world turned upside down. Rich was taken to a secret project to begin "Zion", and only those who are worthy could go. Rich came for her children, but Sarah was not worthy. She wasn't allowed to see or have contact with her children. Sarah came to realize Warren Jeffs was grooming her daughter to eventually become his wife. She wrote a letter, refusing to give permission. While traveling on a four-wheeler, the vehicle flipped and fell on her. She was in the hospital fighting for a month to survive told she would most likely be a paraplegic if she did survive.A few months later, still trying to heal from the accident, Sarah was told God no longer had a use for her. Therefore Sarah was cast out, thrown into a world she was taught to abhor and fear from birth.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Cults, Cult Classics

250 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 25, 2018

About the author

Pseudonym of Sarah C. Allred

Reviews

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!!!

This book broke my heart. I can't wait to read her next book about her life after the cult and how she deprogramed

[Kait Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very quick read for me and I have to say I really enjoyed this book and got through it in a day, although the material at times was hard to swallow. The author uses a penname and other pseudonyms for the people in her life.

I have to give it to Kathy (Sarah) for her bravery in the face of so many injustices. I couldn't begin to comprehend the sufferings she must have endured in being separated from her children and the lack of sympathy given to her from her former sister wives and most of all from her husband.

I think this is one of the best books I’ve read on the FLDS and can’t wait to read her second book as I’m sure it will be just as good.

[Monique B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing Read

All I can say is wow. I read this book in one day. I couldn't put it down. I find myself intrigued by a world so different than my own. So many times I wanted her to kick Rich where the sun doesn't shine, take the kids and run far, far away. But I get it. Easier said than done. The perversion and the brain washing of the flds church under Warren Jeff's iron fist has been devastating. My heart goes out to these ppl who just want to believe and live honest lives according to God's plan.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

3/5 I think this was a valuable memoir, talking about what it was like being in the inner circle of the FLDS. Sarah Allred was married to Richard Allred and sister wife to Rachel Jeffs. She also stays in the cult much longer than many other memoirs mention, allowing for validation of what it was like staying in the cult into Warren's imprisonment.

There were some things that took away from the reading experience. There were a lot of spelling and grammar issues that editing would have fixed. The pacing and writing style also were not very professional. I think some more assistance would have helped with these issues. She also mentions that she wishes to write a second book on what life after the cult was like, but I have a feeling this probably could have been combined in this memoir.

There is another memoir written by one of Sarah's sister wives, Rachel (or as she's known in this book Mara). It is definitely interesting to look at the two and see which parts they both contained, don't include, and agree on. Rachel talks about eventually getting along with Mara, though says she was alienated by the other women. Meanwhile, Sarah says that Rachel was a bit of a snob and had Richard wrapped around her finger. She also mentions having times of getting along with her to a degree, but Rachel is in some ways one of the major antagonists to her story. They both talk about Rich's pleasant personality, though they both become disillusioned with him eventually though for different reasons. Sarah gets tired of him favoring other wives and "marrying" a teenager, while Rachel is disgusted by how he avoids their children and won't stand up to her father. They also left for different reasons, as Sarah was forcibly banished and Rachel willingly fled. I always find these kinds of comparisons fascinating.

[Alisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Puesdonoums used in the book will be in backets beside their real name.

We follow Sarah(Kathy) though her life,starting with her assignment to Richard(Zachary) Allred. She is initially delighted in her husband and the love they share. She has many trials bearing children. Her most back breaking trial? Sharing her husband with eventually four other women.

Overall,I like this book. I was surprised about how strong Sarah really was. As often in my mind,she is a footnote to her more famous sister wife Rachel(Mara) Jeffs. Her motives in getting her children out are similar to Carolyn Jessop's -not wanting her daughter to become one of Warren(Cain)'s many wives. Yes,Warren was grooming girls,even in prison it seems. His eye settled on Tammy, one of Sarah's daughters.(and his grandchildren's half-sister!)
Richard eventually abandons Sarah when ordered to do so,when Warren condemns her to be "spiritually dead". Frankly,I do not like him at all.

I praise Sarah for her strength. I would rate it 4.5/5.

