Breaking Through Gridlock: The Power of Conversation in a Polarized World

by Jason J. Jay, Gabriel Grant, Peter Senge (Foreword)

“A field manual for change agents on how to build bridges across differences and move from talk to action.” —Adam Grant, #1 New York Times-bestselling author   Think about the last time you tried to talk with someone who didn’t already agree with you about issues that matter most. How well did it go?   These conversations are vital, but too often get stuck. They become contentious or we avoid them because we fear they might. What if, in these difficult conversations, we could stay true to ourselves while enriching relationships and creating powerful pathways forward? What if our divergent values provided healthy fuel for dialogue and innovation instead of gridlock and polarization?    Jason Jay and Gabriel Grant invite us into a spirit of serious play, laughing at ourselves while moving from self-reflection to action. Using enlightening exercises and rich examples, Breaking Through Gridlock helps us become aware of the role we unwittingly play in getting conversations stuck. It empowers us to share what really matters—with anyone, anywhere—so that together we can create positive change in our families, organizations, communities, and society.  “Our country’s future depends on our ability to reach beyond our echo chambers. Jay and Grant guide us through starting the conversations so crucial to our democracy.” —Van Jones, New York Times-bestselling author of The Green Collar Economy  “We need the creativity that can be harnessed from competing perspectives to craft a thriving organization and a thriving society. This book gives people the tools to take that on.” —John Mackey, CEO, Whole Foods Market

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Self Help

238 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 22, 2017

Reviews

[Onon Bayasgalan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is really relevant in this day and age. The authors are really onto something.

[Lydia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, light read for self reflection in polarized discussions. My key takeaways were a) it's important to be mindful of how you show up to a difficult or contentious conversation, and b) getting to the heart / values behind why people care about different topics (and being vulnerable yourself) can help cut through us vs. them mentality to find common ground. Not a revolutionary book but it had a few golden nuggets to think about.

[Sloan Edemann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like this book for interpersonal relationships but it’s really hard to see this working in any political other than climate change

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hands up who loves to have a difficult conversation ✋🏻
As I thought, not many.

When I realised that the ability to have difficult conversations in the workplace - ones that don’t leave the other party with a bad taste in their mouth! - can set you apart and making meeting goals and achieving vision easier I wanted to learn more and start on the road to mastery in communication.

Now I read, watch and practise to raise my game. Which brings me to this book.
It was good and I can say that in context of reading other books and articles on this topic.
It’s short and it uses the case study of sustainability to illustrate points and learnings along the way.

A few things I particularly liked:
- there is a free exercise book which you can find on the authors website. This is a great coaching or workshop facilitation tool.
- I liked the mindset of authenticity, described as matching who we are with the future we want to create.
- I also liked the “being” mindset. Instead of focusing on what you are saying in a difficult conversation focus on who you are being.
- I liked their point on noticing when you use “should”. How often do you use the words “they should” , “he should” etc? They see it as giving up our own power and responsibility to make a difference. Having a vision for what that “should” look like without taking ownership and responsibility for that vision. It’s a bit of a wake up call for the social media generation who have a lot to say.
- Excellent section on conversation pitfalls which I will be paying close attention to.

Summary, short, interesting, applicable - 4 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was disappointed by this book. Based on Jason Jay's TED Talk Boca Raton, and both authors credentials, I had expected more from this book. Jay treated the subject of climate change better in the TED talk. I thought the climate change examples in the book were very weak. He talked about methodology to talk to climate deniers by emphasizing uncertainty and coddle the them. Anyone familiar the facts on climate change is that there is no uncertainty in the scientific community, except for the exploits by the fossil fuel industry to cast doubt. Also the media give a false equivalence to "two sides of the story". They also talk about the problem of climate friendly or green technology hurting the economy, so you should approach industry leaders by approaching their ethics and overall goals sustainability. It is not even mentioned about how if the playing field were even and there were no more subsidies and a fair carbon pricing system, the green systems may actually be more attractive as well as less destructive. They go out of their way trying to say that a question to VP Pence made him say that climate change was man-made - only once. And he never did anything to follow up on this. I would have liked deeper discussion of the topics. Note that the authors emphasized that readers should do the exercises. But there is little discussion. They have the readers do the heavy lifting instead of writing about the pros and cons involved in each argument. They make no attempt to bring up the topic of gun control - which there seems to be no compromise.

[Gaby Strada · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gabriel and Jason encourage us to reflect and share our inner values with others. After all, how can we expect someone to open up their hearts if we are not daring enough to open up ours? Breaking Through Gridlock pushes us to internally reflection on our ideals and values, to embrace the tension that these might create with others, and to ultimately create positive change in the world (through our inner circles) via the art of meaningful conversations.

While I anticipate utilizing a lot of the elements in this book (and have done so already), I was a bit triggered by the idea of embracing the power of an apology. I do agree that there is power in a well meaning apology, but as someone who has had to constantly apologize for my ideas because of the systematic oppression that I face as a women of color, I find that they are not always productive. Instead, I tend to thank my conversation partner for listening to my values with an open mind and for sharing theirs. This Thank You is the result of acknowledging the level of vulnerability that we both put ourselves through in order to Break Through Gridlock.

[J.smyth.pdx · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really requires time dedicated to reading a chapter and participating in the exercises. I haven’t gone through the process yet but I like how they break it down, step-by-step. Empathy is really at the heart of their argument - no one is envisioning a future where there is famine, war, and hate. Find the common vision (a healthy, wealthy, prosperous future for everyone), and work from there. The differences between people can feel unbridgeable, but when approached from the goal, backwards, we can be more united in our goals.

[KT · Rating 2 out of 5]

A liberal, de-radicalising framework to "progress", although I appreciated the action based approach to the book with several exercises at each chapter, it advocates for personalising conversations and other common sense advice to achieve trivial change within the norms of anglo-american workplaces and situations

[Morgan Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have no doubt that I’ll re-read this in years to come. I found this book (and the exercises in it) fascinating and approachable. If you’re stuck in a hard conversation, avoiding them completely, or even just interested in exploring how people communicate, I’d highly recommend it.

[Hayden Hamilton · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should have been titled "How to win an argument as a self-righteous zealot". It's kind of a niche, JV version of How To Win Friend or Tony Robbins stuff.

[Ling · Rating 4 out of 5]

也许我需要阅读的是低难度沟通。这本书包含了大量的理论上的知识、道理，未来希望能增加更多生活中的范例，以此来支持作者的论点。

[Justin Lowell-Bellew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Breaking Through Gridlock provided not only a great toolkit for novel, methodical approaches to ‘unsticking’ conversations and relationship communications, but also critically the means to identify those stuck conversations in our lives. A good read for anyone who is committed to doing deep relationship work, living mindfully, being authentic in relationships and willing to consider new approaches to kaizen in the realm of communication.
The chapter summaries are fantastic. The stories presented throughout (like Nick & Laura's) are resonant, accessible, and relatable. Wisdom nuggets peppered throughout include: "It takes courage to let go of the bait. The key is getting clear on what we really want and daring to share that with others." (from Chapter 5) loved exercise 19 and some of the other exercises, even those I didn't do, which helped flag opportunities to avoid pitfalls or seek opportunities to elevate communications to a more productive level with some discipline and strategies for success.