I was in 4th grade when a friend introduced me to the Little House series. Because they were so coveted at my school library and always checked out, I began with the available Little Town on the Prairie and wildly read them all out of order. I was hooked. I was obsessed. I got my mom to sew me a sunbonnet. I tracked down everything I could on Laura Ingalls Wilder. I read Rose Wilder Lane's novel Young Pioneers. I watched the TV series while being completely annoyed with how much the series strayed from the books. It wasn't until I found actual photographs of Laura, Mary, Ma, and Pa that something happened. Suddenly, it was hard to reconcile those real images with the Garth Williams illustrations imprinted in my mind. Something cracked a little inside me. Laura was both real and unreal. I didn't know it then, but it was the beginning of the end of my obsession with the Little House books.
I moved on. I kept reading. I moved onto Carolyn Haywood's Betsy series. There was cozy Noel Streatfeild's Ballet shoes, Beverly Cleary (so much Beverly Cleary), Five Peppers and How they Grew, and eventually, Anne of Green Gables and Little Women.
I found myself keenly excited to read McCabe's academic memoir that took her on a pilgrimage to all her childhood book sites including many Laura Ingalls Wilder sites, Prince Edward Island, and Concord, Massachusetts. What I found was a slightly cynical McCabe. Her palpable disappointment at many of the Little House sites doesn't seem revive her childhood excitement of loving Little House.
That's the thing, though. It hits different when you're older.
I can acknowledge that LIW was part of my foundation as a reader, but I don't expect anything more from Wilder. She's firmly part of my past, but it doesn't mean she didn't shape me as a reader.
Later, when McCabe and her daughter travel to to Prince Edward Island to explore the land of Anne of Green Gables, I sensed her overwhelm with the ubiquitous presence of everything Anne. Again, I sensed her disappointment in PEI. However, I appreciated her deep dive into the subsequent Anne novels. While I inhaled them as a high school freshman, I admit that I lost steam near the end and never read Rilla of Ingleside. While I couldn't articulate it then, I was disappointed by some of the later Anne books. Anne lost her spunk and receded into the background while other quirky characters took center stage. She just didn't seem like the same Anne. I also always harbored a deep sadness for Diana. I wanted her to get to attend college like Anne. Maybe the Anne books could have been a more focused trilogy? I will always love Anne and recent reads of the first book never disappoint. Even a new musical didn't disappoint.
Anne continues to be part of my past and present.
When McCabe and Sophie visit Concord, Massachusetts to explore the world of Little Women, I knew she connected to the house museums more than the various Little House museum sites. While she admits to a complicated relationship with Little Women connected in part to her relationship with her Aunt Shirley (who had taken her and her cousin Jody on a Little House adventure trip when she was 13), she recalls feeling slighted because her aunt believed her to be indifferent to Little Women. The sections about Aunt Shirley read as complicated, confusing, and slightly fraught. Her feelings about her Aunt Shirley intertwine with her complicated unpacking of Jo March.
Even as I get older, I see that there are so many ways to see the March sisters. With the latest 2019 Greta Gerwig film adaptation, I continue to see Little Women in new ways. Little Women feels malleable and endlessly fascinating.
While so much resonated with me specifically about her childhood foundation in books, I was disappointed that her memoir was tinged with disillusionment. So, it surprised me when, in the epilogue, McCabe concludes that ...books were my home....
I feel inspired, as if I've finally found what I was looking for on my tours of authors' houses, a feeling of connection not just to the writer who once lived here, but to her words, and through them to my earlier self that first connected with those words. Emily Dickinson initiated me, finally and fully, from all the thwarted possibilities of the heroines of children's literature into adult life and permission to find my own way.
Again, it only comes in the epilogue that she concludes with a more positive view of her project to reconnect with her childhood books. Revisiting her childhood books meant facing her childhood head on and sometimes, reading life is not the same as real life. This memoir gave me a lot to think about in my own childhood reading history.