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The Last to Let Go

Amber Smith (Goodreads Author)

3.76 · Rating details · 1,825 ratings · 308 reviews

A twisted tragedy leaves Brooke and her siblings on their own in this provocative new novel from the New York Times bestselling author of The Way I Used To Be.

How do you let go of something you’ve never had?

Junior year for Brooke Winters is supposed to be about change. She’s transferring schools, starting fresh, and making plans for college so she can finally leave her hom ...more

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Hardcover, 369 pages

Published February 6th 2018 by Margaret K. McElderry Books

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Average rating 3.76 ·

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· 1,825 ratings · 308 reviews

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Jun 06, 2018 Emma Giordano rated it really liked it

Shelves: audiobooks

I really enjoyed this read! Personally, I did not enjoy it as much as Amber Smith’s debut, but I’m still extremely glad I experienced this story! Once again, emotionally jarring and awe-inspiring. Consider me a huge fan of what Amber Smith can do with YA fiction.

CW: spousal abuse, death/murder

One of my favorite parts of this novel is the excellent examination of a very specific teen experience. The Last To Let Go is a fabulous emotional tale of children who are forced to grow up too early due to I really enjoyed this read! Personally, I did not enjoy it as much as Amber Smith’s debut, but I’m still extremely glad I experienced this story! Once again, emotionally jarring and awe-inspiring. Consider me a huge fan of what Amber Smith can do with YA fiction.

CW: spousal abuse, death/murder

One of my favorite parts of this novel is the excellent examination of a very specific teen experience. The Last To Let Go is a fabulous emotional tale of children who are forced to grow up too early due to circumstances out of their control. It follows teens who must make their way without parents to guide them for the first time in their lives. Teens who must work to survive. Teens who must care for their younger siblings because no one else will. Teens who’s education suffers because getting good grades is the least of their worries. It focuses on financial instability and the difficult measures one will go through to survive. I’ve personally never read a novel that validates the lives of young people in these situations, but it was an eye-opening pleasure.

Though the catalyst for the story is centered on spousal abuse, it’s not the primary driving force of the story. The Last To Let Go greatly focuses on how this issue affects children involved, moreso than the effects on the victim. If I’m being honest, I actually would have enjoyed more scenes describing what it was like for Brooke to live in this household as well as what it was like for her mother. I think it would have strengthened the story to have more context as to the family’s situation before the start of the novel. Therefore, I would not say this is a fleshed our portrayal of what it is like to live IN a home with domestic abuse, but moreso the consequences of it.

Once again, Amber Smith has forced me to question what it means to open yourself up to the perspective of a fictional character. Throughout the novel, Brooke attempts to hide her family’s tragedy from her new friends and girlfriend (yay for surprise lesbian rep!), therefore, this book falls into the trope of main characters lying to and hurting the people they care about even though telling the truth would solve many of their problems. I found myself infuriated all throughout the story (Your girlfriend is extremely kind and supportive!!!! She will understand!!!! Stop creating more problems for yourself!!!!). But it is Amber Smith’s talent for characterization that inspired me to think beyond the typical frustration and examine Brooke’s need for privacy and personal healing connected to her lies. I adore the authors ability to write complex, sometimes unlikeable, main characters. The journey I experience from her books is always something enchanting and unique, and I cannot wait to read her future works.

Overall, I would absolutely recommend this wonderful contemporary novel! If you love character driven stories that deal with intense topics, The Last To Let Go is a great read for you. ...more

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Apr 28, 2017 Elle (ellexamines) rated it liked it

Shelves: z-read2018, y-out2018, favorite-characters, x-arcs, lgbtq, contemporary, sapphic-books-shelf, mental-illness-disability, 3-star

“Brooke,” she says more firmly. “We can ask ourselves what if all day long, every day, for the rest of our lives, but I couldn’t help her because she couldn’t deal with the fact that she needed help. I’ve managed to stop blaming myself over the years. I hope you will too.”

3 1/2 stars. The Last To Let Go is a book about letting go of an idea of a perfect life, letting go of the idea that somehow everything will be okay, and learning to make the life you have better, to make it yours.

This is also ...more

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Mar 14, 2018 Camila Roy ••RoyIsReading•• rated it really liked it

RATING: 4.5/5

I loved Amber Smith's first book The Way I Used To Be , so when I found out about this one I just had to read it. Before starting this I was in a reading slump but somehow I made it through effortlessly.

Amber Smith has definitely improved her writing skills. I felt more attached to these characters than I did in The Way I Used To Be. The writing felt real, like I was moving along with the story and the events weren't fictional. Maybe it's because these types of things happen in real ...more

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Mar 15, 2018 jessica rated it liked it

i wasnt a fan of the way i used to be, so i was surprised to find myself picking this up. luckily, i didnt hate this one as much as smiths debut, but it still left me feeling a little bit disappointed. i just dont think her books are for me, unfortunately.

2.5 stars

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Mar 29, 2018 Brooke rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2018, lgbtq, worth-a-reread, apl, ya, lady-lovin, tears-were-shed, favorites

I LOVED this.

THE LAST TO LET GO is my first Amber Smith novel so I wasn't sure what to expect. With any new author, I tend to lower my expectations, but this impressed me from page one. I've read plenty of trauma related novels, but not so many aftermath ones. This book didn't focus so much on the abuse itself as what happens after. I feel that there aren't enough domestic violence YA novels out there, so this was a nice change of pace. I could relate to Brooke so much- her sense of duty to tak I LOVED this.

THE LAST TO LET GO is my first Amber Smith novel so I wasn't sure what to expect. With any new author, I tend to lower my expectations, but this impressed me from page one. I've read plenty of trauma related novels, but not so many aftermath ones. This book didn't focus so much on the abuse itself as what happens after. I feel that there aren't enough domestic violence YA novels out there, so this was a nice change of pace. I could relate to Brooke so much- her sense of duty to take care of everyone, the way she feels (or tries not to feel) about Dani, & just needing everything to be "okay". I loved the dynamics of her & her siblings, & the fact that they aren't a family unit, that they're just off going in their different directions. The pain of Brooke trying not to be like her mother but ending up like her anyways was so painful. Brooke is torn between trying to hold onto what was familiar & letting go to start a new chapter. It's some real uncomfortable shit & I appreciated that Smith didn't sugarcoat anything.

Brooke & Dani's relationship, as well as her friendship with Tyler was something I was rooting for. All of the characters felt necessary & fleshed out; the length of the book seemed just enough. Brooke is not perfect & her flaws make her even more realistic as she is trying so hard to keep everything afloat. At the end, all of her mistakes aren't just magically forgiven. Trust needs to be earned back & things can't just go back to the way they were before. I'm rating this a 5, not because I found it faultless (the ending could have used a touch-up), but because it's a gem in my heart & one of the few stories I wouldn't mind reading again.

Honestly, this wasn't even on my radar & I just picked it up as a last-minute library glance, which is a shame because I definitely feel this book needs more hype. The aftermath is so important & I can't wait for more stories dealing with it. I am glad I found a new author to enjoy & look forward to her future works. Recommended for contemporary fans & those wanting something a little "different" (i.e. not just your average abuse novel). ...more

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Apr 18, 2018 Hillary rated it really liked it

Shelves: ownvoices-lgbtq, contemporary

“Well, I think there’s a difference between giving up and letting go. What would happen if you let go?”

This review was really difficult to write. This book left me in a puddle of self-reflection and I can’t seem to get out of it. Amber Smith is a master with heartbreaking plots.

However, I wish I liked The Last To Let Go as much as I liked the author’s debut. And I wish I’d waited to read this when I was actually in the mood for contemporary, not fantasy. I’m sure I would have liked this more ...more

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Apr 10, 2018 ellie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2018-faves, 2018-release, desi-af, girl-meets-girl, five-star-favorites, queer-and-here, made-me-cry

book: emotionally destroys me to a point where i can actually feel the character’s grief inside myself
me: 5 Stars!

so i don't know where to begin. i don't know if i ever will be able to fully describe how much this means to me. i connected with brooke so deeply - i feel like she embodies me, in so many ways, but how could that be? she doesn't exist. but i just found myself in her, i guess. i feel like i am stuck between these forces that are my parents - and it's constraining most of the time, an book: emotionally destroys me to a point where i can actually feel the character’s grief inside myself
me: 5 Stars!

so i don't know where to begin. i don't know if i ever will be able to fully describe how much this means to me. i connected with brooke so deeply - i feel like she embodies me, in so many ways, but how could that be? she doesn't exist. but i just found myself in her, i guess. i feel like i am stuck between these forces that are my parents - and it's constraining most of the time, and it's a little hard to breathe, but it's why i don't fall apart. i'm not allowed the space to fall apart. and the thing is, brooke is given that space. she keeps teetering at the age, falling over and over, making mistakes, messing everything up.

i think brooke might be one of the most self-destructive characters i have ever read from. but that's what makes her so real, you know? her messes didn't seem calculated by the author, carefully put in different scenes to instigate character growth or whatever. she just kept trying, over and over, to be the person everyone expected her to be. and of course, they kept clashing. and she had to break. and she did. i swear to god, my eyes literally filled to tears every time hers did. because i am as stubborn as her. because i do not allow myself to fall apart completely, like her. because i do not let go, like her.

because letting go is somehow even more terrifying than falling apart. because when you're used to falling apart, you get used to it. you expect the shame, the feelings of failure, and the tears. but you can never expect what happens when you give up control. it's so fucking scary to let things be. and that, i think, is what amber smith explores in here. i think she did it well. i know many people did not like this book - that is okay. i do not like myself very much either. i think if i revealed myself this deeply and in this achingly real way as brooke did, many would not like me either.

i can go on to talk about how much the side characters made sense to me, too. how everyone was struggling with their own issues and couldn't see you struggle. brooke couldn't fall apart, because people were expecting her to be better than that. i felt that so deeply, i can't even tell you...i feel like sometimes i am given so many burdens to shoulder, and i do it, because i love my parents so much, but i could've done without those worries, you know? oh boy this is getting a little too real

anyway! so! um! this is not a book i would recommend to everyone. but brooke gave me a little bit of hope, i think. she alleviated the pressure in my head for a while. i will love her forever. this will be a hard book to reread, but i think i will do it. for brooke, for dani, for callie and maybe even for aaron.

oh. i have to say that other than brooke, my favorite part was the writing - it was a little stream of conscious-y at times (is that a word?) but it made me connect to brooke even more. we are both a little all over the place. so i'm going to type out my favorite quotes now, because i loved them that much. as for the rest of the pages i marked, i will put post-its when i buy my own copy to hold to my heart.
so here they are:

I pull the pillow over my face and hold it there, hearing my own pulse thumping in my ears. I try to think about something else. Anything else. I think about this time next week, this time next month, this time next year, five years, ten years from now, measuring out the distance to a time when things will be normal, when things will make sense, when things will be right again.

I try not to think about it, though. There's no point, anyway. Because how would I have time for that with everything else that's always going on? How could I ever find the space for another person in my life when I barely even have enough room for myself?

"I was just thinking..." He trails off, shaking his head. "I don't know, how much more am I expected to give? How much more am I expected to take?" he asks, like there are answers to these questions.

I think my heart actually stops beating. I swear, I die. A temporary little death. Because that's when the whole picture shifts into focus, the puzzle pieces fitting together, yet the picture they form making no sense at all.

Another hour has passed. I don't understand how time keeps doing that. Moving forward when all I need is for it to stop, to give me a chance to work back through all that's happened today, which is impossible to do when the seconds keep marching ahead, piling new minutes on top of all the old minutes, building a landfill of lost time.

I want to follow her, tell her not to leave. I want to know what she knows. But I can't do any of those things. I can barely feel my hands and feet. The world seems to tilt on its axis just a little too much. I have to sit. Because my thoughts are racing in a million different directions and I'm sure my brain is short-circuiting one region at a time, neuron by neuron.

I think about the now again, because this is a place composed solely of nows. In this moment - in this now, I have no past, I have no future. And I don't know why, but somehow this is one of the most comforting thoughts I've ever had.

"Being with you is like that."
"Like what?"
"Like I've been living my whole life in this right-handed world, where everything felt slightly off, everything a little too difficult, out of sync in this way I could never really explain or understand."
"Okay," she says.
"And now-when I'm with you, I mean-everything feels right, easier. Like I've been looking to the next thing, waiting to finally get to that place where I'm supposed to be, but when I'm with you, I feel like I'm already there. I've never had that before."

"You know those tightrope walkers you see, like at the circus or something?" I ask. "It's like you've been walking along on this tightrope your whole life. And you always thought you were doing it all on your own. Keeping your balance, putting one foot in front of the other. You look down sometimes, and see the ground, but you never really worried about it. One minute you're walking along, same as always, and then the next it's like suddenly you can't find your footing and you realize that you weren't doing it all alone like you thought. Something was keeping you up - someone."
"Keep going," she whispers.
"But pretty soon you swing your weight an inch in the wrong direction, only to realize there's nothing there anymore. You see yourself teetering from side to side, but there's nothing you can do. And then, finally, you just fall. And it's like you keep falling and falling through the air and there's nothing to hold on to, and all you want is to hit the ground so you know where you are again, but you don't - you can't." There's this pang in my chest, interrupting the dull, steady ache that always seems to be there, making the words get caught in my throat. I swallow hard. "It's sort of like that, I guess."
"Brooke? You can hold on to me."
So I do. I hold on, tighter and tighter.

It means me telling her to leave me alone when I meant to say I love you, when what I really meant was "Don't leave me alone like everyone else - I have this hole inside of me that's getting so big I think it might swallow me up."

"Go on."
I do. I don't know why, but I do.

On the walk home, I think about how the spring suits Callie. It makes her brighter, like something inside of her is in bloom, something coming back to life. And maybe we're all like a season in that way. If we are, then Aaron would be the fall - all fiery and fickle, complicated and beautiful in his own way, in this way that lets him forgive him for doing whatever he needs to do to keep going. And me, maybe I'm most like the winter. Maybe I need that stillness, as much as I've tried to fight it. I need it like oxygen, that quieting of the world around me, so I can finally listen to myself.

Mom and Dad, I think they're both like summer. And maybe that was the problem. They were too similar; they needed the same things from each other. I have to think that their love was like the sun, warm at first, comforting, peaceful. Perhaps they thought they could bask in each other forever, but they burned too hot, too fast, too bright, until all they had was a fire that raged out of control, uncontained and wild - dangerous. And maybe I have a little of that heat inside of me, too. But I have enough of their good parts in me, I think, to balance out.

I think about how I've finally learned something here after all. About what love is and what love isn't. It's not so monstrous, not so dangerous and unknowable-not something to fear. And it's not as simple as just finding someone else to hold on to; it's not letting that other person crawl into those hollow spaces inside of you. I think love also means you have to stand on your own for a while, stand with yourself and for yourself, before you can ask someone to stand there next to you. I think maybe that's the trickiest part, and that's where our parents got it wrong. ...more

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Feb 08, 2018 ambsreads rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: mental-health, best-covers, contemporary, young-adult

CLICK HERE FOR THIS REVIEW, WHICH IS ALSO ON MY BLOG

R E V I E W
The Last To let Go is obviously an important story. It captures abuse and how it affects each family member, not just the ones being abused (in this case, the father was abusing the mother). However, the story was very lacking to me. I felt like I couldn’t get into this story. I expected so much more, especially more abuse to be featured. I really was hoping for a story that helped me continue dealing with mine…it didn’t. That would ...more

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Apr 16, 2018 Kathleen Glasgow rated it it was amazing

Amber Smith is so good at covering difficult topics (if you haven't read The Way I Used to Be, please do so soon!). She's got an empathetic touch, wonderful writing, and a great way of writing thorny characters and situations. Loved this book.

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Oct 11, 2019 sarah xoxo rated it it was ok

Shelves: my-reviews, dark, read-2019, ya-contemporary

S U M M A R Y

The Last To Let Go is Amber Smith's sophmore novel that begins with Brooke coming home from school to discover her mother has killed her abusive father. All members of the family process this differently, and express their grief in realistic and individual ways. This is a slow paced story about family, hurt and letting go

" You are born alone. You die alone. The value of the space in between is trust and love."

✔ L I K E S

✔ LQBTI+ rep!
This was a huge surprise to me but I was so hap ...more

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Jun 04, 2017 Samantha (WLABB) rated it really liked it

Shelves: contemporary, 2018, lgbtqia, arcs, ya

This book was a Can't-Wait Wednesday pick for me, and my initial thoughts based on the synopsis were that there would be a lot of suffering and loss. I can confirm, that the main character and her siblings suffered a great deal in this story, but they also pushed forward, and as the title states, they let go.

•Pro: Considering this was a book about domestic abuse, there was a strong sense of family woven into the story. After their loss, family and family-like members reached out to help Brooke a ...more

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Jan 09, 2018 Amber Smith added it · (Review from the author)

Shelves: books-i-wrote-or-contributed-to

I'm NOT going to rate my own book, but...I do want to share some of the early reviews The Last to Let Go has been getting!

* “Smith’s deeply felt sophomore effort (following The Way I Used to Be, 2016) explores the rippling effects of domestic violence and its ability to carry through generations . . . Vivid characterizations of the extended family Brooke gets to know, along with others who people her first year on her own, bring the story to life.”
– Booklist (STARRED REVIEW)

* “Smith illustr ...more

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Aug 29, 2018 Jenna rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 5-star-books, contemporary-reads, 2018-reads, best-2018-reads

"sometimes all I want in the world is to be left alone. Other people make things so complicated. But then I'm finally alone and all I want is other people around."

Amber Smith is back with her second novel and brings us on an another emotional journey. The Last to Let Go follows Broke Winters, an LGBTQ youth who has grown up in an abusive household.

" Their love was like the sun, warm at first, comforting, peaceful. Perhaps they thought they could bask in each other forever, but they burned too ...more

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May 02, 2018 elena rated it it was ok

amber smith left me disappointed with this one :/ i really enjoyed her debut novel the way i used to be and i was really excited for this one when i heard about it. sadly it didn’t live up to my expectations.

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Feb 01, 2019 Cory Marie rated it it was amazing

Okay, Amber Smith, I see you. You’ve now got yourself a reader for life.

flag 10 likes · Like · see review

Jun 14, 2018 Eve rated it liked it

Shelves: 2018-books

Actual Rating: 2.5

description

Dafuq?

Amber Smith. You good? The Way I Used To Be is one of my favorite novels, what the hee haw heck happened here.

I was so mind-numbingly bored I had the nerve to skim the last few chapters. SKIM. Who am I? I don't participate in the devil's work.

I did not give a flying rainbow shit about these characters. I don't even remember the protagonist's name and I finished this about 15 minutes ago. That's how little I cared.

Wat tha fack?

description

Idk what to tell y'all. I'm not going ...more

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Jan 30, 2018 Jen Ryland rated it really liked it

Shelves: rape-culture

Really good - Amber Smith writes another issue-driven comtemporary, this one about domestic violence.

RTC

Read more of my reviews on JenRyland.com! Check out my Bookstagram! Or check out my Jen In Ten reviews on Youtube - get the lowdown on current books in 10-30 seconds!

I received a free advance copy of this book from the publisher for possible review.
...more

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Dec 08, 2017 Gaby (lookingatbooks) rated it it was amazing

This is utterly beautiful. You can feel the passion Amber Smith has poured into it.

I’m going to write a longer review in the morning because right now it’s 2:30 am and I have barely any coherent thoughts. This book has just left me a puddle of mush.

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Sep 30, 2017 Erica Chapman rated it it was amazing

Shelves: loves, eagerly-anticipating, arcs

Amber Smith just knows how to write emotion. It's a gift. This is the heart-wrenching, emotional journey of Brooke, a teen who has lost everything she knows and is desperately trying to get it back. There were times I was screaming at her and times I wanted her to make different decisions but through it all I understood why. There are so many great lines in this. The analogy of the water throughout the story highlights just how delicate and fragile life can be.

Emotional, heart-breaking, and rea ...more

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Dec 22, 2019 Miia rated it it was ok

Shelves: 2-stars, 2019, e-book

2,5⭐️
This wasn’t a bad book. It just was very hard for me to read (maybe because of the domestic violence that this book has) and I feel like I never got really into it. At some points I enjoyed this but at some points I was really struggling. I don’t know I guess the domestic violence made me very anxious so these kind of books might not be best for me.

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Feb 09, 2018 PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: books-i-can-never-reread-too-many-t

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Aug 06, 2018 Valentine rated it it was amazing

Shelves: absolute-faves, lgbtq-rep, standalone, read-in-english, owned-physical, 5-stars, 2018-favorites, contemporary

"Well, think about rivers. Every river leads to the ocean-that's their whole purpose, trying to find a way back to the ocean. They cut through rock, move moutains to do it, but they always carve out a path (...) to reach that other body of water out there.
Funny thing is, (...) people do that too, don't they? But then again, look at what we're made of."

So apparently, 2018 is the year I read more contemporary books and actually end up loving them. Ah, and also the year I tear up at everything. ...more

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Aug 17, 2019 Sera Indelicato rated it really liked it

3.5/3.75. a pretty solid read. not my typical genre though which is why i think i didn’t enjoy it as much as i could have

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Aug 18, 2018 Des rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: lgbt, young-adult, e-book, contemporary

This was so well written and so painful. It felt very realistic and I really recommend this if you love character driven books with painful/heavy topics.

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Aug 16, 2017 Danielle rated it really liked it

Shelves: amazon-vine, ya-contemporary, ya

Trigger warning: Book deals with domestic violence

I read "The Way I Used to Be" a couple years ago and was so completely moved by the book. Amber Smith made me an instant fan with that one, so when I saw that I had an opportunity to read her new book, I jumped at the chance.

Overall, I really liked this book. Just like "The Way I Used to Be", it tackles a really difficult subject. Brooke's father is an abuser. The book opens as Brooke finishes her last day of school and comes home to find that he ...more

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Aug 07, 2017 Stephanie Elliot rated it it was amazing

The Last to Let Go is a realistic portrayal of domestic violence and how it affects the WHOLE family, not just the two people involved -- no one comes away unscathed. Amber Smith does a terrific job of creating a family that comes apart at its very core and tells the story of a girl trying to let go of her past and move ahead in a new direction. Brooke Winters is a brave heroine, one who has a lot on her plate going into Junior year -- and this story is not sugar-coated to give the happy ending. ...more

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Apr 20, 2019 gwen rated it did not like it

Shelves: fiction, i-hate-you, reconciliation, drama

Underwhelming and poorly structured. Brooke was a selfish jerk who did stupid things and didn't care at all about her family. She also had major sexuality and relationship complexes. What a loser. The book started with a bang, and I thought I was going to like it. But then it got so boring and full of Brooke's drama. I wanted to see her get through the murder of her father and all that, but she never really did. I skimmed through the last few chapters.

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Jan 20, 2018 Sue Holmes rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: arc, young-adult, grief, includes-abuse

*Review copy via the publisher.

The Last to Let Go started off well but I found the story lost momentum about halfway through.
I just didn't feel the characters and wish they had been fleshed out a bit more.

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Mar 08, 2017 Ali Marie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: ya, contemporary-fiction, abuse-bullying, lgbtqia, suicide, mental-health, violence-abuse, wishlist, siblings, 2018

OMIGOD, this book! This beautiful heartbreaking book.

I bouught this book the first week it was out and started reading it right away but i had to put it down after the first 20 pages. As someone whose lived with an abuser as a child this was aa little too real for me. I picked it up again last week after seeing it on a booktubers channel and finished it in less then two days.

The similarities to my life were almost eerily similar (accept that my parents did not end in death but it came close eno ...more

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Apr 10, 2017 Bookworm marked it as to-read

Shelves: realistic-ya-fiction

You had me at Amber Smith! I just read the book description on the author's website and it sounds AMAZING. This is one of my most anticipated reads for 2018.

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Čteme anglicky: The Last to Let Go (březen 2018)	1	14	Feb 27, 2018 01:26PM
Is this another queer coming of age story?	2	18	Feb 18, 2018 08:38AM

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About Amber Smith

Amber Smith

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Amber Smith is the New York Times bestselling author of the young adult novels The Way I Used to Be, The Last to Let Go, and Something Like Gravity. An advocate for increased awareness of gendered violence, as well as LGBTQ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help to foster change and spark dialogue surrounding these issues. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlo ...more