Twenty-five years after it first shocked readers nationwide, this landmark book continues to hit home with its eye-opening portrayal of growing up female in middle-class America. Described by The New York Times as "the voice that has for three decades provided a lyrical narrative of the changing position of women in American society", Alix Kates Shulman takes a wry look in this sardonic, funny novel at a world of experience long considered taboo or trivial. As relevant and delicious as ever, this frank story of one woman's intellectual and sexual awakening is so superbly written and devastatingly -- sometimes frighteningly -- on target that readers will treasure this beauty for many years to come.
Raised in Cleveland, Ohio, Alix attended public schools and planned to be a lawyer like her dad. But in college at Case Western Reserve University she was smitten by philosophy and upon graduation moved to New York City to study philosophy at Columbia grad school. After some years as an encyclopedia editor, she enrolled at New York University, where she took a degree in mathematics, and later, while raising two children, an MA in Humanities.
She became a civil rights activist in 1961 and a feminist activist in 1967, published her first book in 1970, and taught her first class in 1973--all lifelong pursuits that have found their way into her books.
Having explored in her novels the challenges of youth and midlife, in her memoirs she has probed the later stages in the ongoing drama of her generation of women, taking on the terrors and rewards of solitude, of her parents' final years, and of her late-life calling as caregiver to her beloved husband, with whom she lives in New York City.
Although this comes tagged as a feminist cult classic, I'd never heard of Shulman before a (male) friend gave me this book as a present. It does a good job of reconstructing the gender constraints of 1950s America though they're almost positioned here as biological essentialisms as the repeated phrase 'boys always go as far as they can and never backwards' reverberates throughout this tale of Sasha's sexual and other tribulations.
In some ways this treads very familiar ground: the gradual realisation of what gender means ('once I started school I learned I would have to choose between hair ribbons and trees, and that if I chose trees I'd have to fight for them. The trees, like the hills, belonged to the boys'), the trauma of adolescent bodies and first periods, the power and powerlessness of teenage female sexuality, college, marriage, maternity.
What Schulman does very well is show us how acculturated Sasha is, the extent to which she internalises 1950s social views of 'good' girls, so that despite reading European classics as a child and studying Philosophy at Columbia, all she really wants is to know that she's perceived as beautiful by the men around her. She wants to be loved and adored - yet she also wants something frustratingly more and just can't quite identify what it is...
Sasha's most important relationship, despite the twenty-five men she has sex with, including two husbands, is perhaps with her friend Roxanne, forced to drop out of college because she got pregnant. Although the two women drop in and out of each other's lives, they have a friendship that revolves around something real. And Roxanne recounting the ways she sabotages her despised husband's daily life is hilarious: 'mismatching the socks, scorching the favourite shirt, not hearing him when he talks to me, over-salting the scrambled eggs'.
Reading this now, it's both a marker of what has changed for women (career choices, prominently, being wider than waitress, receptionist, typist - with other jobs being advertised as 'male' only) - and also what hasn't: the way sex can still be a weapon of control, that there are still times and places where women walk the streets with caution, that rape and non-consent haven't gone away as feminist issues.
Strikingly, and rather depressingly, there are no healthy relationships between men and women in this book: even Sasha's brother and father are all about patriarchal disapproval, and her other interactions with men are almost all sexualised.
So this reminded me of other books set in a similar period: The Group:, The Bell Jar, even a little of Valley of the Dolls. It's easy to read and without the dark depths of the Plath book but there are important issues at stake beneath the surface wit and humour.
When I read this book in high school, I just was too inexperienced to understand it. I didn't really understand what date rape was, or what it's like to meld your identity in that of your guy's, or to feel like no matter how smart you are, what matters more is that you're pretty. I might have liked the book as a piece of fiction then, but I didn't *understand* it. I heard that the book reached it's 30th anniversary, I decided to read it again. Now, I read it with different eyes and appreciated it more, as Gloria Steinem is right: Women do indeed become feminist as they get old. I related to Sascha Davis, the ex-prom queen protaganist, unfortunately, quite a few times. She feels like a friend. If she were a real, live human, I hope she'd be a friend.
But I also couldn't relate to her at all at other times and that's a testament to the success of the second wave. There are all these reviews on Amazon, and Alix Kates Shulman herself writes in the intro, which say "relating to this book is a sad reminder of how far we *haven't* come." But I think so much has changed. Truthfully, so much *has* changed for the better. I felt more indignant and angry at all the bullshit my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, etc. than I felt chagrined that those things are still occurring. I think a teenaged girl not feeling like she could say "no" without consequences and being date raped, being sexually harassed and belitted by male bosses, or embarrassing one's parents by divorcing, or being forbidden by one's husband to do certain things, are far less common. I hope Alix Kates Shulman knows that, and it makes her happy.
In any case, this isn't an especially well-written book. There are sentiments which are brilliant, as well as some gold-star sentences or paragraphs, but some passages are sappy and soggy, others are treacly, and the book has a feeling to it like it was passionately slapped together like hodge podge rather than written with slow and careful consideration. Maybe that's an "effect" the author tried to use to enable the reader to experience Sasha's anxiety and frantic feelings about her life....
I'm glad I re-read this. Maybe I'll be due for another reading next decade, and I'll relate to parts of it even more.
Hmmm… this is a tricky one to rate. I didn’t enjoy it. However it was one of those books that you can’t help but acknowledge as fairly important.
‘Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen’ is exactly what it says in the title. It is the accounts of a beauty Queen as she goes through her childhood, teens and twenty’s and what it means to be a female in the 1950s era. It had a similar feel to ‘The Bell Jar’ (though I love ‘The Bell Jar’), in narrative style and introspection- there was just a lot less depth. It was pretty depressing both in realising the protagonist was having to constantly diminish herself to fit in with society and how she couldn’t be everything she wanted to be but rather had to play at this invisible game in which every move led to losing one aspect of personality, respect or status. It was also depressing as not all that much has changed for women since the 1950s as we might like to think.
After finishing Rebecca Traister's Good and Mad, all I wanted was to read another feminist book—but I also wanted to read some fiction. The solution? Alix Kates Shulman's novel Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen, a "lost classic" of the second wave that was reissued in 2007. I'd read and enjoyed Shulman's 1996 memoir Drinking the Rain, so I had high hopes for this. But reading it was a mixed experience. Sure, I appreciated how revolutionary some of the sentiments were at the time, and I thought a lot of it was funny and interesting and smart, but the writing style was a bit awkward, the plot was kind of a mess, and ultimately the ending was unsatisfying. Sure, women back then were rebelling against their constrained existence, but that doesn't mean all of them could truly envision a different (better) way to live. The way this ended was probably realistic for the time, but that's exactly what makes it so disappointing to read today.
Why have I never heard of this book? It's brilliant. I'll be thinking of pieces of it for years.
Sasha is a vain short-sighted slut. She's also a brilliant, solitary philosopher who understands exactly who she is. She is abused by men in a horrible pre-sexual revolution world (was it really that bad? Unbearable if true), and always begs for more. She's selfish to an epic degree, while all the while being very thoughtful and generous in her sociopathy. She grows into a mother who will sacrifice herself for her children, no matter how many thoughtless abortions she might have had first.
I can't give this a dismissible label of "intriguing feminist portrait." Cuz I never would have gotten through it if were just that. It's a book about being below-average when you were supposed to be more. It's about how fantasy dies away in the face of real life. It illuminates the every-day submissions and games and compromises women cultivate(d?) from girlhood to survive. It's about being hollow.
And it's about turning 30. I find myself in this book, and that's nothing to brag about, but revealing all the same.
This was an interesting novel that addressed the helpless feelings of women during the 1950's-1960's, when all one could hope for is to become a wife of someone successful. Our heroine is a product of her time, and while she is intelligent, her real sense of value comes from her looks. It is grieviously important to her to know that men find her attractive. She finds that slipping into the ascribed roles of wife, and later mother don't make her any more secure. The anxiety then surrounds a kind of frustrated fulfillment (which is to say, not fulfilled at all), and a fear of doing the right thing and maintaining her security. While younger budding feminists may not appreciate this novel, older ones will be able to relate. Although her predicament seems ridiculous in some aspects, there are residual bits of that thinking still embedded into our society.
I read through this book with all the enthusiasm of one of Sasha's less exciting amorous encounters, going through the motions and mostly just glad when it was over.
I know the story was supposed to be some kind of feminist statement, and the parts of the book showing how women's options often were limited and emphasis placed on landing a husband in the mid-twentieth century were welcome reminders of how much has changed over the past couple generations. Even so, Sasha's relentless self-absorption along with a wide streak of self-destructiveness made me care less about her troubles as they too often were self-inflicted.
Still, I made it through until the end, demonstrating more focus and commitment than Sasha did for most of the story.
Ufff, qué despacísimo avanzamos. Esta mujer que en los Estados Unidos de finales de los sesenta aborta ilegalmente tal vez ahora también tendría que abortar ilegalmente, dependiendo de en qué estado viviera. Esta mujer teme en su adolescencia ser llamada guarra si vive su sexualidad, frígida o calientapollas si se resiste, y en eso poco hemos avanzado. Esta mujer lucha por no convertirse en una "trad wife" o esposa tradicional, de esas que ahora parecen volver a estar de moda; mujeres que se quedan en casa y cuidan del hogar y de los hijos, dejando a un lado sus carreras profesionales y sus ambiciones personales; la protagonista se resiste y acaba siendo una trad wife a su pesar. Es bastante descorazonador ver lo poco que se avanza y lo fácilmente que se vuelve atrás.
El afán por ser guapa, por mantenerse joven (y esta chica se encuentra vieja a los 24 años!!!), por ser atractiva a los hombres, gustarse por ser mirada por otros que la ven sexualmente atractiva, el acoso sexual, el sexo matrimonial poco satisfactorio. Cualquier mujer que lea este libro verá aquí y allá cosas que ha hecho o ha dejado de hacer en las que se verá reflejada. Y es bastante triste verte reflejada en un libro escrito en los años sesenta porque una piensa que hemos avanzado y no.
All I have to say about this book is...the more things change, the more things stay the same. This feminist novel from the early 70s chronicles tells the tale of an intelligent ex-prom queen. Many of the themes that she faced in the 1950s and 60s are still being faced by many women today: 1) sexual harassment in the workplace; 2) being taken advantage of by young and older men; 3) out of wedlock pregnancy; 4) abortion; 5) societal expectations on women to marry and have children, and so on. It's a tragic tale of a young girl who craves independence but who is forced into situations against her nature due to societal conventions.
I gave the book a four instead of five because all throughout the book the protagonist somewhat bucked convention, but then she caved at the end to pressure.
I honestly can’t say enough good things about this book. A friend lent it to me months ago and I just got around to reading it… pretty timely in the US if you ask me. Though the story takes place in the 1950s and is written in the 1970s, it is timeless. Sasha is inside all of us.
A brilliant book; apparently one of the first pieces of feminist fiction.
It follows an ex Ohio prom-queen who feels she peaked at 15, constantly judging her worth in relation to her attractiveness whilst also juggling her ambitions to master the entirety of human history and philosophy. It keenly details the precarious and dependant position of a woman in the 1950s and 60s, totally at the mercy of her husband's ambitions, career and whims, without the power of independence. Her utter vulnerability despite her keen intellect is shown in the heartbreaking chapters on motherhood. Truly terrifying and a lot that still rings true today.
I received an ARC of this book with thanks to Serpent's Tail via NetGalley.
Set in the 5os-60s we follow the life of Sasha as she navigates her life amidst men that feel entitled to her, men that feel superior to her and men that believe they deserve more than her purely due to their gender. As a woman I recognised the harassment she faced and the discrimination she encountered, even the delicately entwined experiences she faced that perhaps aren't blindingly obvious to all who read the book.
I feel conflicted writing this review as I understand the importance of this book, yet I also didn't feel a connection to or even like Sasha at certain points in the narrative. I grappled with a young white female character who lived with an abundance of privilege trying to wrestle with the unfairness of being a woman in a world catered to men. We've become much more educated and empathetic to so many issues around us since this book was written, so I feel my opinion is quite skewed in comparison to what readers thought and loved about this book upon its release back in the 70s. Yes, what she encountered was something no woman should ever have to experience, yet at the same time she got to experience so much (travel, education etc.) due to her social standing and the colour of her skin. Unfortunately there are still too many circumstances of what Sasha experienced unfolding in our world today. Regardless of how far we believe we have advanced, it's always wise to reflect on how much further we still have to go and to not become complacent. Definitely an important book for it's generation, the era in which it was written and a memoir that has become an influential building block for female writers and commentators who came after.
Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen is apparently a feminist classic but I find it hard to believe that women reading it would feel inspired by it.
Yes, the book and engrossing and superbly written, but what is essentially a Bildungsroman comes with very little growth for the main character.
Sasha Davis is clever and educated but despite this, some travelling, and numerous experiences, she is not able to free herself from the misogynistic and patriarchal bullshit she has internalised from a very early age. She is and remains a product of her time.
Davis is also very self-centred (she tells very little of the circumstances of the people around her), a master at self-delusion, and despite her protestations to the contrary, she is both feckless and rudderless, making for a not altogether pleasant and likeable character.
So perhaps it is a feeling of recognition of all the unfairness and humiliations doled out by men that turned this book into a favourite for so many women, in addition to being a good read despite everything.
Sasha Davis, a young woman growing up in a middle-class Cleveland family in the 1940’s and 1950’s, comes to terms with her fate: marriage and children. She understands that in order to achieve those goals, she must become beautiful. Sasha does grow into a beauty, earning the title of prom queen at her high school; however, she never believes she is truly attractive, and she becomes obsessed with the pursuit of beauty. Unaware of her own keen intelligence and desperate to “prove” herself, she has sex with most of the men—a largely selfish, narcissistic bunch—who pursue her. This perfectly-written novel is brutally honest about the limited choices women had in the mid-20th century. The characters are true-to-life and realistically flawed. A great novel that’s still relevant more than 45 years after its publication in 1972.
These are the two main reasons for which I hated this book:
1. Confusing time line, it would have been much better to tell the events in the right sequence or by identifying the different periods with a title.
2. The protagonist is completely duplicitous, think one thing and does the opposite.
Now, I also think that the book wasn't interesting at all for me because of the period I was born in. It's been a lot more than 50 years since this book was written and my mindset is definitely different. But I still thought that it was going to be a less boring book than what it turned out to be.
"happy hour" by marlowe granados meets "sleepwalking" by meg wolitzer, with a touch of "tender is the night" by fitzgerald - this is what "hell yeah right get a life" wanted to be but couldn't, basically
Interesting book if one wishes to see through the eyes of an American woman in the 50s. It stresses any and all sensitive matters that may pop up in a young woman's life, back then, but also, now.
I’ve been reading a lot of feminist lit recently and I am so fatigued by the female experience… Anyways, this is like less unhinged bell jar. A little dated in places but mostly holds up.
Compelling feminist novel from the early 70s. Interesting (and at times sobering), to see what has stayed the same and what has progressed for women over the last 40 years. Really enjoyed some of the latter parts of the book and how Sasha navigated her relationships with Frank and Willy.
I enjoyed this book, but mostly the flashback scenes. This book takes place in the 50s and 60s so it's interesting how Sasha's choices then would be completely normal now.
Me llamó muchísimo la atención cuando lo vi porque es una de las primeras novelas feministas escritas. Fue publicada en los años 70 y en ella nos cuentan la vida de Sasha, una adolescente que no tiene muy claro qué hacer en la vida. Durante todo el libro vamos conociendo más a la protagonista y también a diferentes personajes (sobre todo masculinos). Algo que me ha gustado mucho es que éstos salen y entran de su vida y por ello hay más cambios de ambientes. Al principio me costó conectar con la protagonista pero enseguida me sentí muy identificada con ella por diversos motivos. Además me parece un personaje muy bien construido y me encantó que no se dejara llevar demasiado por su entorno, lo que decían sus padres etc, a pesar de que era lo que se esperaba de ella.
La novela refleja muchos de los problemas sociales que existían por aquel entonces, todos en relación a la posición de la mujer, y me ha sorprendido darme cuenta de que muchos de ellos siguen presentes en la actualidad. Se tratan temas como el acoso sexual, las relaciones tóxicas, discriminación laboral, maternidad...
En definitiva, ha sido una novela muy diferente para mí pero que me alegro mucho de haber leído.
«A los chicos les enseñan que necesitar a una mujer es de débiles mientras que a las chicas nos enseñan que ganar a un hombre es nuestra fortaleza»
This is a book I know I will have to reread at some point again in my future, such as when I am married and have children. I really resonated with Sasha as a teenager and a young woman trying to find herself, so I know that when I experience these parts, I know I will find a connection with Sasha's as well. About four or five chapters into this book I realised that I needed to underline sentences and paragraphs just to keep them with me. While the writing was a bit slow, I appreciate that Shulman stuck around to tell us the reader about the important moments of Sasha's life, that while mundane at times always had a reason behind it. The sad truth that hangs over this book that while it is set in the 50's and was released in the early 70's, a lot of the crap our main character Sasha has to go through and worries about, are shit that woman still have to deal with. I felt pity for her at times, while an incredibly smart person with a mind of her own (I studied Philosophy for a year and that subject is hard), she is sadly conditioned by the patriarchy to think of beauty as the only important thing. This is even while she is trying to remain free from the role of wife and mother. It's a sad truth.
Confusing and contradictory. I didn't like how it was structured and how the main character was in a constant state of obsession over her looks, whether to get married, continue focusing on her career, or having children. I almost didn't care for her at times. The times when I did was empathising that she had been sexually abused by older men many times which was very sad, I really did feel for her that she couldn't say no or she had to feel like she had to please others. Meh. I won't be reading this for sure and I wouldn't consider this a cult classic
I was presented to this book when feminist fiction really began taking off in the mainstream but didn't get around to it immediately. Like a lot of the books of the time, it dwelled on the victimization of women more than on the more positive relationships between the sexes - or maybe I was too sensitive at the time - but it read well and I enjoyed it, maybe because the main character took some responsibilty for her actions instead of being a victim.