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Marry Wisely Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation
Does marriage matter anymore? If so, is it even possible to have a stable marriage? How do you choose the right one? Is there anything to work on now, even before being in a relationship?Marry Wisely, Marry Well teaches you how to start building your future marriage house even before you begin a relationship. Learn to make a wise choice of a spouse, and how to start preparing yourself for a future relationship that is truly built on Christ.
165 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2016
69 people are currently reading
307 people want to read
About the author
Ernie Baker
11 books2 followersErnie Baker (M.Div., D.Min.) is Professor of Biblical Counseling at The Master's University and Seminary in Southern California. He served as a pastor for 25 years, is a certified conciliator with Peacemaker Ministries, and a Fellow with ACBC. Ernie and his wife Rose have six children and seven grandchildren. Along with discipling his own children to make a wise choice of a spouse and to be ready for marriage, Ernie has had extensive involvement in premarital and relationship counseling with hundreds of individuals and couples.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
August 6, 2021
Great book for any single to read! I like how Baker writes sections for both guys and girls.
I would say even someone who is married can benefit from reading It.
The beginning of it can be pretty basic but it’s great reminders that we all need. Part two was the best, giving practical tips on how to prepare now.
I would say even someone who is married can benefit from reading It.
The beginning of it can be pretty basic but it’s great reminders that we all need. Part two was the best, giving practical tips on how to prepare now.
December 29, 2025
Get this book and give it to anyone you know that is trusting the Lord to marry right. Baker likens marriage preparation to building a house and starts with the foundation built upon the Word of God and preparing themself to be the person they ought to be. Highly recommended to young adults preparing to marry.
September 6, 2021
This book is probably one of the best resources I’ve read on building a biblical marriage. It walks you through where your priorities should be and it asks questions to prompt honest responses from you. I will say this book will be the most valuable to individuals who are still single and are looking for what a truly biblical relationship should look like. Definitely a worthwhile read.
September 29, 2016
Don’t Skip the Subtitle!
Have you ever failed to read the subtitle of a book only to realize that you missed the main point before you ever started? If you read Ernie Baker’s Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation without considering the subtitle, you could be missing the most important aspect of this fantastic book! Many times, young singles (I was one 3 years ago!) want a book that will tell them how to find the perfect spouse, start the perfect marriage, and give them a pain-free path to end their loneliness. This is not that book. This is a book about personal preparation for marriage and using God-given wisdom to a find a godly spouse. I wish this book had been written when I was still single because it would have been a major help when I was pursuing my wife. Marry Wisely, Marry Well is a book that I will add to the biblical counseling section of my bookshelf for any pre-marital counseling I do with couples pursuing marriage.
Laying The Foundation: Wisdom Is Key
This first section about wisdom leans heavily on scripture and contains some insights about salvation, the “put off-put on” cycle of sanctification, God’s purposes for marriage, and the wisdom about attraction. His discussion of attraction was extremely insightful, and is absolutely necessary for singles as they pursue a godly mate. He shows how the culture says “let your heart be your guide” while scripture teaches us to “watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life“ (Proverbs 4:23). Ultimately, when we follow our deceitful hearts (Jeremiah 17:9) in attraction, we can easily fall into worship the following heart idols: control, pleasure, keeping people happy, success, material things, money, and comfort. Though none of these things are inherently sinful, if we chase them instead of God, they become greater than God and objects of our worship. Furthermore, God didn’t create marriage to point it to ourselves, and if we build our marriages on idols, we will be building on sand.
Personal Preparation
Baker aims for his teaching in this book to be practical as each chapter ends with a “starting to prepare now” section. The goal is not to wait until marriage is imminent to begin preparing for it; that reveals a heart that wants marriage more than true spiritual growth. Section 1 teaches the foundations of pursuing a spouse, but section 2 is where the highlighter and the notepad should definitely come for singles who are ready to use their singleness for God’s glory. Baker gives some very wise (and fatherly) teaching on how singles can live wisely, use wisdom in relationships, make wise choices about when to marry, and to discern that God’s providence is trustworthy. The final chapter in section 2, chapter 9, is one that should be read slowly, thoughtfully, and prayerfully by every single Christian seeking marriage. Here Baker discusses various methods of finding a spouse (cohabitation, traditional dating, courtship, etc.). Too many times Christian couples (myself included) simply follow the world’s standards on finding a spouse without every questioning what the bible teaches. Baker humbly states his opinion on how a spouse should be found, but he emphasizes being a godly person in search of a godly spouse using biblical wisdom more than any specific method.
An Excellent Resource
As a married man reading this book, I see so many aspects of my life that are still in need of improvement. Marry Wisely, Marry Well could be a useful resource for Christians who made some major mistakes in the pre-marital phase of their relationship with their spouse. For the single person, this book is a gold mine for areas that may not be on the radar (or that are being ignored because singleness is an area of struggle and weakness). This book is first, and most importantly, about becoming the spouse God intends His people to be. Only after pursuing God and His wisdom should Christians pursue a godly spouse to build a God-glorifying marriage with. If you are single and looking for ways to glorify God in your pursuit of marriage, buy this book and apply the biblical principles from it. If you are looking to help single people in your life set out on a path to a God-Glorifying marriage, Marry Wisely, Marry Well is one of many excellent resources to consider as you do so.
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review for Cross Focused Reviews.
May 13, 2025
This is a crucial read for the youth and those who minister to them. He emphasizes wisdom, worship, and maturity in this guide to personal preparation for marruage. He shows that becoming a person worthy of marrying is to be prioritized in this process. This is the best pre-engagement resource I have read and have used with my counselees who desire to pursue marriage, but are ignorant and intimidated of the process.
"I would urge you to commit to starting the construction of your future marriage house even before being in a relationship" (20).
"Making another fallen person your chief security leads to nothing but frustration, anger and disappointment because they can't be God" (44).
"How do you know when you have grown up or are growing up?....When you have shown you are ready to assume the role of a biblical man or woman, you are then reaching the level of maturity necessary to be married...If we follow these criteria, there will be many ready for marriage before the mid-to-late twenties" (106).
"Readiness [for marriage] is not connected so much to age as it is to your maturity" (117).
"Becoming soul mates can happen only as you both practice the principles from God's Word. My wife and I are soul mates resulting from years of commitment, using proper relationship skills and understanding roles" (130).
"It is as blunt as this: whatever you have put into marriage preparation is what you will experience in your future marriage" (153).
"I would urge you to commit to starting the construction of your future marriage house even before being in a relationship" (20).
"Making another fallen person your chief security leads to nothing but frustration, anger and disappointment because they can't be God" (44).
"How do you know when you have grown up or are growing up?....When you have shown you are ready to assume the role of a biblical man or woman, you are then reaching the level of maturity necessary to be married...If we follow these criteria, there will be many ready for marriage before the mid-to-late twenties" (106).
"Readiness [for marriage] is not connected so much to age as it is to your maturity" (117).
"Becoming soul mates can happen only as you both practice the principles from God's Word. My wife and I are soul mates resulting from years of commitment, using proper relationship skills and understanding roles" (130).
"It is as blunt as this: whatever you have put into marriage preparation is what you will experience in your future marriage" (153).
October 6, 2016
A cursory glance at the relationship section in any Christian bookstore reveals that there is a great interest in the topic of relationships. Many of these books are designed to help marriages that are in trouble or are experiencing some sort of difficulty. There are generally few books which prepare a young person for marriage. Those that do tackle this topic are generally promoting some sort of methodology which promises to be "the Biblical method". Marry Wisely, Marry Well by Ernie Baker is a different sort of book. The main principle running throughout the book is to pursue wisdom by fearing the Lord above a specific method.
Baker begins by laying a foundation for wisdom in the person of Christ. He helps the reader to see his or her attractions and encourages us to re-prioritize those things which capture our hearts around Christ. Baker gives many examples. For instance, a common scenario posed by Baker is one in which a woman marries a man because he was an assertive male; and divorces him because he was a domineering husband. Looking at this example, he demonstrates that her affections were set upon the wrong thing. Her heart was motivated by its affections and in doing so she lusted for a strong man who would protect her. Her affections were disordered and she created an idol out of her feelings of security. To be fair, Baker doesn't say that the desire for a strong husband is wrong, but when it becomes the driving motivation and that desire becomes the "ruling desire of your heart" then your affections are fundamentally disordered. The same could be said for marrying a person simply because they provide a rich social life, are a romantic, or athletic. Whatever the desire is, it must be ruled by Christ. When it is not, we forsake wisdom for things which will absolutely disappoint.
The following chapters are focused on living as a single person. In here, Baker emphasizes the priority of being involved in a church and reorients the reader's mind toward a proper view of sexuality. In here, Baker discusses the role of sexuality within the life of the single person and counters the cultural myth that sex is something that we need for fulfillment. In this he points to Christ as "the most fully human person who has ever lived" and yet was celibate. While emphasizing that sex is a gift from God and a pleasure which He has given us for our enjoyment, sex in itself cannot meet the desire for fulfillment that we have. Sex, like all other things must be oriented toward Christ. Baker reminds us to keep an eternal perspective on marriage and points out that while we remain married here, there will be a time when the office of marriage is fulfilled in Christ and no longer binds men and women together.
Using Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3, Baker continues by listing key ingredients for a wise relationship. Among these are kindness, compassion, patience, and other fruit which scripture lists as being the mark of the believer. The following chapters help the reader to identify when they are ready for marriage and what to look for in yourself to know that you are ready. He end the book by examining various methodologies for preparing for marriage such as betrothal, courtship, traditional dating, and cohabitation. In each of these he carefully examines where each methodology adds to or takes away from Biblical wisdom. While not prescribing a methodology he states that his belief is that the best model would lie somewhere between traditional dating and courtship/biblical dating but "leaning toward courtship". His only warning when assessing how this methodology can add to or take away from scripture is if it is promoted as the only biblical way. The reason for this, he says, is because it starts the process of promoting a methodology over wisdom. He endorses this not because it is the " only biblical way" but because it involves parental involvement and encourages purity. Finally, Baker gives a glimpse of what a marriage looks like when biblical wisdom is applied to the preparation for marriage. It's not perfect by any stretch, but is one which honors Christ.
I really appreciate the way in which Baker is committed to biblical wisdom over methodologies. While I am a strong supporter of courtship I recognize that scripture does not spell it out as nicely as we wish it would. This is a good thing. It confronts our desire to be able to cling on to something and say that we have done it. While I am not against methodologies in general, I agree with the author that we must not use a methodology as a means to promote self righteousness or to be closed off to what scripture might say that doesn't fit quite as neatly with an ideology. The general thrust of the book is to seek wisdom in Christ and through scripture and to prepare yourself as an individual who is characterized by the fruit of the spirit. Seeking these things and in yourself will form a strong foundation that will weather the many storms that a marriage relationship will bring your way. This book would be an excellent addition to a homeschooling character study since a lot of homeschooling is about building strong character in children. Parents and young adults alike will benefit from Baker's biblical approach and parental wisdom. Marry Wisely, Marry Well is a top-notch book on the topic of preparing for marriage and should read by anyone who will be facing these life decisions in the near future.
click here to purchase this book from Amazon
Click here to purchase
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Shepherd Press in exchange for an online review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Baker begins by laying a foundation for wisdom in the person of Christ. He helps the reader to see his or her attractions and encourages us to re-prioritize those things which capture our hearts around Christ. Baker gives many examples. For instance, a common scenario posed by Baker is one in which a woman marries a man because he was an assertive male; and divorces him because he was a domineering husband. Looking at this example, he demonstrates that her affections were set upon the wrong thing. Her heart was motivated by its affections and in doing so she lusted for a strong man who would protect her. Her affections were disordered and she created an idol out of her feelings of security. To be fair, Baker doesn't say that the desire for a strong husband is wrong, but when it becomes the driving motivation and that desire becomes the "ruling desire of your heart" then your affections are fundamentally disordered. The same could be said for marrying a person simply because they provide a rich social life, are a romantic, or athletic. Whatever the desire is, it must be ruled by Christ. When it is not, we forsake wisdom for things which will absolutely disappoint.
The following chapters are focused on living as a single person. In here, Baker emphasizes the priority of being involved in a church and reorients the reader's mind toward a proper view of sexuality. In here, Baker discusses the role of sexuality within the life of the single person and counters the cultural myth that sex is something that we need for fulfillment. In this he points to Christ as "the most fully human person who has ever lived" and yet was celibate. While emphasizing that sex is a gift from God and a pleasure which He has given us for our enjoyment, sex in itself cannot meet the desire for fulfillment that we have. Sex, like all other things must be oriented toward Christ. Baker reminds us to keep an eternal perspective on marriage and points out that while we remain married here, there will be a time when the office of marriage is fulfilled in Christ and no longer binds men and women together.
Using Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3, Baker continues by listing key ingredients for a wise relationship. Among these are kindness, compassion, patience, and other fruit which scripture lists as being the mark of the believer. The following chapters help the reader to identify when they are ready for marriage and what to look for in yourself to know that you are ready. He end the book by examining various methodologies for preparing for marriage such as betrothal, courtship, traditional dating, and cohabitation. In each of these he carefully examines where each methodology adds to or takes away from Biblical wisdom. While not prescribing a methodology he states that his belief is that the best model would lie somewhere between traditional dating and courtship/biblical dating but "leaning toward courtship". His only warning when assessing how this methodology can add to or take away from scripture is if it is promoted as the only biblical way. The reason for this, he says, is because it starts the process of promoting a methodology over wisdom. He endorses this not because it is the " only biblical way" but because it involves parental involvement and encourages purity. Finally, Baker gives a glimpse of what a marriage looks like when biblical wisdom is applied to the preparation for marriage. It's not perfect by any stretch, but is one which honors Christ.
I really appreciate the way in which Baker is committed to biblical wisdom over methodologies. While I am a strong supporter of courtship I recognize that scripture does not spell it out as nicely as we wish it would. This is a good thing. It confronts our desire to be able to cling on to something and say that we have done it. While I am not against methodologies in general, I agree with the author that we must not use a methodology as a means to promote self righteousness or to be closed off to what scripture might say that doesn't fit quite as neatly with an ideology. The general thrust of the book is to seek wisdom in Christ and through scripture and to prepare yourself as an individual who is characterized by the fruit of the spirit. Seeking these things and in yourself will form a strong foundation that will weather the many storms that a marriage relationship will bring your way. This book would be an excellent addition to a homeschooling character study since a lot of homeschooling is about building strong character in children. Parents and young adults alike will benefit from Baker's biblical approach and parental wisdom. Marry Wisely, Marry Well is a top-notch book on the topic of preparing for marriage and should read by anyone who will be facing these life decisions in the near future.
click here to purchase this book from Amazon
Click here to purchase
Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation from christianbook.com
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Shepherd Press in exchange for an online review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
August 16, 2023
Absolutely excellent book about preparation for marriage. Baker lays out many fundamental aspects that must be in order in someone’s personal life before they even consider romantic involvement with another person. Reflection questions and regular reviews of the material help to make sure the core message of the book sticks: make sure you are someone worth marrying before you go looking for someone worth marrying. What does that look like? Turn to Scripture, see the character of a mature believer in Christ, and follow that example. Then look for those same character qualities in a future spouse, so that you can grow together in your relationship and your spiritual maturity, amounting in a marriage glorifying to the Lord.
March 13, 2023
I think this book is a biblical counseling book so I appreciated the thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter
I’m giving it 4 stars because it was hard to get into and I skimmed a lot of it 🤣
I loved these things:
-he talks about growing wiser in our attractions under the authority of the Bible
-his main point is growing in biblical wisdom
-he brought up great points about womanhood and making a home and using your home as a means to bless your kids and husband
-and he talks about getting to the root cause of our thoughts/feelings/conflicts in relationships
Good stuff, I recommend :)
I’m giving it 4 stars because it was hard to get into and I skimmed a lot of it 🤣
I loved these things:
-he talks about growing wiser in our attractions under the authority of the Bible
-his main point is growing in biblical wisdom
-he brought up great points about womanhood and making a home and using your home as a means to bless your kids and husband
-and he talks about getting to the root cause of our thoughts/feelings/conflicts in relationships
Good stuff, I recommend :)
April 29, 2022
This is a practical book to reflect on your heart and prepare yourself for marriage. Dr. Baker relates preparing for marriage and being marred to a house and uses this image to help the reader picture their own life and how their house is in preparation for marriage. Compellingly practical, foundationally theological, and thoroughly experiencial.
February 28, 2025
Preparation for marriage starts now! Big focus of this book is on building your marriage house and how you can start now, even while you are single. Seeking to glorify God and grow in wisdom, and learning how to discern your own motivations for attraction. I would recommend this to anyone wanting to be married. I really enjoyed the content and this image of building your marriage home. My only real issue is that there are more than a few typos, which just makes the book feel a little unprofessional. However, still very good and Bible based!
March 4, 2025
Would recommend this to everyone I know who is single or dating. Remarkably grounded in Scripture and chalked full of real life applications and questions to consider, this is one of the most useful books I have ever read.
June 16, 2017
Some stuff was pretty basic, but it had some really helpful tools for digging into my heart motivations and desires.
September 27, 2016
Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s not just that I’m celebrating fifteen years with my Hubby this year. It’s also that my oldest child turned eleven in March. I suddenly realize that he’s half grown, and he’s not far away from having feelings for girls, and I realize that in a few short years, he (and my other three) will be at the age to begin contemplating marriage. I wonder how I will counsel them and what I will do as they being to choose their marriage partners. So, when I received the opportunity to review Marry Wisely, Marry Well, I thought it could be a great resource to me in helping to prepare my children (and the children I teach) for marriage.
Ernie Baker has a testimony of a long and fruitful marriage, and he desires to help others do the same by helping them to prepare for marriage and to build their marriages on the right foundation. In this spirit, he divides his book into three sections.
In the first section, he begins by discussing wisdom and Christ as our foundation of wisdom. He discusses growing wiser about attraction by considering our idols along with our attractions. He explains that many marriages fail or do not flourish because they’re not built on the right foundation. He explains God’s design for marriage using the foundational scriptures in Genesis 1 & 2.
In the second section, he explains the first floor of marital preparation. The chapters deal with wise living during your single years. (Love this chapter because of the new insight I took into I Corinthians 7!) He also discusses the relationship skills and character traits required in the marital relationship. He writes about how to know when you’re ready for marriage using six qualities for women from Proverbs 31 and a composite view of scripture for the Biblical man. These are to be used for self-evaluation as well as spousal evaluation. He discusses one of the ultimate questions of marrying people. “How will I know the right person?” He also discusses different methods of finding a spouse and evaluates each of them in light of scripture.
The final section of the book is a simple chapter devoted to the result of building wisely and explains what it means to have a marriage that glorifies God.
I truly thought that this was an excellent book to help you or your child evaluate where they are in the spectrum of being prepared for relationships. There are many questions at the end of the chapter, including questions for evaluating a future spouse by. I also liked that this was a book about working on yourself, on your own readiness, and that the ultimate message of the book is that, if your satisfaction is not in Christ, you won’t find the satisfaction that you’re looking for in the marital relationship. That is a big message that I think young people need to hear over and over again. So many people are just waiting for the right person to “complete” them, and I think hearing that this is an unrealistic expectation is the best thing they can hear.
I love the evaluation of dating, courtship, online dating, and other spouse finding methods in relation to scripture. As a parent, it can be difficult to find the right Biblical mix for your teenagers without being overly legalistic. I like that Baker cuts through some of the arguments for and against each method by evaluating where it is adding to or taking away from scripture. I found this section very helpful.
All in all, I found this book to be a very helpful addition to our library, and it is one that I will refer to often as we continue into the years in which my children will begin to evaluate marriage and the relationships that they wish to have in the romantic sphere of life.
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Ernie Baker has a testimony of a long and fruitful marriage, and he desires to help others do the same by helping them to prepare for marriage and to build their marriages on the right foundation. In this spirit, he divides his book into three sections.
In the first section, he begins by discussing wisdom and Christ as our foundation of wisdom. He discusses growing wiser about attraction by considering our idols along with our attractions. He explains that many marriages fail or do not flourish because they’re not built on the right foundation. He explains God’s design for marriage using the foundational scriptures in Genesis 1 & 2.
In the second section, he explains the first floor of marital preparation. The chapters deal with wise living during your single years. (Love this chapter because of the new insight I took into I Corinthians 7!) He also discusses the relationship skills and character traits required in the marital relationship. He writes about how to know when you’re ready for marriage using six qualities for women from Proverbs 31 and a composite view of scripture for the Biblical man. These are to be used for self-evaluation as well as spousal evaluation. He discusses one of the ultimate questions of marrying people. “How will I know the right person?” He also discusses different methods of finding a spouse and evaluates each of them in light of scripture.
The final section of the book is a simple chapter devoted to the result of building wisely and explains what it means to have a marriage that glorifies God.
I truly thought that this was an excellent book to help you or your child evaluate where they are in the spectrum of being prepared for relationships. There are many questions at the end of the chapter, including questions for evaluating a future spouse by. I also liked that this was a book about working on yourself, on your own readiness, and that the ultimate message of the book is that, if your satisfaction is not in Christ, you won’t find the satisfaction that you’re looking for in the marital relationship. That is a big message that I think young people need to hear over and over again. So many people are just waiting for the right person to “complete” them, and I think hearing that this is an unrealistic expectation is the best thing they can hear.
I love the evaluation of dating, courtship, online dating, and other spouse finding methods in relation to scripture. As a parent, it can be difficult to find the right Biblical mix for your teenagers without being overly legalistic. I like that Baker cuts through some of the arguments for and against each method by evaluating where it is adding to or taking away from scripture. I found this section very helpful.
All in all, I found this book to be a very helpful addition to our library, and it is one that I will refer to often as we continue into the years in which my children will begin to evaluate marriage and the relationships that they wish to have in the romantic sphere of life.
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
October 7, 2022
As someone who ministers to teens and their parents, I loved the basic, Biblical viewpoint that addresses something many Christians over complicate. I Will definitely be using this as a future resource.
June 7, 2020
Appreciated the focus on wisdom guiding rather than a legalistic checklist and balance of focusing on grace and fruit of a godly life!
February 24, 2022
life is short, but marriage is long. choose wisely :00000
October 22, 2016
In "Marry Wisely, Marry Well", Ernie Baker lays out many things I wish I had been taught more consistently during my formative and single years. Using the analogy of building a house, the reader is brought from the single life ("building a foundation") through married life (building the 1st and 2nd floors and the roof).
While any married couple would benefit from reading this book (no matter where you are in your relationship years, it's not too late to work on any problem areas), I would recommend this book especially to singles and those preparing for marriage. With thoughtful questions at the end of each chapter that ask the reader to reflect on him/herself as well as his/her potential spouse, there is potential for a great deal of discussion with friends, a pastor, and/or a marriage/pre-marriage counselor, and personal reflection.
Note: I received a free copy of this book through Cross-Focused Reviews in exchange for my honest appraisal. I was not required to provide positive feedback.
While any married couple would benefit from reading this book (no matter where you are in your relationship years, it's not too late to work on any problem areas), I would recommend this book especially to singles and those preparing for marriage. With thoughtful questions at the end of each chapter that ask the reader to reflect on him/herself as well as his/her potential spouse, there is potential for a great deal of discussion with friends, a pastor, and/or a marriage/pre-marriage counselor, and personal reflection.
Note: I received a free copy of this book through Cross-Focused Reviews in exchange for my honest appraisal. I was not required to provide positive feedback.
November 3, 2025
I’ve always been skeptical of Christian marriage and dating books, more so dating since there isn’t a verse in the bible that talks about it, but I wanted to give this book a try. It first prefaces that it’s not a book on how to get married and shouldn’t be viewed as such. It changed my view on marriage and what marriage really means. Using Ephesians 5 as a basis and other chapters in the bible, it talks about how marriage is a symbol of servitude in Christ serving and loving the church, it doesn’t tell you how to get a spouse, but how your closeness with the Lord builds a foundation for your “house” or family. Going into proverbs and psalms on building your foundation on solid ground, to use in all of life, but especially in marriage. I highly recommend this book, married, dating, single, because it’s not just a marriage book, but a look at how you can glorify and worship the Lord in another area of your life and how drawing close to the Lord and becoming a godly husband or wife go hand
April 2, 2025
Discusses the importance of turning to the Lord and His word for biblical wisdom, salvation and looking to Christ for wisdom, understanding heart attraction and heart idolatries, God’s design for marriage, wise living during the single years, character traits and relationship skills, knowing when you’re ready for marriage, and God’s will. Checklist at the end of the book for building towards foundations of a good marriage, a Psalm 18 study with good questions, and the Marriage Preparation Project with more good questions. Each chapter ends with questions for you to grow in preparing now, to consider for the future, and to consider for your potential future spouse.
Had good thorough Scripture references and explanations with solid Biblical foundation in looking to Christ, His wisdom, and God’s design for marriage. Not too wordy or lengthy. Questions and checklists get to a lot of heart issues and heart idols and ways you can be growing in the Lord and His likeness!
Had good thorough Scripture references and explanations with solid Biblical foundation in looking to Christ, His wisdom, and God’s design for marriage. Not too wordy or lengthy. Questions and checklists get to a lot of heart issues and heart idols and ways you can be growing in the Lord and His likeness!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 27, 2016
Ernie Baker wrote his book Marry Wisely Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation "to bring home to those who are not married--in high school, college or beyond--a hope that you don't have to experience a failed marriage--hope that the Lord, through Scripture, will give you wisdom to choose a spouse. It is also written with the conviction that you can start preparing now for marriage--before you are in a relationship. Prepare yourself now by doing things that will lead to stability in your future home," (Kindle location 112).
The author uses the analogy that building a good marriage is like building a house. Mr. Baker notes that the foundation of the house is built on wisdom with Christ being foundation of all wisdom, then he likens the first floor of the house to the wisdom of the individual waiting for marriage, and finally, he points out that "the roof that crowns your marriage will be the glory of God," (Kindle location 2535). He uses a lot of Bible verses to support his contentions, but there are also many counseling questions and checklists (Kindle location 834, 1147, 1226, 2607, 2611, & 2626) and secular research results (Kindle location 99, 103, 186, 190, 906, 1369, 1743, and 1745) in his book that are not found in the Bible. Rather than exegeting what the Word of God says about marriage, Mr. Baker uses his counseling experiences along with current research statistics to show what he thinks is the best way to approach marriage and then looks to the Bible for support. This can be seen from his use of the phrase 'I believe' twenty-eight times, the phrase 'I do not believe' four times, and the phrase 'I think' four times (six times in all, but only four in the context of the author's knowledge of marriage). In contrast, he uses the phrase 'Scripture says' three times [the phrases 'the Bible says' or 'the Word of God says' are not in his book].
Because Mr. Baker is not drawing out what the Word of God actually says about marriage, he is able to make marriage into a works-based blessing from God. He encourages the reader to "think that God will bless you with a spouse if you are willing to serve him faithfully during your single years," and follows up this advice by quoting Matthew 6:33, 'But seek first his kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you," (Kindle location 1238). This Scripture is taken from the middle of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount where the context is not marriage. Similarly, he makes wisdom into a works-based blessing as well when he says: "Let me give you three reasons why the Lord reserves this wisdom for those who are willing to work hard to get it," (Kindle location 458). But James 1:5-8 tells believers to obtain wisdom by asking God in faith.
The author continues to read his own ideas into the Bible as he looks at Genesis 1:26 and contends that "marriage provides a unique opportunity to glorify God when the husband and wife are in a redeemed relationship reflecting his image," (Kindle location 944). But the Bible tells us that redemption is found only in Jesus Christ (not through a spouse, nor the act of getting married) and that an individual believer is conformed to His image (Rom. 8:29), not the couple. Scripture plainly tells us that the marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and His Church, (Eph. 5:23), which the author agrees with (Kindle location 997 & 1359); but unlike Mr. Baker, Scripture does not liken the marriage relationship to the image of God. Mr. Baker also states that "we can legitimately say that marriage is the crowning action of creation," (Kindle location 958), and that "creation was not complete until Adam and Eve were united to live in relationship with one another to fulfill God's purposes for them as a team," (Kindle location 964); but there are no Bible verses that support these statements.
In addition, Mr. Baker includes the theme of Christianity-as-a-community when he states that "Christianity is about the group, and the world needs to see something radically different in the way we deal with one another," (Kindle location 1498). Christianity is about Christ and Christ alone, and each believer is saved individually by believing on the Lord Jesus Christ.
Finally, when dealing with the issue of whether or not someone will hear audibly from God when seeking a spouse, Mr. Baker concludes that "Scripture warns us to be careful of placing experiences and voices above the written Word of God," (Kindle location 2097) and that God's Word is honored "by showing that the Lord guides us primarily through his Word," (Kindle location 2130, emphasis mine). Unfortunately, the author does not come out and clearly state that no one hears the voice of God (the Father, the Son, and/or the Holy Spirit) outside of the Bible because the canon of Scripture is closed.
While the author has some good questions to ponder for those considering marriage, his advice is more pragmatic than biblical. After finishing this book, I asked myself if I thought it was profitable for my two young adult sons to read Marry Wisely Marry Well. Ultimately, I concluded that it would not be profitable for them; therefore, I can't recommend it to other Christians either.
***
"God, having all life, glory, goodness, blessedness, in and of Himself, is alone in and unto Himself all-sufficient, not standing in need of any creature which He hath made, nor deriving any glory from them, but only manifesting His own glory in, by, unto, and upon them," (The Baptist Confession of Faith, Chapter 2, Paragraph 2).
The author uses the analogy that building a good marriage is like building a house. Mr. Baker notes that the foundation of the house is built on wisdom with Christ being foundation of all wisdom, then he likens the first floor of the house to the wisdom of the individual waiting for marriage, and finally, he points out that "the roof that crowns your marriage will be the glory of God," (Kindle location 2535). He uses a lot of Bible verses to support his contentions, but there are also many counseling questions and checklists (Kindle location 834, 1147, 1226, 2607, 2611, & 2626) and secular research results (Kindle location 99, 103, 186, 190, 906, 1369, 1743, and 1745) in his book that are not found in the Bible. Rather than exegeting what the Word of God says about marriage, Mr. Baker uses his counseling experiences along with current research statistics to show what he thinks is the best way to approach marriage and then looks to the Bible for support. This can be seen from his use of the phrase 'I believe' twenty-eight times, the phrase 'I do not believe' four times, and the phrase 'I think' four times (six times in all, but only four in the context of the author's knowledge of marriage). In contrast, he uses the phrase 'Scripture says' three times [the phrases 'the Bible says' or 'the Word of God says' are not in his book].
Because Mr. Baker is not drawing out what the Word of God actually says about marriage, he is able to make marriage into a works-based blessing from God. He encourages the reader to "think that God will bless you with a spouse if you are willing to serve him faithfully during your single years," and follows up this advice by quoting Matthew 6:33, 'But seek first his kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you," (Kindle location 1238). This Scripture is taken from the middle of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount where the context is not marriage. Similarly, he makes wisdom into a works-based blessing as well when he says: "Let me give you three reasons why the Lord reserves this wisdom for those who are willing to work hard to get it," (Kindle location 458). But James 1:5-8 tells believers to obtain wisdom by asking God in faith.
The author continues to read his own ideas into the Bible as he looks at Genesis 1:26 and contends that "marriage provides a unique opportunity to glorify God when the husband and wife are in a redeemed relationship reflecting his image," (Kindle location 944). But the Bible tells us that redemption is found only in Jesus Christ (not through a spouse, nor the act of getting married) and that an individual believer is conformed to His image (Rom. 8:29), not the couple. Scripture plainly tells us that the marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and His Church, (Eph. 5:23), which the author agrees with (Kindle location 997 & 1359); but unlike Mr. Baker, Scripture does not liken the marriage relationship to the image of God. Mr. Baker also states that "we can legitimately say that marriage is the crowning action of creation," (Kindle location 958), and that "creation was not complete until Adam and Eve were united to live in relationship with one another to fulfill God's purposes for them as a team," (Kindle location 964); but there are no Bible verses that support these statements.
In addition, Mr. Baker includes the theme of Christianity-as-a-community when he states that "Christianity is about the group, and the world needs to see something radically different in the way we deal with one another," (Kindle location 1498). Christianity is about Christ and Christ alone, and each believer is saved individually by believing on the Lord Jesus Christ.
Finally, when dealing with the issue of whether or not someone will hear audibly from God when seeking a spouse, Mr. Baker concludes that "Scripture warns us to be careful of placing experiences and voices above the written Word of God," (Kindle location 2097) and that God's Word is honored "by showing that the Lord guides us primarily through his Word," (Kindle location 2130, emphasis mine). Unfortunately, the author does not come out and clearly state that no one hears the voice of God (the Father, the Son, and/or the Holy Spirit) outside of the Bible because the canon of Scripture is closed.
While the author has some good questions to ponder for those considering marriage, his advice is more pragmatic than biblical. After finishing this book, I asked myself if I thought it was profitable for my two young adult sons to read Marry Wisely Marry Well. Ultimately, I concluded that it would not be profitable for them; therefore, I can't recommend it to other Christians either.
***
"God, having all life, glory, goodness, blessedness, in and of Himself, is alone in and unto Himself all-sufficient, not standing in need of any creature which He hath made, nor deriving any glory from them, but only manifesting His own glory in, by, unto, and upon them," (The Baptist Confession of Faith, Chapter 2, Paragraph 2).
December 17, 2022
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” (Psalm 127:1). Preparing for marriage is like building a house. Have to start with a solid foundation of growing in wisdom according to Scripture, understanding God’s purposes of marriage, and understanding the heart and attraction. The second floor consists of using single years well, developing relationship skills, and preparing yourself to be the right person for marriage. The roof is a marriage that glorifies God because how you prepare for marriage is how you will live in marriage.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 13, 2018
I really enjoyed this book. It brought up points that were new, and I hadn't thought of before. It helped me to think about what I would need to do if it was God's will for me to get married. It prioritizes God first and foremost and explains how things fall into place after that. This book was really encouraging especially if you're considering what boundaries you need to set up in your own life.
May 14, 2024
I really liked his perspective, especially his focus on preparing wisely and focusing on a maturity and our relationship with the Lord. I almost gave five stars but it got four because I don’t feel like he went deep enough with practical advice in a lot of the areas. He would say things at surface level in many different ways but that was it. I really enjoyed this book though, it is a good happy medium between being overly cautious about marriage and rushing into it.
April 27, 2025
This book is the best “dating” book I have read. I so wish I had read it before all our kids were in high school and becoming interested in dating and used it as a devotional book to go through with them. It is also great for anyone currently dating, desiring a spouse etc. Ernie Baker summarizes Biblically how to pursue and be in a Godly relationship. He does not specify any one method of dating but instead gives the pros and cons and cultural background of the most common methods. Excellent!
January 23, 2023
- chapter 6 WOW | how pure do you want to be for your future husband? | maturity in Christ | what do you value? | speak truth but with LOVE | right timing | “if you spend time focusing on God‘s areas of responsibility, you are wasting your time, because there is nothing you can do to change his bill or speed up the process.” Matthew 6:33
September 7, 2024
A pretty rad book on the aspects and the foundations one should put on a Biblical marriage.
I love that Ernie Baker lays out the foundations of a good marriage, the boundaries and aspects that go into a healthy relationship, and finally, the roof that holds it all together—a marriage that ultimately glorifies the Lord.
I love that Ernie Baker lays out the foundations of a good marriage, the boundaries and aspects that go into a healthy relationship, and finally, the roof that holds it all together—a marriage that ultimately glorifies the Lord.
March 8, 2018
A good book for someone that hasn’t had godly influence in their lives regarding dating and marriage. For those that have, it is a good reminder of the biblical principles regarding healthy relationships.
March 22, 2018
The book audience was clearly written for early college age singles. Also at times it felt like marriage and a relationship are being presented as a reward for good behavior. All that being said it did spark interesting conversations at book club.
January 29, 2022
I had never read anything by Ernie Baker prior to this book, and I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of biblical wisdom it contained! It was written for those young adults in the college-age, or at least those not yet in a relationship, but looking to prepare for that stage. I will definitely suggest this one to our own young adults and others as they enter that stage. Lots of answers to good questions and points of study and growth to consider!
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