One thing I really love about Danielle Steel is that you can picture her as a 12 year old girl, dreaming up romantic stories. Her books really feel like the fantasies of an upper class pre-teen girl from around fifty years ago, rewritten by the same girl in her thirties and forties. "Wouldn't it be neat to marry a doctor? Or what about the man who runs my favorite department store?"
This story is like that, sort of quaint and sweet but very out of touch. Before the internet, before Target, Walmart, online shopping, apparently there were these things called department stores. And apparently the men who bought the clothes for the women's lines were like rock stars.
Bernie Fine is a rock star. Danielle Steel's idea of a rock star, anyway.
FINE THINGS is the story of Bernie's life, with some love stories and soap opera tragedies thrown in. Not to do spoilers, but they are all pretty random curves that Bernie deals with. Somebody very precious to him dies of a tragic disease. A mean grifter comes out of nowhere and menaces his family. For a while. There's a car accident. None of these plots really grabs you, they just fade in and out at random. Throw them around in random order and it's still the same book.
As often happens in Danielle Steel, the funniest stuff is totally unintentional. In the opening chapters, Danielle gives Bernie two girlfriends who are meant to be no good and scheming, but really are more fall down laughing funny than anything else. One is like a Jane Fonda, Joan Baez type of Sixties radical, as she might be imagined by, say, Pat Nixon. ("Oh, her horrible combat fatigues! Bernie was repelled by them. And why didn't she shave under her arms anymore?") The other is more like the typical OW in an old-fashioned Harlequin Presents -- a selfish, cold, French fashion model who likes to borrow Bernie's credit cards. ("Zis is not love, Bernard. Zis is sex! You must give me my freedom and allow me to spend your money. Ze sex will be worth it, bien sur!") Oh, and last but not least, there's Bernie's Jewish mother, Ruth. A Jewish mother written by Danielle Steel, that's like looking for pizza at McDonald's. But you know it wasn't bad.
So now, stop reading, unless you've read the book. Below is what I WANTED to happen!
Chandler Scott gets killed off too soon, and personally I thought he was such a bad ass! I really wanted him to KEEP Jane, and then the two of them end up roaring through Mexico in a stolen car like doomed lovers in a Tarantino movie, doing mescal and going to donkey shows and living like existential outlaws on the run. And then they find a village of poor Mexicans, and end up giving them guns to fight the evil General Mapache, and there's an epic gun battle and everyone dies in slow motion and there are tons of explosions. And then at the end Bernie comes down, finds Chandler Scott dead, and slowly removes his pistol from his holster while sad music signals the end of the West.