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Habits: The Mother's Secret to Success
A selection of Charlotte Mason's writings on the topic of Habit Formation in children. Her teachings on the topic of education required six large volumes to cover. This book makes it simple for homeschooling parents to find exactly what they need to learn about Charlotte Mason's thoughts on establishing good habits.
80 pages, Paperback
Published February 20, 2015
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About the author
Charlotte M. Mason
67 books230 followersCharlotte Mason, a renowned British educator, lived during the turn of the 20th century. She turned the idea of education being something of utilitarian necessity into an approach based upon living ideas. She believed that education is "an atmosphere, a discipline, a life" and a "science of relations." Her methods are embraced around the world today, especially among the homeschool community.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
July 20, 2025
First of all, I love some things about Mason’s overall educational philosophy. Namely the emphasis on living books, nature study, and narration. This book is a series of excerpts specifically on the topic of habit formation, so is not a comprehensive look at Mason’s theology or philosophy. Nevertheless, at least in the quotes used in this book, I find Mason to have mistaken views on human nature and to advocate for borderline abusive parenting.
Mason denies sin nature in practice if not in words, which comes out in a multitude of ways. To train an “infant to instant obedience...is no difficult task; the child is still trailing clouds of glory...from God, who is his home; the principle of obedience is within him.” (p. 65).” She blames circumstances and other people for children’s bad behaviors, advocating that parents and teachers simply change the environment or activity when a child misbehaves. She denies human agency and responsibility, insisting that “whatever seed of thought or feeling you implant in a child...grows, completes itself, and begets it’s kind” (p. 11). She claims that “every act of disobedience in the child is a direct condemnation of the parent” (p. 65). I wonder how she would explain that God “parented” Israel perfectly and they still rebelled against him.
Much of what she says on the topic of habits is manipulative. “Lay down lines so invitingly smooth and easy that the little traveler is going upon them at full speed without stopping to consider whether or not he chooses to go that way” (p. 13). She demands that parents control their children even down to their thoughts and feelings (“Let her change the child’s thoughts before ever the bad temper has had time to develop into conscious feeling.” p.71)
Her insistence on requiring immediate, unquestioning obedience is the kind of philosophy that leads to abuse and neglect in many fundamental homes. She claims obedience must start in infancy: “A good deal of nonsense is talked about the reasons of the child’s cries—he is supposed to want his mother, or his nurse, or his bottle, or the light... The fact is, the child has already formed a habit of wakefulness or of feeding at improper times.” Therefore, a mother should leave him to cry so that “for the rest of his baby life, he may put himself sweetly to sleep in the dark without protest.” “Nothing tends more to generate a habit of self-indulgence than to feed a child...at unreasonable times, merely because it cries” (p. 34).
This philosophy truly makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yes, there are times an older child must learn to go to bed. It’s not necessarily abusive to let your child cry, or do gentle sleep training. But telling parents that a baby’s cry is manipulative rebellion that they need to deal with is a lie that can definitely lead to frustration, neglect, and abuse (the real life examples of this are out there, and they are heart breaking). To deny an INFANT’S need of comfort, milk, and a parent’s presence is to deny them some of the most crucial neurological development of their lifetime. Much research has shown that children who don’t experience this connection develop attachment disorders that can never be healed. It is heart breaking how far some parenting philosophies take this insistence on obedience and breaking a child’s supposed willfulness. I doubt that was Mason’s intent, but ideas have consequences that need to be acknowledged.
Much of what Mason says is impractical. Apparently, all a mother must do to get her children to obey is require it! “To avoid these displays of willfulness, the mother will insist from the first on an obedience which is prompt, cheerful, and lasting” (p. 67). It is not possible to control a child’s attitude. You can control their outward displays through punishment or manipulation, but you cannot control their hearts. Mason doesn’t say how, but claims that magically at some point a child “obeys because his sense of right makes him desire to obey in spite of temptations to disobedience—not of constraint, but willingly” (p. 65). That is certainly the goal, but (at least in this small book), Mason never explains how this happens—especially if a parent has habitually required instant obedience without explaining why or addressing sin and the need for God’s transforming grace.
