The Secret Life of Families: Making Decisions About Secrets: When Keeping Secrets Can Harm You, When Keeping Secrets Can Heal You-And How to Know the Difference

by Evan Imber-Black

Secrets come in all shapes and sizes. And for families as well as individuals, they are built on a complex web of shifting motives and emotions. But today, when personal revelations are posted on the Internet or sensationalized on afternoon talk shows, we risk losing touch with how important secrets are--how they are used and abused, their power to harm and heal.

In this important work, Evan Imber-Black explores the nature of secrets, helping us

The distinction between healthy privacy and toxic secrecy
What to tell--and not to tell--young children
How to safely confront a family "zone of silence"
Why adolescents need to have some secrets--and where to draw the line
The effect of "official" secrets, like sealed adoption records and medical testing
What to consider before revealing an important secret
And much more

Filled with moving first-person stories, The Secret Life of Families provides perspective on some of today's most sensitive personal and social issues. Giving voice to our deepest fears and to our power to overcome them, this is a book that will be talked about for years to come.

Genres: Social Work, Nonfiction, Psychology

336 pages, Paperback

First published March 2, 1998

About the author

Current Director of Program Development at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York City and Professor of Psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine


Previously
*Director of Training at the Family Therapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of
*Past-president of the American Family Therapy Academy
*Recipient of the 1990 American Family Therapy Academy Award for Distinguished Contribution to Family Therapy Theory and Practice
*Recipient of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Cumulative Contribution to Marriage and Family Therapy

The mother of two grown children, and grandmother of three, she lives with her husband in Westchester,NY where she practices family therapy.

Reviews

[Cpresto2 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written by director of program development at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York City. She explores the complexity of secrets and offers ways to think about them, showing connections among societal values, cultural meanings and influences,
beliefs, family of origin; the difference between sweet secrets and destructive secrets and how secrets shape and alter familial relationships, friendships, and family life cycles. She explores the right to keep a secret, timing on disclosure, obligations to others to reveal or keep a secret. Interesting stories of clients who make the journey from secrecy to openness.

[Janet Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Evan Imber-Black, PhD., gives an incredibly eye-opening look into the power of family secrets, complete with stunning and heart-wrenching examples from many many years of work with families. One of my current professors told me that, "Secrets play a role in most family treatment, regardless of the presenting issue. And by most, I mean 99% at least." Imber-Black gives strong evidence of this and helps understand the best ways to open secrets in order to restore or gain healthy relationships within a family. This book will stick with me for a long time!

[Dharma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh. Nothing surprising, nothing that seems like I don't already know. But than again I'm not far into it.

Some excellent reminders about privacy versus secrets, and who the secret belongs to.

Stirred my dormant therapist in training because there were interesting cases and the example of transgeneration repetition thrilled me no end.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extremely helpful to anyone dealing with difficult family secrets. There is something here for everyone, but it does take an open mind to gain insight and take away new messages. I would recommend therapy and reading this book to help understand what dynamics are at work in any family who harbors dangerous secrets.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the very best books I have ever read.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

i still use stuff from this book in my work fourteen years after reading it! great stuff.