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If Nuns Were Wives: A Handbook on Marriage from the Perspective of a Nun
If Nuns Were Wives is a handbook for wives on how to thrive in marriage using the perspective of a nun. Formerly aspiring nun, Shani Chen, is now married with two children, but still enjoys learning alongside the nuns. In an unconventional way of delivering relationship advice, Chen takes her reader on a journey into the monastery—transcending dogma and religion—and makes the role of the American wife the new holy temple for relationships.
192 pages, Paperback
Published March 20, 2018
15 people are currently reading
3173 people want to read
About the author
Shani Chen
2 books83 followersAt the age of 13, Shani became interested in religion and eventually felt the calling to become a nun. For many years after that, she walked in the footsteps of the nuns, hoping to one day join them.
When the time was finally right, she gave away all her things, said goodbye to family and friends, and boarded a plane to Taiwan where the nuns were holding a selection process for those interested in joining their lifestyle. Shani had full confidence that she would be chosen to stay and to live out her life-long calling.
However, much to her dismay and shock, she was denied entrance into the temple. The nuns urged her to return to her home in America, not saying much else, and assured her that her future there was very bright. Unappeased and utterly heartbroken, she went home. It was a hard season of pain for her-one that lasted much longer than she would've liked-but she eventually learned to accept her fate and later got married.
As a married woman, Shani realized one day that the things she had learned from the nuns were actually very beneficial towards her marriage. When faced with challenges, she realized she had the tools to overcome them. When others struggled in their relationships, she often knew the ways in which to help. The lessons she had gained from emulating the nuns were proving to be most useful in the home setting and she wanted to share everything she learned with other married women.
That is how the book, If Nuns Were Wives, came to be. She hopes that the ways of the nuns can empower women to become their most compassionate, wise and happy selves. She also wishes that families can remain intact and that children can grow up with both sets of parents in a safe and nurturing environment.
Shani and her partner have been together for 12 years. Together with their two kids, they live in Southern California.
Facebook: @ifnunswerewives
Instagram: @shanichenwrites
When the time was finally right, she gave away all her things, said goodbye to family and friends, and boarded a plane to Taiwan where the nuns were holding a selection process for those interested in joining their lifestyle. Shani had full confidence that she would be chosen to stay and to live out her life-long calling.
However, much to her dismay and shock, she was denied entrance into the temple. The nuns urged her to return to her home in America, not saying much else, and assured her that her future there was very bright. Unappeased and utterly heartbroken, she went home. It was a hard season of pain for her-one that lasted much longer than she would've liked-but she eventually learned to accept her fate and later got married.
As a married woman, Shani realized one day that the things she had learned from the nuns were actually very beneficial towards her marriage. When faced with challenges, she realized she had the tools to overcome them. When others struggled in their relationships, she often knew the ways in which to help. The lessons she had gained from emulating the nuns were proving to be most useful in the home setting and she wanted to share everything she learned with other married women.
That is how the book, If Nuns Were Wives, came to be. She hopes that the ways of the nuns can empower women to become their most compassionate, wise and happy selves. She also wishes that families can remain intact and that children can grow up with both sets of parents in a safe and nurturing environment.
Shani and her partner have been together for 12 years. Together with their two kids, they live in Southern California.
Facebook: @ifnunswerewives
Instagram: @shanichenwrites
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
December 27, 2025
Sani Chen thought she knew where life would take her.
"For every situation you encounter, remember to simply act with love."
She always felt a deep and personal connection with God and when a chance to achieve her lifelong dream (to become a nun) - she jumped for it.
Only...when she was training to become a nun in Taiwan...she reached the dreaded realization that all her hopes and dreams were never going to come to fruition.
So she returned to America to be with her family, and along the way realized that there was a certain something she took a little bit for granted in her haste to become a nun.
"I had just been informed that I would not be accepted into the nunnery...my spirit fell with despair."
And soon Shani was married and navigating a whole new world...one of which seemed to have quite a bit of overlap with her previous months spent trying to become a nun.
"...his sacrifice of letting me go in order to follow my heart made me fall harder in love with him..."
In this book, Chen dispenses knowledge and advice learned from her time surrounded by nuns.
"To address a colossal problem, you need a colossal solution. And in this case, the nuns are finally worthy contenders for that which dissolves sacred unions."
In short - what a quick, fun read.
She uses events or moments over the course of her marriage that she noticed overlapped with her previous life as a would-be nun.
I enjoyed how Chen provides quite a different perspective from the typical marriage-advice book.
"It is actually those who act out in the most unlikable ways who are in the greatest need for care and affection."
Some of the advice given was that of the sort I've heard before:
and others really made me think about my actions and the consequences.
"...we should not fight every battle."
There were a few moments where I felt her perspective seemed a bit unclear, such as in this quote:
"...every intentional smile is an act of kindness and no act of kindness is ever wasted. It always makes a difference to someone, somehow."
Does this mean she's careful not to check out men in the presence of her husband (reasonable), or does it mean she literally refuses to look towards other men (a little less reasonable)?
"When I'm out, I try not to let my eyes wander when it comes to looking at other men."
I do wish this novel was longer.
Quite often she would intersperse moments of her own life that parallel the religious point she would make, but those interludes came and went so quickly that I had a hard time following the overall storyline.
For example, one section includes this quote:
but doesn't go into detail regarding how or why these feelings came up. I think that if that was expanded upon, that would have been a very powerful moment, but as it is written, I had more of a wow-where-did-that-come-from reaction.
"It was Saturday, a night where everyone was probably out there doing something fun and exciting. But I was having a bad night. In fact, I was having a night where I felt like killing myself."
Overall - I did enjoy this novel and there are several kernels of wisdom that I will be definitely taking to heart!
With thanks to the author for a free copy in exchange for an honest review
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August 21, 2018
This was an absolute perfect beach read. The cover is beautiful and the authors personality is as well. I have never read a book before on the psyche of a 'would be' nun. A lot can be learned from the lessons that she communicates throughout the chapters. One of the lessons that I learned is that when giving a gift, give with your heart-never expect in return. As the saying goes "Do everything with a good heart and expect nothing in return. You will never be disappointed."
In this 'memoir' she guides the reader through her life and through marriage. I feel that the divorce rate is still too high and the mentality of marriage is not what it used to be. This book would be good for any female who is in a tough relationship or perhaps is ready to begin the next chapter in her life.
I hope the author starts a book about motherhood!
In this 'memoir' she guides the reader through her life and through marriage. I feel that the divorce rate is still too high and the mentality of marriage is not what it used to be. This book would be good for any female who is in a tough relationship or perhaps is ready to begin the next chapter in her life.
I hope the author starts a book about motherhood!
December 8, 2018
The author presents you with a problem in the form of a first or second person story. She then recognizes the problem within the story. From there she suggests changing your perspective so that problem can be rectified.
It's just that easy.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Early in the book this delivery felt very prideful and left a bad taste in my mouth.
As I continued to read the book I realized the author is actually just that good of a person that it comes so naturally to her to always look for the positive in everything.
"Try your best to make every decision out of kindness."
She is naive in the most innocent and wonderful way creating a warm, patient, and generous personality that I am just not used to meeting in real life.
The type of person you want to spend time with in the hopes that her fantastic mojo makes you a better person by proximity.
There isn't any ground breaking information here, but what you will find is a very sweet person encouraging you do to better in everything on every day.
"In the same way, the smallest act of kindness can make a huge difference; its influence can run so far."
It's just that easy.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Early in the book this delivery felt very prideful and left a bad taste in my mouth.
As I continued to read the book I realized the author is actually just that good of a person that it comes so naturally to her to always look for the positive in everything.
"Try your best to make every decision out of kindness."
She is naive in the most innocent and wonderful way creating a warm, patient, and generous personality that I am just not used to meeting in real life.
The type of person you want to spend time with in the hopes that her fantastic mojo makes you a better person by proximity.
There isn't any ground breaking information here, but what you will find is a very sweet person encouraging you do to better in everything on every day.
"In the same way, the smallest act of kindness can make a huge difference; its influence can run so far."
September 21, 2018
The package arrived addressed to THE LOVELY CHERYL. Who does that? I'll tell you who....a wise person who pays attention to details and knows how to capture your attention. And capture my attention she did. From the address on the outside of the package to the first paragraph of the book I was hooked until the very end.
Some of the thoughts Shani brings to our attention we intuitively know or have pondered for a while. Some concepts may be entirely new but in any case the author expands old ideas by shining a new light on them and presents new ideas with compassion and understanding so that you feel that you might just succeed in changing yourself and your marriage.
And while this book is meant to inspire you to think about your marriage in a different way than you have in the past, the gold nuggets the author presents can be used to enrich all the relationships in your life from the utterly horrid to the sublime.
Take a chance on this book. Read just one thought per day and see if applying Shani's perspectives to your own life doesn't change it for the better. I am willing to bet that it will.
Some of the thoughts Shani brings to our attention we intuitively know or have pondered for a while. Some concepts may be entirely new but in any case the author expands old ideas by shining a new light on them and presents new ideas with compassion and understanding so that you feel that you might just succeed in changing yourself and your marriage.
And while this book is meant to inspire you to think about your marriage in a different way than you have in the past, the gold nuggets the author presents can be used to enrich all the relationships in your life from the utterly horrid to the sublime.
Take a chance on this book. Read just one thought per day and see if applying Shani's perspectives to your own life doesn't change it for the better. I am willing to bet that it will.
July 18, 2018
This is a Goodreads wins book--I really liked this book. Basically this book is telling you that in order for your marriage to work, it takes a lot of hard work. You have to make a lot of compromise and work together. You have to be able to be open and honest in your relationship and you need to work together, not apart, you need to become one with each other. Never take anything for granted and appreciate everything and everyone that you have in your live. As long as you are willing do whatever it takes to make it work it will be worth it.
September 4, 2018
So this is one great author, and she tells everything from a perspective that I normally wouldnt look through but i love it. The way she explains things and gives advice i know it has helped my marriage definitely recommend
December 22, 2019
I was so happy that I won this book through LibraryThing's Member's giveaway program. It was extra special when I received it in the mail because of the handwritten personal note from the author that was secured to the front of the book. That extra touch meant a lot to me.
First of all, I loved this book! I have read some "self-help and "inspirational" books in the past (and still do), and this one ranks easily in my top 5! Shani is completely transparent and makes herself vulnerable as she shares her life and insight to other women with the hope that she can encourage and inspire them on their owm marriage journey.
My favorite chapters were, Heaven, because it's a way of thinking I never really thought of but makes perfect sense, and, The Ultimatum, because we should simply love our husbands and not try to force them to change because we don't like something they do.
After reading this book I realized that Kristine Carlson summed up this book nicely in her forward. She said, "It is the relationship and internal dialogue you have with yourself that matters most. Shani shares with you the discipline and devotion it takes to overcome the obstacles that afflict your mind. Otherwise, those hindrances, if left unattended and untrained, can diminish that loving connection to your partner." Basically, if we keep our mind in check, what we say will be well thought out instead of words based on emotion or anger.
This book is a keeper and I will definitely be reading it again. Highly recommend!
First of all, I loved this book! I have read some "self-help and "inspirational" books in the past (and still do), and this one ranks easily in my top 5! Shani is completely transparent and makes herself vulnerable as she shares her life and insight to other women with the hope that she can encourage and inspire them on their owm marriage journey.
My favorite chapters were, Heaven, because it's a way of thinking I never really thought of but makes perfect sense, and, The Ultimatum, because we should simply love our husbands and not try to force them to change because we don't like something they do.
After reading this book I realized that Kristine Carlson summed up this book nicely in her forward. She said, "It is the relationship and internal dialogue you have with yourself that matters most. Shani shares with you the discipline and devotion it takes to overcome the obstacles that afflict your mind. Otherwise, those hindrances, if left unattended and untrained, can diminish that loving connection to your partner." Basically, if we keep our mind in check, what we say will be well thought out instead of words based on emotion or anger.
This book is a keeper and I will definitely be reading it again. Highly recommend!
November 19, 2018
This was a give-away win and I do not know the author. The book arrived with "The lovely Michele" on it. Who does that? Someone who pays attention to detail and is living a loving life.
I enjoyed this book. The chapters are short and the subjects are drawn from the author's life. Some of the lessons I knew, but seeing them presented in different way was refreshing.
I enjoyed this book. The chapters are short and the subjects are drawn from the author's life. Some of the lessons I knew, but seeing them presented in different way was refreshing.
November 4, 2018
Thank you for the free copy of IF NUNS WERE WIVES: A Handbook on Marriage from the Perspective of a Nun, and for the opportunity to review its contents. The short chapters and concise points made the book easy to understand. The author put things in simple perspectives.
Shani Chen writes from the heart and with clarity. In IF NUNS WERE WIVES, she demonstrates the similarities between a life devoted to a religious cloister, and life as a non-nun/secular/nonreligious devotee wife and mother. The main point is to project from love - one's words, actions, and attitude should come from a source rooted in love and thoughtful consideration. Reacting angrily to a situation fuels fires. Instead of fanning flames of resentment, a considerate demeanor will help bring harmony. The more love one projects, the greater one's joy will be. This is not always easy to do, but it is always the better way to do things.
Shani Chen writes from the heart and with clarity. In IF NUNS WERE WIVES, she demonstrates the similarities between a life devoted to a religious cloister, and life as a non-nun/secular/nonreligious devotee wife and mother. The main point is to project from love - one's words, actions, and attitude should come from a source rooted in love and thoughtful consideration. Reacting angrily to a situation fuels fires. Instead of fanning flames of resentment, a considerate demeanor will help bring harmony. The more love one projects, the greater one's joy will be. This is not always easy to do, but it is always the better way to do things.
November 2, 2018
Thank you GOODREADS for offering this type of giveaway ~~
While, I personally did not read this book, I was thrilled to win it and gift it to my relatively newlywed granddaughter! It is nice to be able to pass a brand new book along as a gift every once in a while as a thinking-of-you gift when I receive it!
Again ~~
Thank You!
While, I personally did not read this book, I was thrilled to win it and gift it to my relatively newlywed granddaughter! It is nice to be able to pass a brand new book along as a gift every once in a while as a thinking-of-you gift when I receive it!
Again ~~
Thank You!
November 1, 2018
I loved reading this book!! Its truely inspirational. There are tips i feel that can truely be incorporated into anyones marriage or relationship. I would recommend this to everyone!!!
April 18, 2018
This is a book kindly offered by the author, but my review is unbiased as I formerly had no acquaintance with the author.
This is an easy read compiling of different emotions and feelings of a stay at home wife. The first look upon the table of contents would be: what! There are way too many chapters.
As I eased in the reading of the first chapters, I could feel the open and sincere moments of a woman talking to herself without hiding anything. That is really touching, and made me think a lot about my marriage.
Sometimes life makes a person change the way of speculation. And if times are rough, negative thinking may pop out. I am very grateful to read the book, and know that the biggest problem of myself is not loving myself more.
I haven’t finished the whole book but I have to say it is easy to find a chapter you may be interested and start from there. I also suggest having a copy by the kitchen, in the car, by the dresser or in the bathroom, somewhere you may have a quick read. This is not something bulky, and you may ponder upon what you read and resonate with your heart.
This is an easy read compiling of different emotions and feelings of a stay at home wife. The first look upon the table of contents would be: what! There are way too many chapters.
As I eased in the reading of the first chapters, I could feel the open and sincere moments of a woman talking to herself without hiding anything. That is really touching, and made me think a lot about my marriage.
Sometimes life makes a person change the way of speculation. And if times are rough, negative thinking may pop out. I am very grateful to read the book, and know that the biggest problem of myself is not loving myself more.
I haven’t finished the whole book but I have to say it is easy to find a chapter you may be interested and start from there. I also suggest having a copy by the kitchen, in the car, by the dresser or in the bathroom, somewhere you may have a quick read. This is not something bulky, and you may ponder upon what you read and resonate with your heart.
May 31, 2018
I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. What a fine gem this little book is! A young married mother of two shares her advice and wisdom about marriage and life in over 100 short reflections on various topics ranging from "Surprises" to "Dirty Socks." Simple, yet deeply thoughtful, these reflections serve to take you from one's own selfish viewpoint and open the reader to a new and hopefully more positive approach to one's daily life. The book has a deep reverence for marriage and is down to earth and practical in a very spiritual way. The author grew up with every intention of becoming a Buddhist nun, but when this did not happen, she turned the focus of her life toward her marriage and family and found that in everyday living spiritual fruits can abound. Recommend especially for young wives wishing to add meaning and appreciation for their lives as wife and mother in a world that often ignores the value of that beautiful state of life.
July 5, 2018
I won this book on Goodreads. I am writing this review from the perspective of a male. This book is very insightful and discusses a wide range of topics. I found the author to be a person who really did a lot of soul searching within herself which most people don't really take the time to do to better one's own life. Coming from the lifestyle of a perspective nun I think really allows her to develop a sense of self introspection which takes years to do and really opens one up to a lot of vulnerability which she discusses freely. This book is an interesting look into the relationship with her husband from all the events and situations they both had to overcome. A lot of thought went into this book and an admirable undertaking as well. One chapter piqued my curiosity to learn more, the one about St. Rita. I will be looking into her life for sure as she sounds like she led a very interesting life. A very worthwhile book with sound advice.
August 29, 2018
I won this book from Goodreads, and received from the Author.
It was written great! It amazed me and some very good points.
This book is very insightful and discusses a wide range of topics, that I found the author to be a person who really did a lot of soul searching within herself and apply herself to her marriage.
Definitely a good book. Read it!! like it says.. its a "handbook"
Thank you Shani Chen!
It was written great! It amazed me and some very good points.
This book is very insightful and discusses a wide range of topics, that I found the author to be a person who really did a lot of soul searching within herself and apply herself to her marriage.
Definitely a good book. Read it!! like it says.. its a "handbook"
Thank you Shani Chen!
June 6, 2018
If Nuns Were Wives is a beautiful collection of lessons. Through her anecdotes, I see myself, my family, and friends, and gained new insights into each. Chen's attitude is exemplary, and though I don't agree with all of her ideas and resolutions, they prompted me to reevaluate my own. Very poignant, entertaining, and insightful all at once!
September 13, 2018
I think this is a great book to give to a wife as a newly wed or on her first anniversary. Great little nuggets of wisdom to help view married life differently. To put a positive spin on some of those day to day skirmishes...
I must admit, I skimmed the last half of the book, but I have 42 years of marriage under my belt. Have learned many of these things the hard way. Trial and error.
I must admit, I skimmed the last half of the book, but I have 42 years of marriage under my belt. Have learned many of these things the hard way. Trial and error.
September 18, 2018
I won this book on Goodreads. This book is filled with inspiration, life advice and a different way to look at things in life. Even though the author has written this book to help with marriage, all the advice and her wisdom can be used with everything in your life. I highly recommend this book and plan on reading this book ever time, I am feeling down or need some inspiration in my life.
September 26, 2018
I won this book from a GoodReads giveaway. I enjoy reading non-fiction self-help books, so this was right up my alley. I am currently in a relationship with someone who I hope turns out to be "the one". This book has helped me in my relationship to understand my partner's point of view and to help ease my mind with troubling thoughts. I highly recommend this book and it was a great quick read!
October 16, 2018
This book was not at all what I expected, in a good way! Shani does an amazing job at taking principles she learned as an aspiring nun and applying them to marriage, the chapters are short, usually only 1-2 pages, and the writing flows so well that it is a super quick read. I highly recommend anyone who is married or even just dating to pick up a copy of this book
July 14, 2018
I won this in a Goodreads giveaway. Otherwise, I may never have heard of it. As a single person, I found the advice in this book insightful. I’ve only skimmed it and read parts that resonated with me (so far) and find that works well for this book.
July 19, 2018
Great book for couples, perfect gift for newlyweds and new parents plus a reminder to couples that have been married for long time of how to continue an strong, selfless and loving relationship. The book is easy to read, short chapters with a powerful message.
May 30, 2018
This is a Goodreads win review. This is really a cute book written by an aspiring nun. It is a series of anecdotes which is not really my style but it was a fun read.
June 11, 2018
Not my cup of tea but for people looking for the positive, this book has it and what I love about it is that it doesn't just apply to marriage. It can be applied to everybody if they tried.
July 15, 2018
Thank you for the lovely book.
Want to read
July 19, 2018Excellent, a wonderful book that helps me understand alot of questions that
I have had all my life. A truly splendid book that uplifted me all day.
Thank you !
I have had all my life. A truly splendid book that uplifted me all day.
Thank you !
September 11, 2018
She was never a nun! The title is a lie! Also, the advise is pretty weak.
September 25, 2018
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful book. It is definitely one that will stay in my collection!
October 8, 2018
Very interesting reading.
Read
April 24, 2019This book was sent to me by the author for review. I very much appreciate that it was sent to me but I was unable to finish it.
The authorial voice wasn't a good match for me.
The authorial voice wasn't a good match for me.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews