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The New Topping/Bottoming Books
The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People
The Bottoming Book" and "The Topping Book", by the inimitable writing team of Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt, are the groundbreaking books that take a realistic look at what motivates tops and bottoms - what turns us on, what gets us off. Laced with funny, exciting personal anecdotes, they examine the joys and frustrations of being a bottom or a top - physically, emotionally and spiritually - and give you lots of realistic ideas about how to get more of what you want, Perfect for tops and bottoms of any gender or orientation. Don't miss Fish's hot, funny, fabulous illustrations!
124 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1994
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
December 13, 2007
If you want a how-to book, this isn't it. If you want a why-for book, this is your baby. I wish I would have found this book years ago. For people who are already in the game, it's a quirky, fun reaffirmation and reminder of the basics. And while you won't learn the practical importance of, say, different commercial-grade leathers, I think the authors do a pretty good job of guiding readers to the psychological space you'll need to find once you do snag a good top who knows his way around a dungeon. Worth the purchase for new bottoms, and for tops who have never actually been on the business end of a cat.
August 26, 2010
Although I appreciate Easton's work, I feel that I run into the same wall every time I read something by her. Every point she makes are ones I already know, in a way; it's all common sense, lessons learned through living, and epiphanies we all come to at some point. We all know that in order to be the best bottom we can be, we must communicate with our top. We must respect our top. We must respect ourselves. Etc. We all are very aware of these things, but every now and then, we need reminding. We need someone to tell us that it's ok to feel the way we do, and to want the things we need, and Easton is that voice. Ultimately, most of her books end up being positive, easy reads, however I never feel fulfilled. I don't come away feeling like I've gained much knowledge or insight, but I do feel a little more secure in who I am. So, worth reading but nothing groundbreaking.
February 7, 2026
I mean, I already read The New Topping Book, plus this is kind of a companion piece to Box Hill, isn't it? :-) So I completed "The New Bottoming Book" as well, and what can I say: It's a historical artifact from 1994 in a revised edition 2001, so it's 25 years old. Unsurprisingly, it shows.
The book was never intended as a how-to manual, it rather asks about the why and talks about communication and consent - and I'm sure it was a pioneering publication when it first came out, fearlessly talking about sexual fantasies like caning and role play, about fetish gear and sex parties. In the now, the language, once certainly intended to encourage people to question taboos (the vibe is "we are just like you, two quirky middle-aged women"), now feels strangely outdated, and the information regarding the digital sphere is even a little funny.
But the fact that this has ceased to be top-notch current BDSM ed is rooted in the fact that society sometimes does move forward, and the book added to the very process: Its aim was always to make the taboos it tackles vanish. Still, I had to wait for almost ten months for a Libby hold to come through.
The book was never intended as a how-to manual, it rather asks about the why and talks about communication and consent - and I'm sure it was a pioneering publication when it first came out, fearlessly talking about sexual fantasies like caning and role play, about fetish gear and sex parties. In the now, the language, once certainly intended to encourage people to question taboos (the vibe is "we are just like you, two quirky middle-aged women"), now feels strangely outdated, and the information regarding the digital sphere is even a little funny.
But the fact that this has ceased to be top-notch current BDSM ed is rooted in the fact that society sometimes does move forward, and the book added to the very process: Its aim was always to make the taboos it tackles vanish. Still, I had to wait for almost ten months for a Libby hold to come through.
March 27, 2022
This title focuses on the psychological side of bdsm play. Among other things the authors describe what submissive partners, the bottoms, want and need, and it is stressed that these needs are legitimate and healthy. Some passages are more detailed than others, but I enjoyed reading all of them due to the positive messages in them and because of the entertaining style they are written in.
There is a short chapter for tops too, and just like Easton and Hardy write, I could also only recommend for tops to read this chapter and the book.
In general, I’d recommend this title to people who are not too experienced in bdsm yet, as it answers a lot of questions newbies might have. In addition, this is a title that gives reassurance and positive messages about safe, sane and consensual kinky play, so it is definitely worth 5 out of 5 stars.
There is a short chapter for tops too, and just like Easton and Hardy write, I could also only recommend for tops to read this chapter and the book.
In general, I’d recommend this title to people who are not too experienced in bdsm yet, as it answers a lot of questions newbies might have. In addition, this is a title that gives reassurance and positive messages about safe, sane and consensual kinky play, so it is definitely worth 5 out of 5 stars.
December 1, 2015
Excellent resource about bottoming for beginners that gives a great overview of the various ways someone might want to bottom, and why. Especially insightful was sections about a bottom's duty to their top. I had a lot of fun reading it, then playing dress-up and making the attached video review (https://youtu.be/qTz3l9fUgmc), and know I will be rereading frequently.
Highly recommended for both beginners, and for writers who want to include these kinds of scenes in their own work.
Highly recommended for both beginners, and for writers who want to include these kinds of scenes in their own work.
June 10, 2011
Helped me understand the psychological side of submission better than anything else I've read on the subject. Very good book for the curious.
December 21, 2007
Again more validation and a new insight into my own personal power dynamic in a sexual relationship.
May 29, 2016
I loved authors' earlier collaboration on Ethical Slut and I was not disappointed by their thorough examination of receiving aspect of BDSM-related activities. (I personally read as BDSM as BaDass Sex Magic from now on, as I am getting a bit lost in all the abbreviations.)
Book offers great context on emotional status of bottoms, as well as their complicated relationship with their tops. Great pointers on safety in BDSM, importance of D/S in sex therapy and difference between preplay negotiations and actual "play" performance.
I was mildly disturbed by the chapter on yoga, but overall, I loved it. It's not a manual, it's more like very well crafted contextual read for outside public to gain better understanding into the scene. Kudos to the authors and now onto their next piece, The New Topping Book.
Book offers great context on emotional status of bottoms, as well as their complicated relationship with their tops. Great pointers on safety in BDSM, importance of D/S in sex therapy and difference between preplay negotiations and actual "play" performance.
I was mildly disturbed by the chapter on yoga, but overall, I loved it. It's not a manual, it's more like very well crafted contextual read for outside public to gain better understanding into the scene. Kudos to the authors and now onto their next piece, The New Topping Book.
April 11, 2008
This book is really good for someone interested in bottoming that is still new to it. I'm not new to it, but it was still a good read.
December 18, 2025
3.5-4/5
~
fun introduction to bdsm! wanted to also read the topping edition but the library only has the bottoming edition (says a lot about society…) read the edition from 2001 so there was a section all about the internet that was really fun to read and aged like fine wine. lots of talk of “The Net” and “The Web.”
would love to see a new edition with more inclusive language (though they did just fine for 2001 standards)!
~
fun introduction to bdsm! wanted to also read the topping edition but the library only has the bottoming edition (says a lot about society…) read the edition from 2001 so there was a section all about the internet that was really fun to read and aged like fine wine. lots of talk of “The Net” and “The Web.”
would love to see a new edition with more inclusive language (though they did just fine for 2001 standards)!
September 1, 2024
If you know me in real life I’m gonna need you to ignore this one all together.
Listen- I literally don’t know where to start. The online kink community RAVES about this book and I DO NOT understand why. I would consider myself like decently knowledgeable (while I also acknowledge that I’m 100% starting out and there’s always more to learn and ways to grow) so most of this was pointless. Cue an entire chapter about ✨the internet✨ or the chapter about spirituality. It was wrote by two lesbians/bisexuals who clearly have outdated views and wanted to focus on their kinks and brag about their escapades (literally multiple stories throughout that feel very ✨dick measuring contest✨esque). The switches of she/him randomly to be “socially correct” was so confusing when literally the singular “they” exists and would have been easier to process than the constant swapping (also side note and maybe without them even noticing they almost always used she as the top and him as the bottom).
But I think the ICING ON TOP THE CAKE was the passage where she comments on the sexuality of a SIX YEAR OLD fantasizing about being kidnapped by sexists. First of all wtf get your daughter into therapy if they’re expressing this to you at the age of six. Second of all do not WRITE AND PUBLISH that story. Literally wtf.
I’ll agree that parts of this will probably be helpful. Anyone can find at least SOMETHING in there to use and grow and sure it’s led to some interesting convos but literally I think the useful parts could have been a 10-20 page pamphlet not a 200 page book. There HAS to be better books out there than this hot fucking mess.
Listen- I literally don’t know where to start. The online kink community RAVES about this book and I DO NOT understand why. I would consider myself like decently knowledgeable (while I also acknowledge that I’m 100% starting out and there’s always more to learn and ways to grow) so most of this was pointless. Cue an entire chapter about ✨the internet✨ or the chapter about spirituality. It was wrote by two lesbians/bisexuals who clearly have outdated views and wanted to focus on their kinks and brag about their escapades (literally multiple stories throughout that feel very ✨dick measuring contest✨esque). The switches of she/him randomly to be “socially correct” was so confusing when literally the singular “they” exists and would have been easier to process than the constant swapping (also side note and maybe without them even noticing they almost always used she as the top and him as the bottom).
But I think the ICING ON TOP THE CAKE was the passage where she comments on the sexuality of a SIX YEAR OLD fantasizing about being kidnapped by sexists. First of all wtf get your daughter into therapy if they’re expressing this to you at the age of six. Second of all do not WRITE AND PUBLISH that story. Literally wtf.
I’ll agree that parts of this will probably be helpful. Anyone can find at least SOMETHING in there to use and grow and sure it’s led to some interesting convos but literally I think the useful parts could have been a 10-20 page pamphlet not a 200 page book. There HAS to be better books out there than this hot fucking mess.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 27, 2007
When my girlfriend and I took our questions about our burgeoning interest in BDSM to our more experienced friends in Washington D.C., they recommended that we start with this book, and it's sister The New Topping Book. The authors write with wit and compassion, making this a fun, sexy, and comforting read.
It's important to remember, however, that this isn't a 'how-to' manual. It won't tell you how to play BDSM games with your lover - at most, there are a few scenes you might find interesting. It will tell you why you should be willing to give it a try, and it will explore what might be going on in your head to make all this stuff interesting to you.
Anyway, this book is an absolute winner. I can enthusiastically pass on my friends' recommendation to all comers.
It's important to remember, however, that this isn't a 'how-to' manual. It won't tell you how to play BDSM games with your lover - at most, there are a few scenes you might find interesting. It will tell you why you should be willing to give it a try, and it will explore what might be going on in your head to make all this stuff interesting to you.
Anyway, this book is an absolute winner. I can enthusiastically pass on my friends' recommendation to all comers.
September 13, 2019
Where the sibling Topping book feels like an afterthought, this is more grounded, concrete, and inspired. There's less filler, and it generally feels more applicable--in part because it offers more concrete information re: types and subcategories of play, perhaps because there's less to offer in a topping book unwilling to provide technical instruction, but mostly because it feels like a labor of love, richer with personal insight and passion. But it shares limitations with its sibling book: it has a strong emphasis on sex, and skews towards proto-lifestylers while being so general that it's likely to be redundant to that audience; further, some elements show their age, particularly the dated treatment of gender (in an otherwise diverse and accepting book) and the hilariously outdated section on the internet.
January 15, 2015
Beautiful, easy-to-read, vivacious prose; it almost seems like you're face-to-face with Dossie and Janet (the authors)!
Great introduction to playing submissive/bottoming roles in sex and BDSM. Great tips on where to start, what kinds of sensations and scenes you could explore, the healing and spiritual potential of BDSM, and what to look for/look out for in yourself and your sexual partners.
Additionally, the updated introduction and additional section about online communities and cybersex really enhances the scope of this book. Extensive resource list in the back.
Great introduction to playing submissive/bottoming roles in sex and BDSM. Great tips on where to start, what kinds of sensations and scenes you could explore, the healing and spiritual potential of BDSM, and what to look for/look out for in yourself and your sexual partners.
Additionally, the updated introduction and additional section about online communities and cybersex really enhances the scope of this book. Extensive resource list in the back.
May 29, 2015
This book did a nice job of giving an overview of how to remain same in the world of kink as often repeated in the ever present mantra, "safe, sane, consensual." It is a great resource for how to frame oneself mentally and is a great precursor before engaging in any heavy emotional play in BDSM. There is significant discussion of spirituality as it relates to kink, but it is always presented relatively secularly and repeated that to view kink spiritually is always the players option. Not a how to guide but really digs into the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional aspects. Worth a read.
July 24, 2015
Think outside your boundaries! Although I was personally given this book by my BFF and directed to read it, I really enjoyed the experience and found it quite interesting and informative. It is especially good at helping better understand the dynamics of a relationship and offering insights to improving one's service as a bottom. The book has already helped me be a better submissive to my BFF and her sister in our somewhat complex F/F/F D/D/s experimentation. XOXOXOs to the authors, Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, for creating this excellent work:)
February 26, 2022
I found this an interesting read on the aspects of being a bottom, both as someone exploring the bottom space, and as someone that likes to top. The book was inclusive and had some interesting views regarding spirituality and BDSM that I haven't seen in my other research.
The only reason it's not getting five stars is because it's rather outdated regarding meeting new people and the internet. That said, it does preach internet-security, which I feel like a lot of people could need a refresher course on!
The only reason it's not getting five stars is because it's rather outdated regarding meeting new people and the internet. That said, it does preach internet-security, which I feel like a lot of people could need a refresher course on!
June 25, 2012
The New Bottoming Book is a good starter book for those interested in the sub aspect of a BDSM lifestyle, either as a bottom or a top. This is not the end all, be all, but gives a good idea of what can be expected, real life scenarios, and a basic understanding of the lifestyle.
I like the authors use of real life experiences to illustrate situations and expectations. I came with a better understanding of what I want from the lifestyle. Good way to begin.
I like the authors use of real life experiences to illustrate situations and expectations. I came with a better understanding of what I want from the lifestyle. Good way to begin.
Read
January 26, 2023Well i’m trying to write some kind of review for each book I read, so here it goes. This was a great introduction into the world of bottoming. I read the updated version, which is nearly 20 years old and it is clear some things (i.e., “the ‘net”) have changed how a lot of people are introduced to BDSM.
Despite its age, I learned a lot and loved the interactive prompts to get you thinking about boundaries. Okay forget you saw this and learned that I’m not always the hot top I pretend to be.
Despite its age, I learned a lot and loved the interactive prompts to get you thinking about boundaries. Okay forget you saw this and learned that I’m not always the hot top I pretend to be.
January 12, 2020
The parts about "connection with others" are probably about outdated - which is to be expected, as communication changed drastically over the last years.
I'm rating it 4/5 since even when you don't get something from every chapter in this book, it's really informative, asks the right questions and also leads you towards your own personal answers for them.
I'm rating it 4/5 since even when you don't get something from every chapter in this book, it's really informative, asks the right questions and also leads you towards your own personal answers for them.
February 14, 2010
The best thing about this was the former subtitle (removed in this edition): How to Get Terrible Things Done to You By Wonderful People. Astonishingly boring, I thought, given its subject matter.
July 31, 2009
The companion book to "The Topping Book". The next level after reading SM101 & Screw the Roses. Silly illustrations. Amusing anecdotes. Good advice.
August 27, 2015
I love Easton and hardy. It's like your two favourite aunts writing about sex in a very reassuring way.
February 9, 2017
A friendly and thorough exploration of what it takes to be a bottom, the myriad of activities one may participate in (and their safety concerns), and how to work with a top.
March 13, 2021
This is a great book for kink beginners, either tops or bottoms. Don’t think of this as a how-to but more a celebration of bottoming with plenty of information sharing just some of the possibilities. There’s plenty of examples and information about safety (which is important) but also “permission” to explore and discover all that bottoming has to offer.
January 20, 2023
É um livro bem curto sobre ser bottom, mas não é um manual ou guia de execução de práticas. A maior parte do livro é sobre descobrir os gostos pessoais e comunicá-los de forma clara e saudável.
Tudo é bem claro e bem focado em obter, manter, e, se desejável, revogar consentimentos. Não achei tão bom quanto o SM101, mas é tão curto que é legal de ler.
O final fala um pouco de espiritualidade, o que contrasta um pouco com o tom do resto do livro, e é escrito de um jeito bem corrido. Mas ainda assim é um capítulo interessante.
Tudo é bem claro e bem focado em obter, manter, e, se desejável, revogar consentimentos. Não achei tão bom quanto o SM101, mas é tão curto que é legal de ler.
O final fala um pouco de espiritualidade, o que contrasta um pouco com o tom do resto do livro, e é escrito de um jeito bem corrido. Mas ainda assim é um capítulo interessante.
March 6, 2022
So and so. It is a good book for newbies in kink power dynamics, goes through many of the basics (the sub holds the power, safety and negociation, switching, roles etc) and it is written in an accessible, friendly language.
Not one that would blow your mind if you are already experienced in the scene.
Not one that would blow your mind if you are already experienced in the scene.
October 6, 2025
I intend to read everything these writers have published.
June 17, 2026
2.5 ⭐️
Está bien pero se queda corto
Está bien pero se queda corto
September 13, 2026
2.5/5
The book was probably groundbreaking for its time but even the updated edition feels out of date (as the authors acknowledge in their audiobook narration, social media has changed so much since the updated text was written). There's some good advice on how to communicate your needs as a bottom, how to chose a top who values your safety and agency, and advice on how to respect your top's safety and agency. It's also really valuable as a surviving artefact if earlier bdsm scenes and cultures.
The book was probably groundbreaking for its time but even the updated edition feels out of date (as the authors acknowledge in their audiobook narration, social media has changed so much since the updated text was written). There's some good advice on how to communicate your needs as a bottom, how to chose a top who values your safety and agency, and advice on how to respect your top's safety and agency. It's also really valuable as a surviving artefact if earlier bdsm scenes and cultures.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews