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Cancer Is a Bitch: Or, I'd Rather Be Having a Midlife Crisis
“I want to be brave. I want to be big. I want to be gracious and cool. I want to be the Audrey Hepburn of cancer…”
Gail Konop Baker was a runner, yoga practitioner, and lifelong subscriber to Prevention magazine. As her forty-sixth birthday approached, she looked forward to a time when she could at last take a deep breath, with one child heading off to college and the other two busy with their lives. She finally felt as if she was getting her life back.
Then, right before Valentine’s Day 2006, she heard the words that would forever change her: Just to be safe, I think we should biopsy.
It was the beginning of her year-long struggle with breast cancer and its fallout—one that would upstage any midlife crisis she’d fretted was waiting in the wings. “I want to feel bad about my neck. I do,” she writes. “But I feel bad I may not ever get to feel bad about my neck.” Gail was suddenly faced with the truth that awaits us all—this was her life, and she would do anything to hold on to it. As a doctor’s wife, she knew more than she should about her diagnosis and treatment. As a mother, she found unbearable the idea of not being there for the next birthday, next graduation, next anything. And as a woman who’d put her dreams on hold for years, she was determined to make every minute count.
But Cancer Is a Bitch is about much more than the “C” word; it's about the outrageous challenges of marriage, the joys and unpredictability of motherhood, about figuring out what it is you want to do with your life, about wanting to live now.
Funny, raw, and moving, this story will resonate with every mother and wife, and with anyone who has been affected by cancer. It is one woman’s unforgettable, beautifully told account of juggling midlife and motherhood with a rogue boob—and, ultimately, triumphing.
Gail Konop Baker was a runner, yoga practitioner, and lifelong subscriber to Prevention magazine. As her forty-sixth birthday approached, she looked forward to a time when she could at last take a deep breath, with one child heading off to college and the other two busy with their lives. She finally felt as if she was getting her life back.
Then, right before Valentine’s Day 2006, she heard the words that would forever change her: Just to be safe, I think we should biopsy.
It was the beginning of her year-long struggle with breast cancer and its fallout—one that would upstage any midlife crisis she’d fretted was waiting in the wings. “I want to feel bad about my neck. I do,” she writes. “But I feel bad I may not ever get to feel bad about my neck.” Gail was suddenly faced with the truth that awaits us all—this was her life, and she would do anything to hold on to it. As a doctor’s wife, she knew more than she should about her diagnosis and treatment. As a mother, she found unbearable the idea of not being there for the next birthday, next graduation, next anything. And as a woman who’d put her dreams on hold for years, she was determined to make every minute count.
But Cancer Is a Bitch is about much more than the “C” word; it's about the outrageous challenges of marriage, the joys and unpredictability of motherhood, about figuring out what it is you want to do with your life, about wanting to live now.
Funny, raw, and moving, this story will resonate with every mother and wife, and with anyone who has been affected by cancer. It is one woman’s unforgettable, beautifully told account of juggling midlife and motherhood with a rogue boob—and, ultimately, triumphing.
- GenresMemoir
272 pages, Hardcover
First published September 8, 2008
4 people are currently reading
149 people want to read
About the author
Gail Konop Baker
2 books23 followersauthor of the forthcoming memoir CANCER IS A BITCH Or, I'd Rather Be Having a Midlife Crisis (Da Capo October 2008)
ABOUT THE BOOK:
NEW REVIEWS:
First online review: http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/
Booklist: "wrenchingly authentic... down-to-earth account."
Publishers Weekly:
"In this heartfelt memoir, Baker proves to be both humorous... and compassionate."
Lolly Winston:
"Beautiful, funny, feisty, poignant."
Sara Gruen:
"Smart, funny, hopeful."
Jon Clinch:
"Real life... funny, sad, intimate, heartbreaking, and hopeful."
Elizabeth Squires, The bOOb Lady:
"Witty, wise and wondefully written."
ABOUT THE BOOK:
NEW REVIEWS:
First online review: http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/
Booklist: "wrenchingly authentic... down-to-earth account."
Publishers Weekly:
"In this heartfelt memoir, Baker proves to be both humorous... and compassionate."
Lolly Winston:
"Beautiful, funny, feisty, poignant."
Sara Gruen:
"Smart, funny, hopeful."
Jon Clinch:
"Real life... funny, sad, intimate, heartbreaking, and hopeful."
Elizabeth Squires, The bOOb Lady:
"Witty, wise and wondefully written."
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
September 28, 2011
i had a tough time with this one. i breezed through it thanks to the huge type & even more enormous margins (it probably would have clocked in at all of 120 pages without these typographical tweaks), but i didn't care much for it. i guess i picked it up not because i have much personal experience with cancer, but because i live with chronic pain & i am always interested in reading about other people's life-changing health battles.
the sub-title of this book is, "i'd rather be having a mid-life crisis". well, basically that's exactly what the author did have. the book is far less about cancer than it is about her own tumultuous relationship with her husband & her mixed bag of feelings about her older children growing up & getting ready to decamp for college. her brush with breast cancer was very treatable--one surgery to remove a small lump, no radiation, no chemo. the scar tissue from the surgery sends the author into a tailspin of lamenting for her lost youth, when she took her body & its appearance for granted.
the author goes on quite a bit about her difficult relationship with her mother, telling (but certainly not showing) that baker was expected to mother her mother instead of vice versa, & when she had children herself, she hoped to never put them in that situation. then she writes about passing out in front of her young son & scaring the shit out of him, & allowing her daughters to dress her up in a sexy outfit for a party. she presents her marital troubles with pretty much no context whatsoever, & both she & her husband come out of it looking like assholes. like serious, unstoppable grade A assholes. they both sound crazy jealous & resentful of one another & just...damn. it really put my piddling issues with my own partner into perspective.
i didn't HATE this book. but i got the sense that it was cobbled together from diary entries or blog posts, maybe, & not really edited together that well. i'm sure that for readers who were folling baker's blog, or people who actually know the author & have some context for what she's writing about it, it was fine--good, even. but for me, baker does a whole lot of complaining & breaking down without ever really explaining what the fuck is going on. & then the chapter ends & she's all well & good until the next crisis comes along. it was like having a very neurotic friend who only calls when things are really bad, but never bothers to call back later & let you know how she resolved everything. kind of obnoxious.
the sub-title of this book is, "i'd rather be having a mid-life crisis". well, basically that's exactly what the author did have. the book is far less about cancer than it is about her own tumultuous relationship with her husband & her mixed bag of feelings about her older children growing up & getting ready to decamp for college. her brush with breast cancer was very treatable--one surgery to remove a small lump, no radiation, no chemo. the scar tissue from the surgery sends the author into a tailspin of lamenting for her lost youth, when she took her body & its appearance for granted.
the author goes on quite a bit about her difficult relationship with her mother, telling (but certainly not showing) that baker was expected to mother her mother instead of vice versa, & when she had children herself, she hoped to never put them in that situation. then she writes about passing out in front of her young son & scaring the shit out of him, & allowing her daughters to dress her up in a sexy outfit for a party. she presents her marital troubles with pretty much no context whatsoever, & both she & her husband come out of it looking like assholes. like serious, unstoppable grade A assholes. they both sound crazy jealous & resentful of one another & just...damn. it really put my piddling issues with my own partner into perspective.
i didn't HATE this book. but i got the sense that it was cobbled together from diary entries or blog posts, maybe, & not really edited together that well. i'm sure that for readers who were folling baker's blog, or people who actually know the author & have some context for what she's writing about it, it was fine--good, even. but for me, baker does a whole lot of complaining & breaking down without ever really explaining what the fuck is going on. & then the chapter ends & she's all well & good until the next crisis comes along. it was like having a very neurotic friend who only calls when things are really bad, but never bothers to call back later & let you know how she resolved everything. kind of obnoxious.
November 20, 2008
Check out my interview with Gail Konop-Baker at: http://wordstomouth.com/?p=268
There you'll find both an audio and written interview. Read the book and share your thoughts--if you are a cancer survivor, please feel free to post your story in the comment section under the interview. I so appreciate Gail's honesty and humor and encourage anyone to read this book and share it with friends/family dealing with cancer or just contemplating LIFE!
“Gail Konop Baker is a knock-out writer who cracks me up one minute then brings me to tears the next. Her beautiful, funny, feisty, poignant memoir isn’t just an inspiration for cancer patients and their families—but for all of us. There is so much wisdom between these pages, yet the story is told without an ounce of self pity or a trace of triteness. In the end, this tale is a testament to how precarious and priceless life is, and how each of us needs to live it to the fullest, starting right now.”—Lolly Winston, author of GOOD GRIEF
There you'll find both an audio and written interview. Read the book and share your thoughts--if you are a cancer survivor, please feel free to post your story in the comment section under the interview. I so appreciate Gail's honesty and humor and encourage anyone to read this book and share it with friends/family dealing with cancer or just contemplating LIFE!
“Gail Konop Baker is a knock-out writer who cracks me up one minute then brings me to tears the next. Her beautiful, funny, feisty, poignant memoir isn’t just an inspiration for cancer patients and their families—but for all of us. There is so much wisdom between these pages, yet the story is told without an ounce of self pity or a trace of triteness. In the end, this tale is a testament to how precarious and priceless life is, and how each of us needs to live it to the fullest, starting right now.”—Lolly Winston, author of GOOD GRIEF
August 25, 2018
I really enjoyed the author's honesty and humor. I really laughed out loud at some pages.
November 12, 2018
This often goes off on tangents and the main story is more about her relationships with her husband and her children. She does do a good job of capturing the roller-coaster ride of emotions and thoughts that go through your mind when you get that diagnosis, but dealing with her breast cancer isn't the center of the story.
September 28, 2020
Beautiful writer. Unlikable narrator.
January 13, 2009
After completing her second novel (one about a woman dealing with breast cancer that her agent wasn't very excited about), Gail Konop Baker was actually diagnosed with the disease herself. In this book, she takes the journals that kick started her column "Bare-Breasted Mama" and turns them into this smart, funny, insightful, and intimate book about an event in her life that really rocked her world.
I selected this read because it seems like cancer has been creeping around the six-degree-edges of my life lately. Neighbors, coworkers, friends of friends—every week I hear about someone else who was diagnosed. People who seemed to be the picture of good health are suddenly meeting with doctors and surgeons to form battle plans, knowing that any treatment they select is still going to be unpleasant. And I imagine some of their experiences are not so unlike Baker's description of trying to dress for the exam:
"...waking that morning in disbelief that I had an appointment with an oncologist. Oncologist? That word was for other people, older people, unlucky people. People who die. I stared into my bureau drawers, agonizing over what to wear, wondering why they didn't send that information with the postcard appointment reminder and how I was supposed to navigate all these decisions without more guidance? You get an instruction booklet with a toaster oven but no instructions for marriage or motherhood or cancer."
Cancer is the antagonist in this story, but the real trip is an inside look at the messy, emotional, day-to-day of a woman's life, a woman who by chance also happens to be a very funny, witty, and exuberant writer. I not only laughed out loud reading Cancer Is a Bitch; I also paused to consider my life as a mother and as a human being while continually nodding my head as I thought of yet another friend that I wanted to recommend it to.
It is the small observations that make this book. Her own analysis of her twenty-year marriage, of how love can ebb and flow with seemingly irrational meandering and then come back to center. Like when she describes dropping her daughter off to start college:
"And as I stand here in the quad I feel the rush of all the years passing in this moment. I didn't mean to rush it. I didn't mean to ever feel frustrated and bored, to want to get everything done, to ever think, 'When she finally grows up I'll get my life back,' because it isn't true. She was and is my life and I'm not ready to let go...and we're both crying now, our bodies trembling as she whispers, 'It's okay, Mom. We're both going to be okay.'"
That voice is what I enjoyed so much, because of its ablity to freak out and yet still see the irony, and the humor.
Review by Jen Wilson Lloyd
I selected this read because it seems like cancer has been creeping around the six-degree-edges of my life lately. Neighbors, coworkers, friends of friends—every week I hear about someone else who was diagnosed. People who seemed to be the picture of good health are suddenly meeting with doctors and surgeons to form battle plans, knowing that any treatment they select is still going to be unpleasant. And I imagine some of their experiences are not so unlike Baker's description of trying to dress for the exam:
"...waking that morning in disbelief that I had an appointment with an oncologist. Oncologist? That word was for other people, older people, unlucky people. People who die. I stared into my bureau drawers, agonizing over what to wear, wondering why they didn't send that information with the postcard appointment reminder and how I was supposed to navigate all these decisions without more guidance? You get an instruction booklet with a toaster oven but no instructions for marriage or motherhood or cancer."
Cancer is the antagonist in this story, but the real trip is an inside look at the messy, emotional, day-to-day of a woman's life, a woman who by chance also happens to be a very funny, witty, and exuberant writer. I not only laughed out loud reading Cancer Is a Bitch; I also paused to consider my life as a mother and as a human being while continually nodding my head as I thought of yet another friend that I wanted to recommend it to.
It is the small observations that make this book. Her own analysis of her twenty-year marriage, of how love can ebb and flow with seemingly irrational meandering and then come back to center. Like when she describes dropping her daughter off to start college:
"And as I stand here in the quad I feel the rush of all the years passing in this moment. I didn't mean to rush it. I didn't mean to ever feel frustrated and bored, to want to get everything done, to ever think, 'When she finally grows up I'll get my life back,' because it isn't true. She was and is my life and I'm not ready to let go...and we're both crying now, our bodies trembling as she whispers, 'It's okay, Mom. We're both going to be okay.'"
That voice is what I enjoyed so much, because of its ablity to freak out and yet still see the irony, and the humor.
Review by Jen Wilson Lloyd
September 29, 2008
Gail Konop Baker brings readers a heart-felt, gut-wrenching beautiful story in her debut book. Cancer is a Bitch is Gail’s own personal story. I commend Mrs. Konop Baker on sharing her story as it takes a lot of strength and guts to turn your life into a book and not just any books but an outstanding, wonderful, incredible book. I picked up this book and started reading; before you know it I was done.
One thing that made this book really enjoyable was Gail’s sense of humor through the whole situation. There was evidence of this from things like the titles of each chapter to the comments Gail made. I have only one comment to make and that is I will never look at a chicken breast the same way again. I just feel in love with Mrs. Konop Baker and her family. Gail Konop Baker is one author to be on the look-out for as she will blow you away but in a good way. I look forward to many, many more books to come from Mrs. Konop Baker.
One thing that made this book really enjoyable was Gail’s sense of humor through the whole situation. There was evidence of this from things like the titles of each chapter to the comments Gail made. I have only one comment to make and that is I will never look at a chicken breast the same way again. I just feel in love with Mrs. Konop Baker and her family. Gail Konop Baker is one author to be on the look-out for as she will blow you away but in a good way. I look forward to many, many more books to come from Mrs. Konop Baker.
May 3, 2009
Disclaimer first--I am a breast cancer survivor, stage IIB, treated with several surgeries, chemotherapy, and hormonal therapy.
This book is much more about Gail Konop Baker's midlife crisis than about her experience with breast cancer. Is the book searingly honest and real? Definitely yes! Is it about cancer? Only peripherally.
In fact, Konop Baker may not have had breast cancer at all, since her pathology second opinion at Mayo Clinic described the cells as ADH, atypical ductal hyperplasia, and not the DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) that the pathologist in Madison described.
So I recommend this book as an open view into the author's life in her mid-forties. The author writes in a kind of stream of consciousness style and it's a fast read. But it's really not a "breast cancer journey" book, at least not from my perspective.
This book is much more about Gail Konop Baker's midlife crisis than about her experience with breast cancer. Is the book searingly honest and real? Definitely yes! Is it about cancer? Only peripherally.
In fact, Konop Baker may not have had breast cancer at all, since her pathology second opinion at Mayo Clinic described the cells as ADH, atypical ductal hyperplasia, and not the DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) that the pathologist in Madison described.
So I recommend this book as an open view into the author's life in her mid-forties. The author writes in a kind of stream of consciousness style and it's a fast read. But it's really not a "breast cancer journey" book, at least not from my perspective.
December 12, 2015
This book was healing, hysterical, and hurting at times. The author did an amazing job of sharing her voice. I felt she had snuck into my thoughts as a wife and mother and put them on paper at times. Although her journey with cancer is at the center of the book I walked away with an understanding that I am not alone in my thoughts of raising my children perfectly, or the fear of leaving them because of an illness and not being the perfect wife, daughter and sister. I am going to share this book with many! I am so grateful for Gail's gift of writing and her openness and willingness to share her life. I pray she continues to be cancer free and she continues to write beautiful pieces! Thank you!
October 5, 2008
I knew I would like this book, but I didn't think I would love it as much as I did. This book is emotional and brave, and I'm not just talking about the cancer-related parts. The author speaks the things one might feel as a wife, a mother, a woman, but would never dare utter in polite company. I found myself often thinking, "thank God! I am not the only person who's ever thought that." This book is about so much more than a woman receiving a cancer diagnosis. The writing is stunningly beautiful. Gorgeous. I absolutely loved it. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Do yourself a favor and pick up this book. Bonus: a portion of the proceeds go to two breast cancer related charities.
December 18, 2008
I liked this book. I like the author's voice, and, well, I felt like she went on tangents too many times, I liked her honesty, especially about her relationship w/ her husband. I sobbed near the end of it, though - not over the author (I'm not revealing how her health finally winds up), but over my own loss of my mother to breast cancer in 1997 (she was first diagnosed when she was only 36, and I was 15 or 16). It's funny - reading this book, I was more thinking about myself and avoiding cancer, etc. - I didn't think about my mother's experience at all. But there's an epilogue, about a friend of the author's with cancer, that just caused me to sob. Shit.
November 15, 2008
I enjoyed this book very much. While the subject matter is frightening and often sad, the overall message is uplifting and the author injects a lot of humor into her story. The thoughts and feelings that go through her mind as she deals with her diagnosis, treatment, and recovery are insightful and relatable, and the overall message of appreciating one's life and all it's blessings really resonated with me.
August 10, 2008
This memoir, based on Gail's wonderful Literary Mama column, Bare- Breasted Mama, is funny, frank, and poignant. It's a terrific, uplifting story, that will speak to anyone who's ever been a mother, or a wife, or a writer, not to mention its relevance to anyone who's been touched by cancer.
December 2, 2008
A raw, honest, emotional memoir with one woman's recount of her breast cancer experience. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get through the book given the subject matter, but I found the author's tone and witty writing refreshing and easy to read. Definitely recommend.
November 1, 2008
This is a book for people who just want to appriciate life I found myself actually laughing out loud which I did not think would happen from the title. Gail Konop Baker is very witty, funny and can really speak directly to the reader I hope she writes more books I will be first in line to buy them.
July 31, 2014
I am struggling with this one as I'm going through cancer and wanted to get some insight into battling the disease. I didn't get it from this book. Unfortunately maybe another time and place, I may enjoy it but not at the moment.
Read
April 13, 2015This book seemed to take forever to get through, but it was good. I think it could have been condensed a bit. I always have compassion for anyone going through the big "c" word, but her journey took some turns that even I had trouble with.
I do look forward to following her story.
I do look forward to following her story.
May 21, 2008
This wonderful memoir from my fellow Deb Gail Konop-Baker will be out in fall of 2008...I can't wait to read it!
October 11, 2008
I read Cancer is a Bitch twice and I absolutely loved it. I even blogged about it here. http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/200...
November 19, 2008
An honest and funny portrait of a woman whose life is knocked askew by her breast cancer diagnosis. A must read!
January 31, 2010
I thought this book was an honest account of a mother and wife who finds out she has breast cancer. The author doesn't hold anything back and I appreciated her perspective on this terrible disease.
June 5, 2011
JUST READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
July 1, 2015
Cancer is a Bitch.
May 18, 2012
Hilarious
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews