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How to Live: What the Rule of St. Benedict Teaches Us About Happiness, Meaning, and Community
The Rule of St. Benedict arose from an era when a great civilization was threatened by violence, economic forces that favored the wealthy, political leaders that lacked the trust of the public, and rampant xenophobia. Similar to the anxieties and frustrations of the 6th century, we are living in a time where societies need to stress community over competition, consensus over conflict, simplicity over self gain, and silence over the constant chatter and distractions of our lives.
In How to Live, Judith Valente explores the key elements of the rule and clearly demonstrates how incorporating this ancient wisdom can change the quality and texture of our lives offering a way forward from the divisions gripping our country. These fresh and profound explorations are inspiring and thoughtful, and will motivate readers to live a meaningful life.
225 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 1, 2018
147 people are currently reading
340 people want to read
About the author
Judith Valente
19 books39 followersJudith Valente is an award-winning author, poet, and journalist. She is a sought-after speaker and retreat leader on living a more contemplative life, discovering inner wisdom through poetry, and finding meaning in your work. She is a lay associate of the Benedictine monastery Mount St. Scholastica in Atchison, KS, which is the subject of her award-winning 2013 memoir, "Atchison Blue: A Search for Silence, a Spiritual Home and a Living Faith," chosen by Religion Newswriters Association as one of the three best spirituality books of that year.
Her new book "How to Be: A Monk & a Journalist Reflect on Living & Dying, Purpose & Prayer, Forgiveness & Friendship" is a dialogue between two spiritual seekers exploring life'scomplex questions. Her co-author is Brother Paul Quenon, a Trappist monk of the famous Abbey of Gethsemani who knew the great spirituality author, Thomas Merton.
Her 2018 book, "How to Live: What The Rule of St. Benedict Teaches Us About Happiness, Meaning, and Community" has been used by book group members throughout the world seeking to live a more contemplative life in the secular world. She is also co-author with Brother Paul Quenon of "The Art of Pausing: Meditations for the Overworked and Overwhelmed," winner of a 2013 Catholic Press Association Award.
She is a former on-air correspondent who covered faith and values for Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly on national PBS-TV. She also worked as a staff writer for The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal and was twice a finalist for the Pulizter Prize in journalism. She has won numerous broadcast awards, including two Edward R, Murrow Awards, arising from her work as senior correspondent and investigative reporter for the NPR affiliate, GLT Radio. She also was a correspondent for Chicago Public Radio. She currently contributes articles to National Catholic Reporter and U.S. Catholic magazine.
Ms. Valente is also a poet whose poetry chapbook, "Inventing An Alphabet," was chosen by Mary Oliver for the 2005 national Aldrich Poetry Prize. Her second collection, "Discovering Moons," was published in 2009.
Ms. Valente holds a B.A in English and classical languages from St. Peter's University in Jersey City, NJ, and an MFA in creative writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. She is married to former Illinois Judge Charles Reynard, also a poet, with whom she co-edited the 2005 anthology, "Twenty Poems to Nourish Your Soul," winner of an Eric Hoffer Book citation. The couple operates an alfalfa farm in central Illinois, where Judith is a member of the Grand Prairie Master Naturalists, a group that cares for the Illinois prairie. She is also on the board of the International Thomas Merton Society.
Her new book "How to Be: A Monk & a Journalist Reflect on Living & Dying, Purpose & Prayer, Forgiveness & Friendship" is a dialogue between two spiritual seekers exploring life'scomplex questions. Her co-author is Brother Paul Quenon, a Trappist monk of the famous Abbey of Gethsemani who knew the great spirituality author, Thomas Merton.
Her 2018 book, "How to Live: What The Rule of St. Benedict Teaches Us About Happiness, Meaning, and Community" has been used by book group members throughout the world seeking to live a more contemplative life in the secular world. She is also co-author with Brother Paul Quenon of "The Art of Pausing: Meditations for the Overworked and Overwhelmed," winner of a 2013 Catholic Press Association Award.
She is a former on-air correspondent who covered faith and values for Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly on national PBS-TV. She also worked as a staff writer for The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal and was twice a finalist for the Pulizter Prize in journalism. She has won numerous broadcast awards, including two Edward R, Murrow Awards, arising from her work as senior correspondent and investigative reporter for the NPR affiliate, GLT Radio. She also was a correspondent for Chicago Public Radio. She currently contributes articles to National Catholic Reporter and U.S. Catholic magazine.
Ms. Valente is also a poet whose poetry chapbook, "Inventing An Alphabet," was chosen by Mary Oliver for the 2005 national Aldrich Poetry Prize. Her second collection, "Discovering Moons," was published in 2009.
Ms. Valente holds a B.A in English and classical languages from St. Peter's University in Jersey City, NJ, and an MFA in creative writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. She is married to former Illinois Judge Charles Reynard, also a poet, with whom she co-edited the 2005 anthology, "Twenty Poems to Nourish Your Soul," winner of an Eric Hoffer Book citation. The couple operates an alfalfa farm in central Illinois, where Judith is a member of the Grand Prairie Master Naturalists, a group that cares for the Illinois prairie. She is also on the board of the International Thomas Merton Society.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
April 23, 2018
What elevates this book from a rating of good to amazing?
