Until I Knew Myself

Bentwood #1

by Tammy L. Gray

RITA Award-winning author Tammy L. Gray delivers an unforgettable new series following five struggling friends in search of the true meaning of family through secrets, betrayal and the unexpected influence of an outsider…

Tyler Mitchell grew up an orphan, taken in by his best friend’s family when he was only sixteen. Even though ten years have passed, and he’s been given everything he should ever want—a loving home, an adoring girlfriend, a successful career, and lifelong friendships—Tyler has always felt a foreigner in his own life.

When a surprising phone call reveals the death of his biological grandfather, Tyler’s seemingly perfect life starts to unravel. The people he loves most in world have kept from him the greatest secret of all—knowledge of his father’s family.

Now hunting for more information about his past, Tyler discovers nothing is quite as it seems. And the definition of family is far more complicated than choosing between blood and loyalty.

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, Christian Fiction, Christian, Contemporary Romance, Clean Romance, Fiction

316 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 8, 2018

About the author

Tammy L. Gray lives in the Dallas area with her family, and they love all things Texas, even the erratic weather patterns. Her nine modern and true-to-life contemporary romances include 2017 RITA award winning, My Hope Next Door, and show her unending quest to write high quality, culturally relevant stories with relatable and flawed characters.

When not taxiing her three kids to various school and sporting events, Tammy can be spotted crunching numbers as the financial administrator at her hometown church. Writing has given her a platform to combine her passion with her ministry all while sharing the messy, yet remarkable journey that is a faith-filled life.

Tammy L. Gray has lots of projects going on. For all the latest info, visit her website at http://tammylgray.com

I'd love to hear from all of you! Come join me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/tlgraybooks or twitter @tlgraybooks

Reviews

[Staci · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an enjoyable contemporary romance novel and a stellar beginning to a new series!

I enjoyed spending time with several young adults in Bentwood, Texas. Bentwood is a fictional town located just outside of Austin. It's fun reading a novel set in an area I'm very familiar with. Although the main characters are Tyler and Journey we get to meet others in their close knit group of friends and a newcomer to their group.

Tyler struggles with not having any living blood family and finding the value in those that do love and care for him.

It's clear there is a lot more story to tell and I'm so looking forward to it!

My gratitude to the author for a complimentary copy of this novel.

[Dana Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Real. That is how I would describe the author's work. It is real. She tells stories about real life. And, real life is hard. This book has several characters and they each have a story. This one is about Tyler who was orphaned at sixteen. His love interest is Journey who was abandoned by her father at a young age as well. Even though they each have issues to deal with, the author shows hope. I love that about Ms. Gray. She shows hope through her stories. This book was easy to read and had characters to love. I can't wait until the next book in the series.
*I was given a copy of this book and this is my honest opinion.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Until I Knew Myself is my first read by author Tammy L. Gray and a wonderful contemporary story! More than a simple romance, this story had several twists and character arcs that kept me involved. The plot is full of drama, but not the bad kind! I felt a lot of strong emotions while I read, and sometimes I wanted to shake a little sense into some of the characters. For the most part, their emotions and reactions feel genuine and realistic.

I appreciated that the shared past between this group of somewhat estranged friends is made clear in a natural way as the story progresses. It was obvious that at one point they were extremely close, so it made their rift all the more heart-tugging. Tyler's story is especially poignant as he struggles to find a sense of family and peace with his past, unable to see the family that is already right in front of him. Gray deftly places in hints about future character's stories while still creating a complete and satisfying story in this novel. I'm eager to read more about these characters and hope that there are at least two more Bentwood books to come!

Happily, I have a couple of Tammy L. Gray's previous books already on my Kindle to look forward to until the next Bentwood novel.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel from the author, which I chose to review. This review is my honest opinion.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy L. Gray doesn't just write a romance book. Her books are REAL! Her writing is never "Lets sit on a happy cloud and pretend everything is perfect"..because life is not. It is real, it is raw and there are struggles and temptations and we all STRUGGLE. Tammys books take down the mask and show us raw stories that change us. There are not many like Mrs. Gray, she is definitely a league of her own!

Thank you for this story and these wonderfully flawed but beautiful characters.

