The Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother: Tales of Transformation in Women's Lives

by Kim Chernin, Francesca Belanger (Designed by)

Presenting a new model of female adult development, a renowned psychoanalyst draws on her own clinical practice to help women break a pattern of endless cycles of blame and forgiveness toward their mothers. By the author of The Hungry Self. Reprint.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Family

256 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 1998

About the author

Kim Chernin (born May 7, 1940, Bronx, New York) is an American fiction and nonfiction writer, feminist, poet, and memoirist. She has published fiction, non-fiction and poetry.

(from Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Diana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although Kim Chernin is a favorite of mine, I found this book only so-so. It's essentially an anthology of women's stories about their mothers and/or daughters, including the author's, and how these stories fit the author's theory about mother-daughter relationships and work themselves out through talk therapy with the autor. The stories themselves are quite interesting, and some of the credit there goes to the author's storytelling ability, but I couldn't help but feel it was rather a parasitic way to get a book published. The owners of the stories have had their identities disguised and are not credited, nor, I presume, compensated, for their contributions. This book would likely hold more attraction for one particularly interested in the mother-daughter dynamic in relation to psychoanalysis.

[Rhonda Rae Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book!!! Profoundly deep and eye-opening.

Every woman and I believe men will learn something about themselves within these pages along with the women in their lives.

I could tell from page one that this book found me! It spoke directly on many levels and I'm confident that anyone who reads this will have healing as a result of the stories...you addressed a need that I didn't even know I had!

Right now, I'm writing my own mother-daugher and daughter-mother stories...there are so many things to dive into. Also, I plan on sharing this with my daughters and daughters-in-law if they are willing to go on an exploratory journey with me.

There is no way to give enough praise for this book. I totally loved it and am already reading through it again. Have read it three times now.

Thank you Ms Chernin for opening up your heart and life to speak to all of us!!!!!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, I love all the analytical stuff and found it very insightful. I'd recommend it to anyone who has any kind of complicated relationship with their mother (or who has lost her mother).

[Maureen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Either I'm well past this stage or the book is dated. Probably both.

[Shavawn M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book just pulled me in and wouldn't let go. Perhaps I loved it because I am in the midst of my own 'birth story' as I write a memoir about my relationship with my mother; or perhaps, it is a universal experience that many, if not most, women have. Either way, I was struck by how closely it cuts and how accurate it is in illuminating the experience of being a daughter to a mother one may or may not completely know or understand. I am not a mother myself, so this is the only side of the equation I will ever know. I am grateful Chernin explored this topic and helped me to unearth some of my own stories.

[Brodie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found quite a bit of meaning here.

[Fiezymeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pasti waktu denger judul ini bertanya-tanya, hah kok bisa? (hehe pede..). Judul di atas bukan fenomena dunia yang sedang terbalik hingga seorang anak bisa memberi kelahiran pada ibunya secara harfiah :p.
15 januari kemarin, gw dapet buku paling spesial yang pernah gw punya ;)..judulnya “The woman who gave birth to her mother” karya Kim Chernin. Yuk mari kita ulas sedikit disini..
Buku ini menawarkan paradigma baru mengenai pengembangan diri seorang wanita (women's development) sebagai sosok yang dewasa, kreatif, dan pribadi yang bebas. Giving birth to one's mother merupakan simbol pembentukan diri yang membuka pintu kemandirian dan pencapaian. Faktanya, hal tersebut menjadi transisi yang penting dimana wanita akhirnya belajar untuk membebaskan dirinya.
Nah, di buku ini ada 6 kisah nyata, yang semuanya diceritakan oleh sang anak tentang ibu mereka masing-masing. Ada tentang wanita yang diadopsi dan dalam perjalanan mencari ibu kandungnya, ada tentang penderitaan wanita yang mengalami pospartum depression turun temurun bahkan leluhurnya ada yang sampai gila, ada tentang wanita yang dihantui suara anaknya yang oleh ibunya dinyatakan sudah mati padahal masih hidup. Huff, mari menarik nafas dulu (hehe..). Masing-masing cerita memiliki kedalaman dan diceritakan dengan deskripsi kondisi psikis yang khas dari si penceritanya.
Jika dirangkum, Mother story ini dalam proses transformasi seorang wanita terjadi dalam 7 tahap, yaitu : idealizing, revision, blaming, forgiving, identifying, letting go, dan terakhir giving birth. Setiap tahap dalam Mother story berpotensi dalam perubahan radikal masing-masing wanita, melalui penemuan, penghidupan kembali, dan pengeluaran emosi implisit tentang kisah ibu yang tergerak dari kisah naratif ke dalam tahap tahap kemajuan psikologis yang secara gradual membebaskan pencerita dari masa lalu yang tak terungkapkan. Hingga akhirnya, masing-masing cerita yang awalnya penuh kekecewaan diakhiri dengan maaf dan pengertian, ada yang diakhiri dengan tindakan nyata untuk bergerak mengubah kondisi kehidupan, dst...(hehe, nanti terlalu lengkap untuk sebuah resensi).
So, giving birth disini berarti setiap pencerita menemukan, menghasilkan, dan tergerak dalam pandangan yang baru terhadap hubungan dengan ibunya yang secara tidak sadar juga mengubah kehidupan si anak atau pencerita itu sendiri..

Yah semoga jadi inspirasi, karena tentang ibu, tentang anak selalu lekat di hati dan menjadi bagian hidup yang tak terpisahkan...

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise of the Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother is a fascinating one to me. The thought that through the stories we tell and how we choose to tell them women can process and shape how they view their mother, themselves and their daughters is a rich one... particularly for me since I come from a very matriarchal family of writers, story tellers and artists. The title, alone, was very evocative and had me very excited to read this book. So much so, that I hunted the book down when I had trouble locating it, rather than simply moving on to another book.

Having said that, I don't really think that the book lived up to its promise. It was fairly dry and the author in re-telling the stories of her encounters with her patients and friends pushes herself too much to the foreground. She casts herself as the clever midwife of all the mother-births in the book, without whom the stories would simply be stories rather than the significant therapeutic events that they have become.

Also, The Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother is somewhat lacking as a non-fictional book about a psychological theory. The author presents a cyclical process with seven stages of idealizing, blaming, forgiving, identifying, etc. where multiple re-tellings of the same stories becomes a path for therapeutic healing and growth. But by telling so many different stories from so many different women, she fails to demonstrate the process that she is trying to describe. If the goal of this approach is to give birth, Chernin seems determined to skim over the pregnancy and labor process.

I am still fascinated with this concept and would love to have seen a fictional book based on this premise, something Jungian, acknowledging archetypes and processing a material heroic journey but as amazing as this whole concept is, it was all present in the title and the back cover. Actually reading the book didn't add anything to it, which was very disappointing.

[Laura Dahlman · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book although somewhat interesting just didn't have much substance for me. Maybe I would have gotten more from it years ago when I went through being very angry with my mother, that stage where you have to accept your parents as full and complete human beings flaws and all. I'm through that stage of my life for the most part so really didn't get much from this book. It also always gives me an uneasy feeling when I feel I'm reading the "stolen" stories of others told through a therapist. I know the names, certain details and ages have been changed but it just still seems a bit unethical somehow. Even if the patients were asked I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Therapy is a deeply personal and private experience and I wouldn't want my story told and if my therapist asked I think I'd feel it was out of line and I'd loose trust and confidence. I'd probably actually even say yes because of my personality even though it would make me deeply uncomfortable.

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

The stories were somewhat interesting but it didn't seem like there was any "meat" to the analysis. I was expecting more on the idea of healing through creating situations that replaced the mothering we all seem to need but rarely received. I skimed though a lot of the book (I almost never do this)just to see if it had more later, I was disapointed to find that it didn't really improve.

[Sue · Rating 1 out of 5]

Crappy book!

[Larissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

a very interesting read but a little depressing at times

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried picking this book up on 4 different occasions and never made it past the 1st chapter so I have finally given up on trying to finish it :(