Made for This: The Catholic Mom's Guide to Birth

by Mary Haseltine

Millions of women have felt the power of birth, and countless women long for it. But for too many, birth can seem like a purely clinical experience — something to get through as quickly as possible in order to get on with the joys of being a mother.

In Made for This, author Mary Haseltine draws on Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body to show that birth is an essential part of who God created women to be, body and soul.

With real-life stories from many moms and practical tips — including preparing for birth, making informed choices, helping fathers embrace their role in the birth room, and encountering the work of labor — this book is an indispensable guide for navigating the physical and spiritual dimensions of pregnancy and birth. Expectant mothers will find the tools they need to approach birth as a gift, and to invite God into the experience.

About the Author

Mary Haseltine is a theology graduate and a certified birth doula and childbirth educator. With a passion for building a culture of life through the teachings of the Theology of the Body, she works to bring an awareness and practice of the teachings of the Church into the realm of childbirth, mothering, and pregnancy loss. She lives in Western New York with her husband and five sons. You can find more of her writing at www.betterthaneden.com.

Genres: Parenting, Catholic, Nonfiction, Religion, Education, Family, Christian

315 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 7, 2018

About the author

Mary Haseltine is a theology graduate, a certified birth doula, and a childbirth educator. With a passion for building a culture of life through the teachings of the Theology of the Body, she works to bring an awareness and practice of the teachings of the Church into the realm of childbirth, mothering, and pregnancy loss. She lives in Western New York with her husband and six sons. You can find more of her writing at www.maryhaseltine.com.

Reviews

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really appreciated the reframing of labor from "pain" to "work" and the theological discussion surrounding it. However, the practical sections made me less likely to, say, recommend this to a friend. I found the emphasis on home birth a little much for muchness, especially since I had great natural births at the hospital with midwives three times. The descriptions of overly medicalized births at the hospital seemed really foreign to me and perhaps outdated; on the other hand, I could just be lucky to have found great mainstream providers. It also made me uneasy that she included a testimonial from a woman who explicitly mentioned declining Vit. K, which, for a book that emphasized "evidence-based" birth, was surprising and disturbing. (nb: to Mary's credit, she does explicitly endorse giving Vit. K to your newborn, but idk why this particular tidbit was included elsewhere) I'm hesitant to post this review because all of this is so controversial, but I'm glad I read this going into my fourth birth when I can take what I find moving from it (and there was plenty! the first chapters were excellent!) and let the other stuff roll off my back.

[Genna Baumbach · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars! Great book to read about all the things that come with pregnancy, labor & delivery, and postpartum. I love that it has aspects of the physical and spiritual.

“As I reflect on all four births, I find that birth brings with it inexplicable suffering and joy. There is a beautiful mix of pain and bits of heaven as we come close the the thin veil that separates time from eternity. It’s a taste of something that truly has no words…”

Reading this has given me a sense of calm and a great increase in hope as I prepare to welcome our first lil soul into the world. Jesus, I trust in you! Mary, teach me to trust and love like you!

[Maddie McElroy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really helpful book for preparing both physically and spiritually for the birth of our first child! Some sections felt a bit drawn out, while others left me wanting more detail. Still, it was very helpful for me to get in a good mindset in these last few months of pregnancy.

[Ailsa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm pregnant with number six, but still found this book interesting and helpful. I appreciated the exploration of pregnancy and birth from a spiritual point of view and found the practical sections informative and balanced - I don't agree with other reviews that say it's too biased towards home birth. I cannot have a home birth and didn't feel any way alienated by the book. I particularly benefited from the sections on pain in labour being 'work' and how to lean into it instead of fearing it.

UK readers must note it is a US publication and therefore there are differences in the health care system: mainly in that we cannot really choose our doctor/midwife. It is possible to request a particular consultant you know you trust but choice is limited. I would say NHS attitudes to childbirth are more naturally-minded than how the author presents US hospitals eg. skin to skin contact is routine, babies are kept with their mothers after birth (nurseries are a thing of the past here) and VBACs are encouraged. I was alarmed to read that in the US, during a C-section a woman's arms are strapped down, thankfully not something done here.

A note on the Catholicism of the book: it is completely orthodox and not wishy washy. Popes are quoted and saints are referred to frequently. The traditional churching of women ceremony is mentioned. Baptism is recommended in the first few weeks. No mention of yoga. Only bit that made me uncomfortable was a testimony of a mother's doula giving her the Eucharist during labour.

I did find a bit of an over emphasis on doulas in general - maybe they are more popular in the US but I don't know anyone who has had one, and I the idea doesn't appeal to me. But it seems they are helpful for many people.

As with all books on the topic it has gaps and biases, and at times I found it a little wordy, but I would recommend to pregnant mothers as a good starting point for the basics of pregnancy and birth from a Catholic point of view.

[Catherine Shank · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so good! I wasn’t expecting it to be so intriguing and just the perfect book on preparing for birth spiritually and mentally, not just physically or educationally. 11/10

[Kelsey Kersting · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent preparation for birth

I decided to read this while pregnant with our third and am so glad I did. It has led to a deeper belief that all laboring mothers must be treated with the utmost dignity and respect, and that there is no wrong way to bring a baby into this world. I definitely recommend this book as a means of support, education and awareness before giving birth, whether for your first or sixth time. If you aren't able to take a birth class or only want to read one book, this would definitely be a great option. It's extremely practical, detailed, and removes fear and doubt.

[Becca Maginn · Rating 5 out of 5]

3 weeks out, so I thought I should at least read a book or two

[Allie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skipped through the second half of this one. Overall, the writing felt very biased to me and the author seemed to have an idea of what the ‘correct’ birth would be. I found parts of it helpful to connect birth and your spiritual life but overall just found myself annoyed at the bias in the writing since I don’t think there is one right birth plan.

[Holly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for a little more theology/spiritual meditative-type writing. It was definitely heavily biased towards natural, unmedicated birth, and I found myself rolling my eyes a lot, as someone who likes to birth in a hospital with an epidural. I felt like it was definitely presenting the ideal birth and "God's original plan for birth" as one that's at home with a doula. I wish it had provided more encouragement for moms who may desire a different type of birth than that.

[Mik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful as a FTM for expectations & info about before/during/after birth- especially taking into account the whole person from a Catholic lens. Could have been condensed, but didn’t mind the refreshers

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is written to and for Catholics, but I think any Christian mother-to-be would gain something by reading it. There were some practical things in it, but what I loved most was all the spiritual preparation for birth. So many suggestions and so much encouragement to grow closer to the Lord leading up to and especially during the birth. I've never felt more prepared for birth because of the prayer that I have entered into as a result of this book. I especially love how it was written for any kind of birth expected, that the emphasis was on the mother having the best birth for her and her baby, not a one size fits all idealized approach to birth, and that God chose each mother for their particular baby and their particular birth. That He loves them and cares about the outcome. The birth stories in the back were very inclusive and I really enjoyed reading them. This book is a gem and I'm so glad I read it later in my pregnancy to help prepare for this upcoming birth. I highly recommend it!

[Lauren Muraski · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book to gift to expecting catholic mothers, whether for their first or 7th. Loved reading this for the second time, just as much as the first. I think I will read it every time I’m pregnant to lean in to God more.

[Faith Elizabeth Hough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource; I am more educated about birth than the average mom, having read dozens of books ranging from medical textbooks to personal anecdotes, and I still found this interesting and an important addition. Highly recommended!

[Dorothy Vandezande · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I loved this book. I'm not Roman Catholic, so I skimmed some of the heavily Roman Catholic theology such as praying to saints etc., but there is so much good in this book for every Christian woman who desires to have a right and godly understanding of pregnancy and birth. The theology of bringing life into this world and how God has created us fearfully and wonderfully to do this great work is hugely neglected in this age and culture. It's important and I would even say imperative that we as Christians understand and acknowledge the Lord and His presence and faithfulness and goodness in birth as well as the rest of our lives.

In addition to theology, there is a load of practical advice in this book that will be so helpful in making wise decisions throughout pregnancy and birth. My half-star demotion is due to the fact that while there are many references to good research and studies, there aren't enough. There are quite a few claims which, even though I know from other sources are solid, are not well referenced in this particular book and for all we can tell may just be the author's opinion being presented as fact.

I especially loved the birth stories and the brief glimpses into many, many women's personal stories. They were beautiful, realistic and encouraging.

I highly recommend this book to all women who are pregnant or hope to have babies someday.

[Emma DiCicco · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just finished reading this and our first will be here in a couple of weeks. The spiritual part of this book was the reason I gave it 2 stars and not 0. The incredible bias towards home birthing and natural births was rather frustrating. I found myself rolling my eyes quite a few times, especially when she talked about epidurals and listed 3 positives and 18 negatives. Frankly I feel judged and lesser than because I am giving birth in a hospital and am open to pain medicine. I also feel like I should have less trust in my OB because she made it seem like they’re just out to get us and make money. I’m happy I borrowed this book from a friend before purchasing it for myself. Hopefully I can find a better and more encouraging book to read about childbirth in the future.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated this catholic approach to birth. It was certainly written for first time moms in mind, but had a lot of great ideas for bringing God into birth, no matter how or where you give birth. It is heavily biased towards natural birthing, but its chapter on c-sections was one of the most informative I’ve ever read. A good list of resources also.
(for the record, I didn’t read the chapters on loss or breastfeeding because I have a pregnancy bubble to protect.)

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It’s steeped in Catholic Theology and provides a very uplifting view of birth. So often, pregnancy IS treated like a diagnosis. You get a booklet of “don’t dos,” so much information is thrown at you, and tons of people love to come up and share their traumatic birth stories with you/and the “right way” to do everything. At least… this is my experience. And it can be stressful. I think in modern America we do have a poor outlook regarding pregnancy and birth, honing in on the painful elements and potential problems. When in truth, pregnancy and birth are all part of God’s perfect and brilliant design, and due to sin, suffering is a real thing — but that can be beautiful when we offer it lovingly to God.
The theological elements of this book are absolutely gorgeous and really help cultivate a healthy and holy mindset regarding birth because, yes, birth should be holy. And we need to cure our mindset in regards to birth.
The author definitely illustrates some of the cons of the medical world, which could be a controversial/sensitive topic for some. The author is also a doula so there is a strong emphasis on the benefits of hiring a doula. To some people, the book may seem overly in favor of home-births, but I think, if anything, it attempts to show that birth is natural and there isn’t just “one” way to do it/it’s not a diagnosis, but this may be a turn off. However, this did not bother me at all as I enjoyed reading about different approaches. Our bodies know how to give birth before we consciously understand how to, as the author points out, and that alone is a very empowering and beautiful fact. If you are in good care (whether it be OB or midwife), and have a healthy mindset and solid team, and keep God present throughout your journey, you’re setting yourself up for success because you were made for this.
This book is a fabulous guide if you are looking for an overview regarding pregnancy, birth, what to expect, what tests you need to take throughout pregnancy and what they’re for, dealing with loss, medication, and everything else INCLUDING a thoroughly uplifting and Catholic perspective, then check it out.

[Maura Clare · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book and am glad that I read it first out of a bunch of pregnancy books I have on my list! It's a great overview of all the most important physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of birth. That being said, there is certainly a bend towards home birth, to the point where it sometimes feels as though hospital births are less-than, though the author expresses many times that all births are beautiful and encourages you to choose what is best for your family and situation. It's not a deep dive by any means, but it's a great starting point to help you learn a bit and more so figure out where you personally need to do more research to fill in information gaps you may have. Highly recommend for Catholic moms to be!

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wish was available when I was pregnant with my first child. Although some of it isn’t relevant anymore, I still found great value in reading it while pregnant with our ninth child. I loved the chapters ‘A culture of life is a culture of birth’, ‘The feminine genius of birth’, and ‘The theology of the body: A theology of birth’. I love the quotes from mums throughout the book, and plan to print some of the saint quotes at the back to display during my baby’s birth.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for my first birth and found it so encouraging. I loved that it included stories and insights from different women with all kinds of birth experiences. In a way, it was like being surrounded by friends and mentors, the way that women have been supported through birth through all of history. I appreciated how she described with awe God’s natural design for birth while honoring women who make all kinds of medical decisions best for them and their circumstances.

[Deanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I wish I had read this before any other pregnancy/birth book! What a beautiful, motivating perspective on the irreplaceable power of women, with so much information and encouragement for discerning the best approach for you specific circumstances. I went into it knowing it had more of a bias on home and un medicated births, but honestly, I didn’t feel it was too over the top. I did however wish that one of the birth stories in the back included use of an epidural, because the birth stories themselves didn’t seem as diverse to me. Still processing all the beautiful wisdom this book had to offer!

[Anna Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really didn’t feel like this was a worthwhile read. Maybe for a first time pregnancy to get some valuable labor and delivery information. Other than that, I found it very flowery and unsubstantial, and found myself skipping through most of what was written in the more spiritual parts of the book.

[Graceann Braun · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was my JAM. I’m telling every Catholic soon to be mother to pick up this book. Such beautiful insight on the process of labor and birth, contradicting many things our culture and medical system has taught us about what our bodies are capable of and how God wonderfully made us.

[Amy]

This book was a helpful resource for a first-time-mama wanting to learn a bit about everything without needing to read numerous books. We took the author’s opinions with a grain of salt but for the most part felt the topics aligned with our values and prepared us well for pregnancy, labour, and delivery! It accompanied us to all our appointments and to actual birth👌

[Auriel Ganz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good overview of birth and how to be in a good mindset to help labor. Definitely eased some of my initial worries as a first time mom. Would recommend to others looking to make the most of the labor & delivery.

[Samantha Worthing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank God for Mary Haseltine! This book is a light of truth, especially in a society where birth is unfortunately not seen to have spiritual purpose and beauty. She covers everything from prayer during labor to the risks/benefits of interventions. This is officially on my list of go-to pregnancy books to refer!

[Maggie Bowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend.

This book is a wonderful tool for thinking about God's good design for motherhood and birth and the purpose of birth, especially the purpose of suffering in pregnancy and birth as we view our lives as an offering poured out to Christ, to accomplish His purposes in the world.

I must say I was a little skeptical at first, because of the title--I suppose I was expecting to feel as if 'you haven't had kids you're only half a Christian or woman or something'--but I did not feel that way at all.

Much of this book is theological or narrative, so it doesn't have a lot of citations. I think that's absolutely fine for this type of book-just know that there are better options out there when you are considering what procedures you may or may not want for your own birth.

I would encourage anyone who has had children or is currently pregnant or wants to have children to read this book. I really think considering the presence of God in the birth process and appreciating other women's stories will be holy and healing for you.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

As others have noted, this book is very much advocating for unmedicated, doula and midwife assisted homebirth - which is fine, but I think it should be made explicit. There are lots of concessions to medication and caesarean and repeating that there’s no moral weight to one option versus another, but every mention of a non-natural birth is followed quickly with why it’s not the ideal choice.

I found it a helpful overview of the many choices surrounding birth, and I appreciated her emphasis on the importance of a mother having choices, being presented with evidence based data, and being able to push back on suggested interventions that she isn’t comfortable with.

I also thought it was very helpful in emphasising that it’s important to try to resolve complicated feelings around pregnancy and previous births before making decisions and giving birth. It encouraged me to dig deeper into some beliefs I subconsciously have about myself and my body as a result of my experiences of pregnancy and birth.

It is certainly very Catholic in that there are many references to God as the author of birth, ways that we can bring spirituality into pregnancy and birth, and Catholic teaching about the dignity of all life and openness to life. That said, the actual information presented is rooted in data and well referenced, so it has plenty to offer the non-Catholic.

Overall, it left me feeling encouraged about the possibility of natural birth after two caesareans, but more negative about the alternatives.

[Maria Pierron · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

I was gifted this and there were some parts that were interesting and gave some good info such as the overview of stages of labor, pain management, and information for postpartum. However, I felt like there was a huge bias towards having a home birth or at the very least the most natural hospital birth that you can have. It's fine to prefer that but don't try to make women feel bad about wanting an epidural or having a c-section. I liked the parts where moms talked about their experiences, but then I realized they were mostly home births! There was only one c-section and one epidural (which she only succumbed to after 30 hours of labor) so it wasn't balanced information, which is what I need going into this for the first time.

Also, a lot of info on how you're just a number to your doctor so you should be wary of OBGYNs. My OBGYN will happily spend as much time as needed with me answering questions and making sure I have all the information I need. I don't feel like a number.

I preferred the book Birth Without Fear by January Harshe. She was super balanced and just gave you the information you needed for every scenario and wasn't judgy about anything. Read that instead!

[Leann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely, as with all books, you can take what you agree with or like and leave behind what you disagree with. I did enjoy the beginning of this book, especially the parts that went into the theology of the body when it pertained to childbirth. I also enjoyed the different perspectives from Catholic moms on the different types of birth as well as the chapter on preparing all of you for birth. However, what made me uneasy was the sections on the different choices for birth. Reading through those felt a bit contradictory for me - on one hand, every mother’s experience is different; on the other hand, a natural, unmedicated birth is definitely the way to go. At least, that’s the agenda that felt was being pushed in reading those chapters. Of course, I’ll be taking those chapters with a grain of salt. All in all, I was really hoping for a Catholic book that could help prep me mentally and spiritually for birth, and this only somewhat fulfilled that.