When Your Twenties Are Darker Than You Expected

by Paul C. Maxwell

When Your Twenties Are Darker Than You Expected explores the darkest, most unmanageable emotions that your twenties grow in your Depression, Suicidality, Regret, Grief, Doubt, Dissatisfaction, Anxiety, Loneliness, and Lust. You may not know any of these words intimately. If that's the case, I recommend you don't purchase this book. This is a meeting place for those who are desperate in their darkness, with the clear conviction that God and humanity have abandoned them. "Paul’s writing is like Tim Ferris meets Søren Kierkegaard — the tactical colliding with the existential." —Stephen Christian, lead singer of Anberlin "“Paul Maxwell is the Kierkegaard of our generation. ... If you know what I mean when I say 'Darkness,' then you simply must buy this book." —Daniel Montgomery, Founder of Sojourn Network "This book ... is exemplary, as well as raw, confessional, and devotional; something like Augustine meets Sylvia Plath." —Eric Johnson, Lawrence and Charlotte Hoover Professor of Pastoral Care, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary "Paul is one of the most intelligent people I know, fiercely honest, and genuine. That’s the kind of companion and guide you need. ... His writing is studded with thoughtful allusions, poetic phrases, and images. Mine them for their riches. Meditate on them." —Winston Smith, CCEF Faculty, Episcopal Priest

Genres: Theology, Psychology, Nonfiction, Christian Living

230 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 4, 2017

About the author

Paul C. Maxwell (Ph.D.) writes on theology, trauma, and fitness. After teaching philosophy in Chicago for 3 years, Paul became a consultant for mental health organizations in the greater Indianapolis area.

Reviews

[Rebekah Theilen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a bit of a detour read after spending some time investigating the author's more recent book The Trauma of Doctrine. Since the writing of these books, as of earlier this year, Paul Maxwell has come out as saying he is no longer a Christian. I went into this book curious about the author's life and wanting to know more about what a man's faith looks like when he is soon to renounce it.

From this book it is clear the author is anything but biblically illiterate. It almost frustrates me how much Bible he knows. Not that I am frustrated with him, more just baffled by how even God's Word can still not "work". As Paul describes and expresses his own pain and darkness, he continuously points the reader to God's word for hope and comfort, even though ultimately unable to find that hope and comfort for himself. It's like he was trying and wanting to believe but just couldn't.

It is a common critique of the #exvangelical and deconstruction movement that the people leaving the faith didn't really know the Gospel or the biblical Jesus. I think there is definitely truth to that. When God is not fully known or experienced as loving, the crushing weight of the law is never fully removed. Faith may originally come by hearing, but it stays and grows in the nurturing care of Christ's body. Sadly, too often, love is not the tender, healing portion God's people are known for.

There is an element of the Christian life that includes our crosses. We will lament with the Psalmist. We will suffer with Christ and share in his wounds. We will shed tears that only the eyes of God will see. But we are meant to know more than praying our way through life's trials. When we are blessed with a meal, a helping hand, or a word of encouragement, we meet God in the flesh who died and rose for our hurting, ailing, human flesh. To be gifted with another’s presence in the darkest of hours, this will feed the hearts of the believer and unbeliever alike. This is how we know we are never forsaken.

Towards the end of Paul's book, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse as far as one man's experience of psychological torment, something horrendously awful happens between Paul and his father. I do pray he has found peace from this. I am not Paul's father, but I am a parent, and while the pain his father felt in life might very well have been what killed him, I am certain what it didn't do is sever his imperfect love for his son. In such times, when we'd give anything to take it back, or make it better, or when we're hearing Job curse the very day he was born, God does something even more terrible. He gives us something searingly better than a do over. He simply says, "I love you, Paul."

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

If my experience, and the experience of so many of my friends, is a faithful indicator—this is a necessary book. Many of us reach the end of college (us over-achievers may reach it before then) and fall off the cliff into a dark season of life. We get smacked in the face with reality, and we never seem to be ready for it.

I'm glad to read a book by someone who has obviously felt the weight of dark times at a young age. The book is well researched, and Paul's knowledge of theology and psychology are clear (and helpful).

Depending on how your brain works, you may or may not enjoy the writing style of this book. Depending on your sense of humor, you may or may not love it quite so much. On the whole, the truths in it are valuable for parents and those going through darker moments of life.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whatever you are doing right now, pause and order this book. You won't regret it, and you will gain so much from it.

[Brian Golz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful to some degree. Not an answer to all the questions or problems that may prompt one to read it, but it doesn't necessarily purport to be that, and it gives some starting points to work from. Definitely does do a decent job of trying to bridge the gap between practicality and input that's theologically sound but useless, and does do from the vantage point of someone who's been through the ordeal of going through one's 20s in the 21st century and didn't get the experience of having it all pan out the way it seems to for many (married by 23, decent job right out of college, good relationship with parents who are less than 60, etc.). I do hope that another edition will be published in the next 5 years or so, as Maxwell himself doesn't seem to be out of the woods that this books seeks to provide something of a map for, and it would be nice to have some of those gaps improved on as he continues to make progress in the years to come.
Even more than for a person in their 20s, I highly recommend this for parents, youth pastors, campus ministers, and the like, to have a better idea of how to prepare those they know who are going into their 20s, or for teens, so they can be better prepared, for whatever darkness and disappointments that decade may bring.

[Hailey Vernon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only someone who has experienced the depths of these struggles could write so effectively. Also, if you don’t struggle in these areas, I don’t think you’ll appreciate what Maxwell has to share. People that get it get it. It’s a kind of suffering we want people to understand, yet know you can’t unless you’ve been there too. He is raw & confessional— balancing this so beautifully with truth that doesn’t feel “life hack-y.” He doesn’t offer black/white answers & I think that’s so important. These are great starting points to wrestle with God. I could tell throughout the book, but especially in chapter 8, he wasn’t quite out of the trenches. I’d be curious to know where he’s at now, perhaps a few years further along.

[Kelsey Gould · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suffering is painful, obviously. The worst part of it, though, can be feeling like your pain is unique, somehow outside the categories of normal human suffering. This book relieved so much of that. I felt so known, so seen, so understood. It is well-researched, eloquent, and empathetic. But I would not recommend reading it just because. Read it because you need to, or a friend needs you to. It is raw and dark and messy. So worth it.

[NathanLauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is raw, deeply transparent...the reader writes out of an overflow of deep hurt, sin, suffering and the list goes on and on. His insight into the world of a sufferer is compelling, challenging, disturbing (at times) and lastly, encouraging as he always leaves the reader with a word of hope. I highly recommend this book.

[Aissa Maese · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book of perspective, Paul Maxwell opens the dialogue to those thoughts and actions we would like to believe were bad dreams. Definitely recommend for all young adults searching for more than life has to offer, even if only to be comforted by knowing you're not alone. In the words of C.S. Lewis, "What, you too? I thought I was the only one."

[Nolan Fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very encouraging read

[Armando Maese Jr. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very hard book for me to read, as I could relate to much of the material on a personal level. I think many people in my generation can, which is somewhat terrifying. I guess this is the kind of book one reads to know that they're not alone.

The first two chapters were the best, in my opinion. The others swung between good and so-so. It was a bit formulaic towards the end also... What the author had to say in the intro. about footnotes couldn't ring more true.

Favorite quote: "Forge your own path, theological tribes and denominations be damned" (p. 52).

[DD · Rating 3 out of 5]

Profundamente honesto, habla de las emociones negativas que podemos sentir en los 20's, estas aplican bastante bien para cualquier edad. Aunque lo sentí algo repetitivo y en ocasiones irrespetuoso.