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231 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 6, 2016



“No one ever came out as straight, so he’d never seen the point of informing anyone about whom he preferred to sleep with. (…) His sexuality didn’t affect his job or change who he was. It’d never been his identity, only a component he’d blended with the rest to form the whole him. The second he came out, he’d have one more stereotype to battle, and he was so fucking tired of defending who he was.”
“So many should’ves he just didn’t have it in him to do.” – Finn’s thoughts
“Assimilating back into normal was hard as hell when you couldn’t remember what normal was.” – Tanner’s thoughts
“He had to remember what was important. Friendship. Trust. A bond that extended years and had held strong through many challenges.” – Finn’s thoughts
Rig: Why are you just standing there?
Finn: I like lording over my minions.
and
. While this book can be read as a standalone, I did have some difficulty. There were clearly some things that happened in the earlier books that would have helped my understanding. As I first started reading, I felt like there was this thread that was flailing about in the wind that I couldn't grab and if I could just get it, then everything would make sense. At any rate, my goodness, this was deep. Tanner and Finn have been very close friends since they were both in the Marines. Finn left the military and along with other Marine brothers, started Kick, what seems to be a sort of adrenaline junkie adventure venture. The book starts shortly after Finn has been in a horrendous accident in which he was in a coma for several weeks. Tanner and Finn's best friend, Chris, died in the accident. Tanner, who is still in the military, has been away on Special Ops duty so doesn't know all of this happened until very recently. While on a mission, all communication is suspended. Once Tanner returns, all of the guys from Kick and a few others visit the cemetery where Chris is buried to have a ceremony for their fallen brother. So Tanner, Chris and Finn were very close (the brother on my right and the brother on my left) and have visited kink clubs together. Finn is a Dom but since his accident, but hasn't felt very Dom-like. He's had to learn how to take care of himself all over again and feels weakened and in some ways, less of a man or at least a man in the military. Tanner and Finn love each other like men who've defeated death, experienced grueling conditions while deployed and had each other's back. (had to Google "he had my six." ). For Tanner, though, that love hovers near the line between brotherly and romantic love. Tanner comes back and he and Finn escape to Finn's cabin to heal and reconnect. There's lots of introspection that is distracting at times, but those inner thoughts do convey the depth of feeling that the two have for each other. So they spend several weeks at the cabin moving forward and retreating from their real feelings both emotionally and sexually until one memorable day involving a butt plug and a harness. So that blew me away. And they get kinkier as they days wear on. The writing is complex and detailed which was sometimes distracting. Hard to describe but there was so much feeling in each paragraph and utterance from Finn and Tanner that I felt drained - but in a good way. But you do REALLY get the sense that these two guys love each other unconditionally, deeply, emotionally and have loved each other for years. It's almost eerie that you get the sense they can't live without each other. That scene with the tattoo... oh I cried. This is not the first time I've read this author. I read a rather whimsical and sexy Xmas short tale she wrote
. I enjoyed that but this book is NOT whimsical in the least. But her writing skills that were evident in that book are clearly displayed here. Very character driven, good secondary characters. Just left me drained but did love the epilogue. Though it was a minor line, there was one sentence that Tanner says that stayed with me "so no one ever came out as straight so he'd never seen the point of informing anyone about whom he preferred to sleep with." As I read more and more LGBTQ books, I wonder why someone has to "come out." As a cis gendered heterosexual WOC, I guess I don't understand but as I said, that sentence just stayed with me. Anyway, I will read books 1 and 2. Just not now. Have to recover from my book hangover.