Manners for Men

by Mrs. Humphry

In this 1897 volume, her only book, MRS. C. E. HUMPHRY (1851-1920) describes for readers the ideal man, not merely in temperament, but in his ability to conduct himself as a gentleman in proper Edwardian society. Covering many common occasions-including walking down the street, smoking, riding a horse, attending dinner parties, eating at a restaurant, getting married, and, of course, speaking with royalty-this peculiar rule book will greatly amuse modern readers with its rundown of the enormous number of slight missteps that could condemn one to shunning by polite society. Though few lessons here are still applicable to today's casual culture, Manners for Men remains a curious glimpse into society at the turn of the 20th century.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Reference, Research

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1897

About the author

Mrs. C.E. Humphry a.k.a. Mrs. Humphry
Charlotte Eliza Humphry, née Graham, was born at County Tyrone, the daughter of Rev. James Graham and his wife Eliza. Her father was the Senior Curate of St Columb's Cathedral and Surrogate of the Diocese of Londonderry; he published a series of essays in opposition to Puseyite tractarianism and died when Charlotte was less than two years old.
Charlotte was educated in Dublin. In adulthood she moved to London; by 1871 she was teaching English in a boarding school for girls near Paddington. She then had a secretarial role on the Drawing Room Gazette. Charlotte often working under the pseudonym "Madge", began writing the "Girl’s Gossip" column in Truth in 1873. The opportunity was offered by Henry Du Pré Labouchère and continued it throughout her career. She was one of the first female journalists to write a regular column devoted to women's issues. At the beginning of her career, there were very limited spaces devoted to women in newspapers and magazines. In 1874 she become editor of Sylvia's Home Journal.
She married Joseph Albert Humphry on 5 March 1881. Her daughter, Helen Pearl, was born in the following year.
She wrote, edited and published many works throughout her career and is perhaps best known for originating what was known as the "Lady’s Letter"-style column she wrote for the publication Truth, read throughout the British Empire. She was one of the first woman journalists in England.

Reviews

[Justin Tate · Rating 4 out of 5]

First published in 1897 by "Girl's Gossip" columnist C. E. Humphry, this how-to guide on not being a cad or embarrassing yourself in polite society is surprisingly readable. Mrs. Humphry utilizes sharp wit that remains hilarious even 100+ years later. Other laugh-out-loud moments emerge thanks to the rich ironies of drastic culture change. My favorite parts, however, are when she berates men for engaging in uncouth behavior that continues to plague today's society.

For example, manspreading. Yes, the act of bowed legs on public transit was an issue in 1897 as well. She has a whole section on it:

True courtesy will prevent a man from infringing the rights of his neighbours on either side by occupying more than his own allotted space. Very stout men are obliged to do so, but at least they need not spread out their knees in a way that is calculated to aggravate the evil. Even a thin man can take up a quantity of room by thus disposing himself at an angle of forty-five with the other occupants of an omnibus.

Even church-going men receive no forgiveness from the ever-observant Mrs. Humphry. Of the routinely tardy, she says:

I know a young man who makes it a practice to arrive late in church every Sunday. I often wish that he did not go to my church, for he makes me cordially despise him.

Harsher words are reserved for fresh men who attempt to woo women under the guise of assistance, such as offering an umbrella in a thunderstorm. Though she also warns men of the wicked women they might encounter should they offer such a dreadful act of charity. "No lady would accept the offer from a stranger, and the other sort of person might never return the umbrella."

Though her opinions might seem crass today, Mrs. Humphry was by no means a traditionalist. Some of her recommendations must've been controversial, as they were surprising even to me. Of marriage proposal, for example, she says, "The old-fashioned rule that a man must approach the father of a girl before offering himself in marriage to her has now, to some extent, died out."

How scandalous! Of course, she does go on to say that if the girl accepts, the man must then receive approval from the father and call off the marriage if he does not approve.

Of waiting until everyone is served before eating, she takes this unexpected opinion:

It is a very old-fashioned piece of good manners to wait till every one is served. So old-fashioned is it that it survives at present only among the uncultured classes. The correct thing to do nowadays is to begin eating without reference to others. The old style must not only have been trying in consequence of seeing one's food grow cold before one's eyes, but it must also have been responsible for making dinner a very slow and tedious meal.

Dear me! I guess I’ve been gentlemanly this whole time and didn’t know it.

Clearly Mrs. Humphry is a great talent of language and vocabulary, but she had another startling take on speech that made me blush.

No man with any claim to social position would consent to pronounce the 'g' at the end of the present participle of verbs. "Comin' and goin'" are the correct forms just now. "Don't you know" is ridiculously correct. Men of perception do not care to be more accurate than others of their set. "Don't-chi-know" is more customary, and the pronunciation marks the man as riding on the topmost crest of the social wave.

In many other instances she writes off by-gone social norms that I still considered polite. Then she will throw in something truly off-the-wall. Like, gentlemen must peel their bananas with a knife and fork.

Overall, this is a breezy, delightful read both as a historical document and commentary on human interaction over time. Kudos to Pryor Publications for the facsimile that’s identical to how it appeared in print circa 1897. One of the more fun reading experiences I’ve had in a while.

[Kerri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has more humour than I was expecting. Although some parts are less relevant now, the insights into past behaviour are good. And many of the expected manners still feel relevant. While etiquette may have evolved, politeness remains desirable. This was a fun read, and I am now on the lookout for "Manners for Women".

[Sarai · Rating 5 out of 5]

Product description:
The author covers details of etiquette and behaviour, of vital importance in the slippery climb to the heights of recognition as a "gentleman", in situations such as the formal dinner-party, a trip on an omnibus, an afternoon call, or even a walk down the street. Every occasion is fraught with pitfalls for the unwary, but this book could give the young social aspirant at least a chance of avoiding the most obvious. This is a charming and highly entertaining view of the obsessively, class-conscious late Victorian age, when ignorance of the minutiae of manners meant social failure.


An excerpt from the book:
Conversations

A good education is a sound basis for carrying on conversation. A gentleman should be able to talk on a variety of subjects, although he should never use vulgarisms in speech. Simplicity and terseness are the characteristics of a highly-cultivated person. A gentleman should also be a good listener, even if the talker is prolific. A gentleman conceals his dislikes and disgusts. Compliments are encouraged, but only if they are sincere. Flattery should be avoided at all costs. Slang is considered vulgar, and should never be used. Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Interruption of speech is also a sin against good breeding. To show interest in the concerns of others is very complimentary, and should be practiced in conversation. Finally, a gentleman never mentions private matters in public or mixed assembly.

This is a slender, quick read and very entertaining.

[Lesley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great fun - though the final chapters are rather dreary info on how to address the aristocracy and similar stock properties of the etiquette manual. The earlier chapters, however, are quite witty - not to mention evoking certain sighs of 'plus ca change' about male behaviour (yes, there was manspreading on Victorian omnibuses! and cads who tried to impose their acquaintance upon reluctant ladies).

[M. Filozofs - Lauvassirds · Rating 4 out of 5]

Indivīds un sabiedrība, etiķetes un nerakstītie likumi. Iemācoties labas manieres, tev vairs nebūs jākaunas, dodoties sabiedrībā, viesībās, restorānos, bāros, ir pat speciāla nodaļa, kā uzvesties uz ielas...
Labu manieru padomus neuzskaitīšu, jo to šajā grāmatā ir ļoti, ļoti daudz! Ja gribas uzzināt, ir jāizlasa grāmata.

*Neliecies gultā ar meiteni, ja neesi gatavs precēt! Ideāls vīrietis: laipns pret sievietām un bērniem, līdjūtīgs pret veciem un invalīdiem, un nelaimīgajiem; izglītojas un atjaunojas visas dzīves garumā, rūpējas par citiem, nevainojams domās un sirdī. Ideāls vīrietis ir sastopams ļoti reti. Viņš ir vienmēr godīgs pret sevi un citiem. Kopsummā mēs, vīrieši, ideālu nesasniedzam, bet tikai tiecamies pēc tā!

*Cilvēka dabā ir ilgoties pēc labas sabiedrības. Censties ievērot šeit rakstītos padomus ir sarežģīti; no otras puses, labas manieres veicina vēlme pēc labas sabiedrības! Šī grāmata dod tieši to, ko tā piedāvā! Latviešu kultūra atšķiras no šeit rakstītā un atšķiras krietni. Un tomēr, ja to ievērosi, tevi sauks par džentlmeni, kas nemaz nebūtu slikti.

[Abdullah Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a charming little book that highlights some of the expected behaviours of young gentlemen of an English persuasion. However much of it is outdated and completely unrealistic in today’s modern world. It does nonetheless give some explanation behind some of the apparently pointless gestures that exist in English society. Of course some of the manners are extremely well founded and helpful for society.

[Sam U · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different world.