She says children should be made to be truthful by not ever being allowed to tell anything in an exaggerated or humorous way. The mother must “ruthlessly strip the tale of everything over and above the naked truth.” Children shouldn’t be allowed to tell stories in funny ways, but only the bare truth. This squashing of imagination, humor, and the God-given gift for telling engaging stories is appalling.
I could go on, but suffice to say that I filled the margins with “?!”
To be fair, there were things I underlined because I appreciated.
“The biggest intellectual gifts depend for their value upon the measure in which their owner has cultivated the habit of attention.” (p. 41).
“Good marks should be given for conduct rather than for cleverness—that is, they should be within everybody’s reach. Every child may get his mark for punctuality, order, attention, diligence, obedience, gentleness.” (p. 47)
“Whatever the natural gifts of the child, it is only so far as the habit of attention is cultivated in him that he is able to make use of them.” (p. 49)
“One of the most fertile causes of an overdone brain is a failure in the habit of attention. I suppose we are all ready to admit that it is not the things we do, but the things we fail to do, which fatigue us, with the sense of omission, with the worry of hurry in overtaking our tasks.” (p. 49)
Parenting “requires patient consideration and steady determination on the mother’s part. She must consider with herself what fault of disposition the child’s misbehavior springs from; she must aim her punishment at that fault, and must brace herself to see her child suffer present loss for his lasting gain.” (p. 51)
There are two more books in this series, one on books and one on nature study. I suspect I’d enjoy either of those more than this one, so I’ll probably give them a try. But I don’t recommend this book. Considering the time Mason lived in and the prevalent views on children/education/parenting, I think Mason came very far in the right direction, but not always enough. I’m sure most parents are discerning enough to take Mason’s thoughts with a grain of salt and not become abusive (I know many wonderful Charlotte Mason homeschoolers), but too many of the ideas in here ARE abusive, misleading, and manipulative if taken at face value. And I am aware of groups that treat Miss Mason’s words like gospel, which is concerning.
Overall, there are SUCH better books on parenting and teaching that I see no need to read this one.
Mason denies sin nature in practice if not in words, which comes out in a multitude of ways. To train an “infant to instant obedience...is no difficult task; the child is still trailing clouds of glory...from God, who is his home; the principle of obedience is within him.” (p. 65).” She blames circumstances and other people for children’s bad behaviors, advocating that parents and teachers simply change the environment or activity when a child misbehaves. She denies human agency and responsibility, insisting that “whatever seed of thought or feeling you implant in a child...grows, completes itself, and begets it’s kind” (p. 11). She claims that “every act of disobedience in the child is a direct condemnation of the parent” (p. 65). I wonder how she would explain that God “parented” Israel perfectly and they still rebelled against him.
Much of what she says on the topic of habits is manipulative. “Lay down lines so invitingly smooth and easy that the little traveler is going upon them at full speed without stopping to consider whether or not he chooses to go that way” (p. 13). She demands that parents control their children even down to their thoughts and feelings (“Let her change the child’s thoughts before ever the bad temper has had time to develop into conscious feeling.” p.71)
Her insistence on requiring immediate, unquestioning obedience is the kind of philosophy that leads to abuse and neglect in many fundamental homes. She claims obedience must start in infancy: “A good deal of nonsense is talked about the reasons of the child’s cries—he is supposed to want his mother, or his nurse, or his bottle, or the light... The fact is, the child has already formed a habit of wakefulness or of feeding at improper times.” Therefore, a mother should leave him to cry so that “for the rest of his baby life, he may put himself sweetly to sleep in the dark without protest.” “Nothing tends more to generate a habit of self-indulgence than to feed a child...at unreasonable times, merely because it cries” (p. 34).
This philosophy truly makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yes, there are times an older child must learn to go to bed. It’s not necessarily abusive to let your child cry, or do gentle sleep training. But telling parents that a baby’s cry is manipulative rebellion that they need to deal with is a lie that can definitely lead to frustration, neglect, and abuse (the real life examples of this are out there, and they are heart breaking). To deny an INFANT’S need of comfort, milk, and a parent’s presence is to deny them some of the most crucial neurological development of their lifetime. Much research has shown that children who don’t experience this connection develop attachment disorders that can never be healed. It is heart breaking how far some parenting philosophies take this insistence on obedience and breaking a child’s supposed willfulness. I doubt that was Mason’s intent, but ideas have consequences that need to be acknowledged.