5 things:
1) How to Live by Judith Valente addresses the way average Americans live today, in the workaholic, perfectionistic world outside of monasteries;
2) The writing is excellent. Judith Valente is a poet and award-winning journalist;
3) It's simple, uncomplicated, and understandable (which is not to say that it's easy. The book challenges us to grow spiritually and morally, and that kind of growth requires purposefully diligence);
4) It's practical -- each chapter ends with ideas for enriching true happiness, meaning, and community in our lives;
5) It's relevant for all people seeking a more meaningful life, not only for those who practice a Benedictine lifestyle.
Goodreads asks me to set a "date finished" when I add a book to my read shelf. How to Live, however, is the kind of book you don't finish by reading it through. Like the book it's about, The Rule of Benedict, or any book of wisdom, it isn't enough to merely read. To gain wisdom, it is necessary to turn ideas into practices. Then, over time, your understanding of what it's really all about grows but is never complete.
Last autumn at Saint Benedict's Monastery, more than twenty nuns and oblates were working to beautify the woods. Judith Valente was on campus and joined our picnic lunch. I was in charge of preparing and cleaning up the meal, which meant I didn't have the opportunity for the leisurely visit I wanted to have with this fellow poet/writer and Benedictine Oblate. In the five minutes I spent chatting with her, I recognized a kindred spirit. She had this book coming out in April, so I grabbed a card to remind myself to get a copy. It hoped it would substitute for the conversation I missed.
Confession: I didn't expect to give this book 5 stars. I've read a lot of books by Benedictines, and there came a point at which I started thinking, "How much more could there possibly be to say about a Rule that's been around for more than 1500 years?" I've read the "major" contemporary Benedictine writers, those on the radar of many kinds of readers--Kathleen Norris, Esther de Waal, Joan Chittister, and Macrina Wiederkehr. There are also many "minor" writers. Mostly other Benedictines read them.
I tend to read books by "minor" Benedictine nuns, monks, and oblates out of a kind of commitment to the community. I expect to gain wisdom; but I don't expect to encounter a book I will recommend to people who don't call themselves Benedictine. These books tend to be too counter-cultural or other-worldly to suit the majority of my friends and relatives.
I read them because as Benedictines, we love and support one another even when we're not amazingly accomplished or clever, and to read someone's book is to make a statement that you care about what they think. We believe that everyone is important and should be patiently heard. In listening to one another, we always learn something. Spending time with a Benedictine nun, monk, or oblate is always good for me. And I've found the worldly distinctions of "major" and "minor" (as well as everything having to do with popularity) become irrelevant in the monastery.
A Benedictine doesn't try to become "major." But, for the sake of all the people whose lives could benefit from the application of the principles in Judith Valente's How to Live, I hope this will become a major book by a major Benedictine writer.
Whether or not that happens, it's a book I will return to, as I return to The Rule of Benedict and important commentaries on it, again and again, always as a beginner, listening for the wisdom it has for me today.
5 things:
1) How to Live by Judith Valente addresses the way average Americans live today, in the workaholic, perfectionistic world outside of monasteries;
2) The writing is excellent. Judith Valente is a poet and award-winning journalist;
3) It's simple, uncomplicated, and understandable (which is not to say that it's easy. The book challenges us to grow spiritually and morally, and that kind of growth requires purposefully diligence);
4) It's practical -- each chapter ends with ideas for enriching true happiness, meaning, and community in our lives;
5) It's relevant for all people seeking a more meaningful life, not only for those who practice a Benedictine lifestyle.
Goodreads asks me to set a "date finished" when I add a book to my read shelf. How to Live, however, is the kind of book you don't finish by reading it through. Like the book it's about, The Rule of Benedict, or any book of wisdom, it isn't enough to merely read. To gain wisdom, it is necessary to turn ideas into practices. Then, over time, your understanding of what it's really all about grows but is never complete.
Last autumn at Saint Benedict's Monastery, more than twenty nuns and oblates were working to beautify the woods. Judith Valente was on campus and joined our picnic lunch. I was in charge of preparing and cleaning up the meal, which meant I didn't have the opportunity for the leisurely visit I wanted to have with this fellow poet/writer and Benedictine Oblate. In the five minutes I spent chatting with her, I recognized a kindred spirit. She had this book coming out in April, so I grabbed a card to remind myself to get a copy. It hoped it would substitute for the conversation I missed.
Confession: I didn't expect to give this book 5 stars. I've read a lot of books by Benedictines, and there came a point at which I started thinking, "How much more could there possibly be to say about a Rule that's been around for more than 1500 years?" I've read the "major" contemporary Benedictine writers, those on the radar of many kinds of readers--Kathleen Norris, Esther de Waal, Joan Chittister, and Macrina Wiederkehr. There are also many "minor" writers. Mostly other Benedictines read them.
I tend to read books by "minor" Benedictine nuns, monks, and oblates out of a kind of commitment to the community. I expect to gain wisdom; but I don't expect to encounter a book I will recommend to people who don't call themselves Benedictine. These books tend to be too counter-cultural or other-worldly to suit the majority of my friends and relatives.
