The Ten Conversations You Must Have Before You Get Married:

by Guy Grenier

Outlines a comprehensive program of communication strategies recommended for couples on how to assess their respective beliefs on a range of topics, from careers and children to sex, money, and religion. Original.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Marriage

351 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mention one thing about getting serious with my boyfriend and my mom sends me THIS BOOK.

[Robyn Gordon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not really a non-fiction reader, but this was written in such a way that it was relatively painless. It was informative, funny, and had a lot of great suggestions on how to build and maintain a healthy and happy relationship with a spouse. We had a fun time diving into some of the questions and thinking about things that we may have already thought about and discussed before - but not in the same amount of depth. I'd recommend to any couple thinking of getting married.

[Kane Faucher · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a veritable glut of primers in bookstores for those about to tie the knot, and most will err primarily on the side of conventional wisdom. With such a vast array of self-help guides to that sacred act of betrothal, it can be difficult to parse out which one will offer up a new and refreshing view. Rarer still are those guides that strike a balance between open accessibility and clinical authority. Dr. Grenier's book manages to straddle this line fairly well. Without relying on archaic gender stereotypes associated with all aspects of a marriage, Dr. Grenier isolates the key issues that face most partners such as work, leisure, sex, children, interests, etc with informative succinctness and a dash of humour. Dr. Grenier's approach is centered on communicative strategies that focus more on feelings than facts.
For those already in mirthful marriages, most of this book's advice will not come as a shocking surprise, but Dr. Grenier takes a long view on all aspects of marriage to assist currently happy couples from avoiding nascent and future pitfalls that may result in unhappiness or even divorce. For those about to make the "big step", this book possesses several pearls of wisdom drawn from Dr. Grenier's practice and commonsense that can help fine tune and finesse those aspects of an intimate partnership that will invariably make its bonds stronger and more enduring.
Dr. Grenier avoids all genderist assumptions, and no topic - be it alternate sexuality or differences in religion and spirituality - is so sacred as to invite overt or subtle moralizing. In fact, Dr. Grenier's discussions are frank, broad, and very liberal in scope so as to provide the tools for constructing a communicative highway between lovers without being stultified by any prejudice.

[LJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really helpful book if you are in a committed relationship and are looking for a way to facilitate the kinds of conversations that should probably happen BEFORE he (or she) pops the question.

I started thinking about this stuff a year ago when a religious friend of mine got married and they had this kind of premarital counseling session with their local priest. And I thought to myself "Self, wouldn't it be nice to have these kinds of conversations without signing up for some type of organized religion?" So I started searching for this kind of book and the majority of them implied that there was something going wrong with your relationship, this was the only one that I could find that simply helped me initiate the conversations (like having kids, finances, division of labour, real estate, etc.) that I think are important to talk about.

It was a very coincidental bonus that the author is a professor at my alma mater and that he is very open-minded (his class at UWO is the Sexual Psychology) and his tips were really helpful.

So in sum, I think if you are looking for this type of book, you will enjoy this one specifically.

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agree with another reviewer who said this book would be helpful to new couples. Since my fiance and I have been together for years, we've already had most of these conversations, and I've heard the communication rules before, so I didn't learn anything new. If you still need to have these conversations and aren't sure how to go about it, this is a good guide.

[Desiree · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just ok. For me, I didn't find it that useful simply because those conversations have already taken place or both of us know each other well enough to know what the other person's preference for something would be. I think this book could be very useful to people in a new relationship with a lot of differences and uncertainties though.

[Gene Z · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great content, could've been condensed, I feel. Loved the 15 rules for communication, guide to conflict resolution, and general presentation of common but dangerous assumptions we bring into relationships.