Colour Me In

by Lydia Ruffles

THE CATCHER IN THE RYE meets TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN from the acclaimed author of THE TASTE OF BLUE LIGHT.

Nineteen-year-old actor Arlo likes nothing more than howling across the skyline with best friend Luke from the roof of their apartment.

But when something irreparable happens and familiar black weeds start to crawl inside him, Arlo flees to the other side of the world, taking only a sketchbook full of maps.

With its steaming soup and neon lights, this new place is both comforting and isolating.

There, Arlo meets fellow traveller Mizuki. Something about her feels more like home than he's felt in a while. But what is Mizuki searching for?

HOW FAR CAN YOU OUTRUN YOURSELF . . .
BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR WAY BACK?

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Mental Illness, Japan, Fiction, Mental Health

320 pages, Hardcover

First published August 8, 2018

About the author

Lydia Ruffles is the author of The Taste of Blue Light and Colour Me In. She also writes and speaks on creativity, mental health, synaesthesia, and migraine for media ranging from Buzzfeed to the Guardian and Wellcome Collection to BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour. Find her on Twitter and Instagram @lydiaruffles

Reviews

[Liz Barnsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melancholy and beautiful. review to follow.

[ThatBookGal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved Colour Me In, so much so I read the whole thing in a day. The imagery, and the writing style, were just beautiful. The portrayal of grief is so carefully handled throughout the book, it was very honest, and relatable. Mental health in young men is also an important theme here, and one that is generally not addressed enough.

Arlo's journey is slow paced, incredibly slow at times, and normally that would have bothered me. But in this case it felt perfect, because it was a clear reflection of his current mental state. Arlo himself was easy to relate to, kind, generous, but flawed in so many ways. The surrounding cast of characters all added a little something extra, with Mizuki in particular being the most intriguing. Her gradually unravelling story was fascinating, and I wanted to know more. The slow burning friendship, and carefully earnt trust was something special, and far more enjoyable than the instalove thats becoming common place.

The subtlety in the writing was truly wonderful. The locations (London and Japan) were never specifically mentioned, but Ruffles paints such a picture with her words, that you are never unsure about the settings. I felt like I had been swept up and taken to Japan, and got to visit all the places Arlo did. There is something so magical when a book can make you perfectly picture exactly where its characters have been.

The cover is a perfect match to the tone of the book, its melancholy, with some beautiful bursts of colour. I thoroughly enjoyed escaping with Arlo, and would certainly recommend this to anyone who enjoys a well crafted, slow-burner.

** Thank you to the publisher for providing my copy, in exchange for an honest review **

[Hâf · Rating 3 out of 5]

The main theme of this novel is grief. Grief is a very personal experience, it effects everyone differently and everyone copes with it in their own way. I could not connect with Arlo as he dealt with his grief, his journey was spontaneous and constantly changing, and so I found it hard to follow. I found myself wondering if I'd missed an important detail.
The writing was utterly beautiful, I couldn't fault it at all. I'm definitely interested in reading another novel by Lydia Ruffles. She dealt with difficult and hard hitting topics; death, grief, mental illness, toxic masculinity, climate change, pollution, which I admire in an author.
Unfortunately, this paticular book was just not for me. I did however like the meaning and importance behind the title (you'll have to read the book to find it out)! If you enjoy slow moving, detailed story telling, this might be your next favourite read, give it a go! I received a copy of this book from the publishers in exchange for an honest review.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Originally published on Once Upon a Bookcase.

After absolutely loving Lydia Ruffles' debut novel, The Taste of Blue Light, there was no way I wasn't going to read her next novel, Colour Me In. And what an incredible, heartbreaking story it is.

Arlo has a history of mental illness. Two and a half years ago, he had a period of depression that lasted four months, where he could barely get out of bed. Now he's determined to not go back to that place. He's started to notice a change again, but is trying to keep on top of it and has seen a doctor. But when something horrific happens, it just about pushes him over the edge. Unable to deal with what life means now, he runs. He jumps on a plane and flies to the other side of the world to try and escape what has happened, to pretend it didn't happen, and to run from himself and his mind. There, he meets Mizuki, a fellow traveller and photographer, and together they travel the country, visiting abandoned and derelict buildings. But you can't run away from yourself forever, and not dealing with what he's left behind is a trigger he can't escape.

Oh my god, I can't tell you how emotional this book is, nor how beautifully written. The imagery! It's just so gorgeous! It completely broke my heart watching Arlo really struggling with what's happened, hardly believing it's true, not being able to get his around around this new truth. He is so lost, and so he does the only thing he can think of, and runs. Runs from the truth, runs from what's going on in his head - instead of speaking to people and asking for help. He needs to be ok because the last time he had a depressive episode, his being ill was really hard on his mum. And he doesn't want to hurt her again. So he runs, pretends he's fine, and lies. Colour Me In never says where Arlo is, but over time it becomes obvious he's in Japan. To most people, he falls off the face of the earth; to some others, he lies about where he is and what he's doing. He completely loses himself in a foreign country, and doesn't stop running. Then he meets Mizuki, who is lost in her own, and desperately trying to find home again.

I think some people may have a problem with the middle of the book, when Arlo is visiting abandoned and derelict places and buildings with Mizuki, as that's all they pretty much do; look around and take photos. But it's not about what they're doing, it's the friendship they form, the conversations they have, and how Arlo is still struggling with his feelings and his mental health. It's less about what's happening physically, and more about what's happening inside Arlo's head. It's almost as if the places they go to aren't all that important - or hold significance for Arlo, but aren't such a big deal for the reader - but it's still really fascinating, hearing about all these places that have been abandoned, and the state they're left in. And it's great to see the friendship that forms between him and Mizuki.

There are two really important friendships in Colour Me In; Arlo's friendship with his best friend, Luke, and the developing friendship with Mizuki. His friendship with Luke was just beautiful. We don't really see friendships between guys explored with any real depth, but in Colour Me In, we do. Luke is three years older than Arlo, but they have been friends since they were kids. They are so close, and their friendship is so strong - I want to say they're almost like brothers, but that seems to take away from the importance of this male friendship, and somehow loses something. Arlo loves Luke, and Luke loves Arlo. They deeply care about each other, and it's just so wonderful to see. I've never seen a bond between two guys like this who aren't gay. It was beautiful how they care, and how they rely on each other.

And Arlo's friendship with Mizuki matters at first because she doesn't know him - which is important considering he's semi-famous at home for his acting - and she doesn't know what's happening. He can pretend with her that everything is fine, and he's just on a holiday, and he can escape almost being himself - the person who's experienced something awful, the person who's mind is misbehaving, the person who has responsibilities and people have expectations of. But as their friendship develops, They discover that they're both lost. Neither are going through the same thing, but both are experiencing emotional turmoil, and begin to find solace in each other; in their company, in the experiences they're having together, in how, in some ways, the other just understands.

But there is no escaping a mental illness, and Arlo's affects him throughout the story. As I've said, Arlo had a depressive episode in the past...

'Last time, shadows and black weeds twisted through Arlo's brain and body, pinning him in his bed. He was exhausted and hopeless and trapped in a spiral of hateful thoughts. Last time, he'd lashed out and folded inwards. Last time, his hurt had injured his mum in the most unimaginable ways. She'd absorbed it as if it were her own.
The low had lasted almost four months. He's two-and-a-half years clear of the worst of it now but it left a trace.
But last time was the last time. It had come out of nowhere and he won't let it happen again. Life is still desaturated, it's colour downgraded, but he's alive. He has medication when he needs it and exercise and drawing and Luke, and Luke's chicken and broccoli.' (9%)*

...but he knows there's something up with his mental health now. He's not quite sure what, he doesn't think it's the same as before, but he's scared of getting worse.

'What is up with me?
Things that used to feel like luxuries have started to feel like problems and he hates that. He won't let himself become spoiled. He doesn't think he feels sad this time, not yet anyway, but he's definitely sinking again. Arlo doesn't mind some sadness anyway. It's not as easy to share as happiness, but it fills him up more than numbness and it's better than dread and not knowing why he gets so angry. Why he's so claustrophobic in his own life even though it's a good one.' (7-8%)*

'"I'm wrecked, mate. Night.'
"OK. See you tomorrow."
And just as he's done every evening since he left The Beat, when the next logical step is to go to bed, Arlo feels the cold arms of panic tighten around him. Imaginary itches start to crawl his skin and he knows the door to sleep has closed with him on the wrong side of it.
[...]
In the bathroom, he pops a tablet from its silver sleeve and swallows it with lukewarm water from the tap. He was proud of himself for going to the doctor when he first felt himself slipping again. She'd been kind and suggested a short course of sleeping tablet to see if some sleep could get him back on track. Arlo counts the remaining pills. Only three left. If he doesn't feel better when they're gone, the doctor said to come back to discuss trying something else.
You need to get control of this.
Don't let things get bad again.' (9-10%)*

'A man with matching white gloves hurries passengers on to the train.
Arlo wonders what would happen if someone go pushed under it. Would it still leave on time? These thoughts don't surprise him any more. He just goes through phases where he has to peer through the crack into the darkness of the worst possible thought just to make sure it's not true, that he doesn't want it. These thoughts aren't mine. Whose are they then?' (33%)*

And he experiences a panic attack while visiting an abandoned clinic with Mizuki:

'When it hits, it's as if a seatbelt comes undone and he sails through shattered glass into a brick wall.
"I have to get out of here."
"What?"
He says it louder, "I can't be here. I'll wait for you outside."
"I'll come with you, just let me collapse the tripod."
Arlo can't breathe as he's running down the corridor to the clinic exit. Dust and old chemical smells choke him. The place is full of death.
"Wait," Mizuki calls.
He doesn't slow. Needs air.
It's OK. Almost there.' (42%)*

But then Arlo has a manic episode. The manic episode really reminded me of Kiri's experiences in Wild Awake by Hilary T. Smith, especially with the lack of sleep - Arlo doesn't sleep for a full three days - so it's a possible hypomanic episode. There are no labels or diagnoses in Colour Me In, and in Wild Awake, the story takes place before Kiri seeks help. I know that Kiri has bipolar from the review on Disability in Kidlit - written by someone who has it, too, and recognised it in her - even though it's never mentioned on page. So, with the similarities between Arlo's manic episode and Kiri's, I'm thinking Arlo may have bipolar, too, but I'm not 100% sure on that. It's possibly just a hypomanic episode, which is discussed in Wild Awake. Either way, whatever Arlo's diagnosis/ses would be, he definitely has a manic episode, and even refers to it himself as mania. These three quotes are just a few examples I'm sharing to show his manic episode, and how it progresses:

'His mind revs with sugar and chemicals and an energy he's never felt before as branches scratch at the window near his head. He shines his torch out on to the leaves. They're riddled with black pits and scars. Diseased. Dark, tar black. The tree could die at any moment. Could come crashing through the cracked windows and that would be that. When Arlo closes his eyes he hears toxic roots twisting and tangling under the building, the desperate stretching of its arms reaching for him. He can't be sure but it looks like a giant, dying relative of the tree that he and Mizuki had sat under when they met. Her tree. Bronze twisting through two-tone blossom.' (68%)*

'In his different but identical room, he's found numbers to keep him company. Calculations. The sums are inside him, flashing, demanding to be solved despite his exhaustion.
If there are seven circles on the ceiling, how many are extra, how many are missing?
If I send one text home and receive two back, who is coming to get me?
If I go to sleep now and get up then, I'll have this much sleep. If I sleep ten minutes in every hour, I'll have that much.
He can time travel now too; with all the extra waking hours, two weeks to everyone else is three weeks to him.
If I never sleep again, I'll have a third more waking life than everyone else for the time I'm alive but I won't live as long.
If I get a message from somewhere eight hours behind, someone will come and get me in eight hours' time.' (69%)*

'A 4 a.m. ice cream sundae sits in front of Arlo on the counter, melted back into milk. He eats the too-sweet cherry, aware of his stomach and the tubes leading to and from it.
He stirs the dripping mess, mind fraying, following every thought to and way beyond its natural conclusion.
Ice cream reverts to milk but you can't get it back in the cow. Unless the cow drinks it. You can't un-toast toast or unboil and egg. What comes first, the waking up or the falling asleep?
It's fascinating to Arlo, this inability to switch off. Thoughts starting somewhere and ending up somewhere else entirely. [...]
He can feel his mind disintegrating. Thoughts loop and loop and loop through waves of mania and dullness. Rapid then treacle slow cycling. Buzzing in his ears, the sound of neurons frying and connections fraying. Occasionally he falls down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out why he's like this. Where was the start of this particular episode, or is his life just one long programme of it? The Arlo Show. Airing 24/7, but only in his head. (70%)*

I just want to touch on the skill it takes to put a manic episode into words. To describe not just the thoughts, and how it feels, but to do so in a way that feels uncomfortable for the reader. With both Wild Awake and Colour Me In, during the manic episodes, I felt like my own mind was falling away from me, and I didn't like it either time, but that just shows stellar writing. So as well as Colour Me In being written so beautifully, but also skillfully.

The following quote shows what I think is more evidence that Arlo may have bipolar:

'Part of him thought that the black weeds might wrap themselves around him again the second he got back, but he just feels empty. Maybe it's the jet lag, but all that frantic energy that had sent him on his hunt to the hospital and around the city has fizzled away. The Arlo who thought that charm was a sign seems like someone else.
There's a voice in the back of his head telling him that episode wasn't like the black summer. It wasn't just [redacted] either. It had been bubbling up before [redacted]. It had too much colour, too much bad magic. The same voice knows he needs to get back to the doctor before he flies back up or crashes again.' (77-78%)*

I made those last few words bold for emphasis, making me think this may be bipolar.

As I said, there's no diagnosis given, or any kind of label, and there's a small quote that may possibly be referring to labels and diagnoses.

'If someone wrote his life down in a timeline, plotting events, they would make links that aren't really there. People love to attach causes and cures where they don't belong. This happened because that happened, x wouldn't exist without y. Why, why, why? It's in our nature to try to make sense of things.' (70%)*

Colour Me In is just a really incredible, beautiful, heartbreaking story of friendship, feeling and getting lost, and the downward spiral of Arlo's mental illness as he struggles to deal with what he's experienced. It's such a wonderful story, so beautifully written, and so hard-hitting. Lydia Ruffles is now right up there with my favourite authors, and one whose novels I will now auto-buy.

*All quotes are taken from the eProof, and have yet to be checked against a finished copy, so may not be correct.

Thank you to Hodder Children's Books via NetGalley for the eProof.

[Karen Barber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arlo, a teen actor, seems to be successful but he has kept hidden some of the things that trouble him. His mental health is up and down, but like so many young men it is not something he talks about. Arlo worries about letting people down so he keeps up a pretence.
The only person he is honest with is his friend, Luke. They’ve known each other from childhood and have an easy-going friendship that really struck me as unusual in its depiction.
When something awful happens, Arlo can’t deal with his feelings. Instead of talking to those close to him he runs away.
Arlo ends up in Japan, travelling the country and spending time with Mizuki, a young woman he meets. They travel the country, getting to know each other and taking pictures. Eventually, though, you have to confront your problems.
When Arlo finally decides to stop running we see him head home and start talking to people about what he should do next.
I don’t want to give anything away, but this was a thoughtful exploration of love, loss, and learning to accept yourself. I found the references to photography a little obvious at times, but they provided us with a reason for Arlo to explore his emotions and feelings about how to make sense of his experiences.
I received a copy of this from a NetGalley in exchange for my thoughts.

[Bash · Rating 2 out of 5]

"You’ve got to go to sea if you want to get really lost; find somewhere deep and watery, somewhere that doesn’t even have a name."

Arlo is going off the grid. Instead of taking his scheduled flight to a screen test that will land him his next big acting job, he's flying to the other side of the world to escape his grief before it takes him over. When he meets Mizuki, an avid photographer trying to capture an image no one has ever seen before, he keeps running. But misery loves company and Arlo won't be able to outrun his feelings forever.

This was underwhelming. Lydia Ruffles comes up with these fascinating situations and premises but carries them out with plots that just don't make enough sense and don't wrap themselves up properly. I was so on board for reading about a 20-year-old guy trying to grieve his best friend but that all gets lost when he meets a manic pixie dream girl whose actions, in turn, get totally lost as well. And it's very distracting how Ruffles never confirms the settings in the novel - I think Arlo's British and travels to Japan but for some reason, it's never confirmed in-text.

Arlo is a sad, lonely boy who doesn't seem to have a handle on life. It's obvious from the beginning that he has some sort of mental illness but he doesn't ever seem to develop any sort of personality which made it very hard to connect with him. It gets a bit easier when he meets Mizuki and they start investigating abandoned buildings because things are actually happening but Mizuki felt like more of a plot device than a person.

And that's a shame because she was so interesting! She's half-Japanese, half-American and is off travelling in search of her long-lost mother. She was environmentally conscious and talked a bit about Japanese culture which I would've liked to learn more about. She's not afraid to tell Arlo when he's being awful. But then Arlo sleeps with her and that's pretty much it. He runs off because spoilers and we don't ever hear from Mizuki again. That was the most disappointing part for me.

I think this is a really good meditation on what grief does to a person and what it can be like coping with loss. But the plot is underdeveloped and doesn't serve the characters as well as it should have. Disappointing.

Warnings: Grief and depression, brief sex scenes, references to suicidal ideation and some drug use.

[Natasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

mixed feelings about this one

[Alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

'No such thing as just friends,' says Mizuki. 'Friends are more important than anything else.'

One of the many beautiful messages that Colour Me In both states and shows. By the time I was finished, I'd filled my Kindle up with highlights--this is an unfailingly quotable book.

Quotability is just one of numerous admirable qualities I expected from Colour Me In after I read and loved The Taste of Blue Light, Lydia Ruffles's standalone debut. Her follow-up delivered on every count. As before, she writes Colour Me In with heartfelt, lyrical prose that begs to be reread; as before, she paints an intimate and empathetic portrait of mental illness; as before, she forces you to consider truths you thought you knew in a jarring new light.

These books aren't for everyone. They're slow-paced, character-driven and filled with reflection. Above all they're realistic. There's no escaping into a fantasy world with Lydia Ruffles' novels.

I find it essential to point out that if you'd given me the above as a sales pitch, I'd have passed without much thought. Slow-paced, psychologically focused novels aren't usually my cup of tea. Yet I adore both The Taste of Blue Light and Colour Me In: The execution is that outstanding. It doesn't hurt that they have gorgeous covers which completely match the tone of the story. But it's the stories themselves that make these books so powerful at the end of the day--stories by a writer who understands her protagonists' struggles while holding them accountable for their flaws. As far as YA novels concerning mental health, I honestly don't think I'll read a better author anytime soon.

For the most part, if you loved The Taste of Blue Light, Colour Me In is cut from the same cloth. The Taste of Blue Light has a more disorienting atmosphere, and Colour Me In is slightly more eventful, but that's mostly due to the differing themes they explore. Roughly speaking, trauma and amnesia in the former versus anxiety and grief in the latter.

With that in mind, there is a little improvement from the first to the second that I feel makes Colour Me In the overall stronger novel, and that's the development of supporting characters. In particular Mizuki, whose relationship with Arlo forms the backbone of the story and turns what could have been a lonely romp through depression into a heartwarming exemplar of friendship done right. Arlo is a strong character in his own right, don't get me wrong. But Mizuki, who is by the way a great deconstruction of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, steals the show from the moment she appears and challenges Arlo to a game of rock paper scissors.

One other thing that left an impression on me was the incredible subtlety. Ruffles never writes that Arlo comes from London and visits Japan; in fact she doesn't name a single one of the locations the characters visit. It doesn't matter. You know without having it explicitly spelled out, and if you're interested a quick Google search turns up the proper names for those locations. As a stylistic choice, it works wonders giving Arlo's narration the hazy, searching feeling that characterises his state of mind.

Plus there are cheeky references to The Taste of Blue Light, some of them better hidden than others. (Don't click if you want to spot all the easter eggs yourself.)

I've heaped superlatives on Colour Me In. It deserves them. If you enjoy subtle, introspection-based novels concerning mental health, pick it up. If you don't enjoy subtle, introspection-based novels concerning mental health--pick it up and give it a try anyway.

*Thanks to Hachette Children's Group and NetGalley for providing a review copy of this book! All opinions represented remain my own.*

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[Jon Margetts · Rating 3 out of 5]

For most young people in Britain, nineteen is a perilous age. Having gone through compulsory education, you’ve likely built up a solid friendship circle, secured balanced relations with your family (understanding your parents aren’t totally flawed people), and likely been financially secure the whole time, too. Excitingly, university or full time employment beckons, as do freedom and responsibility. But, those emotional, social and material anchors which helped you to nineteen suddenly start to slip away. In losing your anchors, you lose your sense of self.

This sensation is the heart of Colour Me In; for that, it is an important book for young people who haven’t yet left home to read. Arlo is an erstwhile childhood actor. He lives in a central London flat (although cleverly, all locations in this novel are left unnamed, which makes for both a dreamy and tense atmosphere) with his best friend since childhood, Luke, and spends most of his days in a grey, distanced, melancholy mode of being. For Arlo, acting was such a big part of his life, and it’s instructive for young people to realise that the loss of something so integral can be so emotionally destabilising. Arlo spends most of his time casually drinking, popping sleeping pills, and feeling at a loose end as the metaphorical “black weeds” of depression sink in. Indeed, it’s hard to warm to Arlo in the opening third of the book – his no-strings sex, egocentrism and dismissive attitude to women are off-putting.

Luke is the only one who really connects with Arlo; repairing a rooftop swimming pool brings the two closer together, and their relationship is refreshingly open and honest. At times, Arlo’s affection for Luke is borderline homoerotic, especially considering the amount of time Arlo spends fixating upon Luke’s physical features. Later in the book, in a particularly tender moment, Arlo questions whether he “loved” Luke. This theme could have been expanded. The portrayal of the relationship is, generally, touching, although allowing for an extra layer of repressed homosexuality to mingle in with grief when Luke suddenly dies in the opening few chapters would have given the book much more depth.

Upon learning of Luke’s death – Arlo discovers Luke’s body one morning in the swimming pool after his friend tripped over unknowingly at night – the setting rapidly shifts to Tokyo. Arlo is keen to lose himself there. In no time at all, he meets with the disarmingly trusting Mizuki, and the pair traipse their way across Japan. Ruffles lingers upon the setting frequently – necessarily so because Mizuki’s dream is to capture a truly unique photograph – and paints out some, for the YA genre, gorgeous landscapes and nocturnal beauty spots, including an abandoned theme park and an iridescent, isolated beach. Ruffles also touches upon environmental issues: chemical fallout; the human footprint; waste and recycling; nuclear warfare. This give Arlo and Mizuki’s wanderings some extra, topical scope.

If only more time was spent fleshing out Mizuki. Her bond with Arlo seems almost fantastical: what young, late-teen female in an unknown country would attach themselves to a detached and numb male stranger? And without a mobile phone at that? Through Mizuki, Arlo does go through emotional growth. This is welcome, because at times he is recognisably frustrating in the way he behaves as a young man – especially towards his mother, who he repeatedly ‘protects’ by ignoring and lying to her. But it’s hard to tell whether Mizuki ends up as more than a manic pixie dream girl by the end of the novel. Her affiliation with the oriental also adds an extra layer of weird, Western appropriation. But that’s by the by: in the hands of a young teenage boy, this could be an influential book. It’s appropriately challenging, and worth a read.

[Saibh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The thing I like so much about this tragic, young adult novel is the lyrical, descriptive, flowing writing used. The imagery is so vivid and memorable. The actual story itself is quite a heartfelt one, filled with special meanings and symbolism. It tells the story of Arlo, a troubled 19 year old actor, going on twenty. Another thing I really like about the book is that the author never really states where the characters actually are. Except you know exactly where they are. Her excellent writing makes you realize the story is set in modern day London and Japan.


The story goes as such; Arlo wants to get lost. So lost in fact that he wouldn't be able to read the signs outside his door, nobody knows his name and he doesn't know anyone else's. He wants to run away from everything going on back at home (Ya see, something quite tragic happened back there that I'm legally not allowed state because, well, spoilers) So instead of taking a flight to his audition Arlo hops his deplorable little self onto the next flight to Japan, telling no one. While there he meets a  fellow young traveler called Mizuki, who just so happens to be trying to get lost too. Naturally, they decide to travel all over the country together, trying to find places no one has ever seen before to photograph. Oh, and of course they fall in love. I mean, what else would they do? After a huge misunderstanding Arlos world starts falling apart once again and he must go back to where it all started.


Overall the book is quite good. It touches on many sensitive topics such as mental health, toxic masculinity, childhood and love. The novels main focus is grief. It depicts grief perfectly. The rising action was quite good and the start did a pretty decent job of explaining Arlos situation. In my humble opinion, the ending was quite disappointing and sappy. It was a very realistic book, which I found to be enjoyable. Sadly, Arlo and Mizuki weren't running around blasting strange creatures with magic wands.


Generally I would recommend you give Colour Me In a shot if you're looking for an emotional, slow paced, beautifully written story. If you're more into bookls with crazy fight scenes, magic elves and fantasy lands, try your luck somewhere else. Compared to books that help you escape from reality this one is a slap in the face. Personally I enjoyed it. I would advise you stay away from the novel if you are under the age thirteen due to some brief, vague sex scenes, suicidal references and drug misuse. You might also find it a bit dull and difficult to read. 


Thanks for reading my review :)

[Lucy Sweeney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Colour Me In by Lydia Ruffles
☀️☀️☀️☀️🌥️ (4.25 rounded down)

▪️ A haunting and emotionally moving portrait on mental illness in all of its ups and downs
▪️Arlo is a fascinating character to live inside of for the length of this novel. His experiences with depression, anxiety, mania, and grief are so tangible through Ruffles' prose, and the contrast with his moments of thoughtfulness, love and sensitivity really build him as a three dimensional person. His connections with the people around him are a joy to read
▪️ As mentioned above, the prose throughout this story is beautiful to read and helped to shape the worldview Arlo experiences with vivid clarity. Even in his moments of delirium the language was crafted to keep the momentum of the story going and follow him through the waves of emotional distress and numbness
▪️ The structure of the book with its three acts being firmly seperated by the people Arlo surrounds himself with - Luke, then Mizuki, then his remaining family - was interesting to follow considering how spontaneous the plot actually is. Having an anchor at the end helped to thread it all together and it was as satisfying an ending as I could have expected considering it's not truly the end of Arlo's story
▪️For a book that I chose based only on proximity and the intriguing cover design, I was deeply impressed and moved by this story and I'm so so glad it fluked it's way into my life.

"He's fortunate to have someone to talk with and not talk with like this. Someone who will let him sit quietly in the dark for a while but come in and get him if he stays too long."

"He just goes through phases where he has to peer through the crack into the darkness of the worst possible thought just to make sure it's not true, that he doesn't want it."

[Orláith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even in 2018, there is a stigma around discussing mental health issues and this is especially true for men and boys. Lydia Ruffles deals with this issue oh so perfectly in Colour Me In.

Arlo has been dealing with mental health issues for a few years when he experiences an excruciating loss that threatens to send him spiralling back to the dark place he never wishes to inhabit again.

In order to protect himself, he travels to an unnamed place to get away from it all for a while. There he meets Mizuki and together they embark on a friendship where famous TV star Arlo can just be himself.

The writing in this book is beautiful. The pacing is quite slow but in this case, it's perfect for the journey Arlo is on. Overall it's quite simply a beautiful book and I cannot wait to read more from this author.

Thank you so much to the publisher for sending me a free proof copy of Colour Me In.

[Jenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm never quite sure what to make of Lydia Ruffles. Her books are well written, engaging, and touch on serious topics. But something about the language always puts me off. I don't know what it is, exactly.

This is an interesting story about a semi-famous teen actor who flees after a tragedy to try and stave off the depression he can feel looming. I liked all the descriptions of Japan; Lydia has a good eye for descriptive language. The story itself was fairly predicatable, which isn't always a bad thing, and ends on a relatively happy note for everyone.

Interesting and well written, and I'll keep trying her books. Maybe the next one will click better with me. I hope so, because they deserve to be loved.

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn't a fan of this book. I loved Lydia Ruffles last book, A Taste of Blue Light, but just couldn't get into this one. It is, again, beautifully written but I thought Arlo, the main character, was just the worst kind of guy out there. He is struggling with a lot (mental illness, peer pressure, grief) but he acts so entitled and treats people (women) as belongings. The one scene where he seems to touch himself as he thinks about a sleeping Mizuki who is laying in the bed next to him was quite frankly, disgusting and made me consider not finishing. It wont put me off reading her next book but this one isn't for me.

[Shannyn Strong · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Maybe home has to be inside yourself”


The writing was incredibly beautiful. I felt the pain of Luke’s death and the terrible grief and depression that Arlo feels chasing him his whole life. I understand the story was following Arlo’s journey through his grief and Mizuki was more than just a plot point in his story but I really wish her story was closed too.

The ending fell kind of flat to me and I wish I had more of their journey. Lydia writes of grief so gently and makes grief be what it really is. Makes the journey to acceptance more complicated and different for each of the characters.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book felt a bit slow, and some moments were a little gross and unnecessary. The ending was also pretty unsatisfactory.

There were moments where the imagery was really good, and some great character conflict, though some of Arlo’s actions in the book annoyed me and I couldn’t really relate to him very easily as a guy around Arlo’s age. I feel like maybe this was because the book was authored by an older female writer? Not really sure, it just didn’t feel convincing to me.

3/5

[Michele Brack · Rating 5 out of 5]

#44 A book set in Japan, host of the 2020 Olympics

There's a little blurb on the back of this book that says Lydia Ruffles is like an "artsy, British John Green" and after reading this I am inclined to agree with that assessment. I thought this book was fantastic and had unique and powerful ways to describe heartbreak and depression that really stuck with me. I'm glad that I went out of my way to buy a copy of this book (because it's British and not available in most places around here).

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a gratis copy from the publishers.
Wow what a read. I would never have chosen this one from the library shelves.
Extremely well written, very cleverly dealing with mental health and how the mind works and thought processes. Escaping reality and running away, and finding yourself again.
Loved the characters and hope the author writes another one to carry on the story of Arlo and Mizuki.
A modern up to the minute novel.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book very tedious and such a hard read. The main character wasn’t someone who I could engage with, and the storyline never seemed to really go anywhere. There isn’t really any kind of resolution to the story which honestly, I didn’t feel all the let down by given that I wasn’t really enjoying the read.

[Alix · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the imagery of this book, it really painted a picture of the locations visited.
I didn’t really get the romantic relationship- I personally felt as though the intimacy of the relationship would have been the same as friends or in a romantic relationship.
I enjoyed this book, although it did take me some time to get into it.

[Book Grocer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Purchase Colour Me In here for just $10!

Colour Me In is a beautifully written YA book that tackles the mental health issues favouring young people. This book is a slow burn but a wonderful story that I’d highly recommend.


Alicia - The Book Grocer

[Yvette Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars When Arlo loses his best friend, he heads to Japan to get lost in the crowd. There, he befriends Mizuki who is also a solo traveller in Japan. They explore abandoned old buildings and theme parks, and their friendship grows. It's about grief. The writing is lovely, I cared about the characters, and it was a lot more readable than I expected.

[Bec · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know this is about depression but it is one heck of a depressing book, didn't really help that I was in a bad mental health patch myself when reading it.

Also it's not a good sign that I kept putting it down and not bothering to pick it up again. Took me way longer to read than normal.

[Abigail Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book a few years ago but I think it has completely altered my brain chemistry. I think about it all the time. I hear it all the time. This book just sits in my heart even a few years later.

[Rebecca Travers · Rating 3 out of 5]

This confused me a little. The characters were a little cold, the plot didn't move quite fast enough for me either. Something just didn't click.

[Klea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book got my heart since in the first page. Must read 😍

[penmumble penmumble · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written and powerful story about grief and discovery. Some of the most beautiful and descriptive writing I’ve read in a long time; often felt like one long poem :) definitely recommend!

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has been sitting on my shelf for the past like 3/4 of a year so I thought it was about time I actually read it.

It took me a while to get into but I enjoyed the well developed characters and beautiful settings. I was also a fan of the very fitting ending.

4/5 from me :D

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review originally appeared on Addicted to Media

In my search for a book that would truly move me, I encountered Lydia Ruffles's lucid dream of a novel Colour Me In. Ruffles is a relative newcomer to the New Adult market - her debut novel The Taste of Blue Light was only released in September 2017 - yet she is quickly gaining a reputation for her lyrical writing and focus on issues such as grief, depression and mental health.

Nineteen-year-old Arlo is adrift. He's catching a plane to the other side of the world to get as far away as he can from the most awful event in his life and he is unravelling. Devastated and lost, he is painfully in mind of the last time he fell apart yet is still hoping to outrun the black dog. Amongst the bright lights of an unnamed far eastern city, Arlo meets Mizuki and she seems just as lost as he is. Together they embark on a journey to abandoned places and exotic beaches in the hope that they can find themselves again.

Colour Me In is simply beautiful. Like a spider weaving a web, Ruffles pulls the reader under into Arlo's thoughts, memories and emotions as he reconciles the painful events of his childhood, his friendship with his childhood best friend, his struggle with depression and the events leading up to that flight. As the pages turn and the reader becomes invested in Arlo's story, Ruffles then proceeds break the reader’s heart, as Arlo's heart has been broken.

The writing in Colour Me In is incredible and there were times when I could barely make progress in the book for all the passages I was highlighting, rereading and absorbing. This may just be one of the most highlighted novels I have ever read.

Many authors have written about disassociation and feeling lost across the generations and it is interesting just how universal and timeless this theme is. Lydia Ruffles has written a novel that is very much for the Y Generation but it was reminiscent of Catcher in the Rye, Generation X and the 2003 film Lost in Translation. This is significant. Firstly, I think this book would work perfectly as a film, with its lurid colours and alluring aromas. Secondly, I think that this novel, which Ruffles purposely avoids tying to a time or place, will have an equally universal and enduring appeal.

[Lucy-May · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lydia’s second book was packed full of so much raw emotion, just like her first but tells a very different story. Lydia has written about men’s mental health impeccably & the story she’s told was so immersive that I felt all of Arlo’s emotions with him. Lydia’s writing is some of the most powerful I’ve ever encountered & her books are classics in the making.

I received this book from Hodder & Stoughton in return for an honest review.

⚠️ This book contains discussions of mental health issues such as depression & feelings of suicide throughout, as well as scenes of a sexual nature. ⚠️

Extended Review: https://wp.me/p8MbIo-2BD