Meetings at the Edge: Dialogues with the Grieving and the Dying, the Healing and the Healed

by Stephen Levine

Based on his extensive counseling work with the terminally ill, Levine's book integrates death into the context of life with compassion, skill, and hope. Capturing the range of emotions and challenges that accompany the dying process, he offers unique support to readers dealing with this difficult experience.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Spirituality, Death, Philosophy

264 pages, Paperback

First published January 10, 1984

About the author

Stephen Levine was an American poet, author, and spiritual teacher best known for his groundbreaking work on death, dying, and grief. A central figure in the conscious dying movement, he helped bring Theravāda Buddhist teachings to Western audiences, alongside contemporaries like Jack Kornfield and Sharon Salzberg. His work, however, was uniquely shaped by devotional practices drawn from Bhakti Yoga and his spiritual connection to Neem Karoli Baba, blending Buddhist insight with heart-centered mysticism.
With his wife Ondrea, Stephen spent over three decades offering workshops, counseling, and writings that supported the terminally ill, trauma survivors, and caregivers. Their book Who Dies? remains a foundational text in end-of-life care. Levine’s teachings also explored “everyday grief”—the quiet accumulation of life’s disappointments—and emphasized the healing power of mindfulness and compassion.
A former heroin addict who transformed his life through spiritual practice, Stephen lived his final years in quiet seclusion in New Mexico. He passed away in 2016, leaving behind a legacy of deep insight and loving presence that continues to influence seekers, caregivers, and teachers around the world.

Reviews

[Allie Lueck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely life-changing. I am incapable of reading self-help books, so I did worry I would struggle reading this. Once I started, though, I realized this is NOTHING like a motivational book, just stories of living and dying. I was consistently blown away by Levine's mesmerizing words, and I wish I could have my own conversation with him. Although I had to read this for my Death and Dying course this semester, it found me at the perfect time. Dealing with existential turmoil and grappling to cope with my emotional depth, Levine's conversations sparked a new motivation in my life. I have learned so much, and I may just have to reread and annotate. This is a book I know I will be able to depend on in times of trouble. I will recommend this to everyone yearning for more meaning in life.

[Я. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was given to me while I was very sick. Repetitive, and sometimes awkwardly written, but hard lessons to learn that need repeating. The messages are worth five stars, the execution isn't.

This book will pull your heart out and grow it ten-fold. I had to take a lot of breaks. Wasn't easy reading this book and Donald Hall's Without at the same time. Recommended.

[Jackie St Hilaire · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a process, a mystery to be discovered individually.

In losing someone we love, we are actually mourning a part of ourselves. This love comes from inside ourselves.

Holding back separates us from life. We need to feel the pain, face the truth. The sooner we acknowledge our pain, the sooner we can process it and the healing will start. Over and over again until we have settled it, processed it all into our being.

Stephen Levine in his book "Meetings at the Edge" gives a glimpse of how one can prepare themselves for their inevitable death and the death of a loved one.

About a year ago, i was visiting a lady who was dying and she commented to me: "They don't really get you ready for this". I asked: "You mean to get ready for death?" She nodded.

Better to prepare ourselves with the small deaths throughout our life than wait until the last month, year or even moment. It' not easy for us to get rid of our ego, our dreams, our family and friends and our very selves. Thomas Merton calls this our "false self". Our "true self", Merton explains is not protected, it just "is". I am. I am being.

The stories in this book from all walks of life gives us a glimpse of what to expect in the process of death and dying.. We need to trust the process.The only work we have to do is on ourselves. Only than can we offer ourselves to others on the path. It is on the "edge" that all growth appears. It's not easy to get out of our comfort zone. Even our imagined self, who we think we should be. Letting go of guilt, becoming vulnerable, forgiving ourselves.

We cannot forgive another until we forgive our-self. We will never have it all together, we become vulnerable when we stop fighting our self. This is my journey, not someone's else's journey.

Stephen Levine gives us a few letting go suggestions:
Being the healer
Being the teacher
Being the mother
Being the sister
Being the daughter
Being the wife
Being the friend
Being the lover.

We are not the "fixer" We are called to "face" our true self, our own intuitive path. It's okay to make mistakes, this is your journey, don't compare it to someone else's journey. Trust your intuition, the flow, your insights. This will lead you to understanding and acceptance.

[Linnea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Working with death is so fascinating. The authors used meditations, "softening" to the pain, and focusing on releasing control/ attachment to guide the people they talked to through the dying process. Another major idea was, "no one can die your death for you" - holding on to your "perfect" way to die and wanting that so badly for someone else may hinder them from dying. They are going to die their own death, not yours.

[Carol Ascher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will be part support and part revelation for anyone who is the loved one of someone who is dying, or is herself/himself in the process of dying. Though the stories of the experience of dying are somewhat repetitive, and so not always easy to separate, the lessons about yielding to the process, wherever it goes, bear repeating--and repeating.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked up years ago from the giveaway pile at the UW Dept. of Psychology. It's not a good book to just read, but it's challenging, thought-provoking, and there's a lot of meaning to take from it. The book is a series of short profiles and representative bits of dialogue with people at end of life, living with serious illness, or caring for a loved one in such circumstances. The most interesting parts for me were Levine and his wife Ondrea's philosophy, which they share and counsel people towards, and the details and journeys of the people they present. As a demonstration of counseling, though, this is lacking. I can imagine a patient wanting care and support from someone, and that person having a particular approach, and if it works for you that's great, but if the approach is more challenging, or niche, or abstract, then you'll be put off. A good counselor can use their particular orientation to inform their own approach without being heavy-handed about it. This came off as heavy-handed to me. There are bits that actually seem like Levine is wrestling with people in an effort to get them to see things the way he sees them, particularly with acceptance around mortality and dying. True, fair enough, and maybe this is just the way it comes off in these brief narratives, but it did not always feel like "meeting people where they are at" in terms of their own growth processes. The book also becomes tedious with all these case presentations. I'm glad I read it, and am curious now to read his book of meditations called Who Dies?--there really is a tremendous amount that's beautiful and intriguing about his spirituality.

[Ms. Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book focuses on grief counseling for the terminally ill and their loved ones, anyone who is experiencing loss in any form will benefit from this book. Each chapter, written in informal dialogue, focuses on one of the anonymous patients who have called in to a grief counseling helpline. The callers' stories are often heart wrenching, yet Levine finds ways to skillfully offer hope by asking poignant questions and sharing compassionate, practical look at ways to process grief. The simple yet powerful exercises he walks his patients through are helpful to anyone experiencing loss.

[Charlotte Falkner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not nearly as good as others by this author. The first half is meaningful enough for me to keep the book instead of donating it, but the second half wobbles far off center with chapters far too long and rambling. I'm not sure why it gets such good reviews. Read "Who Dies" instead of this book if you're trying to choose between them.

[James]

Based on his extensive counseling work with the terminally ill, Levine's book integrates death into the context of life with compassion, skill, and hope.  Capturing the range of emotions and challenges that accompany the dying process, he offers unique support to readers dealing with this difficult experience.

[Don Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book on the value of opening your heart to your life and to the lives of others.

[J. Oshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most of Stephen Levine's books on dying are really about living. He is compassionate and eloquent as he teaches us to live life as if it were our last day on earth.

Meetings at the Edge was a good book to hold/read when my brother was dying. I learned more about how to live my life with those who are still live; negotiating and making decisions based on NOW; and saying I love you more often and worrying less about being loved.

[Andrei Gheorghe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephen and his wife delving into pure compassion. Transcripts of their counseling with grieving or dying people, there is plenty to learn from every case: Letting go of everything while you're still alive, and be ready to leave anytime, and build the detached positioning towards the body, pain and suffering.

[deLille · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tended to be a repetitive Zen meditation that I came close to putting down several times, but then there would come a nugget of insight, truth or wisdom that would be so compelling I'd want to write it down.

[Frank Tedesco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent counseling for all of us mortals!