I read them because as Benedictines, we love and support one another even when we're not amazingly accomplished or clever, and to read someone's book is to make a statement that you care about what they think. We believe that everyone is important and should be patiently heard. In listening to one another, we always learn something. Spending time with a Benedictine nun, monk, or oblate is always good for me. And I've found the worldly distinctions of "major" and "minor" (as well as everything having to do with popularity) become irrelevant in the monastery.
A Benedictine doesn't try to become "major." But, for the sake of all the people whose lives could benefit from the application of the principles in Judith Valente's How to Live, I hope this will become a major book by a major Benedictine writer.
Whether or not that happens, it's a book I will return to, as I return to The Rule of Benedict and important commentaries on it, again and again, always as a beginner, listening for the wisdom it has for me today.
September 6, 2018
I was disappointed Judith Valente's How to Live.
I had just finished two books: Humility Rules, a brief overview of the Benedictine rule aimed at young adults; and How To Live - A Life of Montaigne, a biography and commentary on Montaigne's life and essays. I found Judith Valente's book while searching for the Montaigne in the library's catalog.
I was hoping Valente's How to Live would be a grown up version of Humility Rules. Instead it was essays on Valente's interpretation of the Benedictine Rule in her life.
Valente is a journalist and poet and she reminds the reader of this on nearly every page. "I chose journalism (a profession these days too often wrongly maligned) because I saw it as a way to use whatever writing talent I have in the service of others. I've always looked upon my work as more of a calling than a means to earn a living. Journalists are keepers of a sacred trust. We serve as witness to crucial moments in history. Like clergy and medical professionals, we often accompany people at critical moments in their lives. We are able to give voice to the needs of people whose voices society so often muffles--the poor, the marginalized, the disenfranchised."
I found her lack of humility very off-putting.
Additionally, she chose many of her stories in such a way that she seems to be making a political statement. I may not disagree with her on many of these points, however, I did not read this book for political reasons, but for reasons of faith and to learn to follow a system of life a little different than the productivity experts would defend.
This book is not religious, but she does have stories about the religious, mostly Benedictine nuns.
Finally, Valente cites numerous other books within her text and there is no bibliography. This is a pet peeve of mine. It's certainly not a reason to avoid the book. But please, Hampton Roads Publishing, include a biblipgraphy if there is ever a second edition.
I had just finished two books: Humility Rules, a brief overview of the Benedictine rule aimed at young adults; and How To Live - A Life of Montaigne, a biography and commentary on Montaigne's life and essays. I found Judith Valente's book while searching for the Montaigne in the library's catalog.
I was hoping Valente's How to Live would be a grown up version of Humility Rules. Instead it was essays on Valente's interpretation of the Benedictine Rule in her life.
Valente is a journalist and poet and she reminds the reader of this on nearly every page. "I chose journalism (a profession these days too often wrongly maligned) because I saw it as a way to use whatever writing talent I have in the service of others. I've always looked upon my work as more of a calling than a means to earn a living. Journalists are keepers of a sacred trust. We serve as witness to crucial moments in history. Like clergy and medical professionals, we often accompany people at critical moments in their lives. We are able to give voice to the needs of people whose voices society so often muffles--the poor, the marginalized, the disenfranchised."
I found her lack of humility very off-putting.
Additionally, she chose many of her stories in such a way that she seems to be making a political statement. I may not disagree with her on many of these points, however, I did not read this book for political reasons, but for reasons of faith and to learn to follow a system of life a little different than the productivity experts would defend.
This book is not religious, but she does have stories about the religious, mostly Benedictine nuns.
Finally, Valente cites numerous other books within her text and there is no bibliography. This is a pet peeve of mine. It's certainly not a reason to avoid the book. But please, Hampton Roads Publishing, include a biblipgraphy if there is ever a second edition.
June 27, 2018
It's amazing how the Rule of St. Benedict can be applied to our lives today even though it was written in the 6th century. As a Benedictine Oblate at St. Placid Priory, I strive to live my life following the wisdom of St. Benedict. This book serves as a guide, a toolbox of sorts, to help us live our lives together, peacefully, and with meaning, even in the society we find ourselves in now.
October 4, 2018
Judith Valente, like many of us, lives in two worlds. One is the world of award-winning national reporter for the best newspapers and television networks in America. She is also a published poet and seasoned speaker. Her second world is that of a Benedictine Oblate. An oblate is someone outside of a monastery who chooses to immerse herself or himself as much as possible in the life of the community, taking wisdom from it back out into the world. The community Valente chose is Mount St. Scholastica in Atchinson, Kansas.
Or perhaps Mount St. Scholastica chose her. The turning point in her adult life was arriving at the Mount to give a retreat, having just published a book of poems praising contemplation. She felt like an imposter, recognizing the irony in the fact that she was exhausted from too much travel and too many commitments. In the chapel she came face to face with an image that offered balm for her wounds -- a stained-glass portrait of St. Benedict with arms outstretched. Around him were Latin words she translated as “at all times, cultivate silence.” Those words restored her soul. Eventually, she became an Oblate. “I arrived at Mount St. Scholastica a poetry expert of sorts. I left a student of The Rule.” This book is the fruit of what she learned from St. Benedict’s ancient text – hers is a generous outpouring for our frantic, fragmented, world.
Each chapter of the book begins with a quote from The Rule and focuses on a subject related to the subtitle: happiness, meaning, and community. At the end of the chapter (22 of them, all short enough to be read devotionally) the reader will find a few good questions for personal or communal application. I would recommend the book to small study groups of any kind and to professors teaching classes in vocation either at the college or seminary level.
A few quotes will illustrate Valente’s skill at combining her two worlds:
“The emotional tools that The Rule lays out have been more valuable to me than any self-help book or therapy session.”
“The true monastic enclosure is the human heart.”
“Our work is loving the world.”
One of the delightful passages in the book contrasts the way Dorothy Parker reportedly answered her phone (“What fresh hell is this?”) with the instructions to the porter in The Rule. The porter was an older member of the community who had two choices upon seeing a guest on the doorstep. He could say, “Thanks be to God.” Or “Your blessing, please.”
In many ways Judith Valente is an Oblate porter, opening the door of the monastery to all of us, believers and skeptics alike. She asks for our blessing as she confesses her own struggles to balance prayer and work (ora et labora), the two foundations of Benedictine community. And to us she offers a text rich with 14 centuries of history -- The Rule of Saint Benedict made accessible to our time.
Or perhaps Mount St. Scholastica chose her. The turning point in her adult life was arriving at the Mount to give a retreat, having just published a book of poems praising contemplation. She felt like an imposter, recognizing the irony in the fact that she was exhausted from too much travel and too many commitments. In the chapel she came face to face with an image that offered balm for her wounds -- a stained-glass portrait of St. Benedict with arms outstretched. Around him were Latin words she translated as “at all times, cultivate silence.” Those words restored her soul. Eventually, she became an Oblate. “I arrived at Mount St. Scholastica a poetry expert of sorts. I left a student of The Rule.” This book is the fruit of what she learned from St. Benedict’s ancient text – hers is a generous outpouring for our frantic, fragmented, world.
Each chapter of the book begins with a quote from The Rule and focuses on a subject related to the subtitle: happiness, meaning, and community. At the end of the chapter (22 of them, all short enough to be read devotionally) the reader will find a few good questions for personal or communal application. I would recommend the book to small study groups of any kind and to professors teaching classes in vocation either at the college or seminary level.
A few quotes will illustrate Valente’s skill at combining her two worlds:
“The emotional tools that The Rule lays out have been more valuable to me than any self-help book or therapy session.”
“The true monastic enclosure is the human heart.”
“Our work is loving the world.”
One of the delightful passages in the book contrasts the way Dorothy Parker reportedly answered her phone (“What fresh hell is this?”) with the instructions to the porter in The Rule. The porter was an older member of the community who had two choices upon seeing a guest on the doorstep. He could say, “Thanks be to God.” Or “Your blessing, please.”
In many ways Judith Valente is an Oblate porter, opening the door of the monastery to all of us, believers and skeptics alike. She asks for our blessing as she confesses her own struggles to balance prayer and work (ora et labora), the two foundations of Benedictine community. And to us she offers a text rich with 14 centuries of history -- The Rule of Saint Benedict made accessible to our time.
June 6, 2019
3.5 stars
Less talking, more listening. I’ve often marveled, that the first word of The Rule of St. Benedict isn’t pray, worship, or even love. It’s listen. This small, unobtrusive word speaks in a whisper. To anyone who studies Benedictine spirituality, the phrase ”listen ... with the ear of the heart” becomes so familiar we can easily lose sight of how revolutionary it is. Listening in the Benedictine sense is not a passive mission. …
Listening is an act of will. When I look at the failures and disappointments in my own life, I can often trace them to an operator error in listening—usually my own. Even though I earn my living as a journalist—which is to say I listen to other people’s stories for a living—in my private life I’m often like the doctor who is her own worst patient. I’m great at hearing my heart’s desire, but not so adept at hearing the messages I need to receive from others.
I like to think of silence as orienting us toward the right direction. It is the pause between thought and action—the element that gives gravitas and greater meaning to the words we do speak.
When I take time for silence and solitude, I regain the inner reserves I need to both do the work I love and also cultivate an interior life. Silence sets down a place for wisdom to find a home.
The desert monks didn’t think it realistic to rid ourselves completely of anger, either. They counseled seeking its causes, and redirecting its raw power. They recognized that anger, or any of our other temptations (overeating, jealousy, self-centeredness, laziness, depression) emerge from our thoughts and feelings. We are not our thoughts and feelings. It does little good to repress them. In fact, that often makes them rear up more strongly. We can, however, redirect them.
Less talking, more listening. I’ve often marveled, that the first word of The Rule of St. Benedict isn’t pray, worship, or even love. It’s listen. This small, unobtrusive word speaks in a whisper. To anyone who studies Benedictine spirituality, the phrase ”listen ... with the ear of the heart” becomes so familiar we can easily lose sight of how revolutionary it is. Listening in the Benedictine sense is not a passive mission. …
Listening is an act of will. When I look at the failures and disappointments in my own life, I can often trace them to an operator error in listening—usually my own. Even though I earn my living as a journalist—which is to say I listen to other people’s stories for a living—in my private life I’m often like the doctor who is her own worst patient. I’m great at hearing my heart’s desire, but not so adept at hearing the messages I need to receive from others.
I like to think of silence as orienting us toward the right direction. It is the pause between thought and action—the element that gives gravitas and greater meaning to the words we do speak.
When I take time for silence and solitude, I regain the inner reserves I need to both do the work I love and also cultivate an interior life. Silence sets down a place for wisdom to find a home.
The desert monks didn’t think it realistic to rid ourselves completely of anger, either. They counseled seeking its causes, and redirecting its raw power. They recognized that anger, or any of our other temptations (overeating, jealousy, self-centeredness, laziness, depression) emerge from our thoughts and feelings. We are not our thoughts and feelings. It does little good to repress them. In fact, that often makes them rear up more strongly. We can, however, redirect them.
May 24, 2018
This book was very insightful for me. Essentially the author analyzes another text (The Rule) and applies the concepts to modern day life. This is a clever and eye-opening read as it shows us how to re-evaluate our lives and improve them by following these principals. I didn't agree with it 100% but I did keep an open mind. Most of it did ring true and I can identify improvements that I can make in creating a good-willed community, and how I can improve my own satisfaction in life and especially in terms of work. Like the author, I also suffer from "workaholism and overachieverism" so I have taken note of a few suggestions. I also found the "things to contemplate" at the end of each chapter to be very helpful. I did contemplate a few but I unfortunately do have a busy schedule so was unable to contemplate all of them. It would be a good exercise for meditation or even when writing in a journal. I borrowed the book from the library (not bought) so I will not have time to fully immerse myself in each prompt, but I may revisit this book in the future and do that.
Overall it was a good read. I read it alongside another book (completely unrelated but far more riveting) so I found myself reading this to get through it so I could return to the other book.
Overall it was a good read. I read it alongside another book (completely unrelated but far more riveting) so I found myself reading this to get through it so I could return to the other book.
July 25, 2018
Okay. Every now and then, I think, the author gives us a bit too much information. (I did not need to know about quarrels within her own family). That said, I believe she's right that the rule of St. Benedict has wisdom for the modern world, but that it needs some "translating". Though easy to read, this book gives readers a lot to think about, and also hints at how to practice skills for life. I especially appreciated the chapter on active listening and the one on recognizing obstacles in one's life as possible stepping stones. Recommended, and for non-Catholics who are open to the Benedictine tradition as well as Catholics.
July 3, 2019
Fun meander through the Rule of St Benedict. Not scholarly or fussy, but a great anecdote-driven stroll.
September 8, 2025
As a Benedictine Oblate, I am always curious to hear how others live this monastic life outside of a monastery. Judith Valente did a nice job with this book, in an easy read format (some can be daunting). Glad I read it.
Some of my notes:
Chapter 1 - Yearning for Life, on Beginning
* Pillars of Benedictine Spirituality - community, simplicity, humility, hospitality, gratitude, praise.
* Try to be the first to show respect to the other, supporting with the greatest patience one another & weaknesses of body or behavior.
* Monastic life is a window to the future we desperately need in our society: one that stresses community over competition, consensus over conflict, simplicity over self-gain, and silence over the constant chatter and distractions of our lives.
Chapter 3 - Run with the Light, on Waking Up
* Mary Oliver calls “our one wild and precious life.”
* Yearn. Love. Pray. Renounce. Respect. Live. All words in The Rule.
Chapter 6 - Restraint of Speech, on Silence
* Before you speak, is what I am about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
* “Lord, open my lips, and I shall proclaim your praise.”
* Omni tempore silentlio debent studere - at all times, cultivate silence.
Chapter 8 - The Times for Saying Alleluia, on Prayer
* Write a daily haiku - 5/7/5 syllable 3-line poem.
* The Jesus Prayer - :Jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
* Pray the Psalms, Pray the Our Father.
* Meister Elkhart, pray “thank you.”
* Anne Lamont, pray “Help, Thanks, Wow.”
Chapter 11 - Workaholism and ver-Achieverism, on Finding Balance
* “Idleness is the enemy of the soul.”
* Leisure is holy.
* Ora et Labora - Pray & Work.
Chapter 14 - Do I Need This Now?, on Living Simply
* Our actions are our only true belonging. -Thich Nhat Hanh
Chapter 20 - A School for the Lord’s Service, on Finding Meaning in our Work
* Greek word - Endaimonia means a sense of meaning and well being. It comes when the work I do profits not only me, but others as well.
Chapter 21 - “I’ve Never Been Where I am Not,” on Contemplation
* To live an awakened life.
* Thomas Merton said the contemplative life boils down to three tiny words: Now, Here, This. Finally active, fully aware, fully alive.
Chapter 22 - Always Beginning, on Conversatio Morum
* A daily reshaping of the mind and heart.
* Being broken and renewed, being overwhelmed and raised up: a willingness to suffer, to be confused on the way to new life.
* Being in the hands of the living God, the God who always surprises us, always shatters our expectations, the God who surpasses imagination.
Some of my notes:
Chapter 1 - Yearning for Life, on Beginning
* Pillars of Benedictine Spirituality - community, simplicity, humility, hospitality, gratitude, praise.
* Try to be the first to show respect to the other, supporting with the greatest patience one another & weaknesses of body or behavior.
* Monastic life is a window to the future we desperately need in our society: one that stresses community over competition, consensus over conflict, simplicity over self-gain, and silence over the constant chatter and distractions of our lives.
Chapter 3 - Run with the Light, on Waking Up
* Mary Oliver calls “our one wild and precious life.”
* Yearn. Love. Pray. Renounce. Respect. Live. All words in The Rule.
Chapter 6 - Restraint of Speech, on Silence
* Before you speak, is what I am about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
* “Lord, open my lips, and I shall proclaim your praise.”
* Omni tempore silentlio debent studere - at all times, cultivate silence.
Chapter 8 - The Times for Saying Alleluia, on Prayer
* Write a daily haiku - 5/7/5 syllable 3-line poem.
* The Jesus Prayer - :Jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
* Pray the Psalms, Pray the Our Father.
* Meister Elkhart, pray “thank you.”
* Anne Lamont, pray “Help, Thanks, Wow.”
Chapter 11 - Workaholism and ver-Achieverism, on Finding Balance
* “Idleness is the enemy of the soul.”
* Leisure is holy.
* Ora et Labora - Pray & Work.
Chapter 14 - Do I Need This Now?, on Living Simply
* Our actions are our only true belonging. -Thich Nhat Hanh
Chapter 20 - A School for the Lord’s Service, on Finding Meaning in our Work
* Greek word - Endaimonia means a sense of meaning and well being. It comes when the work I do profits not only me, but others as well.
Chapter 21 - “I’ve Never Been Where I am Not,” on Contemplation
* To live an awakened life.
* Thomas Merton said the contemplative life boils down to three tiny words: Now, Here, This. Finally active, fully aware, fully alive.
Chapter 22 - Always Beginning, on Conversatio Morum
* A daily reshaping of the mind and heart.
* Being broken and renewed, being overwhelmed and raised up: a willingness to suffer, to be confused on the way to new life.
* Being in the hands of the living God, the God who always surprises us, always shatters our expectations, the God who surpasses imagination.
April 28, 2020
This book was my read for Lent to dig deeper into my spirituality. And then it become my survival guide about how to stay-at-home during the pandemic! If St. Benedict's word could guide a community of monastics, he could certainly guide my family of four. Judith Valente easily digested parts of the The Rule and offered reflections at the end of each chapter for further thinking and writing. There were some very good ideas that I will come back to. I also liked that Valente visited Mount St. Benedict in Erie, PA, my hometown.
I liked this idea from the Benedictine sisters:
"Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself: is what I am about to say true? is it kind? is it necessary?" that has really helped me be with my family 24/7
I liked this idea from the Benedictine sisters:
"Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself: is what I am about to say true? is it kind? is it necessary?" that has really helped me be with my family 24/7
October 8, 2020
A little simplistic but nonetheless heartfelt guide to practically living a Benedictine life outside of an abbey. The first few chapters were disappointing, but the last few had some meat to chew on.
August 19, 2019
a little too much self-disclosure but plenty of food for thought
August 18, 2019
I liked this book very much. I thought it was very insightful and encouraging, and I will most certainly return to it again in the future.
April 12, 2025
I am going to re-read this book several times to take in all of its wisdom and deep reflection. Through her own example, Judy shows readers how to grow spiritually and live lives deeply united to God wherever we are.
August 4, 2019
Insightful info, but too many personal stories from the author detract from the main points.
April 7, 2019
How to Live is heavily stoic, taking its ideas and influences from various different pieces of literature. At the same time, it is strongly religious, taking notes from the Bible and a book called the Rules of St. Benedict. It is a series of short ideas and pieces that teach a person to live in the moment. As it is heavily stoic, it mentions constantly that you should remember your mortality. Live each day as though you were going to die, but at the same time, don’t forget the lives of the people you might influence in your day to day life.
To accomplish this task, Judith Valente goes through a number of soul-searching retreats and discusses the power of prayer and other things. The book is really interesting and emotionally moving. I did not think that it would be my cup of tea when it started to lay it on thick, but the book proved me wrong.
Between the pages, you can find advice on the power of silence, how to turn away from anger, ignoring the ego, and other important lessons. It uses anecdote and other literary methods to great effect, showing all of us how to be humble and listen.
The book is 22 chapters of wonder and whimsy. I read most of it on an airplane ride to Phoenix, AZ, and it goes by pretty fast. I don’t have any particular issues with this book other than the fact that it is quite religious in nature. It doesn’t exactly become preachy or anything like that, but it is something to keep in mind.
How to Live is another testament to the fact that Human Nature does not change quickly. Although The Rules of St. Benedict were written in the Sixth Century CE, we can still relate to his timeless wisdom.
To accomplish this task, Judith Valente goes through a number of soul-searching retreats and discusses the power of prayer and other things. The book is really interesting and emotionally moving. I did not think that it would be my cup of tea when it started to lay it on thick, but the book proved me wrong.
Between the pages, you can find advice on the power of silence, how to turn away from anger, ignoring the ego, and other important lessons. It uses anecdote and other literary methods to great effect, showing all of us how to be humble and listen.
The book is 22 chapters of wonder and whimsy. I read most of it on an airplane ride to Phoenix, AZ, and it goes by pretty fast. I don’t have any particular issues with this book other than the fact that it is quite religious in nature. It doesn’t exactly become preachy or anything like that, but it is something to keep in mind.
How to Live is another testament to the fact that Human Nature does not change quickly. Although The Rules of St. Benedict were written in the Sixth Century CE, we can still relate to his timeless wisdom.
May 11, 2021
I had a look for this book after I registered for an online course by the author through the Monsasteries of the Heart website. Judith Valente is a journalist, who is also a Benedictine oblate with St. Scholastica in Kansas. In this books, she is offering an introduction to the insights that St. Benedict and his rule can have for people outside the monastery.
Anyone who has every had a look at the books I've reviewed will recognize that I'm fascinated by Benedictine spirituality. I find its insights about the contemplative life, community, learning and how we treat each other and, above all, the very balance of that tradition to be so compelling that I really try to apply it in my daily life. This is very much of the same point of view that Valente takes which is why I really enjoyed this book.
Ultimately, it is that mix of the spiritual and practice which I find so compelling in Valente's writing in this book. She brings the insights of the monastic world and her own spiritual journey and combines it with a practical application now. That is a difficult balance, but, iike the best of the oblate writers, Valente maintains this balance.
This is well reading for those interesting in Benedictine spirituality and well worth listening to.
Anyone who has every had a look at the books I've reviewed will recognize that I'm fascinated by Benedictine spirituality. I find its insights about the contemplative life, community, learning and how we treat each other and, above all, the very balance of that tradition to be so compelling that I really try to apply it in my daily life. This is very much of the same point of view that Valente takes which is why I really enjoyed this book.
Ultimately, it is that mix of the spiritual and practice which I find so compelling in Valente's writing in this book. She brings the insights of the monastic world and her own spiritual journey and combines it with a practical application now. That is a difficult balance, but, iike the best of the oblate writers, Valente maintains this balance.
This is well reading for those interesting in Benedictine spirituality and well worth listening to.
January 22, 2019
It's fascinating that guidelines for a monk's community several hundred years ago still resonates today. In fact, it directs us to how we can strive for harmony within groups. Judith Valente updates The Rule of St. Benedict so that we can understand it better through a contemporary lens. Valente has numerous examples —from her own life, from friends' experiences, from popular culture and from Benedictine nuns' views — of how The Rule has wisdom that stretches through the ages. Valente wrote Atchison Blue about living with nuns in St. Scholastica monastery in Atchison, Kansas. Through that book, Valente shows how the nuns don't shut off the world but rather bring their Catholic faith out into the world. How to Live is a companion to Atchison Blue as it delves into the guiding principles of the Benedictine sisters and shows how we can use the ancient texts to point us in a positive direction with spiritual sensibilities
June 13, 2018
Just finished and starting to re-read
For several years I've stayed at a Trappist monastery a week at a time for over eight weeks. And each time I wondered how to replicate the experience in daily life. Now How to Live has provided the insights to examine that further. It's a great read with personal examples right out of my own journal so I can relate so much to the journey ... Her journey, my journey, our journey.
For several years I've stayed at a Trappist monastery a week at a time for over eight weeks. And each time I wondered how to replicate the experience in daily life. Now How to Live has provided the insights to examine that further. It's a great read with personal examples right out of my own journal so I can relate so much to the journey ... Her journey, my journey, our journey.
March 5, 2019
During this read, I felt like the author had a few political undertones, which I guess I shouldn’t be too surprise because she is a journalist. Also, I did wonder about the elderly women who confided her secret about her son that had burden her heart all these years to a nurse, but now it’s shared with all the readers? I must have missed that point. Otherwise, it’s an easy and quick read and has inspired me to read the Rule for myself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 16, 2020
A delightful, practical, and easy book to read. It’s the perfect guide to living fully and gently in this crazy world. I loved every word and phrase of this wonderful book and I plan on reading it again when I feel myself being sucked into the abyss of our power and social media driven world. It’s a great read! I highly recommend it. Now I need to read the original Rule of St. Benedict written eons ago.
February 20, 2019
Contemplation
I liked the comparison between life in the roman empire and the 21st century.
Its also good to see writings that express how mindfulness and living in the moment can draw people closer into a loving walk with God. The book shows ways to encourage silence and contemplation into the busyness of daily life.
I liked the comparison between life in the roman empire and the 21st century.
Its also good to see writings that express how mindfulness and living in the moment can draw people closer into a loving walk with God. The book shows ways to encourage silence and contemplation into the busyness of daily life.
July 9, 2019
This was the first read for my Oblate book group. Great choice for us newbies.
February 4, 2025
Great that she’s a self-identified Catholic writer with an impressive professional resume that includes the WSJ. Dangerous in that she treats the Catholic Magisterium as a democracy, pushing women in the priesthood and going against Tradition. If you treat the author as an acquaintance who writes well with whom you’ll likely have strong differences then it’s fine. Otherwise stay clear.
February 10, 2019
Good in parts
The reason I gave this book 3 is because the author brags about herself too much. The part on saint Benedict rule was good also about the monasteries. If you cut out the authors life in the book. It was good.
The reason I gave this book 3 is because the author brags about herself too much. The part on saint Benedict rule was good also about the monasteries. If you cut out the authors life in the book. It was good.
March 4, 2019
This is a good book to use as a teaching guide to Christian living. It is also a reference to historical Christian life inside a monastery. It can be read a chapter as a time as a devotional while giving insights into biblical teachings.
August 8, 2018
Truly inspiring and practical.
November 2, 2018
Many good lessons in this book. I got a little bogged down with some of the "rules" and some repetitiveness.
February 17, 2019
Judith Valente strikes an honest balance in giving ideas of how to live for God in 21st century America. This is a book I will continue to go back to for inspiration.
December 27, 2021
I read this book thanks to Blinkist.
It’s a really important book and I really enjoyed it.
The Rule of St. Benedict was collected in 73 chapters. As you’ll find out, it’s just as relevant now as it was then.
“Run while you have the light of life, that the darkness of death may not overtake you.”
Chapter headings:
• St. Benedict encouraged his community to listen deeply in order to better understand one another.
• In order to live fully, you must awaken to your surroundings and to the inevitability of death.
• Silence and humility are important tools for living peacefully.
• Tools like prayer and poetry can help you lead a more balanced life.
• Forgiveness and hospitality are the keys to peaceful living.
• The Rule offers wisdom not only on how to face our faults, but also on how to become better leaders.
• We must neglect nothing and remember to live with awe.
• Meaningful work comes from having love for the world and combining action with contemplation.
The key message in these blinks:
Even though it dates back to the sixth century, The Rule of St. Benedict still has a great deal of wisdom to offer. Benedict wanted to give newcomers to his monastery guidelines for living a peaceful life, including listening from the heart, not pushing your opinions on others, and leaving your ego at the door. He also stressed the importance of finding a balance between work, rest, and contemplation. It’s advice for all of us hoping to find more meaning and purpose in the world.
Actionable advice:
Reflect on how you define the Benedictine value of conversatio in your life.
St. Benedict refers to conversatio as a way of turning toward a more virtuous way of living. But he also says that it can be a narrow path and a struggle to stay on. Consider the parts of your own life where turning toward a different path might help you make progress. For example, when thinking about the disagreements you have with other people, remember that they may be facing struggles of their own. If, as the monks do, you reflect on these questions each day, it may help you develop more patience and understanding.
What to read next: The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile
If you’re hungry for spiritual fulfillment but wary of organized religion, then head over to our blinks to The Power of Ritual. You’ll find lots of ideas on how to get the most out of your everyday activities, as well as helpful advice on how to break with feelings of disconnection and disillusionment. As these blinks show, you don’t need to be religious to find community and meaning in life.
It’s a really important book and I really enjoyed it.
The Rule of St. Benedict was collected in 73 chapters. As you’ll find out, it’s just as relevant now as it was then.
“Run while you have the light of life, that the darkness of death may not overtake you.”
Chapter headings:
• St. Benedict encouraged his community to listen deeply in order to better understand one another.
• In order to live fully, you must awaken to your surroundings and to the inevitability of death.
• Silence and humility are important tools for living peacefully.
• Tools like prayer and poetry can help you lead a more balanced life.
• Forgiveness and hospitality are the keys to peaceful living.
• The Rule offers wisdom not only on how to face our faults, but also on how to become better leaders.
• We must neglect nothing and remember to live with awe.
• Meaningful work comes from having love for the world and combining action with contemplation.
The key message in these blinks:
Even though it dates back to the sixth century, The Rule of St. Benedict still has a great deal of wisdom to offer. Benedict wanted to give newcomers to his monastery guidelines for living a peaceful life, including listening from the heart, not pushing your opinions on others, and leaving your ego at the door. He also stressed the importance of finding a balance between work, rest, and contemplation. It’s advice for all of us hoping to find more meaning and purpose in the world.
Actionable advice:
Reflect on how you define the Benedictine value of conversatio in your life.
St. Benedict refers to conversatio as a way of turning toward a more virtuous way of living. But he also says that it can be a narrow path and a struggle to stay on. Consider the parts of your own life where turning toward a different path might help you make progress. For example, when thinking about the disagreements you have with other people, remember that they may be facing struggles of their own. If, as the monks do, you reflect on these questions each day, it may help you develop more patience and understanding.
What to read next: The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile
If you’re hungry for spiritual fulfillment but wary of organized religion, then head over to our blinks to The Power of Ritual. You’ll find lots of ideas on how to get the most out of your everyday activities, as well as helpful advice on how to break with feelings of disconnection and disillusionment. As these blinks show, you don’t need to be religious to find community and meaning in life.
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