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ending was incredibly irritating. Who writes a whole book called "Give Me Back My Children" and ends BEFORE YOU GET THEM BACK?!?!
Even the tag line, "or die trying....", seems completely disingenuine when you see she never stood up to anyone other than verbal arguments that she groveled for forgiveness after. There is no closure, and the epilogue is just an awkward dream sequence.
Why would Sarah relive her past by writing this story full of horrific medical trauma and psychological abuse, and then chose to end the book with her still a victim?
I'm still giving it 4 stars instead of 3 because I think the information/experience is important to read about, so people can be vigilant to how easily Christianity becomes cult-like.

Side note: "Breaking Free: How I Escaped Polygamy, the FLDS Cult, and My Father, Warren Jeffs" is an autobiography written by Rachel Jeffs, the wife that Sarah refers to as "Mara".
It's interesting to see the different sides from the 1st wife and the "favored" wife, and for some situations you have to wonder who is actually telling the truth.

[Annora · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel kind of bad for not rating this higher. It’s an important book. It speaks of a horrific culture that needs to be spoken about more. But it doesn’t change the fact that there were problems within it.

I suspect some of the problems are due to Sarah’s upbringing. The tone is wishy-washy. There were references to technology that didn’t exist yet. The pacing is way off.

I am also really irritated with the way the book ended. I was hoping it ended with her, ya know, getting her children back. I get that it may be for their protection, and I get that it’s likely that way on purpose for a volume two. But it was still infuriating to finally finish it and then…nope.

But Sarah’s story is important. I’m glad I found out that the “Mara” mentioned is Rachel Jeffs, who wrote her own memoir. Sarah is called “Trish” in that I believe.

This was a booo with many problems, but worth reading.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the author's memoir of living within the FLDS cult. In detail she shows how members are brainwashed and subjected to loss of freedom, possessions, and even their children. It was written from the heart and had me in tears at some points. The only flaw I found with it was keeping track of all the relationships within the plural marriages. That was not enough, though, to remove a star. This is definitely a 5 star book. If you are interested in the inner workings of a cult, this book about Warren Jeffs and the FLDS is one you'll enjoy.

[Chevette Melton · Rating 3 out of 5]

All in all, it's not terrible....but I'm underwhelmed

I REALLY wanted to love this book. I tried so hard.
I feel like the timelines could have been a little more clear. I also get the impression Sarah did not use an editor.
That said the STORY content....God bless her it was so intense. I had already listened to Rachel's (Mara) book on Audible and wanted to hear the other side of the story....which I guess I did get.
However, after ALLL of that....We didn't hear HOW she got her kids back. I need that part like yesterday

[Stephanie Stander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreakingly honest

Sarah’s story just kept breaking my heart. She went through more than anyone should ever have to. The years of abuse she suffered while still staying strong and fighting for her children are awe inspiring. This book is absolutely worth your time to read and it gives chilling insights into the ways Warren Jeffs tried to force the people he controlled to further submit to his cruelties.

[Bobbie Roshone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow.

This was a heartbreaking read but a great insight into FDLS and the Allred/Jeffs relationships. As a mother, I felt the pain Sarah went through and I’m looking forward to reading the next book.

[Lisa Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put it down!

I am fascinated by the stories of FLDS women and how they lost their personal freedoms and often their children. This was an excellent first-hand account. I can’t wait to read the second book in this unbelievable, true journey.

[Terri Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unimaginable!

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. The world needs to be aware that He'll on earth like this exists , and that so many innocent people fall victim to it.

[Monica Mowdy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Cult is Still Alive

I had no idea how bad the cult had become following Warren Jeff’s imprisonment. Allred’s book gives insight to the insidious mind games that continue.

[katie bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read

I couldn't put this book down.
I need to find her second book to read.
So glad she's with her children

[Kimster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting account from someone who was in the FLDS as it was falling apart & its leader jailed. Author survived the bizarre things that happened under WJ as leader.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Found this one really tough to read and has left me feeling quite anxious! Can't imagine what it was like to have your kids taken like that. This story rrally broke my heart.

[Tiffany Schnase · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazingly written

I could feel her pain! Very enjoyable and I learned so much about the Evils of men, hiding behind God to cause abuse

[Lauryn Guzman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Interesting story, hard to follow

The story itself was rather intriguing, but the book was full of spelling and grammatical errors. It was hard to follow at times because the author would describe a scenario then jump to a completely different set of events. She never describes what happened after she was banished, where she went, or how she survived on her own. Maybe those details will be in the next book?

[Blanca E. Hernandez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learning

I read this book to discuss with my children, and so they never fall into cults and brainwashing religions.
I am so glad I can read about this ugliness.