For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered

by E. Mavis Hetherington, John Kelly

"A reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce."―Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London Mavis Hetherington, "without doubt the world's preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce,...has distilled the wisdom growing out of her many studies of the short-term and long-term impact of divorce on family members" (Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University). Offering "a welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts," Hetherington "not only provides scientifically sound and wonderfully sensible guidance but dispels the myth that divorce is always negative" (Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside). This "widely-heralded study" ( Time ) is a "reader-friendly guide to how people can build success out of the stress and adversity of divorce" (Michael Rutter, Institute of Psychiatry, London), presenting a more nuanced picture of marital breakup―not as a momentary event but as a life process. Hetherington identifies the kinds of marriages that predispose a couple to divorce or not and also pinpoints "windows of change" that allow some to fashion the challenges of divorce into an opportunity for themselves and for their children. "Gold standard [research] aimed at clearing up confusion among moms and dads worried about divorce."― USA Today "Sure to become a classic in the field!"―Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce "Without doubt the world's preeminent researcher on the family processes that surround divorce."―Eleanor Maccoby, Stanford University "A welcome corrective to misleading and simplistic accounts...dispels the myth that divorce is always negative."―Ross D. Parke, University of California, Riverside

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Divorce

318 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an easy read. The language used and explanations included make it very accessible. This is a good book for someone who is contemplating divorce but is nervous about the reconstruction of their life that inevitably must follow. This book read more “hopeful” than most divorce literature.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having been recently divorced, I was interested to find out what "normal" was. There's actually no "normal" but reading some of the statistics made me realize that I have been navigating my divorce just fine. For that reason, this book was helpful and illuminating. I was interested in the material, so I read most of the book, even the parts about kids and I don't even have kids!

If I loved the book so much, why did I give it only three stars, then? The main reason was the writing style. Although the Table of Contents made the book look extremely interesting to me, looking back over it now, I can't remember what I've learned. There were lots of stories of couples (usually stories help us to remember the material), but I kept getting confused about their names. I was frustrated that I couldn't remember each of them enough to get the most out of their stories. The most frustrating part about the writing was that some of the sentences were so poorly written that I had to go back and re-read them several times before I understood what the author was trying to say. Taking so much effort to understand broke my stride in reading and often lost track of what the author was talking about.

Despite my low(-ish) rating, I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the psychology aspects of divorce. I highly recommend it to therapists who work with couples or, in fact, anyone wanting to counsel a divorced friend. I don't as highly recommend it to divorced folks to understand their situation, mostly because most of us are not in a good place mentally during a divorce, anyway, and this book is a tough read.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a divorcing mother of toddler, I found this book to be hugely comforting. It's realistic in its portrayals of outcomes, but digs into what risk factors (both in and out of my control) contribute to positive vs negative outcomes, both for me and for my daughter. It's not all bad news.

I trust the conclusions because of the large sample sizes and the 20 year length of the study.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some interesting points, but much of it seemed irrelevant now that most divorcees I know share custody and dont have new spouses parent their children.

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I actually read this book for one of my classes, not for my own divorce. Still, there were a lot of interesting and relatable tidbits in it for me, and I think for anyone who has gone through or is contemplating divorce as well. The interesting thing about this book is that it's not written by some shrink trying to tell you what you're feeling; it's actually based on a long-term study of people going through divorce. Hetherington spent 30 years studying 1,400 families as they went through divorce, and was able to discern patterns that virtually all people go through. What's particularly interesting is her thesis, that divorce is often not a bad thing. Though it's nearly always tough for the first year or two, Hetherington discusses how, for many people, divorce can actually be an enriching life experience for both the people getting divorced and their children as well. Divorce can be the springboard to a better life, and the jump start some people need to become a better person.

Duh. ;)

[Christian Overbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a feel good book or a how to book. It is a clinical book and I was skeptical it would help me with practical advice. I was wrong. I found a number of good tips embedded in the results. It is not written for a scientific audience, but rather for laymen. Essentially reading about others' issues regrding divorce made me feel I wasn't alone and their successful strategies could be my successful strategies. I found the somewhat cilinical writing style a bit comforting, since I got away from my direct problems and though about a bigger picture.

[Stephanie A. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read for a sociology class. Did not do a great deal of good in the way of making me reconsider reasons for divorce, which I was really hoping it would miraculously do. But nope, either I thought everybody was stupid for getting married in the first place when they were obviously wrong for each other, I thought they were stupid for not trying harder to fix it, or I just thought they were really dull and didn't care what they did.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to read this for my grad class. Not too bad, actually, as far as books I HAVE to read go! :) Made me stop and think about all of the divorced people I know and most of the time I thought, "Oh... THAT'S why they did/do that!" Interesting...

[Ashley Blomeley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a read for class. It is based on a longitudinal study with relevant stories that reveal how different the divorce experience can be for each individual, long term implications, and outcomes as far as twenty years later for both parents and child.

[Angchronicles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I was expecting. Too many statistics.

[Jonathan]

None

[Caitlyn G]

bought this book for a class just to read one chapter lul