The Mirages of Marriage

by Don D. Jackson, William J. Lederer

“We believe that husband and wife in a discordant marriage can do the greater part of the healing and growing for themselves. There is no doctor or counselor who can―for any amount of money―give ‘instant’ love or marital harmony. The partners involved must do the work.” ―William J. Lederer and Don D. Jackson, M.D. This helpful, incisive analysis of marriage in America discusses the false assumptions of modern marriage and how to make a marriage work. It is imperative to realize, the authors argue, that the marital relationship is an interlocked system in itself, not a function of individual partners. They offer techniques for appraising one’s own marriage, discuss the use of counselors and the dangers of unilateral therapy, and outline the major elements of a satisfactory marriage.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Marriage, Relationships

476 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1968

Reviews

[elbren · Rating 1 out of 5]

OMG. Just stop now. The passive-aggressive subtext is an interesting study in unacknowledged sexism, but in terms of actual marital advice? not so much. They make such a big deal that "he" means "spouse", but - look here! - they use "one" where they actually mean "she". And who can trust any book that purports to study and describe problems in marriage without any discussion of domestic violence or abuse? hmm. maybe it's because those aren't common marital problems, from the perspective of MEN.
In terms of actual useful advice, here, I'll summarize: communicate your actual needs, and be honest about where they're not being met, and listen to your spouse when she does the same. That one sentence is the most helpful thing this book has to say.

[Miriam Holsinger · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed the premise of viewing relationships as a system. however the examples, especially in the antiquated situations were tiring and irrelevant.