[Suzie Waltner · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Bentwood crew grew up together but life has fractured and severed several of the relationships that these five friends once held.
In Tyler Mitchell’s search for his family, he loses sight of what he’s always had—friends who protect and want the best for him, people who took him in after his mother passed away, and a woman who loves him. Yet, in his desperation to find his relatives, he just might destroy the best things in his life.
Until I Knew Myself is teeming with broken people who are struggling. Sure, some of them hide behind busyness or their careers, but each of these friends is hurting in their own way. And while Tyler and Jordan are the first to wrestle with their pasts, their disappointments, and their failures, there are plenty of unanswered questions in the lives of the others.
Tammy L. Gray writes real and raw emotions, characters who are flawed, make unwise choices, hurt those who love them, and have some growing up to do. But she also gives readers hope that on the other side of the search for self is resolution, satisfaction, and even joy.
With this fabulous start to the new series, I’m already looking forward to what’s next for this group of friends as they discover themselves and their potential.
Disclosure statement:
I receive complimentary books from publishers, publicists, and/or authors, including NetGalley. I am not required to write positive reviews. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

[Heidi Robbins (Heidi Reads...) · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started this book I felt like I just jumped in the deep end of the angst-filled drama of fractured relationships. The author did a great job of making it easy to quickly get to know the various personalities in the once tight-knit group of friends, but it took me longer to feel connected to them and invested in their high-strung emotions. It did come, surprisingly with the inclusion of Caroline, a newcomer to the town and family business. She was my favorite character by far, probably because of the peace and rest her presence and friendship gives Tyler from the chaos of his thoughts. It also changed the dynamic of the tone of the book which was becoming a bit dark for me, and the upswing re-energized my interest and her new perspective was refreshing.

The connection between Tyler and Journey is palpable and even though they spend the majority of the book on rocky ground, I loved the concern they continually felt for each other and interest in each other's welfare. They each had growing to do that happened independently, and painful as it was, they come together stronger than ever because of it. There is a strong message of the importance of friendship and family loyalty, especially for the families we build ourselves. By the end I couldn't put the book down and I can't wait to see where the stories of the friends will lead in the rest of the series.

(I received a complimentary copy of the book; all opinions in this review are my own)

[Deon]

free on kindle
Sept 1, 2023
https://amzn.to/40bpEFw
#ad

[Hannah-rose Russell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tyler Mitchell is an orphan. His dad abandoned him when he was just three-years-old, and his mother passed away from cancer when he was sixteen. Taken in by his best friend's family, Tyler no longer needed to struggle for anything. However, questions about his past and his biological family have been plaguing him for years.
Then one day, Tyler's life is thrown into disarray after receiving a phone call from a lawyer saying that his biological grandfather had just passed away, leaving him with all his belongings. What's worse, Tyler also finds out that the people closest him knew about his grandfather but kept them from meeting. Will something in his grandfather's belongings help answer the questions he's been longing to be answered? And can Tyler find it in his heart to forgive the people who love him for lying to him?
One thing is for sure, everything we might think is true really isn't. Family isn't just about shared blood; it's about who remains by your side when life throws you the hugest curveball of your life! For Tyler, this means coming to terms with who he and his real family are.
Until I Knew Myself was my first encounter with the author, Tammy L. Gray. I was really impressed with the way the narrative carried itself and the twist and turns in-between; when I thought one thing was going to happen, something else occurred. I loved reading a clean romance that wasn’t overly Christian but also not filled with swearing and sex like most secular romance novels.
The characters felt so realist that I almost forgot that I was reading a work of fiction! I could honestly connect with the characters and by the last page, was left wanting more. Tammy L. Gray is definitely my new guilty pleasure!

[Tammy Duzenack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy Gray is one of my favorite authors. Every book she releases I automatically buy. And I’m never disappointed. I got an early release of her new book Until I Knew Myself. And once again I was very pleased. The way she weaves her stories of real life situations, the depth of her characters and the way she makes you feel part of the book, that you want to be friends with her characters and walk along side of them is amazing. I highly recommend it! You won’t be disappointed.

[Fiction Aficionado · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am TOTALLY in love with this new series from Tammy L. Gray. The characters have captured me, heart and soul, and the story is equally gripping, hooking right in to just about every emotion you can experience: love, loss, betrayal, anger, joy, hope, forgiveness, even humour! And while it doesn’t have overtly Christian content, it illustrates some beautiful spiritual and relational truths—and powerfully, at that.

Tammy Gray excels at creating raw, authentic characters, and there are six of them in this series, each with very different personalities. Ty, Journey, Beck, April, and Sean have been friends since school, but their group has fractured somewhat in the aftermath of broken romances and the general pressures of life and work. And yet, each of them is still closely associated with some of their former group, making for some complex dynamics in the friendships. Caroline Crawford enters this story and this group of five friends a little bit like a breath of fresh air, but she also adds a new thread of tension to the group as well as bringing a history that we only just scratch the surface of, and I can’t wait to see how that develops through the series.

Tyler’s story forms the backbone of this first book in the series, and it is powerful. Remember all those emotions I mentioned at the beginning? Intense, but wow! It’s a journey not only to discover who he is, but to discover where he belongs. And it’s a journey that throws plenty of curveballs (to Tyler and the reader), some of them pretty painful. But one of the things I love about Tammy Gray’s novels is how deeply you feel the characters’ emotions—all of them. I definitely needed the tissues a time or two in this one!

Absolutely a must-read. I cannot get the next book in this series soon enough!

I received a copy of this novel from the author. This has not influenced the content of my review, which is my honest and unbiased opinion.

[Rissi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful though Until I Knew Myself is, it has a few flaws. One of the things that I think hinders the reader experience is the multiple POV switch off. Perhaps “hinder” isn’t the right word because the changes aren’t ill timed nor do the transitions seem “off,” but still, I think there was too many perspectives. Or maybe it’s simply a personal preference since I don’t recall ever being confused as to who’s story I was in, which is often the troublesome factor in many multiple POV stories. Tammy’s has an ease about it that made the story feel polished and more intricate.

As the reader works deeper into this story, one thing that is alarmingly clear is the author’s feelings about this story. Each of the characters has deep-seated emotions, which must mean, the author also went through all the feels while telling their stories. Whether it’s the scars of one character’s abandoned past or a thread which involves a character running from the past, these stories have purpose. The characters are likable, though their stories are less about happiness and more about discovering what’s really important.

Most of this novel isn’t cheery in the same ways so many favorite contemporary authors are. That said, this novel IS stunning - so much so, I'm anxious to discover how this group of characters will end up in the follow up novel. Until I Knew Myself is emotional and surprising in many ways. The characters experience a roller-coaster of emotions, and as readers, we relish the journey with them towards a brighter future. ♥

Content Note: this does have some allusion to couples living together or spending night's together, but nothing graphic.

Sincere thanks to the author for providing a copy of this book; all opinions are my own.

[Phyllis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Until I Knew Myself is a story of brokenness, of searching for family, for identity, for belonging. Full of conflict, and yet full of hope, this story is so touchingly crafted. It tugs at the heartstrings and makes them play a familiar, comfortable tune, full of longing.

Tyler, in his hurt, cut himself off from those he loved the most, hoping to find a link to the relatives he never knew.

Author Tammy L. Gray very beautifully tears apart the lives of Tyler and Journey and their friends and then sets about very carefully and lovingly piecing them back together.

Though the story had a great resolution, this is the first book of an intertwined series of books that leaves some of the conflicts for some of the characters unresolved. I can see the potential for at least two more books. I’m looking forward to seeing if my prediction about Tyler’s family comes true in a future book.

This review was originally posted on Among the Reads Visit there for an introduction to the characters of this book along with their pictures.

I would like to thank Tammy L. Gray for giving me this item. My opinion and review were not influenced by this gift.

[Kelly Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tammy Gray did not disappoint. As one of my favorite authors I was excited to read an ARC of this book. First, I loved her target audience - young professionals. I don't think there are many "clean" authors that write for this market. Second, the characters suck you in. They have real problems and are never squeaky clean. Caroline, by far, while not the protagonist was my favorite character. I'm looking forward to her book...hope it's next! Finally, Tammy Gray always writes an outstanding antagonist/villain. Once I figure out who they are it always gives me chills when they enter the scene. You won't be disappointed by reading this book. It's clean, has depth, and will make you want to read the next book in the series. Tammy - write faster!

[R.J. Rodda · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

A captivating story about a group of five rich people, friends from childhood. Ty is one of them. Originally he was born into a poor family but was adopted into Beck’s wealthy one. This story explores what happens when Ty discovers secrets about his biological family. This is a story of love and secrets, brotherhood and romance, secrets and insecurity. The characters of all five of the friends are clearly drawn here (and Caroline) but the focus of this one is on Ty and Journey.

[Erin Laramore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy Gray is a new author to me - I ended up on her launch team because an author I follow was helping her recruit. While I hadn't read her books previously, I will start! This one was a little slow of a start to me - there were a lot of characters introduced at once and they all had a history, so I felt like I was "behind the 8 ball" early on; however, their back-story did unfold a bit as the book progressed and once the plot-line took off, I couldn't get enough!

The primary lead character in the book, Tyler Mitchell, has led a complicated life. He grew up with a single mother who strove to make ends meet. She was scrappy and independent and raised him to be the same. When she passes away, he is taken in by his best friend's family, who is ridiculously wealthy. As time goes on, he begins to learn a little bit about the dad he never knew and struggles with that as well. Throughout the book, Tyler is seeking to find his identity and where he belongs in his 2 worlds - the scrappy independence and the dependence on wealth.

This book took several twists and turns as the plot unfolded and we saw the relationships between the friends have their ups and downs. In the midst, there is an ongoing love story, but not your typical "happily ever after" tale - it's real life with its ups and downs - struggles and good times alike. While this book stood fine on its own, it has me wanting more and I'm anxious to see how some of my questions get answered in the future books of the series. I would definitely recommend this book/series!

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. The thoughts here are my own.

[Paula Bothwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Until I Knew Myself (Bentwood 1) - PG
Violence: none
Language: fewer than 5
Sex: none

There is a satisfying happily-for-now and it's definitely set up to continue the series (and I'm IN!) There's a good and uplifting message to the story. The characters seem a bit more lax in their moral/spiritual convictions than I remember from other TL Gray books, though.

[Shona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, real and rich with character. This book doesn’t hold back any punches. By the time I finished reading (in one day!) I’d gone through the emotions of hope, despair, sorrow, love and laughter. What remains long after finishing the book is the sense of growing together, learning who you are and letting the hard experiences life throws at you not crushing you, instead making you stronger and more hopeful for the future. 5 friends, 5 different stories but one amazing series off to a very strong start.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

"How had they become so broken?"

Ty Mitchell had loved Journey for more than seven years, so their break-up tore his soul in two. As much as he wanted to, he could not give her his whole heart, and she deserved every piece of it. Beautiful, kind, compassionate, loyal to a fault . . . . but his unresolved past continues to torment him. It mattered not that the Kinder family had welcomed him with open arms; their son Beck, becoming Tyler's best friend. Tyler longs to discover his roots and after realizing that the two people he trusted the most had secretly betrayed him, the rift between his heart and Journey's became even wider.

Journey knows that Tyler is a boat without an anchor; drifting towards a precipice that could potentially destroy him and "them". It doesn't matter how much she still loves him, it appears time to let him go. When the one thing that matters more to Tyler than his relationship with her, or with any of his friends, appears within reach, he throws logic to the wind only to realize that what he wanted more than anything else, he already had.

"If we are sons and daughters of a mighty God, why do we live our life as orphans?"

It's nice to know that this story will continue through-out a series for the author has created an entire cast of characters who are not easily forgotten. The inspirational core may seem a bit weak and there are multiple references to social drinking, but the story itself maintains a realism that is rare in inspirational fiction.

I received a copy of this book from the author; the opinions stated are entirely my own.

[Patti Whitson Stephenson She Lives to Read · Rating 4 out of 5]

“If we are sons and daughters of Christ, why do we live as orphans? Why do we limp along as if we haven’t been given the Kingdom of God?” (Quote is taken from the book.)

These questions are the basis for this contemporary novel by Tammy Gray. The storyline for this book revolves around a group of young adults who have been close friends for most of their lives. As they each face their own individual crisis of faith, loss, and loyalty, their friendship becomes an important source of strength and encouragement.

I liked the characters and the storyline. The author did a great job in making me care about the characters. I wish the author had taken a step or two further in the story as far as establishing faith in Christ in regards to the main characters, but that’s always my personal preference in a book that’s marketed as Christian fiction.

Fans of Christian contemporary fiction will love this book.
It is a sweet, clean story with no bad language or embarrassing scenes.
This is also the first in a series of books involving the friends from Brentwood.
I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher and was not required to give a positive review. This is my honest opinion of the book.

[Terressa · Rating 4 out of 5]

When does the next one come out?!
I love how all the characters are so close. The main characters had quite the feat to overcome—the mix of emotions and self discovery is no small thing. It’s amazing the lessons we learn in life from the choices and experiences of those around us. That is just what they did.

Disclosure statement:
I receive complimentary books for review from publishers, publicists,
and/or authors, including Netgalley. I am not required to write positive
reviews. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this
in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love Tammy L. Gray. Love her stories, her characters, her words.
Can we just talk about the shelf appeal for a second, because... #coverlove. And don't even get me started on the title.

It fits--like a glove. Like I fit into my stretchy pants after eating my emotional weight in ice cream following a book hangover. And...like Tyler fits into the Kinder family. (See what I did there? You will after you read the book. *wink*)

For me, this book was more than just a romance. It was the story of an outsider and his journey (pun intended) toward finding his family, accepting that family isn't limited to bloodlines or birthplace, that it has very little to do with who we are on the inside, and finally believing that we are all a part of the family of God--no one should feel like an orphan.

Easier said than done though, and I really sympathized with Tyler. The authenticity in his thoughts and actions was really consistent with what I think each and every one of us goes through when we get to that point in our life when we become desperate to define who we are. (Or when we feel like there's a need to define ourselves at all.) And few of us can say we're without parents, grandparents, or roots.

I'm looking forward to reading more about the Bentwood bunch--this series is off to a great start!

[Tina at Mommynificent · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm really struggling with how to rate and review this book that I received as a complimentary ARC from the author. For starters, the writing is fabulous. Really amazing. I've never read this author before, and I was totally impressed! The characters are so carefully fleshed out, complex, and easy to relate to even when they are driving you crazy with their decision-making! The thing that amazed me the most was that Mrs. Gray somehow managed to create this group of five characters with a whole lot of history together, and by the fourth or fifth chapter, I not only felt like I knew them and cared about their lives, but I felt like I had all the history with them. I seriously felt like I was in the fourth or fifth book of a series and had read every single one of them. I was so very invested in the characters, and I have no idea how she did that. For that, I want to give this book five stars! Or maybe six!

Another thing this author did really well was the way she carefully crafted the brokenness of her characters. As the reader, I felt their pain and emptiness acutely, and having read that Mrs. Gray was a Christian author, I grew more and more excited as I read because I could just feel that she was setting things up so beautifully for both of the main characters to meet Jesus and find the wholeness and healing they were so desperately seeking. She even brought in a new character, someone outside of this group who had grown up together, who seemed to have gone through her own trials and found her answer in the Lord. The hints were subtle like when one of the main characters helped her unpack her picture frames and noticed that many of them were framed Bible verses. I just knew where the story was going, and I was so excited about it because the writing was so beautiful and poignant, and I just knew it was going to be amazing. That it might become one of my favorite books ever.

But it never went there. And I was a little bit crushed. In a scene that should have been so beautiful with the newbie introducing one of the group to Jesus, the newbie shares that hearing the phrase, "If we are sons and daughters of a mighty God, why do we live our life as orphans?" changed her life. But she leaves it there. She doesn't explain to him how to become a son of the mighty God. And he doesn't ask. Or seem to care. He somehow takes that phrase and interprets it to mean that since he's been taken in by such an amazing family and group of friends, he's no longer an orphan, and that solves his identity issues. And the other main character never even gets this close to being introduced to Jesus; she just finds her strength within herself. I was so disappointed. When I finished the book, I just wanted to cry. Because even though they had worked out their issues and gotten back together, my real life experience tells me that strength from within yourself runs out and family and friends can fail you. And I cared about these characters so much, I just wanted them to know Jesus.

And that made me start thinking about real people in my life who are looking for their strength and their identity in the wrong places and sometimes even finding temporary fixes there. And it made me wonder how often I, like the newbie in the story, begin to speak about what I have found in the Lord but leave too much unsaid and don't really introduce people to Jesus. And I was seriously convicted. And so, this extremely well-written, beautifully crafted book is going to get four stars from me. Because it really is so well-written (six stars). But I was so disappointed (two stars). But in the end, it may prove to be life-changing for me. So we'll meet in the middle and go with four stars for now. And if, as I'm desperately hoping, the newbie gets more bold in book two or even three and manages to really share her faith and lead all five of the group to Jesus, I'll come back and change this to five stars. Because that would be amazing and would let this book become all it could have been.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd been looking forward reading another book by Ms. Gray and was so happy to immerse myself inside this story! While it started out slightly dizzying jumping from POV to POV due to several characters, I soon figured out who was who and what was going on. The emotions are raw and intense. So many of the characters struggle with understanding their own selves and how to handle their reactions to the hard things happening around them.

I do have to admit that there were several times I just wanted to shake a few of the characters. Especially Ty. He has SO much love and care right around him and he can't see it. At all. Thank goodness his friends had more patience with him than I had! Then there's his relationship with Journey. Up and down and all around they had to go before both of them were in the right place at the right time. It was hard to read a few paragraphs, particularly the moments when Ty was letting his pain overtake every other part of his life. Yet Journey never truly gave up hope. Her resilience and strength are pretty amazing.

I think my favorite part of the story was the five friendships at the heart of it all. They know each other so well, yet find themselves totally missing crucial things about one another. Which is so typical of long-held friendships, isn't it? They take work and effort and sometimes we simply don't have it in us to see beyond our own pain and into someone else's. Especially if that someone is a best friend. So it is for these five. They all have to stumble a lot before they can begin to truly become the best versions of themselves, the version that the other friends need. And of course, just when all that seemed primed to come to a climax and I was excited to see where they would all go from here, the book ended! On a cliffhanger!! So not nice, Ms. Gray. Because now I'm all anxious for book two!! And I have to wait. *wails* ;)

I also have to mention that there were occasions when the emotions ran rampant enough that I began to feel it was a bit much. I needed to take a few breathers from it. But now that Ty and Journey are both in a better place, I hope they'll provide some stability for the others in book two. I shall look forward to seeing them all begin to feel more peace within themselves!

**I received a complimentary copy via the author. All opinions expressed are my own.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having recently been introduced to this author by another author I follow, I wasn't sure what to expect. I would consider this book a contemporary Christian fiction book. It takes place in modern-day Texas. It did take me a couple of chapters to get into the book. But once I started reading, I was hooked. There were some parts of the book that I was not expecting. Tammy L. Gray managed to keep me guessing what would happen next. Just when I thought I had it figured out, the story took a totally different turn. There were some parts of the story that I wished had gone a different way, but in the end, the story came together and it had a great ending. I'm glad to have been introduced to this author and will read more of her books, especially in this new series so I can find out what happens next.
*I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher. All opinions in this review are my own.*

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again, Tammy L. Gray has given us characters that stretch us through a full range of emotions as they are revealed honestly, with all the many complicated aspects of fractured lives in the midst of an ever-changing and sometimes hostile world.

I began reading "Until I Knew Myself" yesterday . . . until I found that I was fighting frustration whenever my real 'life' created any interruptions. I became so thoroughly absorbed into the lives of the families and individuals of Bentwood that, when I finally was able to get to my peaceful retreat (in bed) for the night, I read through until 4:00 a.m. Wow! Tammy L. Gray definitely know how to write romance - but so much more.

We meet Tyler as a successful young man, loved by everyone, but internally lost and broken -- unsure of who he is or where he belongs. Journey is his long-time love who we find has kept a secret from him that may be more than he can bear.

Journey - beautiful, sensitive and artistic - is also struggling with insecurities and a sense of abandonment.

Their love for one another is never questioned -- rather it is whether or not they can possibly forgive and offer forgiveness...and ultimately be enough for one another. As is often the case, they are looking in all the wrong places, attempting to find themselves and their true value.

Although this book was definitely a story of redemption, the spiritual reference is much more subtle than in most of Ms. Gray's previous series. However, I just love the Scripture reference from 2 Corinthians 6:18 as Tyler begins to understand that he is ultimately loved by his true Father as well as the only real father he has known.

One of my favorite scenes in "Until I Knew Myself" is when Tyler sees the completed painting in which Journey reveals so much of herself:

"He stepped closer to the painting, hands trembling as he reached out and brushed fingers against the black silhouette of the couple clinging to each other in the middle. Signs were everywhere telling patrons not to touch, but there was no stopping him. He traced the figure he knew to be her until it shattered into a thousand shards of colorful pieces of glass, some turning into butterflies as they reached the edge of the canvas."

I am now all anticipation as I wait for book two of the Bentwood Series, April and Sean's story, "The Truth Between Us."

I received an advance copy of "Until I Knew Myself" for an honest review. (However I had already pre-ordered it as soon as it became available.)

UPDATE (04/10/18): I just read this again last night. I have thousands of books on my "To Read" list, but I couldn't resist. I truly just love this and can't wait to read April & Sean's story, "The Truth Between Us." I think it can be pre-ordered on April 14th!!!

[Sydney · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the first page, Tammy L. Gray will grab the attention of readers with her first story in the Bentwood Series, Unitil I Knew Myself. A riveting story about the struggling relationship between a couple that isn’t meant to be. Or is it? Gray’s characters and stories will push and pull readers through an emotional roller coaster as they come to know and fall in love with the characters in this book. This is a story where readers can relate to the difficult emotions and stories of the characters and come to fall in love with them. Readers will not want to miss the first book in this passionate and beloved series.

Series: Bentwood
Genre: contemporary, romance, Christian
Publisher: Indie
Publication date: March 8, 2018
Number of pages: 264

Other books in the series:
2-The Truth Between Us

A review copy of this book was provided by the author’s street team. A review was not required and all views and opinions expressed are my own.

[Julie Jobe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Until I Knew Myself and The Bentwood Series it starts is the kind that is worth investing your time in. This first book introduces a group of friends with the focus being on one couple in particular, Ty and Journey. Their story is an absolutely beautiful one of two broken people being made whole so they can finally come together in a far richer relationship than they had before. Each one of them have hurts that they have to face and lies that they have to overcome.

Ty is so desperate for a sense of belonging that he can’t see that he already does belong. There are lies acting as a wall standing between him and the gifts God has for him. Lies that keep him from realizing how loved and wanted he really is, not only by an earthly family, but also by a heavenly Father. In the course of this book, the blinders finally lift and Ty can begin to see what gifts he’s been given and what love is already being poured out over him, helping him to really begin to see things as they really are.

Lies we believe so often taint so many areas of our lives and the perceptions we have of situations we deal with. But God is good, so good to weave our stories together and bring us to places of truth and healing. God knows the hurts we have, the lies we’ve believed even when we ourselves don’t see it, and He works tirelessly to bring them out into the open, to bring His children to places of light and hope and truth and healing.

God’s fingerprints are all over this story, bringing these people to where they are ready to hear the truth and can begin to heal, bringing good from bad—redeeming the bad and repurposing it for their good.

This is a wonderfully written story of coming home, of finding out you belonged all along, of coming out of darkness and bondage to lies and into His marvelous light. I believe this novel has the ability to speak to so many people and remind them of who they are because of God and His love for them and maybe open doors for them to see that He’s been there all along and that even now He is working their story out for good.

There’s so much to love about this book in addition to the beautiful picture it paints of an orphan who’s found his home. I love the tenderness of Ty’s and Journey’s relationship. I love seeing the changes in both both of them as they navigate the paths they are on. I loved watching Journey grow stronger and Ty find out he truly does belong. I also loved the love this group of friends has for each other, that even when they are struggling with life and with each other, there’s an underlying bond that holds them together and causes them to look out for each other. I am looking forward to the rest of the books in this series.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing you can always count on when you read a book by Tammy L. Gray is that her characters and stories are the real deal. Although Until I Knew Myself is a modern clean read, it's not short on romance and reality. Her characters are imperfect humans who deal with life in ways that are relatable to the reader.
Books like this just go to show you that you don't have to write with foul language and smutty scenes to still grasp the angst, longing, and love that book characters share.

Until I Knew Myself is the first in the Bentwood series, and you're introduced to several characters right from the beginning. This book focuses on Tyler and Journey, their love and heartbreak. But, the supporting characters become just as important to the story. I'm assuming the rest of the series will be about each of them, and I can't wait to see how they develop as well.

Tyler is an orphan who is torn between the deep need to love others and to discover himself and his roots. In the process, he pulls away from those who love him. Can he repair what he's broken, or is it too late?

Journey is an artist who loves Tyler but has had her heart broken by him. She's not sure how to recover from the heartache he's caused, if she can trust him at all, and has lost her passion for painting in the process.

When Tyler comes back, he's on a mission to re-win Journey's heart, but when unexpected news and a long hidden secret surfaces, he's unsure about everything once again.

This story has a way of wrapping a reader in it, and taking them along for the ride. I found myself rooting for the couple and high-fiving Tyler, to just shaking my head at him a few pages later thinking "Oh dude, bad move".

I do like the pace of the book and the revelations that happen quickly. There's not any moment that felt drawn out or that secrets were hidden for too long, making you want to roll your eyes at the cluelessness of the characters. No, instead the story keeps you interested at all times. It's one of the ones that are hard to put down, and you want to read for "just one more chapter".

It ends solidly for Tyler and Journey, but definitely keeps you hanging for the next book to see what will happen to their friends.

I definitely recommend this one!

[MJSH · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Sometimes I think we’re two irreparably broken souls.”

Wow. What a heart-stirring and gripping novel. My heart was in my throat and my eyes were burning from holding back the tears throughout the entire book. This is the first book by Tammy L Gray that I’ve read and I’ll be sure to read her previous novels while I breathlessly await the sequel to this book. It is a well-written novel that is emotionally charged, full of surprising twists and turns to the plot, packed with incredible characters, and brimming with such nostalgic and bittersweet childhood/adolescence memories amongst the five friends. Anyone who enjoys a good contemporary romance will love this one.

This book focuses on Journey, who is an art teacher and artist, and Tyler, a orphan who is the top salesman at an insurance company owned by his “adoptive father.” Journey is sweet, loving, tender-hearted, and so faithful in her love for Tyler. Tyler is strong, talented, and capable but haunted and trapped by his past and his need to find who he is by uncovering his lineage and blood family.
Then there is Beck, Tyler’s best friend and “brother”. And April, who is Journey’s best friend. And Sean, who completes the circle of the five longtime friends but he disappears from the book after the prologue and doesn’t re-enter until much later.
The story of these five friends (Journey and Tyler in particular) speaks about unconditional love, forgiveness and grace, letting go of the past but learning from it, not being defined by the past or what people think of you, and discovering who you are through trials and difficulties. These themes are so real and relevant, no matter the age of the reader. I felt a little old reading about these young kids in their mid to late twenties, but was immediately drawn into their brokenness, fears, tears, heartbreaks, and triumphs.

I cannot wait till the next book about April and Sean is released. That one promises to be an even more emotionally charged tale!

I received a copy of the book from the author/publisher. I was not required to write a favorable review. All comments and opinions are solely my own.

[Tawny · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the moment I began reading books by Tammy L. Gray, I knew she would become one of my favorite authors. Her latest release Until I Knew Myself adds only more reasons why she holds one of those positions. This story is very similar to the others she has told in that it tackles very real issues dealt with by everyday people. But what makes this novel stand above the others are the plot and characters.

Tyler Mitchell never had what he thought was a “family.” He grew up an orphan and was taken in by his best friend’s family, and he had everything he could ever want: friends, education, a loving girlfriend. But Tyler never really felt like he fit in. When he learns about the death of his biological grandfather, everything starts to fall apart. Secrets are revealed, hurt is uncovered, and confusion swirls in Tyler’s world. He begins a journey to discover the truth and learns valuable lessons along the way.

I really enjoyed this story. Not only because it was written by Tammy L. Gray, but also because it’s not a typical novel; Until I Knew Myself tackles real-life issues. Tyler learns that family isn’t always defined by blood—a lesson I’ve learned in my own life—and that there’s always more to a story as he embarks on his journey of discovery.

I also really liked the characters. The story introduces readers to a whole new gang of people who are just as interesting and complex as Tyler and Journey, the main characters. I couldn’t put this book down, which is really hard to do when one is attempting to complete homework and to go to class. When I got to the end, I was not ready for the story to stop!

This book is another excellent work by Tammy L. Gray, a 5 out of 5-star read. And it’s definitely one everyone should read. I cannot wait to continue reading this series and to see where the stories of the other friends lead.