Life on Pause

Love Life #1

by Erin McLellan

Niles Longfellow is a nerd, and not the trendy type of nerd, either. He wears a historically accurate homesteader costume to work every day, has a total of one friend, and doesn’t know how to talk to guys. So when he gets a flat tire and the hottest hipster ever stops to help him, all Niles can think is that he’s wearing his stupid cowboy getup. Normally, Niles feels invisible to other men, but he’d take that invisibility any day over Rusty Adams seeing him in suede and fringe.

Rusty moved to Bison Hills to help his sister raise her daughter, and nothing is more important to him than that. He’s also fresh off a breakup, and isn’t prepared for anything complicated. But then he meets Niles. Rusty sees Niles as more than a clumsy, insecure guy in a costume. He sees a man who is funny, quirky, and unexpected.

Nothing about their connection is simple, though, especially the lies and insecurities between them. Niles doesn’t know if he can trust Rusty with his heart, and when Rusty’s sister decides to move away, Rusty doesn’t know if he can stay behind.

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Romance, LGBT, Contemporary Romance, Friends To Lovers, Queer

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 30, 2017

About the author

Erin McLellan writes contemporary romances that are sweet, super sexy, and emotional. She lives in Alaska with her family. She is a lover of chocolate, camping, hiking, antiquing, gardening, Dr Pepper, and reality TV.

Reviews

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 1 out of 5]

*1.5 stars*

It's rare that I actually give a book 1-star, but I hated this book so much that I actually DNFed at 90%. AT 90%!!! I simply couldn't read another word.

Really, I'm shocked at how much this book bothered me considering I LOVED Erin McLellan's debut, Controlled Burn. In fact, I gave Controlled Burn a rare 5-stars, something I only do a handful of times a year.

I sort of enjoyed the first 10% of Life on Pause, but then things quickly devolved. I really and truly hated Niles, like really hated him, and I wished for nothing more than for Rusty to find another man. Niles was self-absorbed with self-esteem so low that he was constantly calling himself a loser, and he hurt Rusty every time he felt threatened, even a little bit. What's worse is that he didn't seem to be that remorseful about his crappy behavior and even shifted the blame to Rusty most of the time.

The chemistry was really not there for me, mostly because I wanted Niles to fall into a ditch. Niles was moany, whiny, and just not likable. Sure, I don't mind a character with low self-esteem who learns to love themselves and all that jazz, but Niles made me roll my eyes so hard I thought they'd be stuck in the top of my head.

The drama was artificial, and I could see it coming a mile away. It was miscommunication and overreaction (by Niles, of course) time and time again. I just couldn't stand so see Niles' mixed messages any longer. I really hated the last 50%, so much so that I didn't even care to see their HEA.

The only reason I even gave an extra 1/2 a star was because of the secondary characters. I would read a book with Todd as the MC in a heartbeat, and I enjoyed Rusty's family as well. I just wish I liked the romance in this book, even a little bit.

I know Erin McLellan is capable of better, and I look forward to seeing more from her in the future.

*Copy provided in exchange for an honest review*

[~Mindy Lynn~ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars!

This started out strong, then quickly took a turn that had me struggling with MC's. But in the end I gave it 3 stars for the humor and for having characters that aren't model-esque. Plus I liked the MC's most of the time. You know, when I wasn't completely annoyed by them.
Man was this book full of angst. I wasn't a fan of that since it began early and lasted the majority of the book. All the unnecessary drama and angst suffering I went through was because of the MC, Niles. The man was a mess full of insecurities that left him second guessing himself and Rusty. Rusty made the mistake of keeping things to himself and telling lies. He made these choices because of Niles' insecurities. His excuse. Although true, still didn't make it right. So it is safe to say that they drove me nuts with this unnecessary drama.
The crazy thing is I still really liked them both. I loved the loyalty Rusty has to his sister and niece and how he helps Jackie to take care of Margo. I loved how much he loved his job and the kids he teaches. Niles.. I loved how quirky he was and the weird things he would say like, "Oh my mac and cheese" when he got frustrated with his bestie, Victor. He was charming and funny. He was also sad and has been through quite a bit with losing his mom and in the process of losing his dad. So even though I had my issues with the book I still enjoyed it enough.

Happy reading dolls! xx

I received an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hesitant to read this based on the early reviews but I actually liked it. It's not perfect and it didn't leave an impression like Controlled Burn did, but there's something about McLellan's voice that I find cozy.

Life on Pause is a story of one man's battle with his inner demons and trying to figure out this thing called love. There is angst. There is pain. But I still found Niles' plight to be a sympathetic one. He has low self-esteem, is an introvert and is socially awkward. His appalling self image issues are heavy handed at times and I think this would've resonated more were his backstory better developed to show causation rather than it just being a thing for the reader to accept.

Niles' issues present hurdles in his relationship with Rusty, but not all of their problems. Rusty LIES! I understand why he thought he had to because we got his perspective as well but...



He learns lying is bad and nothing good comes of it. And nothing good does come of it once Niles learns the truth.

This all makes for a long drawn out conflict that keeps them in the periphery of each other's lives. Neither are satisfied by this newfound status and both are butthurt over it, thus the job of reuniting them falls to their friends.

I tend to enjoy my romances when the couple are together more than they're apart which wasn't the case here. Once they do get their shit together they have a heartwarming HEA and I also liked Niles' personal growth. Maybe it was a little sudden but I didn't care too busy wallowing in the sap was I.

"I want every piece of you. I want every reiteration of you. I want every verse."

So I had a few niggles but as I said initially I simply like McLellan's voice. I like that she obviously put time in to research the Native American history to lend credence to this fictitious town in Oklahoma. She was also pretty generous with some smoking sexy times that included rimming, angry sex, prostate orgasm, multiple orgasms, frottage, biting and face fucking.

And Victor. I LOVED VICTOR!!!! Victor is a sassy queen and if he gets a book I will reading the stuffing out of it.

Recommend to readers who enjoy angsty reads with imperfect characters.



A review copy was provided by NetGalley.

[Elsa Bravante · Rating 3 out of 5]

¿Cómo evaluar este libro? Supongo que lo primero que me viene a la cabeza es que ha sido una decepción, fundamentalmente por lo que me gustó el libro previo de la autora.
En principio parecía el cocktail perfecto para disfrutar, un personaje nerd de los que siempre calientan el corazón, otro que es profesor y parece alguien interesante, buenos secundarios... Pero, al final el resultado solo ha sido pasable. No he tenido el problema de otros lectores con los personajes principales, fundamentalmente con Niles, entiendo su falta de autoestima, no creo que sea un quejica, me ha gustado, pero todo el plot ha sido un exceso de drama que en ocasiones parecía muy forzado y que se desarrollaba con poca naturalidad. Al exceso dramático se une que Rusty, el profesor, tiene POV pero tengo la sensación de no conocerle más allá de lo que siente por Niles. Le ha faltado desarrollo de los personajes y un desarrollo de su historia de amor algo más natural, sin tanto exceso y en el que se pueda comprender un poco mejor cómo llegan a su HEA, no me vale el que en varias ocasiones los MC se den cuenta de repente de lo que ocurre, de lo que piensan o de lo que sienten.
Le pongo tres estrellas, pero...

[Alisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book but I think this is going to be one that polarizes readers. Some are going to like it but others are going to hate it. The reason for that is Niles. He is kind of a mess. He's a sad guy in a hard place and he really struggles with a lack of self esteem. It's so bad that he ends up causing himself unnecessary drama and heartache. I think some readers are not going to have any patience with him and his behavior.

I personally liked him and the struggles he was going through. I like stories that showcase people who have a difficult time in life and/or in romance. Social skills, friendships, falling in love, etc is not easy for some people. For some it is really a struggle to find someone they mesh with and then work through their issues to get a relationship. I think the author did a great job giving us unique characters in an unique relationship. I wouldn't want to read about a Nile's type character every book but I did enjoy the dynamic here.

I loved this author's debut book this year Controlled Burn and while this wasn't as good for me, I still really liked it. I'm looking forward to more by her.

Extra props to the author for giving us a Native American MC who was not filled with BS stereotypes. The explanation of Nile's father's regalia was done really well.

**ARC provided through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

[Apolishedreader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book! I am not much for angst and this book was chock full of angst so I am a little surprised at how I could not put it down. I have been struggling with staying focused on reading books, but I picked this one up and I could not put it down. I was fully invested in Niles and Rusty.
I know Niles isn't going to work for everyone. He is a bit of a sad sack and has self-esteem issues, but I totally get where he is coming from. His mom was the bright spot in his life and she has passed away. His dad was the strong rock in his life and he is now a shell of himself. He has never had a romantic relationship with anyone and has never been the center of anyone's attention. He has always blended into the background unless someone was singling him out for negative attention.

That is a lot to overcome in 20 odd years, even more, to overcome in a few months span let alone 17 chapters. So, although most of Niles's growth and revelations take a while to show up and kind of abruptly present themselves, being with him on the ride worked for me.

As for Rusty, even though we spent a lot of time with him and hearing the story from his POV, I feel like this was more of Niles's story. That may be because I felt for him. I was emotional reading about his mom and his visits with his dad. Trying to be strong with a parent who doesn't recognize you is heartbreaking, devastating. And I think Niles was handling things the best he could, by himself with minimal support. That being said, I loved Rusty, too. His desire for Niles was so evident to me. How a smile or a touch or a flick of a cricket just got to Rusty endeared him to me to no end. Other things about Rusty that are endearing are his love of teaching, love of this little town and how he loves his sister and niece. Add to all of that, he gets consent from Niles even if consent seems implied and tries his best to let Niles know that he has options.

Bonus was the supporting characters. I can't wait to jump into Todd's story. Todd is so...loving. His desire for Rusty's happiness over all else...yeah, I need his HEA now. And Victor...any friend who can make Pokemon vibrators into a care package or suggest a display case for sex toys can be a friend of mine!

In short, I am so glad I read this book, angst, miscommunication and all.

[CrabbyPatty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, lordy. I equal parts loved this story, and hated the endless angst in the relationship between Rusty and Niles. Having read Erin McLellan's stellar "Controlled Burn," I was gobsmacked by how much I had to push myself to finish this book!

Rusty is a music teacher in a small town in Oklahoma. He's a nice guy and likes being the support system for his sister and beloved niece who also live in town. Driving home one day, he encounters a guy in "suede and fringe and boots and a Western shirt" with a flat tire and stops to help. Part Cheyenne-Arapaho Niles is the Director of Education at the Bushyhead Homestead:

He was too tall, too thin, and too weird. But he was a decent actor, and a good teacher, and he knew his shit. He knew how to tan a hide, and clean a deer, and churn butter, and milk a cow, and make a million different things from buffalo chips. This land was his heritage, for fuck’s sake.

Rusty becomes intrigued and enamored with skinny nerdy Niles and oh so slowly and awkwardly (emphasis on awkward), the two men become friends ... then friends-with-benefits ... and then it's an endless roller coaster of a relationship that is undermined by miscommunication, lies, low self-esteem and almost everything in-between.

Niles' sexual experience consists of sex toys and blowjobs in backseats and alleys and he's convinced Rusty is way out of his league. He's forever waiting for the other shoe to drop and Rusty to disappear. Rusty has lied to Niles about his three-year relationship with fellow teacher Todd, and hasn't mentioned that he is planning to leave town in about 8 months to move with his sister and niece.

Poor tender-hearted Niles cries (and okay, whines a lot) while Rusty tends to shut down and become distant and non-communicative. Through the entire middle part of the book, I wanted to slap these two alongside the head and scream USE YOUR WORDS. Sure, there is a lot of sexual chemistry between the two (and quite a few oh-my-gawd-that's-hot scenes), but ... c'mon.

I liked the way MacLean shows us Niles' love for his home and his family (his mother has recently died and his father is in a nursing home, having suffered a stroke and doesn't speak) and how he bears witness for the rich love they shared together. But at the end of the day, the relentless angst and miscommunication was just too much.

I received an ARC from Riptide Publishing, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.

Stop by my new blog, Sinfully Good Gay Book Reviews

[Georgie-who-is-Sarah-Drew · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh, dear me, no. Just no. In Niles, Erin McLellan has created the whiniest, cringiest, most helpless MC I have ever come across. I'll give him half a star for loving his father, and another half for being named after The Ineffable Niles Crane - but after that? Well, I'm all outa stars.
Why would anyone fall for an MC who has less personality, wit or energy than the slimy brown puddle collecting at the bottom of my fridge? (It's probably old carrots oozing from their bag. They do that. I clean up the puddle. I buy more carrots. I forget about them. They ooze. It's the cycle of life.)

DNF at 85%

[Anthea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Having read Controlled Burn by this author, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this one but oh dear, there was no comparison and this story isn’t even in the same league. To be honest, I’m not convinced they’re even written by the same person.

It's not very often I read a book and hope that something tragic happens to one of the main characters right at the beginning because he has managed to get so much on my nerves that I don't want to hear another word from him. Sadly, that's what happened here.

Rusty is the choir master at the local high school and when he sees the tyre blow out on the vehicle in front of him, he obviously was going to stop and offer assistance. He didn't expect to feel the immediate attraction that he does, to the driver. Niles just wants to get home after another long day dressed up like a cowboy for his day job at the museum. What he does not want is to be approached by a hot guy when he's dressed like an idiot and is already a generally insecure person.

Sadly, this is the best bit of the book because it goes drastically downhill after this - pretty much when the dialogue starts. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen or for the chemistry to appear but Niles was such a pathetic character who did nothing but cry and I thought I was going to scream if he started one more sentence with 'I don't know how to....'. It didn't matter how many times Rusty told him that he really liked him and wanted more, Niles inner dialogue like a broken record, kept repeating what was the point because Rusty couldn't possibly really like him anyway *face palm* *bang head repeatedly on table*.

The couple do eventually get their HEA but with so much 'will they, won't they?', I couldn't have cared less one way or the other. In the grand scheme of things, nothing happens and the book is padded out with the pair bickering like pre-pubescent girls. This one just didn’t work for me.

Copy received from publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Reviewed by Cheryl from Alpha Book Club

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[Tracy~Bayou Book Junkie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

Niles is having a horrible day: One of his co-workers upset him to the point of near tears and he forgot his street clothes at home, so now he is forced to drive home in his pioneer uniform he wears for the museum he works at. What else could go wrong? Oh, yes, he gets a flat-tire as he is almost home and of course, a hunk stops to help him!

I absolutely loved Niles. He was quirky and sweet and awkward. He felt innocent and a little naive, but Niles’ lack of self esteem and confidence and his feeling that he wasn’t good enough for anything besides a good time for men who treated him like crap was heartbreaking, but watching him grow and gain confidence was amazing.

I liked Rusty, but in some ways I felt he should have been more patient with Niles. Niles tells him he’s never had a boyfriend before and over the course of their friendship/courtship, he also lets on to just how inexperienced he is, and I just wanted to smack Rusty for the way he treated Niles at times.

Really, what I wanted to do was take them both and knock their heads together. While both men were hurting, they were also both stubborn and neither was willing to give an inch. I seriously wondered if they would ever get it all together or if there was any hope for them as a couple.

I loved the story and the backdrop. I thought Niles’ job at the museum was interesting and listening to him tell his stories was fascinating and entertaining.

The chemistry between Niles and Rusty was undeniable and the sex, omg, there are only a couple of scenes but it was beyond hot.

While I didn’t always like Todd, Rusty’s ex, he and Niles’ bestie, Victor, were interesting secondary characters that I think have a story to tell. Hmm..maybe even together? I love a good enemies to lovers story!

All in all, this was a sweet, angsty and a bit of a sexy story. It was well-written and easy to read. Very enjoyable and recommendable!

*copy provided by author/publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

[Janova · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really, really loved Controlled Burn , but I can't say the same about this one.

For starters, it didn't hold my attention for more than 2 lines at a time for the first 50% of the story. I got distracted by every single thing, seriously lol But I pushed and kept reading because I wanted to like it so hard.

On the other hand, I didn't connect at all with the MCs one bit. I mean, I suppose if I had to choose I'd say I empathized slightly with Rusty and I kinda liked him better; however, I can't say the same with Niles. I was over the moon with the fact that the author had included a POC MC--even better, a Native American, who are as rare as a Willy Wonka's golden ticket in MM romance books. BUT... he was kind of a crybaby. I mean, I get he's a sensitive guy, but there's sensitive and there's hyper sensitive.

Also, he was like 90% of the story being really self-deprecating and self-loathing and belittling himself at every turn. Like, all the freaking time. Ugh. That's some serious low self-steem there, and it was as frustrating as the relationship between Niles and Rusty, even though I swear I really love slow burn romances. It was like tangoing and not in a fun way. They gave one step forward and then gave like ten (or more like ten thousand) backward. God, so frustrating. And it became a patent pattern throughout the story. They got intimate (or fucked) and then pulled away and so on and so on and so on =.= I so wanted to smack them on the head from beginning to end. And they didn't get their shit together and broke this unhealthy pattern until 90 or 90+% mark.

To be honest, the highlight of the story was Victor. I so loved him <3 He was a really good friend to Niles and, if it wasn't for him, Niles and Rusty wouldn't have pulled their heads out of their asses. And the UST he had going on with Todd was really, really interesting *wink wink nudge nudge* If the author decides to write a sequel about Victor (and Todd, pretty please), I think I'm quite sure I would read it in a heartbeat.

I'm not sure if I'll reread this book in the future. I really had to force myself to finish it because I hate DNFing books, but I won't torture myself any longer with this one, that's for sure.

In my opinion, I think maybe having just one POV would have helped me connect better with the MCs and the story instead of head hopping one or several times each chapter. But this is just my humble opinion, of course.

* * *

Con este no repito, Dios. Demasiado frustrante, ugh. Me daban ganas de convertirme en Sole de Siete Vidas y darles collejas a diestro y siniestro. La verdad es que hasta me arrepiento de haberme gastado dinero en este xDu

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars - The angst is strong in this one

After reading the great reviews of this author’s debut book, Controlled Burn, I added her and that book to my to-read list. When I saw this upcoming release available as an ARC, I jumped at the chance to read it. Unfortunately, Life on Pause didn’t quite work for me.

I enjoy a good dose of angst in my romances so long as it doesn’t feel manufactured or overdramatized and wow was the angst ever strong in this story, but it simply became too much. The main conflict in this romance was buoyed by the characters’ failure to communicate with one another, and the ensuing will they/won’t they carried on for the majority of the book…so much so that I lost interest. The constant misunderstandings or incorrect assumptions became a point of intense frustration. The other minor conflicts, an ex-boyfriend and a high school bully, were rather predictable and I found myself reading to finish the story and see if this couple could ever get their stuff together rather than getting lost in their love story. Although the characters had a good outline and background, I felt their personalities were lost to Nile’s insecurities and Rusty’s anxiety and I never got to see the two of them really flourish as a couple until the very end. Coupled with conflicts driven by miscommunication- a personal pet peeve- I never fell for Rusty and Niles.

While Life on Pause wasn’t a win for me, the writing itself was consistent and flowed well. Given how well received this author’s debut, I’ll try more from her and hope this was just a case of a reader/book mismatch.

Reviewed by Annie from Alpha Book Club

[Isabella ~Mikku-chan~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

*~~*ARC kindly provided by the author to me in exchange for an honest review *~~*

Life on Pause was a delightful read and full of funny scenes. I really was hooked by Niles and how he was displayed as a nerdy guy, wearing accurate historical costumes and being very serious in his day job. Rusty is pretty infatuated by the guy when they first met.

I had a good laugh with this book and the way how Niles is taking his job serious, maybe sometimes too serious is not only a charming but a sweet character trait. :) I also loved Rusty's tender side in taking care of his sister's daughter and what it means to support his family. Which isn't without problems at one point in the story.

The book doesn't come without the drama and I've to say it was astonishing lots of drama in it. Maybe some might not like it but I was happy how it gave the book a few spicy moments with overcoming certain obstacles.

We get to know Rusty's ex-boyfriend Todd as well as Victor, Niles's best friend and voice of consciousness. I liked how this pairing spices the scenes even more up and how they acted with their friend and former lover each. Actually they have such a great chemistry we see them in the sequel, Life of Bliss again. And be preprared of something funny and delightful. xD

When I mention Rusty's ex it shouldn't be a surprise to hear that's he is one of those who fuels the drama and that Niles' isn't happy to have Rusty's former lovers around him.
Some scenes are full of misunderstandings and not communicating properly, feelings are hurt and insecurities hit hard. That secrets are kept isn't helping either.

I liked the balance the book had, as well as the cultural part with Niles having a Cheyenne-Arapaho heritage and holding his customs high and tries to deliver them to other towns folk and with his job. He is proud and happy to have this heritage even if it means he comes across as nerdy and a bizarre guy.

The book was a great read and I enjoyed it really much. It isn't super fluffy and light because of a few dramatic turns and twists but in the end there is the sweet HEA. 5 out of 5 stars.

Review originally posted on my blog with added content Mikku-chan / A world full of words

[Ekollon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not like this book. I was pretty hesitant about Niles to start with, as he was defined almost entirely by his low self-esteem and the apparent feeling that this low self-esteem justified him treating people around him (namely Rusty) poorly. I hate that trope. It drives me absolutely up the wall. Feeling badly about yourself isn't a reason to make others feel bad about themselves. It doesn't mean you get to hurt other people. Whatever you think you personally deserve, other people deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If you can't give that to those surrounding you because of where you are mentally, then you need to seek help so you can get to a place where you aren't damaging others who interact with you. You don't just keep hurting people and say, "Oh, well, that's me!" Because at that point it becomes purposeful.

I liked Rusty a lot better to start with. He seemed like a really fun guy who is into some of the same stuff that I am into (nerds unite!), but then he got sucked into Niles-as-is-defined-by-no-self-esteem, and things went downhill from there. The whole story ended up being about Rusty trying to play emotional doctor to Niles and getting hurt when that didn't work, and that was no fun to read about. Also, he is apparently a ridiculously bad liar who lies about things that no one in their right mind can expect to stay successfully lied about, which pained me; if you're going to lie, at least lie about something that can conceivably be pulled off.

And while some people may have been okay with it, I did not at all like when Jackie and Margo moved away. He was the big male figure in her life, and now he's gone. He was there for her since she was born, and helped to raise her. Then he drops out of the picture for a job and a new boyfriend? Good lord, how is Margo coping with that? She loses "Uncle" Todd (who she was seriously invested in) because Todd and Rusty break up, and then she loses her biological Uncle because of a move. How is she going to know she can depend on anyone? Adults in her life are constantly up and leaving her.

I did like Todd and Victor, though. They were fun to read about. Makes me want to read the upcoming book "Life of Bliss" (which is about them), although this book makes me nervous about its execution.

[Pixie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started hating Niles at about 53%

[Leanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

One Goodreads friend has given this a DNF at 90% and another has given it 5 stars. After a bit of a book drought this was one I couldn't put down and read with cackles of pure glee.
Yes, there was a lot of hemming and hawing and angst but the MC's were so charmingly written, and real. It all seemed touchingly, irritatingly (sometimes) like a slice of real life and I like that.
Some appear to hate him but I loved Niles for his anxiety and lack of confidence in love. I loved his self deprecating sense of humour and thought the chemistry between him and Rusty was off the charts. The supporting cast were fabulous and, if a book is to be written in which Todd gets his HEA, I'd be thrilled.

Another well written story by Ellen McLellan who's going on my auto-buy author list. ;)

[Aղցela W. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was book 1 in the "Love Life" I really wanted to like this book more. Niles Longfellow is a nerd he wears a historically accurate homesteader costume to work every day, has a total of one friend, and doesn’t know how to talk to guys. So when he gets a flat tire and the hottest hipster ever stops to help him, all Niles can think is that he’s wearing his stupid cowboy getup. Normally, Niles feels invisible to other men, but he’d take that invisibility any day over Rusty Adams seeing him in suede and fringe. Rusty moved to the small town to help his sister with her daughter he also recently had a break up. I liked Rusty but Niles is an adorable clumsy mess he was full of insecurities. He comes from a loving family who accepts him for who he is but that doesn't stop him from getting bullied in school and struggling to deal with being social. He's lost his mother to cancer, his father is in a nursing home, and his only real friend works on a cruise ship so he's mostly alone. I wanted to like this book more but it was too much of Niles feeling sorry for himself. This book was well written with no errors in grammar or spelling. I am looking forward to reading more from this author.

[Barb ~rede-2-read~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find it interesting that the opinions on this story are so divergent. People seemed to love it or hate it. I loved it. And many hated Niles, but I didn’t hate him at all. Why? Because I am Niles. Or Niles is me. And I totally understood his crazy psyche, his worldview, his skewed relationship perceptions, and his low self-esteem. If anything, the character I most disliked was Rusty, who’s carrying around a ton of baggage—much of it of his own making—and his biggest issue is that he needs to grow up, put on his big-boy pants, and take responsibility for his own actions—or inactions—and lies, as the case may be. So I forgive him. Maybe.

But I digress. This story centers on Niles Longfellow, twenty-something, socially inept, and a nerd. He is Director of Education at Bushyhead Homestead, an authentic Old West theme park in Bison Falls in the Midwest. He’s so into his job that he even owns authentic homesteader clothing and has been known to wear fringed shirts and leather chaps. Unfortunately, he doesn’t ride a horse to work, so when he has a flat tire on the way home and a gorgeous hipster stops to help him, his mouth and brain disengage and his inability to have a flirty conversation with the good-looking man causes him grief and self-recrimination later that day. The hipster is Rusty, and he’s captivated by Niles—by his looks, his knowledge of the history of the area, and by his overall sweetness. It’s too bad he can’t get Niles to see that now, or even later, when he finally convinces Niles to go out with him.

In his own words: “Niles wasn’t dateable. He was weird and antisocial and super inexperienced and kind of awkward. He gave good head, but Rusty didn’t know that.” There’s one push-pull situation after another throughout this story, and it becomes the perfect book for those who love angst and self-destruction. Niles self-destroys constantly because he just can’t “get” how anyone could possibly love him. He’s constantly paralyzed by fear.

Rusty destroys any chance at a long-term relationship with Niles by telling lies. He lies about his past three-year relationship with handsome fellow teacher, Todd, and he compounds that lie later by failing to tell Niles that he may move out of town when his sister and her daughter do. The only reason he’s even in Bison Falls is to be near his unwed sister and to be the rock for her to lean on for childcare and other help. Now, with her planning to move, he’s leaning toward going too, but he doesn’t want to tell Niles—ostensibly because he doesn’t want to upset him.

Niles, on the other hand, has decided to take a leap of faith and goes all-in on a gamble to have a relationship with Rusty. They’ve become friends and then lovers, and Niles is starting to get a glimpse of happiness. And then it all comes crashing down when the truth about Todd comes out. Rusty has dug himself a hole, and there’s no way out but the truth, but that comes too late to save what he’s started with Niles, who now feels betrayed and used.

I get where other readers and reviewers are coming from with their perception of Niles. No doubt about it, Niles is prickly. But the author remains true to his personality throughout the story, and I believe that all his reactions were genuine for his kind of personality—not necessarily likeable, but definitely genuine. Thankfully, his BFF, Victor, while working for a cruise line, uses video chat to keep in touch daily. Victor deserves his own book. [hint, hint]

Oops, I digress again, but Victor is awesome and a rock for Niles. He gently pokes Niles into positive self-reflection and into facing the role his own insecurities took in the relationship with Rusty. He also gets Niles to face cold hard facts about his family and about his inability to take steps to move out of his rut. But he doesn’t just chastise—he actually comes to Bison Hills to help Niles personally. And he confronts Rusty, pointing out that he’s the one who rejected more than a surface relationship with Niles. Victor is most certainly a wonderful example of friendship. It takes time but when Rusty finally owns up to his truth, he realizes that he loves Niles and wants to be with him above all else.

I highly recommend this book. If you haven’t discovered this author yet, give this a try. You won’t fall in love with either MC in this story right away. The author has certainly gone out on a limb to tell a different kind of tale, but it resonated clearly for me, and I hope it will for others as well. How they managed to stumble their way to the HEA makes for intriguing and interesting hours of reading. Thankfully, there is a resolution as the two come to terms with their own reality—first individually and then as a couple. Well worth the read!

ARC provided by the publisher through Net Galley in exchange for an impartial review.

[Joyfully Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Joyfully Jay review.

4 stars

I love a good geeky hero so this story intrigued me right from the blurb as it describes the meet cute between the men with poor Niles in his homesteader costume. I found Niles to be charming and sweet and the guys to be a really good fit together. They settle into such an easy friendship, and the attraction is clear right from the start. There is just a nice touch of lightness and humor between them, a bit of self deprecation from Niles, and the story is easy to read. Not to mention these guys are smoking hot together and a practically Kindle melting pair.

I did find myself frustrated, however, that these guys can’t seem to get out of their own way. Niles has a lot of self doubt. A lot. Like he has so little a sense of his own attraction or self worth that he barely manages to function sometimes. The first part of the book is the guys starting off as friends and moving to more. Niles needs a lot of confidence boosting to even believe things are working out with Rusty, and the guys struggle a bit with lack of communication about their feelings, but they eventually manage to overcome that to get together. But then things fall apart as Rusty omits mention that his hot coworker is also his ex and Rusty pretty much spirals out of control. From then on the guys just can’t seem to get on the same page. They both want each other, that is clear. But they are both avoiding each other, are afraid to be honest with each other (or themselves) about how they feel, and pretty much just miscommunicate all over the place. Each is quick to assume the worst and they spend a large part of the book at odds, trying to find their way back to each other.

Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.

[P Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I voluntarily read this book. All opinion stated are solely my own and no one else's*

3.5 -4 stars

I struggled to write this review primarily because there were things I loved and things that tested my patience to its limits.

This was an adorable read and I liked both characters, they had great chemistry.

Niles was a cute nerd and he made me laugh especially, when he started hiding all his naughty sex toys from Rusty lol.

Niles’s insecurities and lack of self esteem hinders and/or makes him doubt everything to the point it actually stops him from trying to pursue happiness. Niles is frightened of putting himself out there and is convinced that he will get hurt. The solution to his problems is plain and simple - RUN.

I adored Rusty: he was sweet, attentive caring and most importantly, patient with Niles.

Rusty and Niles have a rocky relationship from start to finish. There were times I felt like smacking their heads together, to knock some common sense into them. Niles tested my patience all throughout whereas, Rusty irritated the hell out of me when his lies caught up with him.

The beginning was really slow paced and I struggled to get into the story. Some parts dragged on too much and there was quite a bit of repetition.

The fireworks exploding between Todd and Victor had me intrigued - I wouldn’t mind reading their story.

This was a sweet yet emotional read where the characters drove me crazy but I have to admit, I enjoyed it.

[Tina J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I purchased this book in the hopes of reading before LIFE OF BLISS, releasing later this month.
This was a DNF at 40% for me, sorry. It took me four days to get this far! I'm rather sad I did not enjoy this as I'd hoped to.

Niles was insecure. He lacked experience in the boyfriend department but had plenty of random hookup experience although he considered himself an unattractive loser. Oh, and his BFF always sent him sex toys, which he mastered.
Rusty's lack of confidence came from body image and the fact that his ex-boyfriend dumped him for a younger, thinner model. He's a good guy though, helping his sister raise her little girl. But he'd lied by omission a few times and then added to those lies with more.
I could not connect with either character and once the lies began, I could not support their relationship any longer.
The writing style: phrasing, terminology, structuring, felt inexperienced and was flowed stiffly. It was hard for me to immerse myself in the story.

Giving it three stars because I did not loathe it, I just could not connect to it and lost interest in wanting to know more about them. If I were to score it, it probably would be around 2.8

[Ash · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my gosh, what a feels-palooza! I was blown away by Erin McLellan's debut novel, Controlled Burn, and had high expectations for Life on Pause, which totally delivered.

One of the things I was most impressed with in her first book was the way McLellan puts personal growth at the forefront of the story, and that is definitely the case in Life on Pause as well. This is a romance, yes, but the romance between Rusty and Niles doesn't drive the story. In fact, they aren't even a couple for a good 50% of it. Instead, we watch as Rusty and Niles (in dual third-person POV) face the struggles life has thrown at them.

My heart continually broke for Niles. He's living in his family home, which is almost a time capsule of his parents, his mother who passed away from cancer and his father who suffered two strokes and is living in an assisted care facility with a poor prognosis. He is painfully, almost debilitatingly insecure and shy. Without his parents, and with his one friend working on a cruise ship and not nearby, he's lapsed almost into stasis. He has never had a relationship, and his only sexual experiences have been anonymous hookups in bar bathrooms or backseats. He doesn't think he's worth more than that. Seriously, my heart broke for him constantly. I absolutely loved watching him come into himself as the story progressed, standing up for himself against bullies, against Rusty, and even against himself.

Rusty was such an honest character, IMO. Not in, like, he always tells the truth, because whoo boy is that not the case. But he was realistic and a reflection of an actual human being, not a two-dimensional, perfect love interest. I had some issues with some of his choices and actions, but his reasoning behind it was such that I completely understood why he does what he does. I might not have liked it - I might have raged at my Kindle a few times because seriously, miscommunication is my least favorite trope ever - but I understood it and could actually see why he thought the way he thought. And in case you missed that, poor communication is HUGE here. Like, it's basically the entire plot. As I said, that's normally something that I completely hate, but for some reason, it worked for me in this story.

And side note, this book contains one of the absolute hottest sex scenes I've ever read. If that's one of the things that you look for in a romance book, this one has it. Chapter seven. Get on it.

Another note: superb bi rep. Rusty is bisexual and owns it, and there is very little to no bi-erasure in this story. The one or two times characters mislabeled him or dismissed his bisexuality, Rusty shut that shit down ASAP. It was awesomely refreshing. Another win was the side characters. I loved Niles' best friend, Victor. LOVED HIM. I'm not sure if we'll get his story (maybe? please?) but if we do, I'll be all over that like a fat kid on cake. And Rusty's family, his sister Jackie and niece Margo, were absolutely amazing. I was kind of meh on Rusty's ex, Todd. I see potential in him, though, so maybe this won't be the last we see of him.

I really only have two small complaints, one being the same as I had with Controlled Burn - the book is a bit too long and drags in places, namely around 50-70%. It could've been tightened up a bit, removing a couple of scenes that seemed extraneous. Secondly, we don't get to see a lot of the early relationship/friendship building on-page - it's summarized and referenced at various parts of the story, but we don't experience it, which made it a little harder for me to really feel the connection between Niles and Rusty, especially when things were so difficult for them.

Overall, this book was overwhelmingly a win for me. Erin McLellan continues to be an author to watch and I can't wait to see what she publishes next.

An advance copy of this book was received through NetGalley for review on OMGReads.

[Carol (bookish_notes) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Initial Reaction: OKAY. I LOVE THIS BOOK. I was not expecting this to be heart-wrenching and I absolutely LOVE Niles and Rusty. I love that we have A NATIVE AMERICAN MAIN CHARACTER (Niles)!!! and a bisexual character (Rusty). Rusty is awesome and asks for consent during their sex scenes and Niles explaining why his father’s Native American regalia isn’t a costume was spot-on. This is an incredible book and I need (super NEED) a book with Victor and Todd next, please?

Full Review:

I LOVE THIS BOOK. LOVE. The cover really doesn't tell you just how wonderful and lovely this book is, but everyone needs to go and check out this book!! We have a Native American main character and I love how he brings up his family's heritage and how his family's story is a part of the character.

The story takes place in a place called Bison Hills, Oklahoma. While Bison Hills isn't a real place, it's interesting to read books that's away from the "big" US cities and drops us off in the middle of the United States. We first meet Niles Longfellow, a nerd who's really into history and works at the local homestead museum dressed in a historically accurate costume. One day, he gets a flat tire leaving work and catches the attention of Rusty Adams. Rusty notices Niles' car and, being the good samaritan that he is, goes and helps Niles. Rusty isn't from around Bison Hills, only moving there with his sister to help her raise her daughter, and Niles decked out in his costume is definite cause to catch Rusty's eye.

Niles and Rusty bond over some adorably nerdy things. Like Firefly and Battlestar Galactica. The pretense of watching these two shows together in order to be friends in a small Oklahoma town slowly escalates into something more. But this is not just a cute book about two nerds falling in love in a small little town. Oh no. This is a story that will wrench your heart out and make you feel all the feels.

Niles is a bit of a homebody. His mother passed away years before and his father is in a nursing home after a series of strokes left him in a deteriorating condition. He can't speak, move, or interact with Niles when he goes and visits. Niles didn't want others to see his father this way, so after dissuading the guys at his dad's Tire Shop from visiting, there's really no one left in Niles life to care for and visit his father. Every visit Niles has with his father just kills me. Niles has nothing but nice things to say about his parents and he has the most heartfelt stories about his parents and their meet-cute (how his parents first met).

One day, he'd look around and only see missed chances...That realization should have motivated him to make a change or take a chance, but all it did was paralyze him with fear.

Niles’ life is kind of lonely. He gets bullied at work, and he still lives in his childhood home, unsure of what to do with the house even though it's unlikely that his father will ever move back in. His best friend works on a cruise ship, so they do speak on FaceTime, but Niles doesn't have anyone in Bison Hills. His own insecurities are a wall around him that threatens to crumble at the lightest touch and he's terrified of jumping into things with Rusty.

Rusty is the choral director at the town's middle school and he works alongside his ex every single day. The ex is the choir's piano accompanist named Todd. And Todd is the town's golden boy. He was the star of the high school football team and went to school with Niles. He is attractive and confident, and everything that Niles thinks he himself is not. Rusty is attracted to Niles, but he doesn't want to jump into anything with Niles when it's probably best for them to stay friends who watch cancelled sci-fi shows together.

I really like how three things in particular were handled in this book. First, Niles immediately corrects his friend Victor when Victor makes a statement that Niles's father's Native American regalia is a costume Niles could wear to work. Niles clearly and strongly tells Victor why regalia and a costume are two very different things and shouldn't be trivialized. Second, Rusty is bisexual and Rusty lets Niles know right off that he's bisexual and not gay (when Niles gets it wrong). It's made out to not be a big deal in the book, and Rusty points out all the stereotypes about bisexuality in media that are wrong. And lastly, there's CONSENT in this book. Like, they would check-in on one another (or really Rusty checking-in on Niles) during sex and asking for consent even if Niles had given Rusty a 'yes' previously. I LOVE BOOKS WITH CONSENT. <3

Niles and Rusty have some very steamy scenes together (Niles has so many sex toys), but the hurdle in their relationship is primarily about Niles insecurities. Rusty has his own faults as well by feeding into Niles insecurities. The ending where we see that flip in Niles was a bit rushed, I think? I love the characters, but I guess I just don't quite get where the sudden confidence came from.

The next book is going to be fun. We were introduced to the next couple in this book and I think they'll have an electric chemistry underneath all that hostility.  This is only the author's second book, and I am blown away by how much I loved this book. Be sure to check out the author's debut story in her other series called Controlled Burn!

***Thanks to Riptide Publishing for providing me an ARC on NetGalley***

[Ruthie Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

~~I received a free copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads ~~

This book is super sweet, fun and an easy read. I did feel that they acted somewhat younger than they were. In Niles' case that made complete sense, as he was pretty sheltered (although he had been away to college ... ) but for Rusty, it seemed a bit much at times. Whilst I got that he needed to be cautious and he wanted to keep everyone happy, it was somewhat drawn out.

I liked the premise, and some of the scenes were funny, especially when Todd and Vic were around, but overall I was frustrated by the men. I don't have anything against crying - I do it all too often, but it became too repetitive and had so many meanings that it became meaningless for me. I admired Vic's patience, a lot.

[Jules Lovestoread · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Cute and enjoyable. :) <3 And, the end was gorgously romantic.

[Karen BookAddict · Rating 4 out of 5]

Très sympa !

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recieved a copyto read and review for Wicked Reads

I really couldn't get into this book. I put it down several times and came back to it but still nothing. It was slow, boring and a bunch of drama that just drove me nuts. The book was soooo wordy that I skimmed a lot and it was still boring. Niles was annoying and he treated Rusty like crap. Most of the book they weren't together and I just found myself not caring how the story ended I just wanted it to end. Definitely not for me but I am sure others will love it.

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads
M/M Bi/Gay

This was a sweet and heartfelt story that I really enjoyed! The two boys meet by chance after being in a very small town with not many choices available in the gay/bi population (the worst Grindr dashboard ever!). Rusty is a music teacher at the high school and he's a total hot hipster. Niles is the shy to the extreme museum nerd who's very socially awkward. Niles is completely clueless, but Rusty has enough confidence for both the men. The chemistry is off the charts when Rusty goes after the shy and sweet Niles. The quiet ones are always the most fun!

Niles had deep self esteem issues and thinks he's not worthy of love or the attention of such a handsome and confident man such as Rusty. He's a "runner", relationships get rough and Niles is long gone. The two have some issues working through Niles' need to keep himself walled off from love. Throw in "The Todd" who is Rusty's ex boyfriend and current coworker who also happens to be the town's gay, golden boy (everyone loves Todd) and you have yourself some good relationship tension, some "you didn't mention you work with your Ex?" drama, some heartbreaking breakups and a nice get back together! All in all, a well told story!

[The Novel Approach · Rating 4 out of 5]

~ 3.5 Stars ~

Life on Pause is Erin McLellan’s second outing for Riptide Publishing, and I actually enjoyed it even more than I did her first book, Controlled Burn, which I also liked. That’s not to say that this book is perfect—there were a few things that had me a little frustrated—but, overall, the premise was great, the characters were engaging, and the writing style was easygoing and enjoyable. There were those moments during the middle stretch, where I wanted to sort of gently thump my head on the table. But, there were also a few things that I really, really loved.

Niles Longfellow was absolutely one of the things I loved. At times, he was also one of the causes of me wanting to thump my head on the table…Buuut, I adored him. Niles loves his job at the Bushyhead Homestead in Bison Hills, Oklahoma. And he’s really great at it, too. He is totally in his element when he’s teaching a group of kids, talking about his heritage, or doing one of his demos. When he’s at work, wearing his historically accurate homesteader costume doesn’t bother him or make him feel nerdy. But, when he ends up with a flat tire on his way home, and attracts the attention of Rusty Adams, the choir director at the town’s middle and high schools, being seen in said costume is ridiculously humiliating. Rusty didn’t mind it, though! He found pretty much everything about Niles attractive.

He probably shouldn’t imagine strangers naked—it wasn’t exactly polite—but not every queer man he met had such long legs. Or chaps.

I also liked Rusty’s character a lot. He’s sexy and fun and, like Niles, he loves his job very much. Even though working alongside his ex-boyfriend, Todd, who is his accompanist, can be weird at times, Rusty adores teaching the kids, doing the arrangements and rehearsals for the concerts, and that he gets to impact so many lives in the small town he has grown to love more than he ever thought he would. Another endearing and wonderful thing about both Niles and Rusty was how much they each loved and treasured their families. As the blurb says, Rusty moved to Bison Hills with his sister, to support her when she needed to distance herself from their parents’ disapproval, and to help her raise her daughter. Rusty pretty much thinks the sun rises and sets on his niece, Margo. I loved this line so much…

And Margo was a girl after his own heart. She loved Johnny Cash and Ella Fitzgerald and show tunes, and he loved her like his heart would split to pieces because of her smile.

Niles is back living in his parents’ home, his childhood home, because he couldn’t stand the thought of being away from his dad after losing his mother. So, after college, he moved back in to the house so his dad wouldn’t be alone, and to make sure he took care of himself. Now, though, it’s Niles who’s alone, as he recently had to put his father in a nursing home after having suffered multiple strokes. So, still grieving his mother, and feeling less and less hopeful that his father will recover, Niles’ life is basically on pause because he is afraid to change his parents’ house, no matter how much he realizes it’s time to start making it his own. And, he really does want that…wants to make it “the type of place where a nice man might want to spend time with him.” It broke my heart how stuck he was, though.

All his grief, his stasis, his insecurity – it built and built until it felt too big to overcome. It was like his feet were stuck in cement and he was too afraid to break free.

Niles’ insecurity was the center of the conflict in the story. And, unfortunately, was also behind the crux of the issues I had with the flow of the book as well. I get where his insecurities came from. And, I hate how people like his asshole co-worker, Denny, and his occasional nameless, faceless hookups have turned him into such an insecure mess. But, it was dragged out in the story to the point that I got really frustrated and even angry with Niles and his behavior. The story became fairly repetitive and whiney at times. In fact, both Rusty and Niles pissed me off in turn, when they each had a stint of blowing the other off and not returning phone calls or texts. In my opinion, there was a lot of drama for drama’s sake, and situations that did not need to escalate or become as dragged out as they were. It may be worth noting that this same type of issue was the reason I didn’t love McLellan’s Controlled Burn as much as I’d hoped.

All of that being said…yes, the middle dragged a bit and was somewhat repetitive, but it wasn’t to the point that I ever became so annoyed that I considered putting the book down, or just couldn’t take it anymore. There was far more that I liked about Life on Pause than didn’t, and I’d much rather talk about those things. 😊

Another absolute win, and perhaps my favorite person in the book next to Niles, was Niles’ best friend, Victor. I. Loved. Victor. He was so good to Niles, and constantly boosted him up without ever coming across like he thought Niles was pathetic in any way. He was completely amazing and outrageous, and McLellan’s characterization and descriptions of him made me want his whole story so bad. I would read a book about Victor in a heartbeat. And this line, when Victor was telling Niles he’d come help him redecorate the house, slayed:

“We’ll make your bedroom look like a Hogwarts common room and get a glass display case for your sex toys. It’ll be awesome.”

A couple of other quick thoughts…First, confident Niles, who we got to see a lot of in the last quarter of the book, was sexy as fuck. I wish we’d gotten more glimpses of him sooner than we did. Second, there is a hate-sex scene at about two-thirds of the way in, and, you guys, ohmygoddddd. It’s on fire. And, finally, the end was goooorgeously romantic, and I loved it. I swooned suuuper hard at both Niles and Rusty during the final chapter(s) and the epilogue. Incidentally, I had a musing right after I finished reading, that this author should maybe try her hand at a novella. I think she could write a really great novella-length story. I can’t help but wonder if the longer book format makes her feel like she needs to draw things out needlessly, and if the things I’ve found problematic in both of her books would have been non-issues if they weren’t allowed the space to get away from her. I dunno…Like I said, just some thoughts.

Would I recommend this one? Absolutely I would. It was original, funny, sweet, and an overall fun read. Despite my misgivings, I’m glad I read this book, and look forward to reading more of this author’s work. I so hope she writes Victor’s story!!

Reviewed by Jules for The Novel Approach

[Calila · Rating 3 out of 5]

*A copy was provided by the author for free in exchange for an honest review*

I really did like this. But I could've enjoyed it more. I didn't appreciate the "angst" for the couple. It didn't work for me. They just came off as ridiculous and JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER LIKE ADULTS UGH. Niles is a sweetheart with issues. He's inexperienced and insecure. He can't make up his mind and treats Rusty kind of crappy. But then Rusty is a good guy still smarting from a rough breakup, he's got some issues as well clearly. They fall head first into their attraction but bungle it almost right away. Each attempt at anything more than friendship seems to end in disaster. Then Rusty's ex pops back up regretting the end of their relationship and Rusty is too dense to pick up on it and see it for what it is and thus ends up hurting Niles by not shutting it down as quickly as he should've up. There's a lot of miscommunications and tantrums. Too much IMO. I would've enjoyed more relationship foundation before things went kablooey. It was too much for such a new couple and it made me wonder why they didn't just cut and run.