The Guru of Love

by Samrat Upadhyay

Writing of Samrat Upadhyay’s story collection, critics “like a Buddhist Chekhov . . . speak[s] to common truths . . . startlingly good” ( San Francisco Chronicle ) and “subtle and spiritually complex” ( New York Times ). Upadhyay’s novel showcases his finest writing and his signature themes. The Guru of Love is a moving and important story—important for what it illuminates about the human need to love as well as lust, and for the light it shines on the political situation in Nepal and elsewhere.

Ramchandra is a math teacher earning a low wage and living in a small apartment with his wife and two children. Moonlighting as a tutor, he engages in an illicit affair with one of his tutees, Malati, a beautiful, impoverished young woman who is also a new mother. She provides for him what his wife, who comes from a privileged background, does desire, mystery, and a simpler life. Complicating matters are various political concerns and a small city bursting with the conflicts of modernization, a static government, and a changing population. Just as the city must contain its growing needs, so must Ramchandra learn to accommodate both tradition and his very modern desires.

Absolutely absorbing yet deceptively simple, this novel cements Upadhyay’s emerging status as one of our most exciting writers.

Genres: Fiction, India, Novels, Family, Asia, Book Club, Romance

290 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

SAMRAT UPADHYAY is the author of Arresting God in Kathmandu, which earned him a Whiting Award, and The Guru of Love, which was a New York Times Notable Book, a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of the Year, a finalist for the Kiriyama Prize, and a Book Sense 76 pick. He lives in Bloomington, Indiana, and teaches creative writing and literature at Indiana University. His eight-year-old daughter Shahzadi, is a published poet.

Reviews

[Anup Joshi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Samrat Upadhyay has mastered over realism. He portrays Kathmandu and livelihood of people in very beautiful way. I came to read this book after I read all of his published books till 2015. I would love to caress this writer's works more. His words are hypnotizing, the way he develops any plot is mesmerizing.
'The Guru of Love' is the story of a Nepalese woman, Goma who is stubborn but is enduring. She can sacrifice everything for her Husband, her parents, her children and her family. Her husband gets involved in extramarital relationship with one of his student, but out of all reader's expectations, she invites the girl 'Maliti' to her home and nurtures her like her own little sister. A wonderful novel, I recommend it to every fiction lovers.

[Lizzy Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Through page 84: I have learned a lot of interesting facts about Nepal through this book already. One I found really interesting is how obsessed people are with their social standing. If you are upper class you show it, and if you are lower class you do what you can to hide it. The main character, Ramchandra, is conflicted by the affair he is having with one of his students. It is taking a toll on his life and his teaching as well. Everytime he is with his wife he can't stop thinking about Malati. She is a poor student who is a young mother so the extra help se gets from Ramchandra gives them a lot of alone time. He is worried that people will find out and that it will ruin his life. On some levels I want him to get caught but then I think of what it would do to his wife and kids if they find out so I am hoping it just stops. But there is a certain attraction betwee him and Malati that can't be ignored. There is a lot of suspense in this moment wondering what is going to happen with Malati and Ramchandra.

Through page 146: At this point, he confessed his affair to his wife. She was furious and left home to live at her parents house with the children. Her parents already hated Ramchandra because he is of lower social standing but this just adds fuel to the fire. He is upset about being alone at his house but he is also satisfied because he can have all night with Malati. Another thing I learned this far is about Nepal's huge festival that they have. It is in honor of the Gods and there are celebrations and sacrifices in the streets. Right now it is time for the tika, which is the dot that people from the Hindu religion have on their forehead. It symbolizes the third eye of the Gods. The tradition is that the father puts the dot on his children's head and blessing them. Ramchandra is allowed to go to his in-law's house to do this to his children but Goma still won't talk to him. By now the village is starting to hear about his affair and treating his family differently. I am happy with Goma in the sense that she didn't care what people would think of her and her family for her husband having an affair. She was protecting herself and her children's emotions in leaving instead of staying there for the pride of their family. I am feeling a little sorry for Malati and Ramchandra for the guilt they have but I am upset that even after the huge blowout where his wife left, they are continuing in their path only feeling guilt when they sit by themselves and think. Something like this in Nepal can ruin your family's reputation and bring shame to everyone in it.

Through page 220: The change in government is still making everyone upset. Protesters want a democracy like the western countries but they still have a monarchy. This is a really hard time for the people of Nepal because of all the quick changes. Malati got kicked out of her house with her child and Goma insisted that they live with her and Ramchandra. This made things really awkward for everyone. Their kids are growing up and rebeling against simple orders. And Goma's father died. This is splitting up Ramchandra and Goma even more because the family moved in with Goma's mom to help her out. Malati found the man she had a child with and now is living with him. Ramchandra is really torn because he loves his wife but he also thinks he misses Malati. I also feel like their whole world is falling apart, with all the protests and massacres and riots. It is foriegn to us because we are so used to having a democracy and have not known anything else.

Through page 290: Now the government is offically changed to a democracy. The riots have settled and there are parties in the streets. Nepal remains a democracy today. Ramchadra and Goma are working out their issues. They finally got to build the house they always wanted after Goma's mother died and left her money. Sanu is not a figure for womens rights in voting and policital issues. Rakesh is a handsome grown boy who is old enough to court now. Malati never did pass her college enterance exam and is stuck married to the man she had a child with. They are poor and unhappy. Ramchandra sees her in the street one day but he decided that they are not meant to see eachother and he goes back home to his wife.

[Ahtims · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first book by a Nepali author .
Loved the simple story told in a matter of fact manner , though the incidents within were sort of unconventional.
An impoverished maths teacher from a middle class background is forced to take on private tuitions for the livelihood of his family , though his wife is from a rich , politically upbeat family . He encounters a female student who is more impoverished , and the initial pity turns into something else.
A story of love, infidelity, acceptance, regret and giving in to circumstances, I was taken aback by the unconventional behaviour of the characters.
Though the main character is the school teacher , the Guru of love, his wife Goma, emerges out stronger and determined of the lot.
There is India bashing . I knew Nepal didn't like India , but never knew that India bashing was as prevalent as is portrayed in the book.

There is a line saying Nepalis feared Nepal will be annexed like Sikkim was... And I was astonished as I always considered Sikkim as a part of India , and not alien .

[Aashruti K.C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Upadhyay never fails to amaze me. Love the way he portrays typical Nepali families in his stories.
Not quite of a motivational story but i find the story as a snack food ( not fulfilling yet enjoyable ) 😂

[Milan/zzz · Rating 3 out of 5]

he Guru of Love is the first Nepalese novel I have read and it was an interesting experience indeed. It was even more interesting because I was constantly picturing my friend Shanti on the streets and temples of Kathmandu. Namely she sent me this novel straight from the top of the world :)

This was an easy read. Description of local religious customs, arranged marriages, matching between the castes (and consequences if the match fails) … were very interesting. It was a glimpse into another world, so different from my own.
On the other hand there were many similarities. The main characters are living in the country in which democracy is about to arrive, they are struggling to fulfill their basic needs but also to fulfill the expectations of the others (in-laws who are quite rich). Life under very flammable political situation on the boundary of poverty where everything apart from food is a luxury was very well described. As well as the fact that love doesn’t depend on financial situation.

But the main thing, story about unrestrained passion is what I couldn’t relate myself with. Of course, I’m not talking about sexual fantasies and need to fulfill them but about the dealing with the issue.
I do think that infidelity is so passé, therefore I founded Mr. Ramchandra very irritating. Naturally not because he was having an affair but because the way he dealt with it. I really couldn’t relate myself with his decisions.
And then there is his wife Goma. In the brief description inside the book there is …and he [Ramchandra] learns that he knows far less about his wife […] than he thought which is probably correct but what she has done is really little too much. Again I couldn’t connect myself with her attitude either. I don’t know, maybe that kind of women exists somewhere but for me, from my point of view this was other dimension (extraterrestrial).

In the end maybe all this is part of the general difference in mentality. Maybe that is not so strange for Nepalese. But I guess I couldn’t know that.

[Mirjana Maag · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t enjoy reading the book, the author tries to normalise a relationship between a student and her teacher, an old men with a family. Weird plot which made me feel uncomfortable while reading.

[Ana]

Desafío "Leyendo a través de Asia": Nepal (créditos a Lee (Books With Lee)).

[Ilana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another human being caught in the clutches of a midlife crisis, only this time it happens in Katmandu, Nepal to a poor, struggling math teacher who makes extra money tutoring students on the side to help them prepare for the math segment of an important qualifying exam. One of his female students, a lovely but poor single mother of a baby who has been abandoned by the baby’s father, seems to embody all that is missing in Ramchandra’s life. Caught up in a crazy place where his blood pulses hotly, where his fantasies have taken over, where his body feels energized and exhausted at the same time, and where he has lost most of his ability for rational thought, Ramchandra confesses all to his wife. After moving through hurt, anger and grief, she comes up with a fascinating and psychologically fascinating plan for how the family might move forward. I will stop here in the interest of not divulging the details about what I thought was the great strength of the novel. Let me just say that I was impressed with the profound generosity combined with sharp reasoning shown by Ramchandra’s wife, and I thought the author handled skillfully the consequences of the new direction taken by the family on all of its members as well as on other characters.

Many readers commented that they felt the value of this story was in what they learned about the political situation in Nepal, where the story takes place, but I couldn’t disagree more. I thought the political turmoil was a distraction. Not enough background or explanation were given to make Nepal’s political troubles truly clear to the reader and thereby engaging, and what there was added nothing to what was going on in the psycho-emotional drama of the characters’ lives. It was just extraneous noise.

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Guru of Love is a moving story of a Kathmandu math teacher, Ramchandra, who is married to Goma; they have two children. He earns a low wage so moonlights as a tutor so he can save enough money to eventually build a house; however, it seems saving money is an impossible challenge in Nepal. His in-laws are quite wealthy, and are always offering to help out Goma and Ramchandra, but Ramchandra is too proud to accept their offers to lend him money. They are always critical of him, so this is a constant source of friction between him and Goma because it seems Goma never stands up for him when her parents attack him.

Feeling less than adequate, and yearning for affection and a simpler life, Ramchandra gets involved with one of his beautiful and impoverished students, Malati, who has a child out of wedlock and who seems hopeless at math. Goma, who must be the most big-hearted woman ever conceived, invites Malati and her daughter to move in with them after Ramchandra confesses to his affair and Malati gets kicked out of her aunt's house. Goma has compassion for the poor girl despite the fact that she's sleeping with her husband. It's a strange situation with them all living under one room, Goma sleeping with the children and Ramchandra sleeping with Malati.

This story, about yearning for respect and the human need for lust as well as love, also reflects on the unstable political situation in Nepal, and the never-ending conflict between the traditional and the modern. I loved it!

[ANJALI YADAV · Rating 3 out of 5]

‘ At this point, he confessed his affair to his wife’.
I met with this novel in my college library, fortunately they have some, and it instantly grabbed my attention because of the blurb. This, therefore, eventually became one of my first book from a Nepali author. The book discusses about a teacher who indulges himself in an extramarital affair with his student. The story is set in the backdrop of the Nepali democracy movement, and how poverty, and love can change the lives of these three people – Ramachandra (the teacher), Goma (his wife) and Malati (the student who is also a single mother)..
What excites me is the question that the book tries to reflect in your mind in each passing chapters, with the idea, that, is this wrong?..... But he is in love? Why is her wife putting her love, children, her relationship with her parents at stake ?
Goma, his wife, is never the woman who is envy of Malati, and even lets them live together with her. I, came to a point where I didn’t know whether it’s right or wrong considering their decisions, with all the perspectives keeping in mind, but it’s definitely not wrong to be in love. Does it justify extramarital as right? I don’t know… Enjoy this tale of love by giving it a try.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Upadhyay has constructed an incredibly emotionally complex novel about the love between husband and wife, and the impact changes in this relationship have on the whole family. He is a master of illustrating for the reader the interconnectedness of not just family, but also larger political events as they relate to the individual. Throughout the book he ties in the political struggles of the monarchy vs. democracy in Nepal, bringing to climax of those events simultaneously with the climax of personal events in the hearts of the main characters. There are very few truly "evil" characters in the book - all of them are understandable in their motives. With just a few words, Upadhyay weaves characters and situations we can relate to, even if we have never been to Nepal or know anything about the country or it's people. A wonderful, wonderful book. Highly recommended.

[Meaghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. The premise is intriguing: rather than break up the family, a Nepalese man's wife invites his mistress to come and stay in their apartment. All the characters were fully drawn and their actions understandable, and I could feel sympathy for each one. Most impressively, the author is able to seamlessly integrate the culture and conflict of Nepal in the nineties into the story. That's a difficult task and many writers can't manage it and their books wind up sounding more like social studies textbooks than novels.

I've always been fascinated by Nepal, but I hadn't known much about it before. This book increased my knowledge a great deal as well as telling a touching story, and I think I would read this author again.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite what i expected from the book synopsis, much better than what i imagined. Reminds me of the saying 'don't let the green grass fool you'. Despite the 'main' character being a man, a man who has an affair, this book has a strange feminist overtone. Goma is a very... strong-willed, capable woman as a result of the affair. Or maybe she always had it in her, and it just needed a catalyst.

A big plus was, this book much like A Fine Balance, was also a bit of a history lesson. Nepali {Nepalese?) history in this case.

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book takes place in modern day Kathmandu and is written by a Nepali author, so I figured it would be worth reading. I liked following the characters around the city, but if you've never visited Kathmandu, I don't think this book would give you a good idea of what it's like. The author's description of the setting throughout the book was not very thorough. Though the plot did keep me interested, overall, I thought the characters acted very strangely, and the author did a poor job of developing the intent and motivation for the characters to do what they did. The ending made the story somewhat redeemable.

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

A novel about Kathmandu by an IU creative writing prof from Kathmandu. The book cuts across class lines, and takes place before the Cultural Revolution. Gentle. Nuanced. The characters are generally rounded. If one wants to experience this culture, then this is a good entre. Not a life changing read by any means, and there are some moments of lack of motivation.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

With very limited knowledge of the customs and cultures of Nepal I was more interested in that side of the book then the story. The story was also pretty interesting with a few weird twist, but a lot of it was pretty predictable. The writing was simple and easy to read. A good book, but not something I would pass on to a friend unless they were interesting in Nepal.

[Fré Van Oers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very readable, but little style, weak storyline, weak story.

One of my impressions on Nepali novel writers is that they don't really know what they want: write a novel or write about the (political) evolutions in their country. (Even if they don't live there anymore as is the case with Samrat Upadhyay)

[Leah Gerhardt]

This book might work for a lonely man who is desparate to have some excitement, but it just reinforced my disgust with men who are weak in the integrity part of their character. The man in the story is one of the worst kind of philanderers, one who drags his wife and family into his sick life and they all go spiraling down...

[Maud (reading the world challenge) · Rating 4 out of 5]

[#138 Nepal] Very interesting book about Nepal, that deals with a lot of subjects such as family, love, traditions, everyday life, and all that in a political context that gets more and more present towards the end. It's easy to read, not that long, and I strongly recommend this book.

[Aley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must if you've been to Nepal - and just a great novel if you have not.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had to give this book up 3/4 of the way through, but a strong reminder of why I don't read novels written by men.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Nepalese story of a married man’s struggle with lust and the . . . creative? . . . manner in which his wife deals with the reality of its presence in their lives.

[Shivangi]

All I'm gonna say is the audacity some people have is astounding

[Audrey Lawrence · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting read for the Nepalese lifestyle but story line seems to wander without a real destination. Other reviewers here have expressed it more eloquently.

[Alanna McFall · Rating 4 out of 5]

5. A book written in South Asia: The Guru of Love by Samrat Upadhyay

List Progress: 12/30

There is more literary fiction about older men having affairs with younger women than you can shake a stick at. Many, many authors have waxed poetic about how depressed intellectual men, be they artists, professors, or any profession, have been inspired and reinvigorated by the presence of a bright, sensual young woman who lights up their life and reignites their passions. Whether the young woman in question gets an inner life or not is entirely incidental to this type of story. But Nepali author Samrat Upadhyay takes an interesting approach to the poetic infidelity sub-genre; by placing the reveal of the affair in the middle of the story, the story is just as interested in showing the consequences of the older man’s actions. The Guru of Love is not groundbreaking, but it has enough twists on a familiar formula to be engaging throughout.

Ramchandra is a math teacher trying to make ends meet in Kathmandu, as political unrest in the city and country is spelling the end of the Panchayat partyless political system. Ramchandra comes from humble origins, but his wife by arranged marriage, Goma, is of high-class birth; despite being the ones to arrange the marriage, her parents seem to hate their low-class son-in-law. The couple have lived in relative peace for decades, raising their two children, until Ramchandra’s eye is drawn to a young woman he is tutoring for her national exams. The woman, Malati, is living in poverty and the single mother to an infant, but she still represents more vitality and hope than Ramchandra has felt in a long time. They begin an affair…and then Goma finds out.

This is where the book really kicks into gear, because Goma is no harridan wife trope. She is hurt and upset, but she also sees the impossible position that Malati is in, and shows her immense kindness, even inviting her to live in their home. Ramchandra’s sexy fantasy is now yet another domestic reality and the women in his life are actual people, not his symbolic playthings. His thirteen year old daughter in particular is appalled by her father’s behavior and he just has to deal with that.

The Guru of Love could have gone a lot further with these ideas than it ultimately did. The stuff that works works, but there is certainly a lot of slack room. However, the peek into Nepali life in the 1990’s is fascinating, and Kathmandu feels populated and alive. There is enough here to recommend, but it is certainly not an essential read, just an interesting spin on a tired trope in a good setting.

Would I Recommend It: Maybe.

[Lune · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was the first book I read, from a Nepalese author, written in English. The book itself was very interesting with the storyline and the set up. Very normal Nepalese family living a common lower middle class life with ties to the high class people. But a lot of things were not realistic and hard to imagine. However, it is a common occurrence of a teacher falling for their student in Nepal. I've witnessed this with my eyes itself so this book satisfies my curiosity/ questions of why and how does this even happen. But it does quite a lot.

[Benu B · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel follows a straight plot going back in time only occasionally. But the characteristic lack of style in the narrative makes it difficult to read. I couldn't move beyond a few chapters. The characters are inanimate and dull, hardly able to take the story forward on their own. Perhaps I had expected something bigger in scope and richer in stylishness than this one from a professor of writing with a PhD, working in an American University of consideration fame.

[Mohamed Zaman · Rating 5 out of 5]

First time reading a book based on Nepalese background.....loved how the writer incorporates the social and political happenings in Nepal (like the Nepalese royal family, pro-democracy protests and more) with fiction.....the protagonist, Ramachandra himself is an amalgamation of hard reality and fleeting fantasy who needs to balance a game with his wife Goma and his secret on and off lover-student Malati......

[Barbara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Learning about the customs, government (pre-democracy), and festivals in Nepal was interesting. I failed to have any sympathy for the main character, Ramchandra, who brings discord to his family because of an affair with one of his young students, who's an unmarried mother. I just saw Ramchandra as pathetic.

[Maughn Gregory · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sophisticated domestic drama with full-blooded characters and a direct style reminiscent of R.K. Narayan. I was in Katmandu in 1986 and can hardly imagine how it has changed in 30+ years, but this brilliant novel gave me a glimpse.