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Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We>Me
Is Marriage Worth it?Many couples say "I do" with a combination of high hopes and fairy tale fantasies—but there's a difference between the expectations of marriage and the reality of what marriage holds. Whether you're married, single, or dating, now is the time to ask What steps can I take today to build an incredible marriage for tomorrow?With compassion and clarity, licensed counselor and relationship expert Debra Fileta shows that when we can work through the struggles of marriage, we get to experience the joys! Learn about eight powerful choices that will encourage and equip you to take your marriage from average to exceptional and find astonishing survey results from thousands of singles and couples on topics like love and attraction, sex, conflict, and communication. A beautiful exchange occurs when you learn what it means to choose we before me. Discover practical steps that will give you confidence and courage on the adventure of Choosing Marriage.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2018
152 people are currently reading
809 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
May 4, 2018
What a lovely, useful book! Author Debra Fileta is a trained Marriage Therapist. She writes and offers advice from the heart. The title of the book says it all, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We > Me, In a time when many people have been convinced that ME is so important this book is a refreshing reminder that WE is what provides lasting satisfaction. WE provides more meaning, more growth and more value.Whether you are happily married like me or struggling in your marriage, this book will lift you up and offer some beautiful tips to grow within your marriage.
June 14, 2021
Such a good read for ANY person! Fileta writes this book to married, engaged, or singles to encourage everyone at some point in their life to choose marriage. Would recommend for any single, dating, engaged, or married!
February 9, 2019
I highly recommend this book.
I listened to this book and wish I had a paper copy - I would have underlined and written in the margins over and over again! My favorite chapters were "Always Use Protection", which is about the steps you need to take to proactively protect your marriage from common issues, and "Better Together".
Written by a family couselor, there is a lot of clinical research as well as Scriptural basis for what she recommends. She is very candid and honest about the work it takes to maintain a healthy marriage while balancing that with the great blessings of marriage.
My only complaint is that she said "In my survey of over 1000 married couples...." more times than is necessary and it became a point of distraction. If she wasn't so down-to-earth, honest, and obviously writing with wisdom guided by science and Scripture, I would have thought she was being utterly prideful.
I listened to this book and wish I had a paper copy - I would have underlined and written in the margins over and over again! My favorite chapters were "Always Use Protection", which is about the steps you need to take to proactively protect your marriage from common issues, and "Better Together".
Written by a family couselor, there is a lot of clinical research as well as Scriptural basis for what she recommends. She is very candid and honest about the work it takes to maintain a healthy marriage while balancing that with the great blessings of marriage.
My only complaint is that she said "In my survey of over 1000 married couples...." more times than is necessary and it became a point of distraction. If she wasn't so down-to-earth, honest, and obviously writing with wisdom guided by science and Scripture, I would have thought she was being utterly prideful.
October 8, 2018
Gives practical steps to reconcile strife and lots of other things to better bless your marriage. Loved how she laid it out there was an actual game plane on what to do in most situations she addressed
January 31, 2020
The writing style of this book made it so easy to read! I didn’t want to put it down, and found so much helpful information! I thought it was a great resource and have recommended it already to my friends! A great read whether you have a great marriage or not!!
April 10, 2024
I tried to find a non religious book about marriage advice and I chose this one because it didn’t have anything advertised about faith and was written by a LPC. It was very much centered around God and faith. The author seemed a little deceitful with her advertising
January 22, 2023
Debra gives practical, down to earth advice about marriage. She includes singles throughout the book as well, so appropriate for any relationship status.
February 26, 2024
Fileta reminds us that marriage is about teamwork and how that practically manifests itself. Great read!
April 19, 2022
A rare marriage book that manages to apply whether the reader is considering marriage or has been married a long time. It’s a great reminder (or introduction to) of principles that can make a marriage successful and happy.
November 20, 2019
I was surprised by this book. As a single, I didn't think it was meant for me and even if it was I thought it would just make me more depressed and aware of my singleness. Thankfully, I was totally wrong. While marriage is the focus, the book really helped me understand how I can prepare for marriage with no husband in sight. The book encourages people to live for God, grow in faith, learn and accept responsiblilty for their life and health (both emotionally, mentally, and physically.) Debra is great at reaching out to singles in this book so people, like me, can learn about marriage, our ideas of marriage, and how we've seen marriage play out in our own families. Far from the fairy tales I have often read in Christian literature with fluffy ideals, this book was real and eye opening. Debra took a great approach by surveying couples and singles for this book. I really appreciated more than the author's own personal story.
At the end of each chapter are reflection questions for couples and singles. Both sets of questions give each group practical steps to live out the ideas talked about in the chapter. Once thing I have to say is that the book takes time to read. I'm not even done with it yet. I found that is not a book to read cover to cover in a few days. I would really have liked a group to go through it with me.
At the end of each chapter are reflection questions for couples and singles. Both sets of questions give each group practical steps to live out the ideas talked about in the chapter. Once thing I have to say is that the book takes time to read. I'm not even done with it yet. I found that is not a book to read cover to cover in a few days. I would really have liked a group to go through it with me.
May 20, 2018
I thought it was great, I am liking the weekend to focus on marriage and have enjoyed watching the royal wedding. Was a good week end to pick up the book and read it with my wife. It's also Wedding season so a great time for a pre-marital or post-marital book, or the book in-between it. I got to thinking that I'd share my blog with the author, who know to thank her for spending the time in writing a book for marriage. There needs to be more books like it. It's a book I'll pick up again soon. https://nikiandfinn.weebly.com/monthl...
April 23, 2018
I am LOVING this book. I can't stop writing notes, marking scripture references, and sharing the insights I'm learning from these pages. I love how Debra ties the knowledge she's learned as a counselor to what God says in the Bible and how that knowledge just points to how our God created us to be, and that He knows how best a marriage relationship will work. If you're contemplating marriage, if you're happily married, or if you're struggling in your marriage: READ THIS BOOK!
August 28, 2018
This book had an excellent format and easy to read and relate to
Not a blame game
Just real stories and amazing reflection questions
Scripture tied in as well
Worth reading
Not a blame game
Just real stories and amazing reflection questions
Scripture tied in as well
Worth reading
November 23, 2018
Thank you audiobook version.
I took notes on this, but my paper is at work. I know that I enjoyed the details of the information and experiences shared in this book. Say your expectations and let your person know what they are. When you choose that person, remember to keep choosing them. Have clear communication. Encourage whenever you can. Leave room for grace. Remember you came from different upbringing and experiences and have those different views. ALWAYS do pre-marital counseling. Be open-minded and ready to learn.
Grace & love cover a multitude of sins, but this doesn't mean that you have no help. You're not just 2 people in the marriage. God/Jesus is at the forefront. Prayer is important. Pray together with your spouse. Have female friends to talk to (if you're female; male friends if you're male) that have more happy years of marriage and can help you. Pray for each other.
Those are just a few items I recall. There is a lot of useful stuff in here.
I took notes on this, but my paper is at work. I know that I enjoyed the details of the information and experiences shared in this book. Say your expectations and let your person know what they are. When you choose that person, remember to keep choosing them. Have clear communication. Encourage whenever you can. Leave room for grace. Remember you came from different upbringing and experiences and have those different views. ALWAYS do pre-marital counseling. Be open-minded and ready to learn.
Grace & love cover a multitude of sins, but this doesn't mean that you have no help. You're not just 2 people in the marriage. God/Jesus is at the forefront. Prayer is important. Pray together with your spouse. Have female friends to talk to (if you're female; male friends if you're male) that have more happy years of marriage and can help you. Pray for each other.
Those are just a few items I recall. There is a lot of useful stuff in here.
September 23, 2024
I am a big fan of marriage and relationship books. I think the Gottmans and Dr. Chapman are great so I was hoping this one would be a great reminder of some of those principles. Some of the strong points about the book are the overall message of selflessness and giving time and attention to each other. There are some strong and specific points around apologizing as well as boundaries. I thought the section on sex and intimacy was weak and unhelpful. One significant aspect of the book that was difficult for me was the pervasiveness of the author's faith. I think that if you are a non-Christian, there are major sections of this book that fail to resonate so be aware of that before diving in.
January 25, 2020
This was a good, helpful read. I love how she made it applicable to people who are both married and single. I think it gave me some great things to think about (expectations, conflict style, etc.) and would probably be a good thing to re-read in the future. I would recommend this book for someone wanting a helpful resource who didn't necessarily want to do too much heavy lifting. It's accessible and easy to follow and understand, but perhaps lacked the depth that The Meaning of Marriage offers. Still, a great read.
July 30, 2019
Know that it is written from a Christian perspective.
It does not rely on that perspective to give solid, practical advice. Nearly all of it I knew from other sources, but it was a pleasant read and good reminder. If you take one thing away that helps your marriage, it is worth it right?
I didn’t agree with all of it for my good marriage, but that’s ok. It wasn’t insistent that there was only one way that worked!
It does not rely on that perspective to give solid, practical advice. Nearly all of it I knew from other sources, but it was a pleasant read and good reminder. If you take one thing away that helps your marriage, it is worth it right?
I didn’t agree with all of it for my good marriage, but that’s ok. It wasn’t insistent that there was only one way that worked!
January 5, 2022
Lots of stories and fluff that could’ve been cut, but the meat of the book shed good light on what real marriage conflict looks like and how to approach it from a biblical and a psychological perspective. Large emphasis on how to consider your spouse more than yourself, no sugar coating which I appreciated.
She quotes different versions of scripture (esv, msg, nlt, niv) seemingly randomly instead of holding to one translation which was frustrating
She quotes different versions of scripture (esv, msg, nlt, niv) seemingly randomly instead of holding to one translation which was frustrating
August 12, 2025
Possibly the single most helpful book I’ve read during a difficult time in my marriage. The author blends a great perspective as a wife, a couples therapist who’s able to share her clients wins/loses, Christian faith as a someone who works for a church and more modern dating questions from her dating blog. This is one of those books that’s equally as good for singles as it is for married people. I definitely plan to keep this and read it again throughout my marriage.
October 16, 2025
Another good book by Debra Fileta. Lots of insights and a good guide to a marriage, why it is important to choose it and how we have to think about the dynamics of the relationship. I did think that this book got a bit long on each chapter as they tended to drag out unneccessary sometime, but that aside, I enjoyed most of the content here. It is not one that is going to stick with me as I have read better, but it is worthy a read in order to get the wisdom you can from Fileta.
May 30, 2022
I have been a huge fan of Debra’s work for the last several years when stumbling upon her “love + relationships” podcast many years ago! As someone now experiencing the joys of marriage, I really enjoyed Fileta’s call to choose marriage through 10 different lenses, multiple reflection questions, while all entwined with faith! Love her work - 4 stars!
April 26, 2024
One the best books I have ever had an experience with. Nuggets galore!!! It is filled with sound wisdom. I listened to the audiobook twice in two weeks and will be taking notes in the physical book next. I highly recommend this book for the married and unmarried. It will help you in marriage or prepare you for marriage.
November 29, 2024
A very good book on relationships. I knew all of the topics already from different sources, and it was a good way to refresh knowledge. A tiny bit more of American Christianity involved than it would have been ideal for me.
May 31, 2020
A book full of practical wisdom; some of it is transferable to other relationships
June 28, 2020
Great book. Got a little preachy at times, but the overall messages were really helpful.
August 3, 2021
Read this with my fiance and it was a wonderful way to discuss many necessary and hard topics.
August 18, 2021
I haven’t read a marriage book in a long time and this one “hit the spot.” Practical and spiritual with lots of good tips.
March 3, 2022
Very good book. Though it has a Christian side to it it still offers a lot of good, helpful advice that non Christians can benefit from.
May 30, 2022
Great for all seasons in a relationship
July 18, 2022
Good
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews