Ai cũng giao tiếp, nhưng mấy người kết nối

by John C. Maxwell

Giao tiếp thành công không đơn thuần chỉ là truyền đạt thông tin, mà còn phải tạo nên sợi dây kết nối đặc biệt và gieo những cảm xúc tích cực cho người tiếp nhận. Số ít những người kết nối được với mọi người là những người có khả năng lãnh đạo và tạo được sức ảnh hưởng lớn lao trong tổ chức của mình.
Trong cuốn sách này, John Maxwell đã tổng kết 5 nguyên tắc nền tảng khi kết nối với mọi người. Từ đó, tác giả đưa ra 5 ứng dụng hành động để giúp bạn kết nối thành công - với một người, một nhóm, với khán giả, hay bất kỳ ai bạn muốn.
"Hãy học cách kết nối để thay đổi cuộc sống của bạn!"

Genres: Leadership, Business, Communication, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Relationships

347 pages, Paperback

Published October 1, 2014

About the author

John Calvin Maxwell is an American author, speaker, and pastor who has written many books, primarily focusing on leadership. Titles include The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader. Some of his books have been on the New York Times Best Seller List.

Reviews

[Al · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone Communicates, Few Connect (John Maxwell)

Central Truths

1. If you want to succeed, you must learn how to connect with others.
2. High achievers care about people, view subordinates optimistically, seek advice from subordinates, and listens well to everyone.
3. Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others.
4. We remember 85% to 90% of what we see; less than 15% of what we hear.
5. Connecting always requires energy; must intentionally and willingly connect with others. This requires initiative (go first); clarity (prepared); patience (slow down); selflessness (give); and stamina (recharge).
6. If you are responsible for leading people or communicating with others, it is especially vital for you to find ways to recharge.
7. A bad beginning makes a bad ending (Euripides)
8. People connect with stories, not statistics.
9. It is the job of a leader to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity.
10. Three words are essential to connect with others: brevity, levity, and repetition.
11. Leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could (Steve Jobs)
12. The mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher explains, and the great teacher demonstrates.
13. Vision without passion is a picture without possibilities.
14. People ask three questions about their leaders: Do they care for me? Can they help me? Can I trust them?
15. Preparation yields confidence and passion yields conviction.








Application

1. When communicating, find common ground, make communication simple, capture people’s interest, inspire others, and be real.
2. When you communicate, you must include: thought (something I know); emotion (something I feel); and action (something I do).
3. When communicating, attempt to connect on four levels: visually, intellectually, emotionally, and verbally.
4. Connect Visually: eliminate personal distractions (do not allow dress or habit distract from message); expand range of expressions; move with sense of purpose, pay attention to surroundings, and remove obstacles and reduce distance from audience.
5. Connect Intellectually: must know your subject and yourself.
6. Connect Emotionally: the words used are far less important than the energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them.
7. Connect Verbally: what we say and how we say things make quite an impact.
8. Bring intentional energy to conversations. Gear up mentally and emotionally for communication opportunities.
9. Think of ways that you can increase your energy when speaking to an audience.
10. Read voraciously and constantly file quotes and illustrations. Have a lot of material ready to include in any message.
11. Become a student of communication, study effective speakers.
12. The larger the audience, the more energy you will need to bring to your communication.
13. Build upon agreement, not disagreement. Don’t make assumptions about people, take into consideration other people’s views, avoid indifference, and don’t isolate yourself.
14. Availability requires intentionality, spend time with others.
15. Keep talks to three ideas. Get to the point.
16. Deliver results before delivering the message; communicate from experience. You must live what you communicate.
17. Do not commit one or more of the four unpardonable sins of a communicator: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, and uncomfortable.
18. If you want to get your message across, you have to learn how to communicate in someone else’s world.

[Monica Kim | Musings of Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book came out almost 10 years ago, it is as relevant and timely today. I highly recommend this book on connecting, especially in this hyper-active, socially connected society. It contains invaluable wisdom & actional steps you can apply anywhere.

[Danny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed this look at connecting. It communicates 5 principles and 5 practices for connecting.
Part 1: Connecting Principles
1. Connecting Increases Your Influence in Every Situation
2. Connecting Is All About Others
3. Connecting Goes Beyond Words
4. Connecting Always Requires Energy
5. Connecting Is More Skill Than Natural Talent
Part 2: Connecting Practices
1. Connectors Connect on Common Ground
2. Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple
3. Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys
4. Connectors Inspire People
5. Connectors Live What They Communicate
Some of my favorite quotes include:
”Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for others. In many ways, they act like small children.”
“I've come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world of communication: there are speakers who write and writers who speak. have yet to meet someone who does both at the highest level.”
“We the uninformed, working for the inaccessible, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful!” The Subordinate’s Lament by Jim Lundy
“Good leaders and communicators don't isolate themselves, and they don't deliberately keep people in the dark. They inform people, make them a part of what's going on, and include them in decision making whenever possible. You cannot establish common ground if you refuse to let anyone know who you are or what you believe.”
“I had a rule on Sundays for myself and my staff: while the people were on-site, there were to be no closed-door meetings.”
“Rick Warren … advises that humility comes from:
• Admitting your weaknesses
• Being patient with others' weaknesses
• Being open to correction
• Pointing the spotlight at others”
Four pointers to help you become a better connector.
1. “Do I feel what you feel?” before asking “Do you feel what I feel”
2. “Do I see what you see?” before asking “Do you see what I see?”
3. “Do I know what you know?” before asking “Do you know what I know?”
4. “Do i know what you want?” before asking “Do you know what I want?”
“One spring I shared with the congregation that during the summer I was going to speak on a series entitled, “You Asked for It.” I encouraged every attendee to request the subject they would most like me to talk about, and I would pick the ten most requested topics. Thousands of people participated, we picked the top ten, and those became the sermon topics throughout the summer. The result was that attendance actually increased instead of decreasing. Why? Because I knew what people wanted to learn about.”
“When I want to really get to know someone, I ask three questions. People's answers to these give me great insight into someone's heart. The questions are:
• What do you dream about?
• What do you sing about?
• What do you cry about?”
“as leaders and communicators, our job is to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity.”
“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.” Albert Einstein
“For my needs, a quote or illustration had to fit in one or more of these four categories:
• Humor—something that will make people laugh
• Heart—something that will captivate people's emotions,
• Hope—something that will inspire people
• Help—something that will assist people in a tangible way”

[Paul C. Stalder · Rating 2 out of 5]

A fine example of a book whose endnotes are worth more than the actual content. This is not a terrible book; it is easy to read, understandable, and fairly applicable to differing situations. And yet, I found reading it almost unbearable. For a book that stresses focusing on others in order to connect, Maxwell uses the word "I" insufferably. It felt at points as if he simply wanted to expound on his success. And there is no doubting his success, but he need not be such a blowhard about it.
When he stops telling stories about himself, and gets down to real content, Maxwell does provide some nuggets of wisdom for connecting with people. While not groundbreaking, they are certainly helpful. After pushing through the horrendous conclusion, which serves to undermine most of what was said in the book, one stumbles upon the most useful part of this book. This work was well-researched and provides an extensive list of far more beneficial works on communication, connection, and the like.
My advice? Unless you can grab this book for free, simply skip to the end and read through the endnotes.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like many Maxwell books, I found lots of useful gems. His style is very specific, however, and I understand the complaints about most of it feeling like antidotes and fluff. He really does love a lot of Dad jokes. But the heart of his words stuck out and I was left with enough to chew on and put into practice that I found this one well worth the time.

[K.T. · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a mix of uninteresting personal anecdotes, information poached from other (better) writers, mini Bible lessons and shower thoughts from a white, heteronormative, Republican, Protestant male. So not the book to read right now or ever. Only giving it one star because zero stars isn’t possible and I literally got paid to read it.

[Sunshine Rodgers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I own and have read many John Maxwell books. I read "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect" with a church's bible study so it was nice to discuss the chapters and really dive into the insights and wisdom on his pages. Maxwell is notorious for sharing helpful quotes, inspirational stories and highlighting messages that make the reader think. He uses statistics, cartoons and even personal events to illustrate his points. In this book, Maxwell showcases ways on how to connect with people in a group setting, or one-on-one and explains the hold-ups when we are disconnecting from others. As a writer, I learned a lot from this book about keeping my writings and message personable and simple to readers and to live what I communicate. I think anyone can learn and gain from Maxwell's pages and incorporate his pointers into their personal or public lives.

[Melissa Krabbe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! There are so many great ideas in it that it’s hard to know where to start commenting on them. So I’ve picked my top ten, which I’ve described in reverse order. I’ve also included a couple of concerns.

Number 10: Maxwell demonstrates connecting by using blog comments in this book. He talks about the need to “be the message” (210) in order to most effectively inspire people, so I thought it was appropriate that Maxwell himself demonstrates how he is connecting with people by the way he has written this book. Each chapter is full of quotes from people who have commented on his blog, and he even has his writer Charlie Wetzel write a section in his own voice (104-114). He didn’t have to do that, but in a book about connecting with people it makes a tremendous amount of sense to let those people with whom he’s connected help tell the story.

Number 9: “Connection always begins with a commitment to someone else” (88). This is the Maxwell version of Rick Warren’s opening statement from The Purpose Driven Life, “It’s not about you.” It’s a good Christian perspective that works in every area of life, and I was glad to see that it had a place in this book.

Number 8: Maxwell still writes like a pastor. In the middle of chapter 6 about finding common ground he makes the typical if-you-don’t-get-anything-else-from-this-sermon-get-this statement when he says “If you were to do only this and nothing else…” (142). Consequently, I read the pages following that statement even more carefully than I had read the earlier pages. As cliché as it is for him to say this, it’s effective.

Number 7: Writing and speaking require different kinds of communication skills (113-4). To illustrate this, Maxwell describes why he’s an effective speaker, but needs Charlie Wetzel to translate that into writing that connects with people. I’d never thought about this before and had always assumed that if you could write well, then you would be able to speak well, and vice versa. Now I know to pay more attention to the different skills that are required for each.

Number 6: Feelings matter. Maxwell’s first “how to” about finding common ground is to try to identify with the person or group’s feelings, and dealing with emotions is a recurring theme throughout this book. This makes sense, but it was nice to see it in writing because I think we get the idea in both business and church that we are to turn off our feelings and deal with everything logically. It’s impossible to ignore feelings, however, and Maxwell emphasizes that if you do, you’re missing out an important part of connecting. He says that “to really understand people, you must…go beyond the head and consider the heart” (146). He also says that more than anything else, people will remember how you made them feel (211). Maxwell doesn’t stop with how other people feel; he also talks about the importance of what the speaker feels, because passion for the topic is another important part of connecting.

Number 5: Talking about your failures can be effective (139). This just seems counterintuitive to me, and yet Maxwell describes why it’s not. I think the key, though, is talking about what happened next. I think this is why testimonials can be such an effective Christian witness. God does great things through our failures.

Number 4: Maxwell includes a quote from Aquinas about converting people (140), just one of the many ways in which this book is good for learning about evangelism. The most important reason for connecting with people is to tell them about Christ, so even though the idea of evangelism only got a small mention, I thought it was huge that it made it into a basically secular book.

Number 3: Maxwell spends a whole chapter (8) on how not to be boring, and includes the exhortation to “be unpredictable” (185). I can do that! (At least, I think I can.) I think there is the potential to let the desire to be interesting overpower the message, but as Maxwell illustrates, there are far too many speakers (and preachers) who don’t seem to even be trying to be interesting. I definitely don’t want to be one of those!

Number 2: Maxwell challenges speakers to call people to action and have high expectations (205, 221-2). I think too many pastors are afraid to do this. Maxwell very clearly shows the fallacy in this, particularly in his example of Lincoln saying that a sermon was “brilliantly conceived, biblical, relevant, and well presented” but a failure because the speaker didn’t ask his listeners to “do something great” (205). As Christians, we are called to do great things, and difficult things, and we need to challenge people to do them.

Number 1: Connecting can be learned (Chapter 5). I was very glad to know this because I want to learn! I’ve spent too much of my life afraid of people and avoiding contact with them. Now that I want to connect I’m anxious to learn how to do it better, and this is the primary reason why I enjoyed reading this book so much.

Connecting is great, and I love that Maxwell can break it down into steps for us, but I wonder if connecting without God at the center has the potential for pointing people in the wrong direction? He talks in several places about not being self-centered, but if you aren’t pointing them to God or yourself, then the only other option is themselves. Maxwell’s story on page 73 about the church anniversary sounds like a great celebration of memories and people, but I wondered if God came into the picture there. Maybe Maxwell left that part out because this isn’t really a Christian book, but I think it’s important to consider how easily God could be left out of connecting altogether unless steps are taken to counteract that.

Another concern is about the chapter on integrity. I certainly think it’s an important chapter. Maxwell says to be effective, you need to be genuine, and if you expect others to do what you say, you have to live what you teach (237). Both of these are true, but I wondered whether they would be just as true even if your motivation were more mundane. For example, if you’re passionate about making money, you might be driven to follow all of Maxwell’s recommendations, but for all the wrong reasons. This also made me wonder why Maxwell decided to stop being a pastor. Certainly he’s reaching more people now, but to what end?

There’s no doubt this is a great book. There are many more than ten reasons, so the good far outweighs the bad, but, to be balanced, I also included two concerns. To secular readers, the first concern might be irrelevant, but the second concern about one’s motivation for connecting will unfortunately always be a potential problem. I had initially thought it was odd to be reading what appears to be a secular book for a Christian class, but within a few chapters it became obvious that Maxwell is working within a Christian worldview. Hopefully for most readers that underlying worldview shines through. Maxwell’s insights are helpful for all sorts of people, but this book should be especially important to Christians, because God cares about reaching people and obviously so does Maxwell.

[Thomas Holbrook · Rating 2 out of 5]

John C. Maxwell is a well-respected, widely known, much awarded leadership expert. In case the reader was unaware of this fact, he/she well is reminded – frequently – in the first fifty pages of this book. I can only assume this is Mr. Maxwell’s way of establishing credibility quickly, but I found it very distracting to be told how qualified the author is every other page. This self-aggrandizement proved to be unneeded, as the content of the book was good, the writing clear & engaging with easily understood applications for the points made. Perhaps this is a new attempt by Mr. Maxwell to better “connect” with his audience, as I do not recall the previous book I read by him (The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee) to be as egocentric.
This self-validation notwithstanding, this book is worth reading. I did not want to risk missing any of the well supported material he presented, so I carefully read each page. This discipline was well rewarded by the information gained. There are insets throughout the book that emphasize important points and there is much more that “spoke” to me beyond those found “in the boxes.”
There is little new material to be found in this book. It is loaded with quotes (the author collects them) that illuminate the presented point(s), those issues of focus are familiar and are addressed with commonsense. This is the power of this book – it speaks to the obvious, reveals how “connecting” can be done if one is willing to do the tasks required and it does so without being condescending or simplistic.
I would recommend this book to: anyone who is struggling with how to be less shy, those interested in public speaking and people “managers.” For “The World’s Most Respected Leadership Expert” (according to the front cover – was there a vote for this title of which I was unaware?) this book has little “leadership” material included. If one wishes, she/he can read one (or all) of Mr. Maxwell’s 30+ books he has written.

[Daniel Butcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

John C. Maxwell in Everyone Communicates Few Connect provides guidance to help leaders move from talking and sharing information to connecting to audiences, ranging from one on one to large audiences. Maxwell breaks his work into two parts; principles the theory of connection, and practices, how to connect. At the end of each chapter, Maxwell provides an overview of the major points of each chapter and tips on applying each chapter’s content for different audiences. The author reminds us that in order to be effective we must connect. Overall this book provides tools to improving oneself as a communicator and more importantly as a leader by connecting messages with audiences.
To be honest, many of the principles and practices in this book are not new material. We all know, or should know, that in order to be a successful communicator one needs to energetic, you need to care about your audience and you need to be credible. Despite this, we all need reminders of these “facts” and Maxwell does an excellent job of collecting common sense and practical principles and tips for successful communication. Personally, this book has lead me to self assess how I communicate to a large group in my own workplace. I find myself asking, is it about me or them, and I credible, do I give them credit, do I make them insiders and many many more. This book is a great resource for anyone who needs to communicate, which is pretty much everyone!

[Kimberly [Come Hither Books] · Rating 1 out of 5]

More substance, less testimonials please. I'm sure there are others who will soak up the info here, but for me, the style fell flat. It's breezy and conversational, packed full of stories and real life examples. So many, in fact, that the actual argument is lost among the chatter. Though I read it by rec and was looking forward to it, I found myself skimming by the second chapter and abandoned it halfway. If endorsements and fuzzy stories help you absorb information, by all means give this book a try. Maxwell's methods are effective, but each actionable step was buried in examples, making them hard to pick out and, for me, irritating to read.

[Razvan Rogoz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used to hate these kinds of books. 

Why?

It is your simplistic, feel good type of “manual”. It is not thought provoking. It is not something that will make you say “wow, I wish I thought of this before”.

However, I am using the wrong system of values.

This book taught me or reminded me many common sense approaches to communication. Nothing is special or complex and yet, all work. It made me say again and again “yeah, right, why haven’t I done that?”.

Communication, effective communication is simple. Listen. Show enthusiasm. Talk the language of your audience. Connect with them. Build trust. Push them towards action.

You don’t need an MBA to know this.

You need not travel the world and see yogis and masters to find out what works. And this is what this book contains, a lot of common sense advice we all know but we are not using.

This is all I have to say about it.

It can’t teach you something you don’t know. It can just remind you you’re probably doing a LOT of things wrong.

And since the purpose of education is a behavioral change, this book succeeds.

4 / 5

[Tami · Rating 5 out of 5]

an enjoyable read on a topic that really resonated with me!!! I’ve always loved connecting with people and already knew some of these ideas without formal study. but, going deeper made ALL the difference. I loved the author’s structure and all the practical insights — the example of Moses at the end was the perfect finish 👌 “you can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, to think about others, and to try to understand who they are and what they want.”

[David Pugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not necessarily anything earth shattering or new in the book, but excellently put together. There were definitely some nuggets of truth that jumped out at me. The book did more to motivate than instruct, which was kind of the point of the book. If you hope to communicate effectively this is a great read, and recommended.

[Érika · Rating 1 out of 5]

Resulto ser un libro de autoayuda y guacatelas! Además es muy aburrido, fue un logro terminarlo.

[Abbie Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

terry price would love this

[Jade · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version and man it moved at a snail's pace. It felt very patronizing. I'll probably read again during summer break to see if I enjoy it more.

[Matthew Turner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t know why I keep making the same mistake, but hopefully this will be my last one. These self-help books just aren’t for me. I was lured by the snappy title, and my naïve optimism that this author would have something profound to say on the topic.

Almost all the advice in this book is OK and --- if I’m really honest --- I did actually learn a couple of new things (although I’m struggling to think of them now).

But the overall experience was a little unpleasant for me. For example, the author tries to describe the importance of body-language by giving an example of thieves who study their victims and avoid people who seem confident and alert. I would really need to see the reference data or scientific evidence to support claims like that, because that is so close to victim-blaming it made me squirm. If it’s true, support it with evidence. If it’s just an anecdote? Erghhhh… those are the kind of anecdotes we could live without.

Speaking of anecdotes… this book is full of ‘em. Parts of it are just Mr. Maxwell telling stories about people he knows, with a tenuous link to his theme of “connecting” tacked onto the end.

And it’s also a little rah-rah-yay-America for my taste. Not super bad… but there were hints of it.

But my biggest problem is that all the advice was just incredibly obvious. I thought I was purchasing a book about how to connect with people, but this is really a book about why connections are important, with some cute little stories and platitudes to support that. If you have any doubts about the importance of human connections, buy this book and you may learn something new. But if you already think human connections are important, and you’re already doing an OK-to-average job cultivating them, my advice is to put your wallet away and keep walking.

[Tiffany · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is written by a supposed expert in communication with the help of a professional writer, and it has been a slog to get through. I'm reading it for work, and my boss and I agree that it's way too long and boring. If you're interested in the subject, get this from the library (don't pay for it), and just read the chapter summaries. There are a few good points, but he uses ten examples when a couple would suffice. And there are way too many stories and quotes. He's not following his own advice to get to the point. (Although one of his other suggestions is to say things over and over, which contradicts the first point.) Also, he quotes Roger Ailes more than once.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.

"If I went back to college again, I'd concentrate on two areas: learning to write and speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively." Gerald Ford

Three questions the crowd is asking:
1. Do you care for me?
2. Can you help me?
3. Can I trust you?

"The most influential person who will talk to you all day, is you. So, you should be very careful what you say to you." Zig Ziglar

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me understand that dealing with people is not all about me. Listening to the person speak and giving myself time to respond helps with a connection. This connection crosses all parts of my life from business to family and friends.

[Graham Mumm · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't force myself to finish. Soooo boring and nothing but common sense. Not sure I have a single takeaway from the first 200 pages. Unless you've been living under a rock, don't bother.

[Jesse Bray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read! Practical, and accessible!

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reads like an old man dropping names so his neighbors will think he's cool, not even realizing the names hrs dropping mean nothing to them. great for putting me to sleep though.

[Stef · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the audio book. So many times I thought "I do that" or "that's a great point" or "I'll try that"

I recommend this book

[Melinda Knuth · Rating 4 out of 5]

To put it simply: this book is about emotional intelligence

[Al'vina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highlighted Quotes:

“To be successful, you need to learn how to really communicate with others.”


“Connecting is vital for any person who wants to achieve success. It is essential for anyone who wants to build great relationships. You will only be able to reach your potential - regardless of your profession or chosen path - when you learn to connect with other people.”

“When you connect with others, you position yourself to make the most of your skills and talents. When you don’t connect, you have a lot to overcome just to get to average, a neutral starting position.”

“The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people.”

Yes, people are people. And wherever you find them, they desire to connect with others!”

“I believe that almost everything we become and all that we accomplish in life are the result of our interaction with others.”

“Connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating.”

“If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others.”

“Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for others. In many ways, they act like small children.”

“But maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone.”

“To add value to others, one must first value others.”

“You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, to think about others, and to try to understand who they are and what they want.”

“Because people respond to others based not merely according to the words that are used but on the connection they experience with that person.”

“When I include all three components - thought, emotion, and action - my communication has conviction, passion, and credibility. The result is connection.”

“When you take responsibility for connecting with others and you decide to serve others instead of yourself, your chances of connecting with people increase dramatically. Your attitude often speaks more loudly than your words.”

“If your face is going to ‘talk’ for you anyway, you might as well have it communicate something positive.”

“If you want to connect with others, you need to be willing to make adjustments.”

“As important as it is to know your subject, it’s equally vital that you know yourself. Effective communicators are comfortable in their own skin. They’re confident because they know what they can and can’t do, and they gravitate to their communication sweet spot when they speak to people.”

“If you want to win over another person, first win his heart. /!; the rest of him is likely to follow.”

“Whatever is inside of you, whether positive or negative, will eventually come out when you are communicating to others.”

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. That will either enable you to connect with people and win them over, or it will alienate them and cause you to lose them.”

“That is your goal anytime you want to connect with people. Help them to feel what you feel.”

“Tone, inflection, timing, volume, pacing - everything you do with your voice communicates something and has the potential to help you connect to or disconnect from others when you speak.”

“If you want to connect with others, you must be intentional about it. And that always requires energy.”

“Connecting always requires energy.”

“Initiative is to any relationship what a lighted match is to a candle.”

“Offering help to someone means risking rejection. Giving to others can lead to misunderstanding. You won’t feel ready or comfortable in those moments. You just have to learn to get past those feelings or awkwardness or insecurity.”

“Good connectors don’t always run the fastest, but they are able to take others with them. They exhibit patience. They set aside their own agendas to include others.”

“Pay attention to what charges your batteries and start making it part of your schedule.”

“If you can carve out moments to do what energizes you, then you will always have reserves of energy you can draw upon when you want to connect with others.”

“If you desire to be a good communicator and to connect with your audience, you need to do the work required to gain confidence.”

“Rare is the communicator who is able to connect with people without using humor.”

“If you did nothing else but intentionally include others in your best experiences and favorite things, you would become a much better connector overnight.”

“I think you begin to understand others better when you understand yourself, but to grow to another level, you have to work at understanding others.”

“Once a person has been placed neatly within a certain box, it becomes more difficult for us to think of him or her as being different.”

“You can’t build a relationship with everybody in the room when you don’t care about anybody in the room.”

“Secrecy spawns isolation, not success.”

“You cannot establish common ground if you refuse to let anyone know who you are or what you believe.”

“People like people who like them. When others know you care, they’ll listen.”

“False humility downplays one’s genuine strengths to receive praise. Arrogance plays up one’s strength to receive praise. Humility raises up others so they can be praised.”

“If you want to find common ground with others, the place to begin is with their feelings. If you can connect on an emotional level, connecting is much easier on every other level.”

“Greater complexity is never the answer in communication - if your desire is to connect.”

“Cold facts rarely connect with people. But good stories have an incredible impact and can help even the weakest communicator improve and begin to connect with people.”

“Never underestimate the power of connection and the impact you can make simply by working to create an experience that others enjoy.”

“Good leaders are good listeners. To be most effective, they follow this pattern: listen, learn, and then lead.”

“Inspiring communicators always expect a lot from their listeners.”

“If we treat people as who they can become, they will be inspired and to rise to the level of our expectations.”

“When I speak, I believe listeners will respond in a positive way. I am challenged to give my best to others so they will give the best of themselves.”

“Because people will not always remember what you said or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel!”

“To help listeners to feel passionate, confident, and inspired, you must express gratitude. And to do that, you must first be a grateful person. You cannot give what you do not have.”

“In the end, what good is our communication if its impact ends the moment we stop speaking?”

“A lack of trust stymies innovation and productivity. Trust, on the other hand, produces speed because it feeds collaboration, loyalty, and ultimately, results.”

“The effectiveness of the communication relies more on the character of the messenger than on the content of the message.”

Overall: 3.7/5

[Aaron · Rating 2 out of 5]

This isn’t business-talk as bad as it gets, but it’s pretty bad. There’s some stuff in here, but a lot of it strikes me as the kind of communication I don’t care for; this really focuses on public motivational-type speakers who don’t really have to buckle down on the details.

A prime example is a story about when he got an assistant, one of his early tasks was circling good quotes out of a quote book in order to match his liking. He wants pithy one-liners, funny stories, etc; nothing “deep”. The problem is exactly the same problem in the book — it’s all filler. It’s corpo-talk about motivating or any given subject, but really it all boils down to a series of overused cliches, strung together, and spoken in a confident manner. Anyone who has worked at a large company has seen this and their BS meter goes off immediately with this kind of talk. The fact that other executive types think highly of it is not surprising, but depressing anyway.

The good part is that there’s some decent advice buried in there, and the author seems quite authentic and well-meaning. The bad part is that I don’t think I’d want to see this guy talk, or hang out with him. I definitely wouldn’t want him in an executive position at my company.

[slowmokim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mình tìm đến cuốn sách này chỉ vì một lý do đơn giản: muốn cải thiện khả năng giao tiếp.

Nội dung sách chủ yếu xoay quanh những lợi ích và yêu cầu cần có nếu ai đó thật sự muốn kết nối – với một cá nhân, một nhóm hay với khán giả. Các khái niệm được đề cập hầu hết đều khá quen thuộc với chúng ta.

Tuy nhiên, sách chỉ dừng lại ở việc nêu khái niệm, yếu tố, chứ không đi sâu vào thực hành. Cảm giác hơi thiếu tính tương tác, và thiên về kỹ năng nói trước đám đông nhiều hơn. Có lẽ mình đã kỳ vọng đây sẽ là một cuốn sách giúp mình “thực hành kết nối”.

Dù vậy, mình vẫn rút ra được vài điều đáng giá. Khi đọc sách với mục tiêu cải thiện kỹ năng giao tiếp, nghĩa là mình đã “một chân lên thuyền” rồi. Mình đã bắt đầu từ bỏ những niềm tin cũ kỹ như: “mình dở ăn nói, mình ngại bắt chuyện, mình không thích nói chuyện với người lạ…”
Giờ đây, mình chọn tin rằng: “mình muốn biết họ là ai.” Mình muốn thử cảm giác làm một nhà nhân học 🤣 Và thật ra, sợ quái gì khi bắt chuyện, cần làm thì phải làm thôi.

Cuốn sách này không mới, nhưng cũng đủ để khiến mình nhận ra rằng “giao tiếp – kết nối” không phải là năng khiếu sẵn có, dở hay bởi số trời, mà là một kỹ năng cần được đầu tư nghiêm túc và rèn luyện thật sự.

[Srikantadatta Tagadur · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a public speaking enthusiast I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn the art of connecting with people. The author is truly an expert in this field and conveys the message in the most lucid and simplest way possible. The anecdotes and examples used to reinforce the concepts are perfect and genuinely appeals to everyone who reads the book. The read was a great learning experience and I can’t wait to see all my learning in action.