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The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

4.26  ·  Rating details ·  4,477 ratings  ·  317 reviews
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." But it often seems like conflict and disagreement are unavoidable. Serious, divisive conflict is everywhere-within families, in the church, and out in the world. And it can seem impossible to overcome its negative force in our lives.

In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resoluti
Paperback, 320 pages
Published January 1st 2004 by Baker Books (first published October 1st 1990)
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Feb 25, 2021 rated it it was amazing
The Peacemaker series by Ken Sande should be a foundational book for every Christian, especially at conversion or when becoming a member in your local church body. I would even be as bold to say “required reading” along with the statement of faith, church by-laws and member’s covenant.

This book serves a clear, functional and biblical reference on how to resolve conflicts with believers and a foundational guide toward how to address conflict with unbelievers.

I carried this book with me everywhe
Sep 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book is an excellent resource on working through conflict in a biblical way. I know I will be returning to it again and again!
Haley Annabelle
Jun 15, 2021 rated it really liked it
This book contains fabulous biblical peacemaking principles. As I read it weekly, I was amazed in the way that God used each chapter in my life. Almost every chapter came at exactly the opportune time. This is a book that I will surely refer back to many times both in my personal life and in counseling.

My only complaint is that Ken Sande’s perspective in writing this book is much different than I expected going in. It is definitely a book written more for those involved in material disputes rat
Bambi Moore
Sep 28, 2018 rated it really liked it
Very good, practical, guidebook solidly based on Biblical principles. Covers root causes of conflict (with anyone, including a spouse), communication, what Biblical forgiveness is, consequences of unforgiveness, example after example of grace-filled reconciliations, sinful tactics we use to avoid loving confrontation, why conflict is full of opportunity and much more. Extremely thorough. I skimmed parts on court litigations.
Bob Price
May 23, 2013 rated it liked it
Conflict is inevitable. You put two people in a room and you will get at least five different opinions on something and they will fight.

Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is designed to help resolve conflict and be restored to one another. The concept may seem simple, and a lot of what Sande says is common sense, but it is still a book that should be required reading, especially in the church.

Sande's main point is that God hates conflict and that we should do whatever we can to resolve conflict.
David Zimmerman
Jul 01, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I purchased my first copy of The Peacemaker off a discount shelf. I figured I had little to lose at 75% off the cover price. Since then, I have purchased and given away many copies of this wonderful book. It is the best resource I own on resolving conflict biblically AND successfully. After 30 years in full-time ministry, it is still on my Top Reads.

The strength of The Peacemaker is that it avoids the all-too-common trend of presenting humanistic principles of psychology dressed up in religious
May 04, 2021 rated it really liked it
4/5 stars.

Killing two birds with one stone here! Reading as part of my biblical counseling book list and as a supplement to Sunday school class.

Its magnum opus (at least for me) close to the beginning, that “conflict is an opportunity” sticks with you. How many people actually see conflict as an opportunity to God’s glory and our good? I’d say, not many of us. We see it as a nuisance. A hindrance or roadblock in the way of living our lives for the Lord. Yet it is an opportunity. Albeit challengi
Carrie ReadingtoKnow
May 01, 2018 rated it really liked it
I'm giving this book 4 stars and not 5 for a simple reason: it's a good resource in the hands of a faithful, humble Christian and a weapon in the hands of a person who isn't.

This book came highly recommended to me (years ago) and I finally got around to reading it. It has very good advice for how to handle interpersonal conflicts with others. There are excellent scriptural reminders that it is important to resolve conflict. Tips on how to approach a difficult conversation with whom you are at od
Natalie Weber
Feb 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is one of those books that I had heard about multiple times, but never felt compelled to read because I didn’t have a situation that seemed to warrant it. Well, God saw fit to change that. It’s been a long, slow read over a couple of years. My perspective has been challenged and changed as I’ve pondered the biblical truths and insights that author Ken Sande makes. Perhaps most of all, I am learning to see conflict as an opportunity to glorify God rather than something to avoid or react to.

Jun 15, 2021 rated it really liked it
Excellent principles to apply to every conflict. For moms this guide is the best parenting book. Conflict abounds in EVERY relationship, the better we handle the small conflicts the better equipped we will be for the big ones.

Took off a star from my previous 5 star rating because 1) badly needs an update to address and incorporate technology (email, text, social media) that is heavily used in 2021, and 2) a couple of areas Sande was very unclear in his teaching this became more apparent as I we
Apr 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2019
Very helpful book. I should reread it several times!
Aug 19, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This may be the best book on conflict resolution I’ve read. Very biblical and practical. If read carefully and implemented, this would promote a Peacemaker mindset that would benefit any pastor, or person who interacts with people. So... everyone!
Jonathan Brooker
Jul 14, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I would have expected a book of this kind, and one about to reach it's 30-year mark would feel dated and overly self-helpy. After all, it was written during a time where many Christian books of this nature ended up feeling more like self-help with Jesus tacked on. But this work on the biblical position of peacemaking was absolutely phenomenally executed and has held up very well over the years since Sande first wrote it.

There was such care given to the prolific use of Scripture. No cherry-pickin
Jonathan Song
Sep 12, 2020 rated it really liked it
Clear in its presentation and practical in its application towards how to maintain and bring about peace from a biblical perspective. Sande speaks both from wisdom from past experiences of conflict mediation and is sensitive to the prospect that conflict resolution isn't so cut and dry. It's messy and difficult and emotions heavily get involved. He provides helpful models to think through and ask hard reflective questions about the nature of making peace.

I am left wondering two dueling realities
Hudson Christmas
Our youth group has been going through this book throughout this semester, and it has been an absolute blessing. Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson describe the Biblical approach to conflict in a practical and easy to read way, that is perfect for middle-school and high-school students. The Biblical truths are so rich that any adult Christian would easily profit from the truth that they write about. Incredibly convicting and immensely practical, I would highly highly suggest this book, as we all encoun ...more
Tamara Milanovic
Sep 28, 2020 rated it really liked it
Great book on our call to be Peacemakers, on how dangerous it is to use escape or attack responses to resolve conflict, and how rewarding, healthy, and efficient it is to use some of the peacemaking responses instead. One of the best features of this book is how it calls us to search and look into our hearts and dig out any 'idols' that might be hiding behind the conflict as well as it's call to forgivness. It doesn't matter if you are going through a conflict right now or not, this book is some ...more
This book was a bit of a slog. While I appreciate the intent of the writers, its packaging makes it rather hard for young people to embrace, in my opinion. Chapters were long. It felt like the authors were trying to be relatable through using slang or what they deemed to be "cool" language. I think it would annoy most young people.

On the other hand, the stories and experiences included were helpful. I wonder if they reformatted the content to be in more bite-sized chunks of teaching, with stori
Erica Reagan Powell
Aug 15, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Reading this book was like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. Or getting punched in the stomach over and over again.

Basically, I realize now how poorly I have dealt with conflict in the past, and the Lord has used the wisdom in this book to show me my sin and foolishness. I pray for grace to remember and implement the biblical and practical principles Sande gives in his book. It is my intention to use it as a reference and to recommend it to my brothers and sisters in Christ as I have oppor
Sean Blacksten
Nov 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I have never read a book on interpersonal relationships with this level of practical, helpful and needed content like this one. Most of us avoid conflict or wait until our frustration builds up to the point of exploding on another person. This is a must read for anyone dealing with a difficult relationship in their life. Ken's wisdom and experience as a lawyer and commited follow of Jesus makes this book worth the time and effort to read it. ...more
Donald Owens II
Apr 03, 2018 rated it really liked it
A very helpful manual on dealing with interpersonal conflict. Maybe a bit heavy on lists and pat answers, reminiscent of Bill Gothard and Jay Adams (in fact, I think I recognized some terminology), but very practical for all that, and biblically sound.
Owen Lewis
Jun 16, 2021 rated it really liked it
Enjoyed reading. I was convicted by the exhortation to seek peace biblically in all relationships. Conflict abounds, whether small or great. Very practical writing, with a lot of good stories/examples.
Raquel Evans
Jan 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
This seems to be a solidly Biblical guide to dealing with conflicts.
John Rakshith Prabhakar
Jun 18, 2019 rated it it was amazing
A very helpful and practical guide to resolving personal conflict. Full of wisdom!
Apr 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing
In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande details how to approach conflicts with humility and grace, and thus glorify God. It is well organized and biblically sound - easier to read than to put into practice!
Dec 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Invaluable information!
Emma Wick
Apr 05, 2021 rated it it was ok
Horrible, I read this last winter for school and barely remember what it was about - I blocked out so much of it. Nearly every night I went into my friends dorm room and complained to her about how it was so unhelpful. It was dominated by a privileged christian white man's perspective and tackled conflict management passively. Do not recommend. ...more
Apr 22, 2019 rated it really liked it
Quite practical; staff were trained & we used some of these principles at school with success. Especially good to use as a group strategy.
Apr 26, 2017 rated it really liked it
This took way too long to finish but finish I did! It is a wonderful how-to book for Biblical conflict resolution but it would have benefited from more examples and stories. Without those, it was dry and boring in many parts even though the content itself was excellent.
Chad Warner
Mar 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Christians
Recommended to Chad by: Pastor Dodds
Helpful, biblical guidance on how to bring conflict to peaceful resolution. Sande is a lawyer, full-time Christian conciliator, and church elder. The audiobook doesn't include all the Scripture citations that are in text version. I listened to the abridged audiobook.

I read this because it was recommended by a pastor who's a biblical counselor and very familiar with Sande's Peacemaker Ministries and Relational Wisdom 360.

Part 1: Glorify God
Conflict Provides Opportunities
Personal peacemaking (can
Jeff Burket
Jan 15, 2020 rated it really liked it
Lovely book that seeks to connect the deeply theologically profound (the central Christian tenant that Christ died for our sins while we were still sinners and we are to live our lives in response to this truth) with the very practical- in this case conflict management. It seeks to do what we as Christians should always do (yet often fail to) - consider how the gospel speaks to and guides a specific way we go about our life, relationships, and communication. Especially in areas of conflict and n ...more
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Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal dispute ...more

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“It is easier to accept your limits if you have a biblical view of success. The world defines success in terms of what a person possesses, controls, or accomplishes. God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his will. The world asks, 'What results have your achieved?' God asks, 'Were you faithful to my ways?” 5 likes
“The more you make Jesus the treasure of your heart, the less room there will be in your life for idols.” 4 likes
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