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Joyful Toddlers and Preschoolers: Create a Life that You and Your Child Both Love
Are you committed to positive, respectful parenting, but frustrated when your child acts out? This book offers practical tools to side-step power struggles and set limits without punishing or yelling. Research-based and clearly written, you'll Whether you are at home with children ages 1-5 or work long hours, this book shares ways to create a healthy home home life that meets the needs of adults and children alike. Create a life that you and your child BOTH love.Buy this book today and get started!
352 pages, Paperback
Published October 1, 2017
90 people are currently reading
388 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
July 7, 2018
“Very small changes can make a very large difference,” veteran preschool teacher Faith Collins writes. It’s a sentence that epitomizes this calm, unassuming parenting book packed with helpful strategies that can stand alone or be knit into a comprehensive approach to raising connected, competent, and considerate kids.
Some edicts will be familiar to those who read Harvey Karp or follow Parents Magazine on Facebook: give choices with firm boundaries, provide “scaffolding” so children are challenged without being overwhelmed, create intentional routines, use positive language, etc. But Collins isn’t afraid to break from the crowd—poo-pooing, for example, giving warnings and labeling emotions when kids are upset. Ultimately, she offers an uncommon take-home message: find reciprocity, with both parent and child responding to each other’s requests quickly and positively.
In her variation, “turning no into yes” isn’t just about parents digging deep to embrace messy milk pouring: it’s turning the tables and getting children in the habit of saying “yes” and, barring that, “coming up with a response that’s still positive.” The key is assuming that good intent lurks behind kids’ actions. “Most of the times children say no, what they’re really saying is ‘I don’t feel as connected to you right now as I wish I did,’” Collins says. This shift in thinking can improve our lives, she asserts, and it starts with treating lack of connection like hunger: a need parents must address before turning to the problematic behavior that stems from it.
To increase connection—and the compliance it inspires—Collins supplies the acronym SMILE for “Singing, Movement, Imagination, Love, and Exaggeration.” SMILE doesn’t just work with toddlers. My eight-year-old can throw some serious shade when reminded that dirty clothes are expected to find their way to the hamper, but when I make like Demi Lovato and sing, “Baby, put your so-cks … in the laun-dry,” the eye roll I get comes with a grin and a clean floor. Collins packs the SMILE chapter with revelations (toddlers who laugh while they’re hitting, running away, or touching stuff that’s off-limits, for example, “are almost always [asking] for movement”). She follows them up with practical tips (e.g., “When cleaning up, pretend you’re squirrels scurrying around to put nuts away for the winter”) and helpful caveats (“If you use humor and a child responds with anger … she’s longing to connect in a different way”).
Subsequent sections of the book adeptly address topics like managing anger (that of both parents and kids) and promoting impulse control. I especially appreciated her advice on when to back off, reducing a request or retracting it entirely, and how to recognize when children need an adult-led activity (spoiler alert: when siblings start bickering). Also included are homegrown tips such as “don’t get mad, get sad” (where you say “oh, poor spoon” when a kid throws their silverware onto the floor, instead of hollering), launching a “pouring in the love campaign” by lavishing a child with displays of affection to help them reset, and offering “hand-over-hand help” which seems to mean gently forcing your kid to do the thing you’ve asked, like putting on a shoe.
Collins’ background in the Waldorf-inspired LifeWays model comes to the foreground in the chapters on promoting independent play and a pleasant home life. “Very young children are often capable of much more than we give them credit for,” she writes, teaching readers how to “transform household tasks into enrichment activities” and “be busy but available.” Here, too, reciprocity is essential: “If we want children to be able to ignore us, diving into their own experiences,” and not get sidetracked when putting on their shoes, how can we expect them to drop what they’re doing whenever it’s convenient for us?
There’s no magic to it all, Collins assures, in both content and tone, just years of interacting with children and keeping an eye on the research. To save you a few decades, she created this cheat-sheet of a book, complete with two-page chapter summaries for the sleep- and time-deprived, to prove we can “have it all” (meaning young kids and a life that’s enjoyable). While I found her a bit dismissive of the burdens young children impose on even the most creative and upbeat of parents—and would have appreciated a more focused approach, particularly when dealing with the concept of strengths—there’s no question "Joyful Toddlers & Preschoolers" is one of the very best books on parenting kids who aren’t babies anymore but haven’t yet hit the tween years.
This review first appeared in the Golden Gate Mothers Group Magazine.
Some edicts will be familiar to those who read Harvey Karp or follow Parents Magazine on Facebook: give choices with firm boundaries, provide “scaffolding” so children are challenged without being overwhelmed, create intentional routines, use positive language, etc. But Collins isn’t afraid to break from the crowd—poo-pooing, for example, giving warnings and labeling emotions when kids are upset. Ultimately, she offers an uncommon take-home message: find reciprocity, with both parent and child responding to each other’s requests quickly and positively.
In her variation, “turning no into yes” isn’t just about parents digging deep to embrace messy milk pouring: it’s turning the tables and getting children in the habit of saying “yes” and, barring that, “coming up with a response that’s still positive.” The key is assuming that good intent lurks behind kids’ actions. “Most of the times children say no, what they’re really saying is ‘I don’t feel as connected to you right now as I wish I did,’” Collins says. This shift in thinking can improve our lives, she asserts, and it starts with treating lack of connection like hunger: a need parents must address before turning to the problematic behavior that stems from it.
To increase connection—and the compliance it inspires—Collins supplies the acronym SMILE for “Singing, Movement, Imagination, Love, and Exaggeration.” SMILE doesn’t just work with toddlers. My eight-year-old can throw some serious shade when reminded that dirty clothes are expected to find their way to the hamper, but when I make like Demi Lovato and sing, “Baby, put your so-cks … in the laun-dry,” the eye roll I get comes with a grin and a clean floor. Collins packs the SMILE chapter with revelations (toddlers who laugh while they’re hitting, running away, or touching stuff that’s off-limits, for example, “are almost always [asking] for movement”). She follows them up with practical tips (e.g., “When cleaning up, pretend you’re squirrels scurrying around to put nuts away for the winter”) and helpful caveats (“If you use humor and a child responds with anger … she’s longing to connect in a different way”).
Subsequent sections of the book adeptly address topics like managing anger (that of both parents and kids) and promoting impulse control. I especially appreciated her advice on when to back off, reducing a request or retracting it entirely, and how to recognize when children need an adult-led activity (spoiler alert: when siblings start bickering). Also included are homegrown tips such as “don’t get mad, get sad” (where you say “oh, poor spoon” when a kid throws their silverware onto the floor, instead of hollering), launching a “pouring in the love campaign” by lavishing a child with displays of affection to help them reset, and offering “hand-over-hand help” which seems to mean gently forcing your kid to do the thing you’ve asked, like putting on a shoe.
Collins’ background in the Waldorf-inspired LifeWays model comes to the foreground in the chapters on promoting independent play and a pleasant home life. “Very young children are often capable of much more than we give them credit for,” she writes, teaching readers how to “transform household tasks into enrichment activities” and “be busy but available.” Here, too, reciprocity is essential: “If we want children to be able to ignore us, diving into their own experiences,” and not get sidetracked when putting on their shoes, how can we expect them to drop what they’re doing whenever it’s convenient for us?
There’s no magic to it all, Collins assures, in both content and tone, just years of interacting with children and keeping an eye on the research. To save you a few decades, she created this cheat-sheet of a book, complete with two-page chapter summaries for the sleep- and time-deprived, to prove we can “have it all” (meaning young kids and a life that’s enjoyable). While I found her a bit dismissive of the burdens young children impose on even the most creative and upbeat of parents—and would have appreciated a more focused approach, particularly when dealing with the concept of strengths—there’s no question "Joyful Toddlers & Preschoolers" is one of the very best books on parenting kids who aren’t babies anymore but haven’t yet hit the tween years.
This review first appeared in the Golden Gate Mothers Group Magazine.
July 29, 2018
Even though I have read many books on gentle parenting, this one, in particular, seems to be hitting home for me. The information is laid out in a way that is easily accessible and simple to remember in the heat of the moment with my children. I’ve found that Collins’ reminders throughout the book to dig deep into your reserves of patience have been paying off for me, and I even heard my husband singing to our children this morning because I told him last night that I’ve found singing (one of Collins’ suggestions in the book) works so much better than yelling to get the kids to do what I want the first time I ask! Highly recommend, even for those who think they’ve read all the books already!
June 5, 2020
I was so glad to have this book these last couple months, as I was unexpectedly thrown into quarantine with a three-year-old. Every time I picked it up, I came away with advice and tips that I could put into use right away, and that helped me navigate the daily challenges that came up. In fact, I really wish I’d read it about a year ago, when O was two. I would say that was definitely the more challenging year for us. It’s helpful now, though, and will continue to be - I’ll definitely be referencing it again and again when I feel like I’m hitting a wall and need advice.
May 19, 2019
I don’t know that there was much here I hadn’t read elsewhere, but it’s the kind of book that’s useful to read from time to time for a reset on context for challenging kid interactions and how to approach day to day life to minimize them. A little more focused on toddlers than preschoolers overall, but ultimately still useful for where I’m at.
January 5, 2023
Like parenting advice from Mary Poppins
She feels one of those people that gets on beautifully with young kids and is sharing her secrets. So warm and supportive.
She feels one of those people that gets on beautifully with young kids and is sharing her secrets. So warm and supportive.
July 2, 2018
Finished this last week but didn't update because I wanted to take time with the review because when I don't, I forget to come back because ALL THE BOOKS. Still don't really have as much time as I'd like, but PROGRESS > PERFECTION.
Loved this. One of my favorite parenting books to date. Even just "on being" books? The tone, the care, the suggestions. So many takeaways. Glad I decided to buy it locally with a gift card from last year versus just library read--took notes all over it.
"Another reason that children can spark big reactions in us is because we use the present to predict the future -- inaccurately. When our children misbehave, we tend to take what's happening in the moment and expand it into an imaginary future where the problem is never solved. [...] This fear causes us to react in a big way to behaviors that, while needing to be corrected, are often completely age appropriate, and if someone else's child exhibited this behavior, we might hardly notice."
"We are better off if we can give up the idea of perfection in parenting. Parenting is a process of mutual growth, during which parents and children grow on different levels through their interactions and through the elements they bring into one anotehr's lives." from "You are your child's first teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy
* don't let a negative interaction turn into a negative ritual
* work to create a mutually responsive relationship
* how we act when we can't agree is important - "being friendly, even (or especially) when we are correcting a child's behavior, matters" -- "our attitude matters, and helping our children with a smile whenever we can has lasting effects on children's abilities to develop self-control"
* SO MANY MORE TO ADD LATER. SO. GOOD.
Loved this. One of my favorite parenting books to date. Even just "on being" books? The tone, the care, the suggestions. So many takeaways. Glad I decided to buy it locally with a gift card from last year versus just library read--took notes all over it.
"Another reason that children can spark big reactions in us is because we use the present to predict the future -- inaccurately. When our children misbehave, we tend to take what's happening in the moment and expand it into an imaginary future where the problem is never solved. [...] This fear causes us to react in a big way to behaviors that, while needing to be corrected, are often completely age appropriate, and if someone else's child exhibited this behavior, we might hardly notice."
"We are better off if we can give up the idea of perfection in parenting. Parenting is a process of mutual growth, during which parents and children grow on different levels through their interactions and through the elements they bring into one anotehr's lives." from "You are your child's first teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy
* don't let a negative interaction turn into a negative ritual
* work to create a mutually responsive relationship
* how we act when we can't agree is important - "being friendly, even (or especially) when we are correcting a child's behavior, matters" -- "our attitude matters, and helping our children with a smile whenever we can has lasting effects on children's abilities to develop self-control"
* SO MANY MORE TO ADD LATER. SO. GOOD.
February 1, 2024
I loved this book. The author did a great job of incorporating academic research into lived experience as a childcare provider. The examples provided of how to interact with toddlers in a playful way are *chef's kiss*. I find a lot of the gentle parenting TikTok moms to be promoting a way of talking to toddlers that's trying to bring a kid with very limited reasoning skills into an adult world; this book shows you how to be a part of your kid's world to accomplish your goals. It's the perfect breakdown of how to be an authoritative parent.
I appreciated that the author wasn't trying to sell me something (looking at you, Snoo dude, and the Scaffolding Parenting guy who's trying to recruit people to his family therapy practice). Further, for topics she touched briefly, she recommended other parenting books that go further in depth (like Simplicity Parenting). This and Simplicity Parenting are the only two books I recommend to new parents.
I appreciated that the author wasn't trying to sell me something (looking at you, Snoo dude, and the Scaffolding Parenting guy who's trying to recruit people to his family therapy practice). Further, for topics she touched briefly, she recommended other parenting books that go further in depth (like Simplicity Parenting). This and Simplicity Parenting are the only two books I recommend to new parents.
July 22, 2023
4.5 stars! I will return to this book again and again! I imagine this woman is the pied piper of all things Montessori (or as her preference would be, Waldorf). She certainly has much wisdom to be gleaned.
Some of my favorite things are
- the concept of high-warmth, high-“demandingness”, as Collins terms it, which can also be described as “responsiveness” and requires both parties to be engaged for a relationship to function well
- the suggestion to allow kids to struggle (which is so good for them!) but not being rude about it (who woulda thought? 😅) — rather, being supportive!
- tools to recognize when your parenting might be causing a problem and you need to adjust
- the idea of using housework as enrichment activities, which meets your kids’ human needs of connection, contribution, and competence all in one! Not to mention the housework being completed while with the kiddos
Some of my favorite things are
- the concept of high-warmth, high-“demandingness”, as Collins terms it, which can also be described as “responsiveness” and requires both parties to be engaged for a relationship to function well
- the suggestion to allow kids to struggle (which is so good for them!) but not being rude about it (who woulda thought? 😅) — rather, being supportive!
- tools to recognize when your parenting might be causing a problem and you need to adjust
- the idea of using housework as enrichment activities, which meets your kids’ human needs of connection, contribution, and competence all in one! Not to mention the housework being completed while with the kiddos
January 17, 2024
I was skeptical as I started reading this book (even though it was recommended by a trusted friend!) because some of the ideas seemed like Gentle Parenting. Like the idea that when your child acts up, they are asking for connection, and when you assume that and provide the connection, the behavior goes away. BUT then I tried doing some of the connection tips when my child acted up, they actually worked. I can’t count the number of times I’ve avoided a showdown by using some of these techniques. We still often have to resort to discipline, but even avoiding it 50% of the time is worth it. Plus my attitude is better!
It’s not a Christian book, so I took away a star because I can’t recommend everything in it 100%, particularly parent motivations. But it was pretty easy for me to think about how I would do similar things with God’s glory and grace as my motivation.
It’s not a Christian book, so I took away a star because I can’t recommend everything in it 100%, particularly parent motivations. But it was pretty easy for me to think about how I would do similar things with God’s glory and grace as my motivation.
March 1, 2021
I have read many parenting books, but this is by far my favorite. It is easy to read, based on research, and offers simple, actionable things you can do to create a joyful life with your toddler or preschooler. I have already implemented several of the ideas and they WORK! Even with my biggest struggle - convincing my toddler to climb into his car seat! If I could recommend one parenting book, this is it.
February 12, 2024
Sin duda, uno de mis libros favoritos de crianza.
El libro se basa en tres principios clave, los niños necesitan sentirse conectados, competentes y contribuir para poder desarrollarse íntegramente cómo seres humanos. Te da estrategias claras para conectar con tus niños por medio del acrónimo SMILE (sing, movment, imagination, love, exageration) y te ayuda a entender lo fundamental de dejar a tus niños experimentar el mundo que los rodea sin la contaste sobre protección de los adultos.
El libro se basa en tres principios clave, los niños necesitan sentirse conectados, competentes y contribuir para poder desarrollarse íntegramente cómo seres humanos. Te da estrategias claras para conectar con tus niños por medio del acrónimo SMILE (sing, movment, imagination, love, exageration) y te ayuda a entender lo fundamental de dejar a tus niños experimentar el mundo que los rodea sin la contaste sobre protección de los adultos.
July 4, 2025
Excellent and practical advice for helping to gain cooperation from toddlers and preschoolers. I tried a few things with my strong-willed three year old and they worked great. I also love the practical advice on how to keep your cool when your kid pushes your buttons. Highly recommend for parents trying to avoid power struggles with their young kids.
May 9, 2024
I’m three kids in and just now getting a hint. I wish I had this book 2 kids ago, but alas it wasn’t meant to be. I’m glad this book was recommended to me for a strong willed child. I’ve read it once and plan to go through again with a fine tooth comb.
December 20, 2021
I love everything about this book. Highly recommend!
July 2, 2025
100% read this if you have kids. Great book!
April 28, 2019
This book is now my favorite parenting book. I liked how
it is laid out. She would explain something and give a review after each section. So for me it was a book I could reference back to how to do something. She is whitty, making it a fun read as well. The concepts she teaches are something that will get you thinking if you are a new parent or a parent that thought they would never use parenting books. It gives ways to speak to your child and why we could do that and what it does to the child. If your child is doing these things then... I felt like this book was so much more realistic and the concepts easily doable. And as a parent of 6 children and now having tried these concepts I was able to see changes in myself and my children. Very simple things made a huge difference. The book is well worth reading and adding to library.
I can give more details.
it is laid out. She would explain something and give a review after each section. So for me it was a book I could reference back to how to do something. She is whitty, making it a fun read as well. The concepts she teaches are something that will get you thinking if you are a new parent or a parent that thought they would never use parenting books. It gives ways to speak to your child and why we could do that and what it does to the child. If your child is doing these things then... I felt like this book was so much more realistic and the concepts easily doable. And as a parent of 6 children and now having tried these concepts I was able to see changes in myself and my children. Very simple things made a huge difference. The book is well worth reading and adding to library.
I can give more details.
November 27, 2021
I am actually delighted that a friend recommended this book. It is full of useful tips on dealing with a toddler. My daughter is a bit too young (1.5 years) to take advantage of many of the tips provided here but I expect to be rereading this one over and over.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews