Ready, Set, Go!: A Gentle Parenting Guide to Calmer, Quicker Potty Training

by Sarah Ockwell-Smith

A calmer, simpler approach to potty training

If you're like most parents, you're probably feeling pretty nervous about potty training. But don't worry, help is on the way. This supportive guide provides step-by-step advice for a compassionate and emotionally aware process—one that focuses on positive connection rather than relying on gimmicks, pressure, or rewards (which usually backfire).

Topics include:
  
   *   Signs your child is ready, and how to begin
  *  Preparing your child emotionally
   *   Tips for coping when away from home
   *   Advice for handling accidents and setbacks
   *   Practical stories and tips from parents

Written by popular parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, creator of Gentle Parenting, this is the only book you'll need to guide your child through this developmental milestone--without trauma, drama and tears (for child and parents alike!).

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Adult

208 pages, Paperback

Published June 5, 2018

About the author

Born in Bedfordshire, England in 1976, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four school aged children, three boys and one girl.

After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.

Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.

Reviews

[Tom Quinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Readily accessible, practical, and engaging. Although it does repeat information in chapter summaries and go off on some tangents which can seem like needless padding.

3 stars out of 5. Overall a solid and encouraging guide.

[Rachael Marsceau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super practical. Covers everything from what you'll need to the emotional aspects, plus an entire chapter devoted to Q&As from actual parents.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good, useful how-to. Excellent edition to my library's potty training collection, and helpful for me as a parent as well.

[Lauren Read · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can a book on potty-training be thoroughly enjoyable? This writer/parent has the right approach, I think. The book presents a good primer on physiology and psychology before laying out a simple concept of a plan. It's straightforward yet addresses common concerns. Firm, gentle consistency is the way we plan to go ... for potty training and parenting in general.

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ockwell-Smith is one of the leading proponents of gentle parenting, and this short book focuses on the specific challenges of potty training. She leads off with the physiology of waste, kidneys and colon, and the development of sphincter control at about 24 months of age. Of course, physiological control doesn't mean psychological control, and learning to listening to your body and then going to the bathroom is something children have to figure out for themselves.

Some of the practical advice is good. Potty training is messy and there will be accidents, so carry spare clothes and waterproof everything. The foot supported squat is the natural excretory posture, which means little potties are probably best. Constipation is a frequently undiagnosed contributor to potty-training problems, both directly, and also because loose stools leak around the constipated mass, and the the mass presses on the bladder decreasing its effective size. Night potty training has additional challenges, as children have both uneven circadian rhythms are irregular levels of vasopressin, which suppresses urine formation in adults, and not enough experience to wake up when they do need to pee. The path is long, and there will be reversals.

The psychological advice is where I am less convinced. I'll buy that ease is a necessary condition for potty training, and that enticement and punishment are not particularly effective. Sticker charts, small treats, big presents, getting mad, none of that works. But what do you do when you ask your kid if he has to use the bathroom, he says "No thank you", and he then pees himself five minutes later?

I know patience is the acme of gentle parenting. But my patience has limits.

[Sara Flubacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would say this was a helpful guide to the potty training world. It’s simple and easy to read.
Potty training has been going great! And the reminders of certain things being normal is always helpful. Potty training doesn’t happen in just a couple of days and is a process! Just taking things one step at a time.
I do agree with other reviewers: some parts of this book are repetitive. It feels like filler to make it longer (it’s not long in the first place). But I guess it also helps to drill it into your head.

[Jenny Daer Shields · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book provided a good, solid foundation with fairly evidence-based information on potty training. While I agreed with her "gentle" approach on allowing your child to lead with readiness based on their individual qualities, I tended to disagree with her approach of avoiding forms of behavioral reinforcement, as children thrive on extrinsic reinforcement. I will likely read other books on this topic to get a more well-rounded view when it comes time for potty training with N.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I enjoyed this book and think that we will generally follow her suggestions when potty training. It is a bit frustrating/overwhelming how much she emphasizes that the only "right time" to start potty training is when your child is ready (and it's bad to start too early or too late) but then says that besides a range of ages, there is no way to tell when the right time is. 😅

[Jessica Donovan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thrilling.

[Jennifer Chen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got a copy of this book as a galley from the publishers to review since I write about parenting. I found the writer's approach really helpful and practical. Instead of bribes and rewards, she talks about having a calm, compassionate approach to the potty. I like the practical Q&A questions and her expert knowledge on daytime training and nighttime training. Very helpful and a quick, easy read for busy parents.

[Kate Sacha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Used the strategy from this book for my 22 month old and it worked like a charm! Started potty training on Monday and it is now Friday and she has been accident free for 4 days and goes both number 1 and 2 on her potty! Potty training is one thing that I was dreading but this method has made it pretty stress free

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here we go again! I'll take all the help I can get.

[Emerald · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to give two stars because this book is a big number two 💩. But I can’t find a reason for even one more star.

The one helpful tip I got from this book: make sure your child can put their feet flat on the floor when using the potty. Sounds self explanatory but for some reason I hadn’t thought of that as important.

The rest of the book: major eye roll.

Introduction: “I’m only using certain terms in this book because it’s what the public expects and my book won’t sell if use the ‘correct’ terms that gentle parents use.”

Chapter 1: SKIP

Chapter 2: Why are kids potty training later than they used to? “…there is no denying that families are far busier and far more mothers are working…” pg 18. I’m sorry…are dads not involved in potty training? Kids training later is partially a working mom problem? Mmm k.

Chapters 3 &4: This should have been the most helpful section. Instead it was just a bunch of philosophy tied with scientific studies from Brazil and Switzerland (for what purpose other than to make the author sound like she knows what she’s talking about). There are no concrete directions or steps to follow — only light suggestions.

My favorite part of the whole book is when the author refers the reader back to chapter two to her “signs of readiness” section. The section that she did NOT want to include, but included anyway because readers expect it. Yet she went on and on about how her “list” of signs aren’t really good indicators to rely on because each child is different. BUT THEN tells us to go back and read that section again if we don’t know if our kids are actually ready or not yet. Oi.

The rest of the book: more philosophy tied loosely with science. Nothing practical and a whole lot of contradictions.

Do not recommend.

[Alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. I read the other 3-day method books and they didn't really vibe with my parenting style, so I was excited to see a book with a more child-led approach. She tells you a lot of what not to do, but doesn't really tell you what TO do. It makes the whole book feel more preachy and patronizing, not helpful. Don't give rewards or praise, don't start too early but don't start too late. If your child is ready, potty training will be enjoyable but there aren't really ways to tell for sure that your child is ready. And once you start, do not put the diapers back on. So you have one chance to be right about when they are ready, but the author didn't even want to include the signs of readiness section. The whole thing just left me feeling more confused. And afraid I'm going to miss this mystical window of when they are ready and potty training will be easy!

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the scientific approach to potty training with actual studies and evidence based research for background. Less opinion and more research than “oh crap potty training” book. This fact based approach felt better than all the mom - judging approaches I have read.

Thanks for using evidence based practice and taking the opinions out!

L

[Ifrinna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, to the point, effective toilet learning advice. Practical implementation and truly made this next life phase seem easy. I enjoyed the easy read and the troubleshooting questions at the end. The reason for 4 stars over 5 is I wish there were more options for varied situations rather than the "this is the only way to do this" type view.

[Michele · Rating 1 out of 5]

There was some helpful info, but it was forced into a book format and I think it would have been better in an article or blog post. Felt a bit forced into book format.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

DNF but read all that was relevant to me before I had to return it. My summary below in no particular order.

First half of the book details some basic information around toilet training, namely developmental aspects. I'm a first-time parent who had no idea how to teach a child how to use the restroom. Most important takeaways are that potty training is about starting when you see some signs of readiness, training during the optimal window-which depends on the child-not the parents' schedule or because daycare says so.

Method is to begin talking about it with child before you do it. Go shopping for underwear together. Normalize bodily functions and name them appropriately.

Dedicate at least three days of mostly staying indoors. Arm yourself (and your couch, floors, and all important fixtures of your home) with protective covers (shower curtain, blanket, etc.) Get some carpet cleaner too, if you opt for a bare-bottom day.

Day one will be bare-bottomed. Day two will involve underwear. Day three will involve underwear and pants. Prompt hourly (more than that may cause the child to tune you out). During this time, be mindful of child's fluid intake; you may not need to prompt as often if the child hasn't had much to drink.

Praising specific behavior is preferred to a generic "good job". I opted for "You did a great job listening to your body and going to the potty". Don't make a big deal of accidents and certainly don't punish a child for having one. Do involve the child in the clean up. Make sure you pack two changes of clothes when you venture out with your potty training child. Maybe even some shoes.

Getting to the toilet for poop is harder than for pee. You may notice more accidents for poops. One piece of advice that seemed essential was to ensure the child's diet is adequate for pooping on the toilet. Make sure the child eats sufficient fiber and drinks enough water. Constipation will create difficulty in training.

Night training may come later. It's fine to use a diaper at night. Book recommends no pull-ups at all during the day. This is different than what many current practices detail.

Second half of the book involves trouble shooting when you have hiccups.

[Elise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read a few potty training books when I approached the time I knew I would embark on potty training my daughter and this one was by far the best. First of all, it's short and extremely straightforward. As someone who felt an overwhelming sense of dread about starting to potty train, after reading Ready, Set Go! I felt a little more in control and ready to begin.

The author does a great job of explaining to parents how to determine if your child is ready and when they are not; her entire premise is that potty training should not be grueling if your child is physiologically ready. What was most helpful was the chapter that laid out how to begin on the first day. I love checklists and step-by-step processes when reading how-to books, and this really helped me get going and prepare for the craziness of the first few days. She also encourages parents to stand by their decision- once you start, don't stop (again, provided that you've determined your child is ready).

Lastly, many parents will find that they have to help their child overcome some kind of emotional fear around using the toilet. I encountered this with my daughter and found the chapters on emotional readiness very helpful. All in all, this book is a straight-up 5 star guide to potty training that I will recommend to everyone I know who is starting to PT.

[Christie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Still in the research phase of potty training. I picked this book up because I wanted to explore alternatives to the Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right method. This one started strong, talking about how every child is an individual and will reach readiness in their own time (instead of the strict 18-24 months some other methods employ). I liked the focus on physiological readiness as well as emotional readiness, the chapter on physical development was eye-opening. Unfortunately, the actual "potty training method" here is not that different from the Oh Crap! method (except less dogmatic) and is essentially one-size fits all. The later sections of the book with advice on specific situations seemed helpful. Like other parenting books, I will take what resonates for me and leave what doesn't. I am also going to seek out other books that aren't as one-size-fits all.

[Ashley Frederick Brubaker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this as someone who hasn’t started potty training yet, but it’s in the near future, so I can’t say how well this method will work. That said, I appreciated the author’s calm and respectful tone toward both parent and child. There’s a lot of preparing and warning, but without panic. I also loved that there was actually some science involved and those references were cited.

I read the “Oh Crap!” potty training book recently, and while the methods are extremely similar, I liked this book infinitely more. This author has a much kinder approach to people in general and did not come across as holier than thou, unlike in “Oh Crap!” There were a couple passages that made raise an eyebrow for a second and some of it did feel a little padded. However, overall I feel more positive about taking on potty training soon as a result of this book.

[Kase · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some helpful information. But I'm going to keep reading other potty training resources to decide what we want to follow and what makes sense for us. The thing that made me skeptical of this book is that in discouraging the use of treats as a part of potty training (which I don't have an issue with necessarily), the book clearly conflates "reward" with "reinforcement," indicating the author's lack of understanding of basic operant conditioning principles. I am not necessarily tied to using positive reinforcement through treats or stickers for potty training (hence reading various books on the topic for guidance), but the author's confusion on the topic made me skeptical of the advice. Quick easy read though, which I appreciated.

[Tiare Nord · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super quick read which is nice. She explains when they will be ready physically and the science behind it all which is nice. I liked that she said to not pester them every 5 minutes. The first day and make them get on the potty or ask them all the time because during my first attempt I did that. All the other potty training things I read said put them on the potty every 15 minutes and it made my daughter so mad. She started to really hate the potty and I think that was on of the things that made it not work. She says to watch for the signs if you see them acknowledge and help them realize the signs. Then every hour encourage them to go. So that is what o am going to try.

[Jena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in the winter when I was in the height of potty training Calla (for the third time). I was of the impression that if I couldn't train her in 3 days (as a lot of books, websites, mom groups, etc. claim is the norm), I was failing. I won't give this book the credit for me actually getting her potty trained, but I will give it credit in the sense that it made me feel a lot better about the training itself. I stopped putting pressure on myself for her to be trained in 3 days and took a "calmer" & gentler approach. If I have to recommend a potty training book for future/newer mamas, this one will be my go to rec!

[Cate · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I don't agree with her statement that all parenting is child-led. Most of her information is the same generic info from all the other potty books out there. I do like what she says about avoiding rewards and using specific praise, and I discovered that generally, based on research, the potty training age sweet spot is from around 27 months onward, depending on the child. Some good tips, worth a skim. Check back with me in a year or two, and I'll let you know how it ends up going, lol.

[H · Rating 4 out of 5]

This felt a lot more useful as a potty training guide than the other book I read. It also feels more aligned to the approach I feel like would work best for us. It’s very simple and straightforward, and the author gives some good information about the process and body changes and development that are going on in the background of potty training and readiness. I also liked the FAQ chapter, as it went deeper into some areas that I had questions about, but still as a snapshot.

[Rebecca Kenyon · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was disappointing. I feel that all this information could’ve fit in a pamphlet. There was a ton of repetition and it made the book very boring and slow to read. A 166 page book should not take me nearly a week to get through.

I purchased it up because of the gentle potty training approach it offered. We try to do a lot of child-led parenting in our house. There were a few helpful hints that I do intend to use when we start potty training in the next few months.

[Millie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is congruent with gentle/authoritative parenting styles and gave me a great starting point in potty training my children. I have also used these principles when helping develop potty training strategies with parents as a pediatric physical therapist. The strategies are difficult to implement entirely as presented if both parents work full time and have little time off to devote to this; however, the principle of the ideas are still valuable.

[Rebecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this through the county library cooperative because I wanted to gather all available resources before I begin this process with my child.

The author takes a very superior, judgmental tone in the text. It was really unappealing and really overshadowed any helpful advice contained within. Frankly, I didn't find anything here that wasn't also included in some of the other pt books I've read.

There are far too many other works on the subject that don't have the same condescending tone to ever recommend this one.

[Joy Reinbold · Rating 3 out of 5]

My main takeaway from this book was that I jumped the gun on reading it. I ended up just returning it to the library. Ockwell-Smith's main claim in the book is that you can't make your child ready to potty train. It will happen, you just need to be ready. I'm returning the book to the library and I will be reading it again in the next year or so (fingers crossed).