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The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
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The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

4.22  ·  Rating details ·  3,374 Ratings  ·  194 Reviews
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." But it often seems like conflict and disagreement are unavoidable. Serious, divisive conflict is everywhere-within families, in the church, and out in the world. And it can seem impossible to overcome its negative force in our lives.

In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resoluti
Paperback, 320 pages
Published January 1st 2004 by Baker Books (first published October 1st 1990)
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Bob Price
May 23, 2013 rated it liked it
Conflict is inevitable. You put two people in a room and you will get at least five different opinions on something and they will fight.

Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is designed to help resolve conflict and be restored to one another. The concept may seem simple, and a lot of what Sande says is common sense, but it is still a book that should be required reading, especially in the church.

Sande's main point is that God hates conflict and that we should do whatever we can to resolve conflict.
David Zimmerman
Jul 01, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I purchased my first copy of The Peacemaker off a discount shelf. I figured I had little to lose at 75% off the cover price. Since then, I have purchased and given away many copies of this wonderful book. It is the best resource I own on resolving conflict biblically AND successfully. After 30 years in full-time ministry, it is still on my Top Reads.

The strength of The Peacemaker is that it avoids the all-too-common trend of presenting humanistic principles of psychology dressed up in religious
Sean Blacksten
Nov 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I have never read a book on interpersonal relationships with this level of practical, helpful and needed content like this one. Most of us avoid conflict or wait until our frustration builds up to the point of exploding on another person. This is a must read for anyone dealing with a difficult relationship in their life. Ken's wisdom and experience as a lawyer and commited follow of Jesus makes this book worth the time and effort to read it.
Raquel Evans
Jan 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This seems to be a solidly Biblical guide to dealing with conflicts.
Apr 26, 2017 rated it really liked it
This took way too long to finish but finish I did! It is a wonderful how-to book for Biblical conflict resolution but it would have benefited from more examples and stories. Without those, it was dry and boring in many parts even though the content itself was excellent.
Sep 06, 2011 rated it it was amazing
This is a truly useful book for any Christian not living in seclusion... Instead of another "Christian" book about conflict, with pithy admonitions to resolve it because of our faith, Sande creates a compilation of strategies to actually DO something. Chapters are basically lists, charts, and/or checklists with further explanation of each individual segment. That's not to say that Sande is absent from the book as a writer, in fact the personal stories that he shares give credibility to his theor ...more
Jul 25, 2017 rated it really liked it
"conflict provides opportunities to glorify God, serve people, and grow to be like Christ" (p 259). I have started this book several times without finishing it until it became painfully obvious that I wasn't dealing with personal and professional conflict in a healthy way. I needed a new perspective to frame the conflict and to address it rather than leading me to discouragement, resentment, and bitterness. The first two parts of this book (Glorify God and Get The Log Out of Your Eye) struck at ...more
Jan 11, 2009 rated it it was ok
Read with church group. I thought the ideas in this book were good--but most of them seemed obvious to me, and I could have done without all the "7 Keys to This" and "4 Ts of That."

However, despite my negative review, I would still recommend the book for someone looking for concrete ideas on how to work through conflict, particularly if you are someone who avoids conflict or if you anticipate that conflict could become uncivil to where reconciliation becomes that much more difficult to achieve.
Apr 27, 2009 rated it really liked it
An excellent and extremely relevant book that covers conflict resolution over everything from small annoyances to legal cases. It's very practical and constantly references the Gospel of God's grace as our foundation for how we handle conflict. It is also laid out so it can be a good reference if you don't have time to read the whole book. The first chapter summarizes the book and was worth the price of the book by itself.
Peter Pinyol
Oct 17, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoy reading this books. I have been readings others from the same topic in this time of my ministry, and I really believes this one gives a very practical way of resolving conflicts, it is sad that just a few christians follows the principles pressented in this book. Conflict is not an enemy is a friendthat help us to resolve truth, the problem is that we do not know how to work or deal with conflic and for that reason there are so many unresolved situation in our churches today.
David King
Jul 16, 2014 rated it really liked it
A theology of conflict resolution. Written in handbook format, it weaves the biblical foundation throughout a detailed explanation of how to put things into practice. This is my 3rd or 4th time through the book in the past 15 years, and I am still trying to figure out how to consistently put this into practice.
Amanda R
May 05, 2009 rated it it was amazing
A must read! Too many valuable and practical lessons to list here, but one that stands out is the description and practical explanation of forgiveness. I have spent many Sundays sitting in churches, and I have never heard a compelling and practical explanation of what it means to forgive and what that looks like, but I found it in this book.
Dec 18, 2014 rated it it was amazing
One of the most helpful books I have read this year. Definitely a profitable read on resolving conflict. Ken Sande presents a Gospel-focused approach, encouraging a Biblical method to humbly addressing both your sin and your "enemy's" instead of just trying to solve the problem.
Rebekah Courter
Apr 08, 2014 rated it it was amazing
What an incredible book. I would consider it a must read for every Christian. We are called to be peacemakers. What are we doing about it?
Douglas Wilson
Mar 24, 2009 rated it really liked it
Very good.
Ben Zornes
I had gone through the materials of this book 10+ years ago when on a mission trip in Tanzania. So, it was good to go through this content again. Plenty of worthwhile observations and insights into conflict resolution. His chapter on forgiveness was quite good and very edifying. The rest of it was useful, but nothing profound or groundbreaking. Solid common sense resolution.

Here is a great excerpt:
Forgiveness is not feeling. It is an act of the will.  Forgiveness involves a series of decisions,
Nathan Albright
Aug 09, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: challenge
It is perhaps to my shame that this is not a book I had heard of, nor is it a book that I would have been likely to pick up and read, except that it was given to me by a friend of mine, even if it took me quite a while to get to the book. It does not take a person of great discernment or understanding to realize that conflict has been an extremely important matter in nearly every aspect of my life, from my intellectual studies [1] to my lifetime of interpersonal drama [2]. Without going into suc ...more
Brandi D'angelo
Jul 31, 2017 rated it really liked it
For Christians and non-Christians, this book has a lot of good tips on navigating conflict. One topic that interested me was listening, so I'm going to summarize his tips for listening, because I thought it was so important:
-Waiting: wait patiently for the other person to finish; don't interrupt; be comfortable w/silence
-Attending: do not rehearse responses or let your mind wander; maintain eye contact, nod, eliminated distractions
-Clarifying: ask questions like, "Are you saying...?" or say, "Te
Matt Kottman
Jan 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is extremely helpful in understanding and engaging in conflict resolution. It's a theme that has far too few titles, but this is one worth reading. The fact of the matter is that as people, we are sinners and therefore we will sin against others and self-justify, and others will sin against us. We have ample opportunity to work towards reconciliation as we have been reconciled to Christ. Yet so often, rather than reconcile, we tend to walk away from the very relationship that we are ca ...more
Ben Sinnard
A lot of lists makes my head hurt, which this has a lot of lists. But, the principles and thought behind them are so powerful and needed. Resolving personal and group conflict is neglected in contemporary American culture...we just leave if we don't like something rather than working through the conflict and having reconciliation. But it is hard work. This book should be a must for any Session or church to sit under for awhile. Great resource! Highly recommend it!
Oct 20, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2017
Ken Sande does a masterful job of applying Scripture to the inevitable conflicts that we all experience in life, and helping us to respond as Christ has called us to- and not with the standards of the world.

This book challenged me, convicted me, and inspired me to see the conflicts in my life as opportunities to love people as Christ has called me to love, and be trained in the character of my Savior.

This book will get added to my "read-again" list for next year. Highly recommend.
J Kevin  Whear
Sep 24, 2017 rated it really liked it
I greatly appreciate the ministry and associated book of Ken Sande. The book offers some very practical insights on resolving conflict as has been developed through years of ministry. I think chapter 5, which covers idols of the heart, is the true jewel of the book. Great book to read for anyone who wants to be called a son of God.
Jun 27, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Read by the author - who has a voice so soothing I almost fell asleep! 😄
Once I sped the rate of play to 1.25, it was fun, though.
Great biblical advice on all conflict (church, marriage, business, family, non-Christians, neighbours... all are covered!): how to have the mind of Jesus in resolving and restoring relationship & testimony.
May 21, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Fantastic and helpful

This is a fabulous explanation of how to resolve conflict between humans using Biblical principals. Easy to read, this enjoyable book will be my reference in conflict in my life and the lives of my friends. It also includes an explanation of true forgiveness and how to achieve it. Highly recommended.
Matt Smart
Aug 25, 2017 rated it really liked it
Great book on conflict resolution from a Biblical worldview. Ken, gives practical advice that stands on sound principles in Scripture, giving the WHAT, WHY, and HOW of peacemaking. I would recommend this to new believers and long time believers alike. I think it will be an important, often consulted reference on my shelf!
Joshua Nuckols
Sep 17, 2017 rated it liked it
I liked the solid biblical advice -- some of the analogies from real situations were annoying -- dog barking, confront the owners of the dog, come up with creative options -- the busybodies were given too favorable of a showing . . . a lot of the negotiation sections were taken right out of Getting to Yes, but were "christianized" with supporting bible verses.
Adam Parker
Jul 25, 2017 rated it it was ok
Shelves: christianity
We made it about 75% through this book, but in the end could not muster the will power to finish it. We did learn a good bit about the biblical response to conflict, and have been able to apply it firsthand, but it became so redundant and dry my wife and I just tapped out!
May 06, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This is an excellent book and has so many helpful and Biblical ways to work through conflicts - from small ones to big ones. A great read! It only took me so long, because I was reading it week by week in a Bible study. I can see it being used by me as a resource many times in the future.
May 16, 2017 rated it really liked it
If you desire a biblically based manual on conflict resolution, this is the book! Sande's offers an extensive study and use of Scripture to resolve conflict between person or parties.
Aug 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: homeschool
Very good book with biblical principles for restoring broken relationships.
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Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal dispute ...more
More about Ken Sande...

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“It is easier to accept your limits if you have a biblical view of success. The world defines success in terms of what a person possesses, controls, or accomplishes. God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his will. The world asks, 'What results have your achieved?' God asks, 'Were you faithful to my ways?” 4 likes
“Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises:

"I will not think about this incident."
"I will not bring up this incident again or use it against you."
"I will not talk to others about this incident."
"I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship."

By making and keeping these promises, you tear down the walls that stand between you and your offender. You promise not to dwell on or brood over the problem, nor to punish by holding the person at a distance. You clear the way for your relationship to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs. This is exactly what God does for us, and it is what he commands us to do for others.”
More quotes…