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Spinster Wife, The

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You’ll never see the twist coming in this gripping novel of love and loss by bestselling author Christina McKenna..

Rita-Mae has lived in fear for as long as she can remember. Fear of being alone, fear of her past and, above all, fear of her husband, Harry. Until she spots an advertisement for a vacant cottage in a small town in Northern Ireland. She makes her escape filled with hope, ready to start a new life in a new home, free from the pain of her past. But her place of refuge may not be as safe—or as anonymous—as she thought.

In another small town, Dorrie wakes up unaware of where she is or how she got there. Adrift in a world for which she has no explanation, she needs to find answers quickly—before her shadowy past catches up with her.

Walled in by secrets and with no one to trust, both Rita-Mae and Dorrie are unsure how to move forward. Can each woman face her inner demons and confront a menacing presence from the past once and for all? Or will the past unravel their second chance at life?

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First published October 12, 2017

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Christina McKenna

15 books152 followers

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
Profile Image for Theresa Alan.
Author 10 books1,170 followers
October 20, 2017
The ending of this book was excellent, but I almost gave up on it early on. It was a slog of a read for almost half of it. What kept me reading were a few tantalizing mysteries and the fact that I have an interest in the subject of domestic violence.

The chapters alternate between Rita-Mae, on the run from an abusive husband, and Dorrie, who wakes up in a hotel with no idea how she got there. Rita-Mae discovers some troubling information about the tenant who rented the house before her, and for Dorrie, she has to remember how she got where she is and what the bloodstained clothing means.

The novel is set in 1980s Ireland, but for the most part, it felt like I was reading something from 1920s England. I read a lot of Irish authors and always feel like I’m right there in Ireland with them. The language used here didn’t do that for me. There was a lot of “My goodness gracious!” type stuff.

The mystery unfolds nicely, but you really need fortitude to get the reward.

Thanks so much to NetGalley for the opportunity to review this book.

For more of my reviews, please visit: http://www.theresaalan.net/blog
384 reviews44 followers
October 18, 2017
I am waffling between two and three star rating on this one. I think the writing was good but the plot seemed stilted to me. Rita Mae and Dorrie's stories are told in alternating chapters but neither of them have clear voices and once done reading I was left with an overall feeling of dissatisfaction..

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a chance to read and review.
Profile Image for Mary.
2,260 reviews613 followers
October 21, 2017
3/5 ⭐️ and that is probably being generous. I really struggled between 2 and 3 stars for this book, although I didn't skim a single part of it.

This book fell super flat for me. It was my first book by Christina McKenna, and will unfortunately probably be the only book I read from her.

First off, I thought there were way too many scenes of abuse in this book. There are some authors (like Karin Slaughter) that can write a book with abuse, or any other nasty topic, and not overpower you with it throughout the entire book. I thought this author went too far with those scenes and could have made them either a little more vague, or just not have had so many in the book. I felt incredibly uncomfortable, which would normally be fine, but I just felt too overcome with them in this book.

There were a few parts that did make me chuckle, so the whole book wasn't completely depressing, but for the most part it was a very sad state of affairs. This book was set in Ireland, and while this is not my first book set there, it seemed very different from the others I have read. The conversations held in this book were sometimes difficult to understand, but the rest of the writing and the speech of the main characters were completely unlike those of the conversations held throughout the book.

Also, I really hated the ending. I can't really say why without giving anything away, but it just didn't feel like it was doing the characters or the book justice. There had to have been a better outcome... In more ways than one. The only reason I gave this book a 3 instead of a 2, is because I was never bored with it, and it did keep me guessing until the end. Overall though, this was just not my type of book and I doubt I would recommend it.

*As always, my reviews can be seen at readingbetweenwinessite.wordpress.com

*This book was published on 10/12/2017*

*Special thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for sending me an electronic ARC of this book. My review is completely honest and unbiased

Profile Image for Eva.
537 reviews53 followers
November 10, 2017
I requested this book on Netgalley in return for an honest review

This was such an intriguing story! A woman who doesn't know who she can trust and a man desperately looking for love combined in a story full of strange events, little plottwists and a very interesting ending. Not what I expected, enjoyed it!
Profile Image for ReadAlongWithSue ★⋆. ࿐࿔catching up.
2,897 reviews430 followers
October 14, 2022
I finally picked up this book again to give it another go. I need to say I don’t give up easily because sometimes I might not be in the right frame of mind it might be a case of “ it’s not you it’s me” kind of thing.

Well, still I plodded through it was so very slow. It fine that the ending made it worth it however, my take on this is…..was it worth the anxiety and frustration it was giving me in the meantime?

My reflections are definitely negative.

If you want to plough through it’s well worth it but it’s very time consuming and frustrating getting there!

I have read other books by her and I was ok with them. Not this one I’m afraid.
Profile Image for Elizabeth.
1,102 reviews27 followers
October 31, 2017
As with other reviewers, I almost stopped reading this book several times. It was slow and I wasn't sure where it was going. However, I kept reading and was amazed how the two main characters connected at the end.

Thank you to NetGalley and Lake Union Publishing for the privilege of being able to read this book.
Profile Image for Nila (digitalcreativepages).
2,672 reviews222 followers
December 1, 2017
I struggled with this book. I have restarted it so many times and every time I would get distracted and switch over to another book. I spent half my November doing that. Till I finally decided to sit with it and finish it somehow. Even if I have to skip over some parts.
Since I have read this books in bits and pieces, over 15 days, it is obvious it didn't hold my interest. 2 ladies in 2 different towns each having their own story of hurt and abuse and the story connects them in the end.
The whole plot is good but it doesn't deliver. It doesnt maintain the same level of suspense at all times. I don't mind reading abuse, but nowadays most books seem to use this as a common theme. This gets boring unless the writing is exceptional which can uplift a tried and tested method.
Alas and sadly, for me, I was let down by the writing too...
For me it was mediocre treatment of a story which could have been explosive.
Profile Image for Nila (digitalcreativepages).
2,672 reviews222 followers
February 13, 2018
I struggled with this book. I have restarted it so many times and every time I would get distracted and switch over to another book. I spent half my November doing that. Till I finally decided to sit with it and finish it somehow. Even if I have to skip over some parts.
Since I have read this books in bits and pieces, over 15 days, it is obvious it didn't hold my interest. 2 ladies in 2 different towns each having their own story of hurt and abuse and the story connects them in the end.
The whole plot is good but it doesn't deliver. It doesnt maintain the same level of suspense at all times. I don't mind reading abuse, but nowadays most books seem to use this as a common theme. This gets boring unless the writing is exceptional which can uplift a tried and tested method.
Alas and sadly, for me, I was let down by the writing too...
For me it was mediocre treatment of a story which could have been explosive.
Profile Image for Louise Child.
258 reviews3 followers
December 3, 2017
Dire

Really bad . A hotch potch of ideas flung together .No thriller this .No evidence of any professionalism in any of the authority figures . No apparent real knowledge of mental health or rehabilitation .Nothing to engage with .Characterisation laughable , think many are supposed to be quirky or sinister but didn't achieve either .
Profile Image for Tam.
2,179 reviews54 followers
October 13, 2017
This novel was a well-written, nice balance of suspense, humor and dark drama. Two women, Rita-Mae and Dorrie, are each battling their own inner and outer demons. Their stories are a compelling and poignant look at adversity, abuse, addiction, mental illness and what it takes to survive and overcome. Both characters are multi-faceted, written with rich complexity and sublime depth and easily draw you into their world. I found my heart just breaking for both of them and was completely taken off guard by the unexpected twist at the end.

*I received a complimentary ARC of this book from NetGalley & Lake Union Publishing in order to read and provide a voluntary and honest review, should I choose to do so.
Profile Image for Donna McCaul Thibodeau.
1,353 reviews30 followers
July 15, 2020
I really enjoyed this book. It's the story of two women. Rita-Mae is an abused wife who lets a cottage to try and escape her husband. Dorrie wakes up in a seaside B&B with no memory of how she got there and a coat covered in blood stains. This was a cracking good story and whilst I did figure out some of the plot, I did not see the final twist coming. It took me totally by surprise. Very enjoyable.
Profile Image for Becky Moore.
289 reviews10 followers
October 30, 2017
Twists with every turn of the page

Wow! This book! Couldn't stop reading. I had so many ideas in my head about how it would play out. So many twists. Don't want to say more. Just read it!
Profile Image for Rita.
377 reviews12 followers
June 19, 2019
Very disappointed. Interesting premise but very manipulating story.
In my opinion the characters were over done and in some ways I did not really like them.
I’m not sure if I would read another one of her books. It left me cold.
Profile Image for Jennifer Lara.
255 reviews2 followers
November 12, 2017
The Spinster Wife by Christina McKenna is an emotional journey for one woman as she finds the strength to rebuild her life and deal with the demons that haunt her. The story opens as Dorinda “Dorrie” Walsh wakes up in a B&B on the Northern Irish coast, disoriented and covered in blood. Shifting to Rita Mae Ruttle, an abused housewife in Killoran, she finds an ad for a rental house and she decides to make a run for it and hide from her husband. Once there, she gets the sense that she’s being followed and even set up for strange occurrences which happen since she arrived. As the story goes back and forth between Dorrie and Rita, the reader is led on a path of twists and turns to discovering how the two women are connected. Is Rita truly safe from her abusive husband? How are the two women connected?
From the first page, the story takes the reader on a journey of twists and turns, of dangers and suspicions. And just when you thought you had it figured out, another twist and another turn. The resolution as the story reveals the connection between Dorrie and Rita is a shocker and the author does a brilliant job keeping it a secret until the big reveal. I loved it! I highly recommend The Spinster Wife as a brilliant story with excellent twists and turns which will leave the reader guessing until the very end!

The Spinster Wife
Is available in paperback and eBook
Profile Image for Dave Wheeler.
655 reviews8 followers
November 2, 2018
The Spinster wife

I've found another great thriller with some twists and unexpected turns to capture your imagination in this fantastic story. Set in Northern Ireland in the 1980's Rita fleas from her violent husband on the spur of the moment when she sees a advert for a rented cottage in another town whilst her abusive partner is away working in England.
Rita is a kind hearted lady who volunteers to work for the Samaritans which she is able to to continue in her new home town. Things can prove to be unsettling its bad enough having to set up life again, but what is it about this landlord that makes Rita feel so uneasy. The neighbours turn out to be a challenge as well but I will let you read about that yourself.
This book Grip Me literally from page one and I didn't want to put it down till I got to the end and I hope you find it as gripping as I did and agree this is a book well worth reading. I can highly recommend it and hope you will be doing the same soon.
79 reviews2 followers
April 16, 2019
This is one of those books where i wanted to keep reading, but found it hard at times it was difficult and hard going at times. Once i worked out the twist it was much easier to read. What i will say is its well worth reading.
Profile Image for Jordan Theune.
349 reviews31 followers
September 27, 2017
Note: I received a free ARC from NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Christina McKenna’s “The Spinster Wife” tells the story of two women in trouble. The first, Rita, is fleeing from her abusive husband; and, the second, Dorrie, is struggling with alcohol and memory loss. The bulk of the novel revolves around Rita, who has recently moved from southeast to southwest Ireland to escape her former life.

Rita is a character who is instantly sympathetic to the reader. She is a good person—she even volunteers at Samaritans, where she answers calls for its suicide hotline. This quality juxtaposed with her having a physically and emotionally violent husband made her someone that I felt compelled to root for. Though she manages to get away from her husband Harry, her troubles manage to follow her to her new home. There are multiple occasions of break-ins, and she receives calls from a threatening man called “Lenny” that lead her to believe that her life is in danger. Her landlord, Abraham—or “Bram” as we ultimately know him—develops a fondness for Rita that leads him to do what he can to protect her from potential harm.

Alternatively, Dorrie does not appear to have anyone on which she can tangibly depend. She has no memory of traveling to Portaluce, and she cannot even remember from where she came. She knows her name, and she has her memories of being a girl and losing her mother to the waves at a beach. Though her mother has passed, Dorrie is constantly in conversation with her—often speaking aloud to her mother’s spirit. Through most of the book, we never learn much beyond these facts concerning Dorrie’s character. Dorrie’s chapters are mysterious and void when compared to Rita’s story.

Overall, I did enjoy “The Spinster Wife.” I was confused—in a good way—for most of the novel, because I was not sure what kind of story this was going to be. I soon determined that one of three things was happening: There were ghosts in this story; there was a crazy stalker orchestrating all the events; or, Rita’s migraine/epilepsy/insomnia medication was causing her to have blackouts. I was wrong on all counts, and I am impressed that the writer was able to hold me off from the truth for so long (though I did reassess later in the book and come to the correct conclusion). I thought that the idea behind the twist was great, but I did not feel that the conclusion of the story was executed the way it should have been. The ending gave me an, “Oh, well” kind of impression that left me feeling as if everything was inevitable and I should not really care about what happened to the main characters.

I thought some of the logic behind the plot was missing, especially when we learn about Rita’s medical diagnosis. Shouldn’t she have been aware of it if she had been previously treated for it? Additionally, I felt like the author was intentionally trying to trick us into thinking this was a ghost story with the beginning scenes where Dorrie sees a man and a little girl that no one else sees, and then later when she meets that strange Edith on the beach who claims she can see Dorrie’s mother.
Ultimately, I think that there were too many wild goose chases to follow, and that took out some of the enjoyment of reading for me. I liked how McKenna handled Rita’s character through most of the book, though; and, at times, I liked Bram (even though he presented himself as a strange one). I would still recommend others to read “The Spinster Wife,” but I cannot say this was a truly satisfying read.
Profile Image for Sharon.
2,051 reviews
May 13, 2018
My second book by this author. I have to admit I struggled with this one and almost gave up on it. I enjoy this author’s style of writing, but found the story really slow. I do love the setting of Ireland, and it’s interesting reading what life was like in Ireland around that time for women in particular. It does broach the subjects of domestic violence and religion, so these topics might not be for everyone.

The story does twist at the end and I was glad I stuck at it to get there. It was an okay read, but this wouldn’t stop me reading another book by this author. This one just wasn’t for me.
Profile Image for Jen Visser.
35 reviews
October 20, 2017
Not a good recommendation for sci fi fans

Amazon recommended this book to me for some reason, I gave it a shot, I don’t know why. The writing is good, that’s probably why I felt compelled to finish it even though I hated the subject matter.
558 reviews6 followers
September 4, 2019
A woman who is escaping her abusive husband, rents a cottage a couple of hours away and thinks she is free at last. A series of events happen and she meets different people who try to befriend her, but she tries to avoid giving any answers that might tell who she really is. Sometimes she gets very angry and does something that will get her hurt or in one case, she is taken to a convent that helps people with addiction problems and it seems she has a drinking problem at times. She also talks about her mother being drowned in the very same seaside area. She also says that she was born a twin and that the other baby died, but says maybe her mother just gave the baby away. While she is at the convent, she says she has never been there before, but she is told she has and says maybe everyone has a double. In the meantime, her landlord has fallen for her and when she comes up missing, he is told she is at the convent, so goes there and talks to someone who tells him that the first time she was there, she was only six when her mother drowned, and evidently several times later. the landlord decides to find out what is really going on when he answers her phone and it is the woman's neighbor who is calling to tell her that her husband has been killed in an work related accident. The landlord tracks down the doctor who has treated her for "migraine " headaches, who is not retired, and he gives the whole story. That is there is only one women with several different personalities. Crushed, he realizes that he can't save her when he rushes to the beach, where the mother drowned and she is "going to her mother, because she is calling her". He reaches her and she fights him and finally she slips from his arm when she hits him and he loosens his arm. She slips below the waves and that ends this sad story of what a mental illness can do to someone.
Profile Image for Hannelore Cheney.
1,566 reviews29 followers
October 5, 2017
Thank you Netgalley and Lake Union Publishing for the eARC.
Rita-Mae has spent years in terror of her husband. He's abused her mentally and physically ever since their wedding and, fearing for her life, she makes her escape to a cottage far away. She suffers from the debilitating memories of her terrible childhood, insomnia and severe migraines and just wants to hide from the terrifying world.
Dorrie wakes up not knowing where she is, how she got there and where she came from. She's at the seaside in a lovely bed and breakfast, terrified. How is she going to face the people there and pay for her stay? Her only solace is the voice of her mother telling her she can face this, to just go with the flow. The problem is that her mother is dead...
This was a book I found very touching, I felt great empathy for the 2 women and found it difficult to put down. Halfway through I thought I had it figured out, but I was way off base. There are humorous snippets; the relationship of Rita-Mae's landlord and his mother 'Her Grace' had me chuckling at times. The poor man is trying to escape her total control of his life, but it's proving a tough job.
I'm trying to avoid spoilers and will only add that this is a compelling story with a completely unexpected ending. It's touching, full of psychological suspense, a welcome change from the usual mysteries and highly recommended.
Profile Image for Mystica.
1,765 reviews33 followers
January 23, 2018
Rita Mae is frightened of her own shadow. Having lived with an extremely abusive husband and with great courage sought some kind of freedom she lives in constant fear of being found out. Her character is one which today most of us would have trouble dealing with. Why couldn't she break away earlier when she had the chance, why wait so long, why be so frightened when opportunity was there to break free.



No one can understand the psyche of someone else and that becomes the bottom line even in this novel.



In another small town Dorrie tries to escape from her own history. She gets up one morning in a small hotel not knowing how or why she is there. Why is there a bloodstain on her coat, why has she drunk so much whiskey. Many questions for which there seems to be no answers.



Both women are terribly insecure, they do not know whom to trust and how to unravel their past and face the future.



Though as one reviewer said the story is said to be set in the 1980s, it was very old fashioned. Maybe the two main characters were styled on women in the early 1920s and so it seemed very conventional.



The story did not hold my interest at all until almost at the end. I do not like DNF stories and have very seldom kept a book aside so I did continue. The good part was in the ending.

Profile Image for Nicola.
185 reviews4 followers
September 30, 2017
This book features two women, Rita-Mae & Dorinda. We learn more about Rita-Mae as the book progresses and I did find myself wondering for a while what the point of Dorinda’s character was, of course, there’s almost always a point!

Rita-Mae needs to escape her abusive husband Harry. When she spots an advertisement for a house in Northern Ireland, the opportunity to escape fear arises and she leaves. Abraham, or Bram as he prefers to be called, becomes her landlord though it seems he and his house are harbouring their own secrets. It begs the question, has Rita-Mae really escaped fear at all?
Dorinda wakes up in a B&B, wondering how she came to be there. This lady is terribly troubled, surrounded by ghosts and very much lost in this world.
The author depicts real vulnerability in both ladies, my heart ached for them both many times. It took a while to work out the connection between Rita-Mae and Dorinda, but it’s there and when I had that part worked out I had the rug pulled from under me!
A well-written book, though perhaps a little ambiguous at times. The ending was quite spectacular, I did not suspect for a moment that this was how this book would conclude.
One I would definitely recommend.
Profile Image for Jess.
511 reviews23 followers
January 3, 2018
I am surprised to admit that I actually enjoyed reading this book even if part of the plot was predictable and some of it felt like I was watching a British lifetime movie. However, somehow I kept reading to see if my predictions about the characters were right. Dorrie is my least favorite character, yet I realized halfway in the book that there is a reason her perspective is added. I will admit that the first chapter almost made me stop reading this all together, since I wasn't sure I would enjoy it and the had to re-read the chapter just to understand what was happening.

The author does try to highlight suicide, domestic violence, and the Samaritans in order to bring it attention. If you are not comfortable with these topics, then I would recommend that you may want to avoid this, however, I do want to note that it is done in a tasteful, yet horrifying way. I also have never heard of the Samaritans, so it was interesting to learn about another group. Overall, this is not a jolly tale, but I would recommend it to others who are curious about this psychological fiction.

I received the Kindle version of this book through a Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Terry.
210 reviews1 follower
April 9, 2018
I won the Spinster Wife through a Goodreads giveaway and I wanna say how much I appreciate that. And a thank you to Goodreads for the opportunity. With that said, this was a slog to read. It also didn’t help that it’s been a busy 2018 so far, puts a real strain on my reading time. No matter how much I tried I just could not get invested in this story. I didn’t even realize this all took place in the eighties if it wasn’t for a few pop culture references of the time. The story does feel very timeless, it really can take place at any time, in any era. I thought it was well written, and I would definitely read another novel by Christina McKenna.

The Spinster Wife is a tough read, some might find the scenes of abuse a bit graphic. I had no problem with the subject matter, I just had a problem with how miserable I felt while reading. While Rita Mae is a likeable and sympathetic character the rest of the bunch are not. I just found the whole story to bleak. While I don’t need every story to be sunshine and roses, I’d like at least one character to root for. The world in this book was cruel and the characters were all different shades of snakes hiding in the grass. There was no joy and most definitely no hope. A bit before the halfway point in the book I figured out what the connection between Rita Mae & Dorrie was so I wasn’t very surprised by the plot twist or the red herrings that were thrown along the way. The path there is another story, when all the dots begin to connect there’s way to much convenient coincidences to tie all the threads together. A macguffin of sorts in every corner. Honestly some of it was rather unbelievable when a lot of the book's world seemed pretty realistic.

At the end of the day, The Spinster Wife just wasn’t my cup of tea.
Profile Image for Laura.
696 reviews22 followers
October 21, 2017
I read this title in 2 sessions overnight. The story had drawn me in and I didn't want to see where it was going to lead.

Rita-Mae has decided to flee her abusive husband. But, changing her location doesn't take away her fears. Meanwhile, Dorrie awakens in a B&B with no idea how she got there and why there is a bloodstained coat in her possession.

Throughout the pages, the reader learns more of Rita and Dorrie's backstories. Alongside is the 40 something former undertaker, Brem, who is drawn to Rita and wants to do anything needed to save her from outside threats.

There are many different themes that are woven into this story. Rita volunteers with the Samaritans, a suicide hotline. She also suffers from domestic violence since her wedding night. And, Rita is the object of a stalker. While the likelihood that one woman will have it all happening at the same time, these are all things that plague individuals.

Spoiler ~ There is also a psychiatric disorder which you will learn Rita has suffered from for years. My hint is Sybill.

Disclaimer: I was provided a digital advance reader copy from NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
Profile Image for Melanie.
Author 13 books33 followers
December 18, 2017
“Spinster Wife” has the eerie psychological undertones of a Hitchcock opus, but goes far beyond the suspense genre. I’m surprised Amazon doesn’t list it as a literary novel. The language is that good. A few paragraphs into the first chapter I fell in love with McKenna’s wordsmithing. There was this one sentence that did all the things that make literature literature: strong verbs, vivid imagery, economy of language, and all accomplished without a contrived feel. In addition to creating intriguing plot lines, the author is adept at character development. Without laboriously describing the major characters, she renders each of them instantly recognizable, memorable.

I wish I could set my rating at 4.5 stars. My only carp concerns the (double) reveal. It felt somewhat rushed to me and left me with a few questions, wondering if all the threads had been gathered up. Perhaps they don’t need to be, but after getting to know such vividly crafted principal characters, I was hoping for a more in-depth exploration of the actions, back story and motives revealed in the closing pages.

I received a free copy of this novel, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Dan.
103 reviews
December 18, 2017
Actual Rating: 3.5 stars. I might have given this a solid 4- to 5-star rating except that I suffered a major disappointment in the plot and one of the main characters, though I would say it was an interesting twist.

That said, my current rating should not discourage you from reading the book. I enjoyed it for all of the reasons I have loved Christina's past work: Great plots, engaging language including dialectic authenticity, interesting characters (both lovable and hateful), humor, thoughtfulness in descriptions of people/places/situations/thoughts,etc., “poetic prose”... I could go on.

Also, I do appreciate that she is not antagonistic towards people of faith—a refreshing difference from a lot of modern fiction. She allows her characters to live in a faith realm and does not judge their rationality or intelligence. In fact, some of her characters who believe in "things not seen" can be heroic and ministers of peace and healing. Some, not so much. That is fair. That is truth and she depicts the spectrum well.
70 reviews
October 30, 2017
Somehow I had trouble delving into the story. It simply did not grab my attention. About half way I started another book which was so engaging I finished it in a full day of reading. Tried to go back to Spinster Wife, but still could not stick with it. Yesterday I started again, and this time stayed interested through the end.

In trying to figure why I was not engaged from moment one I felt maybe it was something about the Irish dialect. Normally I love any novels with British, Irish, Scots dialog, which is generally so much smoother than English US style, but in this case I was sometimes irritated by it. Or maybe it was by the characters.

Anyway, I did finish. And in the end I liked the book. Sort of. And I was hugely grateful to Ms. McKenna for the Epilogue which answered many open questions. Will try another McKenna story, but not too soon. Sorry I can provide nothing constructive about my emotional response. Just cannot figure it out myself.
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