Much of what Mason says is impractical. Apparently, all a mother must do to get her children to obey is require it! “To avoid these displays of willfulness, the mother will insist from the first on an obedience which is prompt, cheerful, and lasting” (p. 67). It is not possible to control a child’s attitude. You can control their outward displays through punishment or manipulation, but you cannot control their hearts. Mason doesn’t say how, but claims that magically at some point a child “obeys because his sense of right makes him desire to obey in spite of temptations to disobedience—not of constraint, but willingly” (p. 65). That is certainly the goal, but (at least in this small book), Mason never explains how this happens—especially if a parent has habitually required instant obedience without explaining why or addressing sin and the need for God’s transforming grace.
She says children should be made to be truthful by not ever being allowed to tell anything in an exaggerated or humorous way. The mother must “ruthlessly strip the tale of everything over and above the naked truth.” Children shouldn’t be allowed to tell stories in funny ways, but only the bare truth. This squashing of imagination, humor, and the God-given gift for telling engaging stories is appalling.
I could go on, but suffice to say that I filled the margins with “?!”
To be fair, there were things I underlined because I appreciated.
“The biggest intellectual gifts depend for their value upon the measure in which their owner has cultivated the habit of attention.” (p. 41).
“Good marks should be given for conduct rather than for cleverness—that is, they should be within everybody’s reach. Every child may get his mark for punctuality, order, attention, diligence, obedience, gentleness.” (p. 47)
“Whatever the natural gifts of the child, it is only so far as the habit of attention is cultivated in him that he is able to make use of them.” (p. 49)
“One of the most fertile causes of an overdone brain is a failure in the habit of attention. I suppose we are all ready to admit that it is not the things we do, but the things we fail to do, which fatigue us, with the sense of omission, with the worry of hurry in overtaking our tasks.” (p. 49)
Parenting “requires patient consideration and steady determination on the mother’s part. She must consider with herself what fault of disposition the child’s misbehavior springs from; she must aim her punishment at that fault, and must brace herself to see her child suffer present loss for his lasting gain.” (p. 51)
There are two more books in this series, one on books and one on nature study. I suspect I’d enjoy either of those more than this one, so I’ll probably give them a try. But I don’t recommend this book. Considering the time Mason lived in and the prevalent views on children/education/parenting, I think Mason came very far in the right direction, but not always enough. I’m sure most parents are discerning enough to take Mason’s thoughts with a grain of salt and not become abusive (I know many wonderful Charlotte Mason homeschoolers), but too many of the ideas in here ARE abusive, misleading, and manipulative if taken at face value. And I am aware of groups that treat Miss Mason’s words like gospel, which is concerning.
Overall, there are SUCH better books on parenting and teaching that I see no need to read this one.
February 10, 2021
Great information. I did feel it was lacking some of the context of the compiled work, which is why I gave it only 3 stars. I just need to dive into her actual work itself instead of a topical compilation.
June 28, 2024
First: I plan on homeschooling following Charlotte Mason’s methods. Second: I feel that it’s wise for CM followers to remember that her word is not scripture. While it’s clear she loved the Lord, I do not believe she got everything right and we do need to discern what is and what isn’t appropriate for our families and our times. Examples: An infant needs to nurse at night. Training your child in “a sensitive nose” and “light, springy movements” may not be on your to-to list, and that’s okay. They certainly aren’t on mine. In the sections about truthfulness, Charlotte goes as far as to say (paraphrased) that a child shouldn’t be allowed to tell his mother he’s seen ‘lots’ of spotted dogs, when in fact, he’s seen two. I cannot imagine picking apart my child so much as to not allow her the freedom of expressing her experience from her own eyes. Two spotted dogs may be “lots” from her perspective, and who am i to dictate otherwise? Children ARE born persons and i do feel that Charlotte steps on her own toes with her apparent belief that parents are able to perfectly shape their own children’s character. We are all sinful by nature and many of her ideas are helpful, but not quite so “do or die” as she makes them out to be. While, yes, “Train your children in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it”, some of the things she focuses heavily on go beyond training and infringe on the borne person a child is. Charlotte worked with children, but was not a mother herself and i do imagine her teachings may have been changed to a degree had she been one. Don’t get me wrong, there is so much to be loved about Charlotte and I have saved quite a bit of quotes from this book that did impact me in a positive way. I rated this at four stars because Charlotte was ahead of her time and I feel grateful to be able to glean from her wisdom in the areas that i have. I agree with Charlotte about the concept of habits and the duty of parents to help shape those habits in their child. She paints this perspective in ways I hadn’t thought about before and I did get value from it.
March 26, 2019
Great
Great compilation of Charlotte Mason's writing on habits. Reading her volumes is too overwhelming for me right now, do this was a great way to get started reading her actual writing.
Great compilation of Charlotte Mason's writing on habits. Reading her volumes is too overwhelming for me right now, do this was a great way to get started reading her actual writing.
August 22, 2023
Some great philosophy of instilling good habits and obliterating bad ones; the practical application is a bit outdated, and I don't agree with the application to infants in particular.
April 24, 2017
This really motivated me to focus on habits in early childhood, as a foundation for upcoming education. It made me think about the importance of my own habits and the influence that has on my children.
August 30, 2023
Habits or How to Dog Train Your Children
I rarely give out one-star ratings, but this one truly deserves it. Not counting the terrible formatting or the sub-par editing, this book is terrible for many other reasons not related to the "editor," if you can even call her that.
No, the worst in the book is the actual Charlotte Mason writings. And I'm not referring to her writing style because it was written in another time (plus, you can turn on Word Wise to help you with difficult words). I'm referring to the tactics Charlotte Mason used to teach habits. It's horrible and insulting to children. Take this quote, for example: "It is wonderful how soon the actions of a young infant (like those of a young dog or horse) come into harmony with systematic 'training' judiciously exercised." I was not kidding when I wrote the title of this review. It's a how-to book on using dog training tactics on children.
It also has little jabs at "the help," warning mothers not to let children pick up bad habits from the servents. Although I understand this was written in a different time, and it wasn't considered offensive back then, that was so hard to read. I would've been better off by just leaving this one as a DNF (Did Not Finish), but I have the habit of finishing what I started (one of Charlotte Mason's Habits). It's not a good habit if what I'm doing is wasting precious time I could've spent on something I actually enjoy and resonates with me. I'd give it a -5 rating if it were an option, but one star is the lowest rating available, so that's what I chose.
Ugh! Skip this one.
I rarely give out one-star ratings, but this one truly deserves it. Not counting the terrible formatting or the sub-par editing, this book is terrible for many other reasons not related to the "editor," if you can even call her that.
No, the worst in the book is the actual Charlotte Mason writings. And I'm not referring to her writing style because it was written in another time (plus, you can turn on Word Wise to help you with difficult words). I'm referring to the tactics Charlotte Mason used to teach habits. It's horrible and insulting to children. Take this quote, for example: "It is wonderful how soon the actions of a young infant (like those of a young dog or horse) come into harmony with systematic 'training' judiciously exercised." I was not kidding when I wrote the title of this review. It's a how-to book on using dog training tactics on children.
It also has little jabs at "the help," warning mothers not to let children pick up bad habits from the servents. Although I understand this was written in a different time, and it wasn't considered offensive back then, that was so hard to read. I would've been better off by just leaving this one as a DNF (Did Not Finish), but I have the habit of finishing what I started (one of Charlotte Mason's Habits). It's not a good habit if what I'm doing is wasting precious time I could've spent on something I actually enjoy and resonates with me. I'd give it a -5 rating if it were an option, but one star is the lowest rating available, so that's what I chose.
Ugh! Skip this one.
September 21, 2021
This is a compilation of Charlotte Mason’s writings on habit formation. I’d recommend for parents, particularly anyone interested in homeschooling. It’s a very challenging read for parents because like most things parenting, it comes down to attention and follow through. At first glance, you might interpret this method as strict, but in the context of a loving relationship I think her approach of gradual and purposeful habit formation is compelling and to me, is directly linked to discipleship. What we do forms us.
August 11, 2017
Useful things to consider, keeping in mind her style is not for everyone. There are some things that would work very well for me and other parts had me laughing out loud imagining how terribly things would go if I tried to follow her suggestions.
I appreciate her intentional approach to parenting and schooling.
I appreciate her intentional approach to parenting and schooling.
January 22, 2018
I thoroughly enjoyed this little collection of thoughts on habits by Charlotte Mason. (I keep telling myself that one day I will get around to reading her complete works, but it hasn't happened yet.) I certainly wish that my mother had instilled some of these habits in me as a child; it would be so much easier than trying to instill them in myself as an adult!
January 10, 2021
A challenging read to form our own good habits as mothers while we help our children to form their own. Squashing bad habits quickly when we see them forming and not just assuming they will grow out of them. Often we just grow into humans who have the same struggles as we did as children if we are not diligent to weed them out.
January 13, 2023
Although written in the 1800s, Miss Mason shares wonderful advice for developing habits. At the end, there is a modern list that has carefully picked out a list of the habits spoken about in the book as well as more. I think some of these habits are wonderful things to go back to and to teach our children in these times. We could do with more manners and more attention as well as some of the modern respect that is being learned. I think everyone can learn from Miss Mason’s insights.
May 8, 2019
Reads like an old fashioned essay. Definitely some good ideas, but I would have appreciated some more practical examples/method. Still, I will be re-reading it and contemplating how to apply it in my parenting.
September 3, 2020
Very helpful book, if a bit dated in some regards. I wish this was more of a "how to" in habit training. It seemed more like a long list of habits and what they are, but not examples of how to achieve those habits with children. Still, it gave me a lot to think about.
October 27, 2021
I got nothing out of this book except that Charlotte Mason is a strong believer in nurture over nature and believes in extremely high-maintenance parenting. I like the ideas, I guess, but I think To Train up a Child is similar to this and much better--more concrete. This is all abstract ideals.
January 7, 2024
This is a more brief Charlotte Mason reading on habits, taken from her longer book titled Home Education. The book is a neat way to get into learning about habits from Charlotte Mason without having to read through the larger text first.
July 30, 2025
I found it difficult to take advice on how to raise children from someone who was not a mother herself. I like Charlotte Masons educational philosophies overall. I could not see her suggestions on how to instill some of her habits to align with my personal practices.
August 17, 2025
This book is short- but I found it helpful to spend more time on it by re-reading several chapters over again.
Yes, you must have your attention turned towards your child and follow through on the habit being focused on. But, it must be done in a thoughtful and loving way.
Yes, you must have your attention turned towards your child and follow through on the habit being focused on. But, it must be done in a thoughtful and loving way.
July 24, 2017
Ok as a very high-level introduction, but not very actionable. Serves as inspiration only, motivation to read Charlotte Mason's actual books and find more usable information.
July 30, 2017
Some parts felt like England, a hundred years ago (which is what it is...!), but mainly I felt these writings are still so relevant and were important for me today.
April 26, 2018
A lot of this material I learned in my Ed 101 and child Psych courses. I still enjoyed brushing up on the information.
August 11, 2018
I absolutely love this collection of all of Charlotte Mason's writings on habits. It's clearly and concisely compiled and so very quotable!
August 13, 2018
S1V1L1
November 25, 2018
Timeless!
This book was definitely a little old fashioned in some respects, but the main ideas were very much adaptable to my parenting.
This book was definitely a little old fashioned in some respects, but the main ideas were very much adaptable to my parenting.
February 1, 2019
Good book on Character training.
April 12, 2019
I only wish it had more specific examples.
July 10, 2019
A collection of Charlotte Mason's writings on habit formation. Spot on.
September 23, 2020
An easy read with good advice.
A good read with good advice.
Time to start developing these habits while my daughter is young. Good value too.
A good read with good advice.
Time to start developing these habits while my daughter is young. Good value too.
August 11, 2021
I enjoy education philosophy and I really liked this topics book. I think there is great benefit in thinking about how to incorporate habits into education.
September 25, 2021
Albeit dated at times, some of the most applicable parenting/education insights I've seen.
Very challenging to actually do, though.
Very challenging to actually do, though.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews