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Pteranodon Mall
An ordinary day at work at the mall turns into a blood bath of hungry jaws and long, sharp teeth. A time machine goes awry and plants a horde of ferocious dinosaurs inside and all hell is about to break loose. A ragtag group survivors band together using wits and innovation as the only hope of escaping certain death.
Pteranodon Mall a fast paced prehistoric thriller with nonstop action and horror.
Pteranodon Mall a fast paced prehistoric thriller with nonstop action and horror.
166 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 7, 2016
15 people are currently reading
23 people want to read
About the author
Ian Woodhead
127 books161 followersIan Woodhead is just past the age of forty. He lives in the north of England and is married to a wonderful woman. He has forgotten how many children he has. He had been writing for nearly twenty years but has only just gained the confidence to start showing his work. Ian finds it a little creepy writing about himself in the third person.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
September 6, 2016
Alien predatory invaders, dinosaurs and helpless people trapped in a shopping mall, what could possibly go wrong...everything. Fast paced, action packed wild ride with blood, gore and even some humour. I loved it. If you like sci-fi with a dollop of dinosaurs, then this is the book for you. Way to go Ian Woodhead.
November 5, 2016
I blame myself. I do. I said I wouldn't read anything else by this author after that awful f bomb extravaganza zombie novel but I was seduced by the idea of pteranadons in a shopping mall-and boy do I wish I hadn't bothered.
We start with some kind of prehistoric sounding tribe on a spaceship, some of whom seem to be terrorists who are blowing up the ship. We switch to the MC Jefferson who hates his job, hates his friends and decides to get out of the mall at lunchtime to avoid them. He is locked out by a weird force field that makes him think he loves his job and friends, tells him to go to the pub where there might be a beautiful woman, and makes him vomit. But he forces his way inside despite this to find the friends he hates. As you do.
Then we get gross weird pervert janitor who finds a strange bird and hides it, hoping to sell it for profit. His enemy who owns a pet shop sees the bird and thinks about profit if he had one but then watches mall employees being controlled by a man shape covered in yellow feathers playing a kind of pipe. Great-the Mad Pied Piper Birdman of the Mall. Bloody hell. WTF is this???
We don't even see the attack on the mall because we were stuck with Jefferson trying to avoid his obnoxious friends and charity workers. I was expecting people running screaming through the mall as the pteranadons attacked, like the scene from Jurassic World, but no such luck. We saw nothing except weird stuff and more idiot characters. I just didn't find anything of interest in the opening chapters! No brilliant dinosaur attacks, no characters to care about, no cohesive story, no apparant plot, rambling writing style and poor dialogue.
This was weird and bad on an epic scale and it will certainly be the last time I go near this author.
We start with some kind of prehistoric sounding tribe on a spaceship, some of whom seem to be terrorists who are blowing up the ship. We switch to the MC Jefferson who hates his job, hates his friends and decides to get out of the mall at lunchtime to avoid them. He is locked out by a weird force field that makes him think he loves his job and friends, tells him to go to the pub where there might be a beautiful woman, and makes him vomit. But he forces his way inside despite this to find the friends he hates. As you do.
Then we get gross weird pervert janitor who finds a strange bird and hides it, hoping to sell it for profit. His enemy who owns a pet shop sees the bird and thinks about profit if he had one but then watches mall employees being controlled by a man shape covered in yellow feathers playing a kind of pipe. Great-the Mad Pied Piper Birdman of the Mall. Bloody hell. WTF is this???
We don't even see the attack on the mall because we were stuck with Jefferson trying to avoid his obnoxious friends and charity workers. I was expecting people running screaming through the mall as the pteranadons attacked, like the scene from Jurassic World, but no such luck. We saw nothing except weird stuff and more idiot characters. I just didn't find anything of interest in the opening chapters! No brilliant dinosaur attacks, no characters to care about, no cohesive story, no apparant plot, rambling writing style and poor dialogue.
This was weird and bad on an epic scale and it will certainly be the last time I go near this author.
August 19, 2016
Lately I have been venturing into the always fun, always original, and always extraordinary mind of that kooky writer from West Yorkshire, Ian Woodhead.
He is a very versatile and quite ingenious writer and I just love seeing what's he's coming out with next. That imagination ~ WOW!
It's incredibly easy to get sucked into one of his stories. I've read a few things by him so far (Brutality sticks out as A+ fanfuckinastic) and always always get totally lost in them.
He's stepped away from the extreme horror -a tad- and been playing with dinosaurs.
YAY, and come on...who doesn't love dinos?!
Pteranodon Mall is still extreme, intense, exciting, graphic, lively, deeeeadly...any number of adjectives and just different enough to totally stand out in the crowd.
Time traveling egocentric dinosaurs terrorizing a shopping mall!? Oh yea, I'm down for that outrageous spree. SOLD, if well told ~ AND THIS WAS!!
Non stop action, it was a thrilling and fast paced story generously peppered with creativity and originality throughout.
And these time traveling dinosaurs have (over)evolved to rule 25 star systems for over 2 million years, human life is but as valuable as a skeeter to this militant like group of such dinos known as 'The Sons of Maulis-Bow'.
Leading that Dinopack is Zinik-Tow, believing in their Great Deity and following the spiritual laws of KA, they are on a mission of evisceration for any and all kind unlike themselves.
They enjoy a bit of jedi mind tricking, deceive and delight in cloaking themselves as a confidant, fancy a taste of fine dining on the community folk, are avid and skilled specimen collectors, also dabble in a touch of genetic manipulation ~ basically they consider themselves paleontologists of a superior sort. God Complex, yep...a little bit. Eeeeck!
Not all dinos are quite so power hungry predators though...well, they kind of are but to differing degrees and methods...not all groups want to eviscerate with such totality.
Due to an explosive leadership maneuver in a 'back to the way past' mission, The Sons of Maulis-Bow quantum displacer has been cloaked, locked, and loaded, right in the middle of a local shopping mall, just laying in wait for time to 'catch up'.
Jefferson has been working at the same dead end discount store in the mall for far too long, he longs for a little excitement and adventure in his life. A dinosaur shakedown smackdown wasn't exactly what he had in mind but at least he's no longer bored...
Now, he's slaving to save the day one co-worker at a time. He's is store for a little 'clearance ~ everything must go' market close-out/buy-out/GET-OUT order of business but...at least he ain't bored no more.
There may even be a little romance inventory leftover to stock his shelves with.
Not making Jefferson's -or anyone's- list of co-workers to save from certain liquidation, is a character named Desmond. A sleazy scuzzy mall janitor who ogles every age (in)appropriate female that passes his way and scoffs and sneers at every male one.
Truly a retched and deplorable douchebag. Our perverted janitor thinks he can get on Zinik-Tow's good side by swearing dino allegiance for sexual favors, now if only he can keep all his belligerent feathered fuckwits comments to himself....oh but what if dinosaurs can read minds too though....yea, he might be screwed and not in the way he thinks he entitled to be either.
Oh and what a fun character he was!!
I want a story just about Desmond and his travels through life, love, and the pursuit of other people's happinesses.
Actually a lot of great characters in this tale, far too many to go through in a simple review, which is pretty typical of all of Ian's books I have read so far.
He expertly juggles large casts of characters and somehow manages to keep it all ebbing and flowing effortlessly aaand entertainingly.
I've also noticed that he always adds in elements of lore to his stories ensuring many layers to his many players, nothing is ever boring or cut and dry with Ian. His creativity and imagination is very impressive.
So, YES, this was so much fun to read, the time traveling aspect of it was very well thought out and no 'kill your grandfather paradoxes' detected....hard to that pull off. Bravo! :D
So, I politely demand a FOLLOW UP please, Mr. Woodhead. And pronto! Come on, Chop Chop..
Plus a sneak peak at Megatooth: A prehistoric thriller. Yet another upcoming release, both of these remind me of those diamonds in the rough SciFi channel movies, those rare campy gems like Sharknado.
Well, Ian Woodhead IS a diamond in the rough so I think I'll keep that gifted Yorkie kook.
Ohhh So Shiny. :D
He is a very versatile and quite ingenious writer and I just love seeing what's he's coming out with next. That imagination ~ WOW!
It's incredibly easy to get sucked into one of his stories. I've read a few things by him so far (Brutality sticks out as A+ fanfuckinastic) and always always get totally lost in them.
He's stepped away from the extreme horror -a tad- and been playing with dinosaurs.
YAY, and come on...who doesn't love dinos?!
Pteranodon Mall is still extreme, intense, exciting, graphic, lively, deeeeadly...any number of adjectives and just different enough to totally stand out in the crowd.
Time traveling egocentric dinosaurs terrorizing a shopping mall!? Oh yea, I'm down for that outrageous spree. SOLD, if well told ~ AND THIS WAS!!
Non stop action, it was a thrilling and fast paced story generously peppered with creativity and originality throughout.
And these time traveling dinosaurs have (over)evolved to rule 25 star systems for over 2 million years, human life is but as valuable as a skeeter to this militant like group of such dinos known as 'The Sons of Maulis-Bow'.
Leading that Dinopack is Zinik-Tow, believing in their Great Deity and following the spiritual laws of KA, they are on a mission of evisceration for any and all kind unlike themselves.
They enjoy a bit of jedi mind tricking, deceive and delight in cloaking themselves as a confidant, fancy a taste of fine dining on the community folk, are avid and skilled specimen collectors, also dabble in a touch of genetic manipulation ~ basically they consider themselves paleontologists of a superior sort. God Complex, yep...a little bit. Eeeeck!
Not all dinos are quite so power hungry predators though...well, they kind of are but to differing degrees and methods...not all groups want to eviscerate with such totality.
Due to an explosive leadership maneuver in a 'back to the way past' mission, The Sons of Maulis-Bow quantum displacer has been cloaked, locked, and loaded, right in the middle of a local shopping mall, just laying in wait for time to 'catch up'.
Jefferson has been working at the same dead end discount store in the mall for far too long, he longs for a little excitement and adventure in his life. A dinosaur shakedown smackdown wasn't exactly what he had in mind but at least he's no longer bored...
Now, he's slaving to save the day one co-worker at a time. He's is store for a little 'clearance ~ everything must go' market close-out/buy-out/GET-OUT order of business but...at least he ain't bored no more.
There may even be a little romance inventory leftover to stock his shelves with.
Not making Jefferson's -or anyone's- list of co-workers to save from certain liquidation, is a character named Desmond. A sleazy scuzzy mall janitor who ogles every age (in)appropriate female that passes his way and scoffs and sneers at every male one.
Truly a retched and deplorable douchebag. Our perverted janitor thinks he can get on Zinik-Tow's good side by swearing dino allegiance for sexual favors, now if only he can keep all his belligerent feathered fuckwits comments to himself....oh but what if dinosaurs can read minds too though....yea, he might be screwed and not in the way he thinks he entitled to be either.
Oh and what a fun character he was!!
I want a story just about Desmond and his travels through life, love, and the pursuit of other people's happinesses.
Actually a lot of great characters in this tale, far too many to go through in a simple review, which is pretty typical of all of Ian's books I have read so far.
He expertly juggles large casts of characters and somehow manages to keep it all ebbing and flowing effortlessly aaand entertainingly.
I've also noticed that he always adds in elements of lore to his stories ensuring many layers to his many players, nothing is ever boring or cut and dry with Ian. His creativity and imagination is very impressive.
So, YES, this was so much fun to read, the time traveling aspect of it was very well thought out and no 'kill your grandfather paradoxes' detected....hard to that pull off. Bravo! :D
So, I politely demand a FOLLOW UP please, Mr. Woodhead. And pronto! Come on, Chop Chop..
Plus a sneak peak at Megatooth: A prehistoric thriller. Yet another upcoming release, both of these remind me of those diamonds in the rough SciFi channel movies, those rare campy gems like Sharknado.
Well, Ian Woodhead IS a diamond in the rough so I think I'll keep that gifted Yorkie kook.
Ohhh So Shiny. :D
August 27, 2016
I Tried
I tried, I really tried to read this book but the profanity just would not stop. I really can't give a good review cause I skipped to the end just to finish it and was completely lost as to the final battle. Sorry. However feel free to read. Have a feeling some may get more out of it. Will be checking reviews. Maybe I can piece together the rest of the story.
I tried, I really tried to read this book but the profanity just would not stop. I really can't give a good review cause I skipped to the end just to finish it and was completely lost as to the final battle. Sorry. However feel free to read. Have a feeling some may get more out of it. Will be checking reviews. Maybe I can piece together the rest of the story.
September 16, 2016
This was more of a 3.5. Lots of non stop action but I wanted to smack a couple of guys up side the head.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews