I’ll be honest; I’m not a Steel neophyte. Back in 1990 at the tender age of 17, I read Kaleidoscope and I remember enjoying it. However, the experience of reading a Danielle Steel novel at the wizened age of 41 was a less agreeable experience.
I pondered what I could possibly say in a review of Coming Out that hasn’t already been said in other reviews. Aside from the five star reviews that inexplicably appear on Goodreads (please contact me, if you think Coming Out is five stars, I have books recommendations that will BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND!), I think most of the other reviewers have identified the significant flaws in Coming Out and in Steel’s writing style. So, in an effort to be a bit creative (I’m on holidays!), I’ll attempt to write a ‘review’ using Steel’s own writing style. Here goes!
Curtis cleared his throat. “I’d like to welcome the members of the Trash Book Club to our meeting. For our meeting this week, we decided to each read a novel by the prolific artist, Danielle Steel. We will provide a summary of our novel, and answer any questions. I’ll start. I read Coming Out, which was Steel’s 69th (snicker) novel and the second of three novels released in 2006. The story surrounds Olympia Crawford-Rubenstein, a nice rich white lady who has three children from a previous marriage and one precocious five-year-old with her current husband, a Jew. (If “Rubenstein” didn’t tip you off already.)
“Olympia’s (I can’t even say her name without giggling in my head) twin daughters (inexplicably dramatic opposites, Steel brazenly spitting in the face of all psychological twin studies) have been invited to a blue blood cotillion where they will “come out” to high society. In spite of the changed times, Olympia cherishes the memories of her own cotillion, and expects that the girls will be thrilled to experience this milestone in a young woman’s life.
Surprisingly, her daughter Veronica is opposed to the cotillion plan, and her twin sister Virginia is livid that her twin has to spoil everything. Olympia’s current husband, a Jew (yes, I meant to repeat that), agrees that a cotillion panders to Old-South discriminatory ideals, and supports Veronica’s protest. A war erupts in the Crawford/Rubenstein household. And without ruining the book for anyone, everyone is happy in the end. Questions?”
Curtis looked over at Kevin, who was politely raising his hand. Curtis looked with love and appreciation at Kevin, who was his closest friend and confidante, and had become accepted as a member of Curtis’s family. “Yes Kevin?”
Kevin smiled at his long-time friend and frequent travel companion, and smiled with love. While he and Curtis had not always agreed on everything, particularly when it came to Curtis’s loose morals, they always regarded each other with respect and admiration. “I won’t say anything yet about the book that I read. It’s not my turn. But I’m curious, did you find her writing style somewhat repetitive?”
Curtis looked with love and appreciation at Kevin, who was his closest friend and confidante, and had become accepted as a member of Curtis’s family. “Yes, Kevin. I did.”
Sarah quickly interjected. “I did too!” Sarah was a friend of both Curtis and Kevin, and she was affectionately referred to as their daughter. “I also frequently noticed her overuse of adverbs. I was quickly annoyed.”
“And always using extreme adverbs of frequency, as if something is ‘always’ or ‘never’,” Janna added. Janna was always noticing the small details. She never missed a book club, and always came with something tasty that she had prepared at home.
Elena nodded. Elena was a colleague of Curtis’s, and as she tossed her luscious auburn hair to the side, she unwittingly heightened the illusion that she was like a young Julianne Moore. “I noticed she makes comparisons to famous people to exemplify what characters looked like.”
Darlene gently cleared her throat. Curtis looked over at Darlene, who he had introduced to the book club because of her assertive, insightful, and often hilarious observations on life in general. He knew she would make a powerful addition to the book club. Darlene added, “I think she used hyperbole about a million times. It made me insane. I wanted to kill myself.”
“What’s funny,” Keri-Lee included, “was her random use of large words. She’s something of a random sesquipedalian.”
“I had to use the dictionary function on my kindle,” Curtis conceded. Curtis looked lovingly over the sea of white faces in front of him. He concluded, “Well it appears that Steel’s writing style is at least consistent.
“In summary, I was tempted to give the book one star. However, at 210 pages, this is one of Steel’s shortest novels, and for that tender mercy upon the reader, I give her an extra star. Next?”